LM Chapter 3.1

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

Outside the window, the birdsong echoed noisily. Lyndon, who had just woken up, felt his head start throbbing in time with the sound. The headache felt like it would make his eyes pop out.

“Damn it… That beer I drank yesterday…”

He hadn’t touched a single drop of beer, yet Lyndon was absolutely certain he’d downed one sediment-filled, cheap ale after another last night at the tavern near Anna’s place called the ‘Dancing Donkey’.

And no wonder – a headache this excruciating couldn’t have come from anything less than a substantial amount of beer.

“Ugh, damn it…”

But no matter how hard he tried to recall, yesterday’s memories remained hazy.

‘Beer? Did I drink beer…? What on earth did I do yesterday…’

Then, suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, several memories flashed through his mind. Being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to inspect the cutlery. Getting caught stealing a teaspoon and being forced to drop his pants and be enema-ed in front of all the Duke’s servants.

And then being dragged into the duke’s room, made to defecate in front of him, and then hauled to the bathroom where all the hair on his private parts was shaved off. And finally, the time the duke probed his backside, searching for the teaspoon he supposedly hid inside his anus (though he hadn’t).

“Ugh, ugh…!”

And then, in the end, rather than resisting that unreasonable situation, he had repeatedly ejaculated, writhing his hips and letting out vulgar moans.

‘Your Grace! H-huh!’
‘Lyndon… Huh! I’m dying of pleasure!’
‘N-no… Hah, no, ah, no… Ugh!’

Finally, Lyndon leapt up from where he’d been lying, screaming. “Damn it! What the hell is this!”

“You’re finally awake.”

And then… the golden eyes of Hayley, seated on the chair beside the bed, met Lyndon’s blue eyes in midair.

“Y-Your Grace… Y-Your Grace…”

Somehow… the spot where he lay felt unusually plush. Even amidst the ominousness, the bedding covering him felt unnaturally soft. Even in that moment of despair, the sunlight streaming in through the window felt absurdly warm.

‘So this is His Grace’s room…’

Lyndon’s face flushed bright red instantly.

It turned out that he and the duke had ‘hooked up’ yesterday. They’d used some ridiculous excuse about looking for a teaspoon or something…

But really, when you thought about it, it was just… just ‘sex’.

How many times had he…

He tried to recall but gave up. His head ached, and the moment he recalled ejaculating three times just from the first penetration alone, he no longer wanted to know the details.

He bowed his head and began to wear a gloomy, serious expression. It was Lyndon’s own feeble attempt to hide the fact that he had actually felt pleasure and enjoyed it, all under the pretense of searching for a teaspoon.

Then the duke’s low, deep voice sounded again, “I’ve never seen a butler like this before… Even if I’m not an authoritarian person, for a servant to sit on the bed and not even greet his master… Isn’t that a bit disrespectful?”

“Ah, I’m, I’m, I’m sorry…”

Lyndon hurriedly rose from where he sat to bow in greeting. But beneath his hips, he felt the cold touch of unidentifiable metal objects. They clattered noisily as they collided haphazardly.

”… Huh?”

Lyndon’s trembling legs faltered as he tried to step down from the bed. As he looked down with a puzzled expression, Hayley Garinden forcibly pulled away the blanket covering him.

Exposed was Lyndon’s naked body: bite marks tattooed below his collarbone from last night’s lovemaking, and the inside of his snow-white thighs and sides were strangely flushed and bright red. It was a sensual, explicit sight, as if he’d been mercilessly bitten and sucked.

“Huh!”

Was Lyndon suddenly embarrassed by his own nakedness now? Or was it that his body, bearing such vivid traces of debauchery, was simply too shameful? This despite having already exposed himself completely, even defecating in front of him.

Regardless, Lyndon desperately tried to cover his chest and groin with his arms and legs. Only then did he clearly notice that four teaspoons were glistening between his legs, precisely positioned below his anus.

“Huh? Wha-what’s this….” “

At that moment, Hayley let out another awkward laugh, forced by diaphragmatic breathing. It was a laugh that sounded theatrical and artificial, the kind rarely uttered in everyday life.

”Ha! Ha! Ha! Lyndon! You finally let go!” Hayley laughed, his mouth opening awkwardly like a nutcracker doll. From head to toe, everything about him was utterly unnatural. 

Lyndon’s eyes narrowed at the sight.

“… Huh?”

“All that effort last night digging around in your asshole was worth it after all! Looks like every last teaspoon has finally come out of your ass! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“ … Huh? That… What… ”

Still… obsessed with the teaspoons?

It was bewildering and absurd, but Lyndon had no freedom to express that sentiment. No matter how much he had fooled around with Hayley last night, the Duke was his employer, his lord, and a great noble. And Lyndon was merely a retainer and a commoner.

How often had it happened that someone spoke disrespectfully before a noble and ended up with their tongue cut out or crippled? In the worst cases, they could lose their life.

The world Hayley and Lyndon lived in was a society strictly divided by class, and a class-based society was a place riddled with such unreasonable things.

So Lyndon wanted to argue back, but he kept his mouth shut. Thinking Lyndon had accepted his meaning positively, Hayley began piling on more absurd false accusations.

“So, the evidence was discovered after all!”
“… Ah, no! Your Grace! I, I didn’t! Whoever put it here… I didn’t, I didn’t steal it…”
“But the teaspoons were found at your rectum, weren’t they? You saw them wrapped up in the spot where you lay down, didn’t you?”

“…”

Well, it could be that the duke put them there and pretended not to know… No, that must be it…

But Lyndon couldn’t even say that.

Because of this damnable class system. The duke was a noble, and he was a lowly commoner, so he dared not argue.

“Apologize sincerely now. Perhaps I might show mercy. Huh? Lyndon.”

‘Fuck, you think I’ll apologize just because you pretend to be kind like that!’

Thinking this, Lyndon glared at Hayley with fierce eyes.

“…”

But that resolve didn’t last long. About thirty seconds later, Lyndon found himself flat on the bed, facing Hayley. His legs were shaking so badly he couldn’t possibly get down from the bed.

“Your Grace! I, I have committed a capital offense… P-Please, forgive me just this once…”

In a way, injustices, sorrows, and frustrations were a daily occurrence for commoners.

Being framed for crimes they didn’t commit? That was something that happened to Lyndon constantly even when he was in the baron’s household. When he worked as a stable boy, he’d even been whipped until his body was covered in blood, accused of being responsible for an old horse’s death.

In times like these, it was more effective to quickly beg for forgiveness than to insist on proving one’s innocence. So Lyndon had no choice but to abandon his pride and sense of injustice, throwing himself flat on the ground.

Smack! Whack!

Then, Hayley began to slap Lyndon’s exposed buttocks hard. His buttocks burned as if on fire. Still, it was fortunate it wasn’t a whip or a leather strap. It was just a hand, so it wouldn’t draw blood or cause serious harm.

If only the shattering of his dignity could be ignored.

“Ugh, ugh…”
“Ha! I trusted you, and this is how you repay me? Stealing like that!”
“I’m… I’m sorry…”

After slapping Lyndon’s firm buttocks several times with his palm, Haley now grabbed the reddened, hand-marked buttocks and began to spread them apart. The anus opened wide, and the vulgar sound of the hole gaping open echoed.

What on earth did the duke want? Did he want to beat him, or did he want to fuck him again? Lyndon couldn’t fathom Hayley’s mind at all.

“Ugh, ugh… Y-Your Grace… W-What, what do you… ”

The duke, who had been kneading his ass and squeezing his anus this way and that, finally spoke, “It’s this back hole that’s the problem! This vulgar, filthy back hole you possess is the problem! This anus that dared to harbor the greed of wanting to hold something!”

“Uh, huh, y-yes?”

An organ that had never performed any function besides defecation until now….

Because of Hayley yesterday, it had been assigned a different role for the first time, and now this pitiful hole, stretched, torn, and swollen, was being blamed? Lyndon was a little – no, very flustered.

“I labored tirelessly last night to uncover your sins. Oh, my god…. Even though I didn’t want to, I ended up having to perform a pseudo-sexual act. But what about you? As if you were committing sodomy, or perhaps deluded, you got a hard-on and crudely ejaculated, didn’t you!”

Why the hell was this duke acting like this? Lyndon stared at Hayley with a look of utter incomprehension.

So, that wasn’t sodomy? Really? No, if that wasn’t sodomy, then what the hell was?

“…”

Then, Lyndon tilted his head, his thoughts shifting.

‘Could it really be… that those teaspoons came out of my anus? Did you really… go looking for that? If so, who on earth put those teaspoons in my anus? No, no way… did I… put it there myself?’

It seemed he’d been thoroughly gaslit. Or perhaps he was just excessively lacking in common sense.

Sadly, both descriptions fit Lyndon perfectly.

Lyndon quietly studied the duke’s face. His speech was awkward, as if reading from a book, but his handsome features were more genuine than anyone’s.

His gleaming blond hair shone so brightly it nearly blinded him whenever he spoke, and his pleasing red lips opened and closed with sharp precision. Each time, the tips of his perfectly white, even front teeth repeatedly appeared and disappeared.

After gazing at his distinct philtrum and straight, well-defined nose bridge…. Lyndon finally looked into the duke’s golden eyes. They were as bright and warm as the sun, and the way their radiance shifted slightly with the angle of light was mysterious.

They resembled the eyes of a legendary hero from chronicles or mythologies, or perhaps the eyes of a God who created this world. They were that profound and noble.

‘Yes… Such a noble person wouldn’t lie… He must have done this to reveal my sin.’

In a way, being a bit dim-witted might actually be an advantage in this situation. At least it meant avoiding stress.

“So, from what I see, the problem lies deep within your anus. That’s the root cause of your abnormal sexual desires.”
“… Excuse me?”

But this was clearly utter nonsense. As the hypnosis that had barely held began to slip, his gaze sharpening, Hayley’s words flowed out even faster.

“It was five years ago. No, was it seven? Well, that doesn’t matter. Anyway, back when I was still attending the academy, I learned something precious.”

For someone spouting such bizarre nonsense, the duke’s expression was utterly serious.

How his story suddenly jumped from inserting his dick into an asshole to find a teaspoon to recounting his academy lessons was beyond him, but judging by the duke’s face alone, it seemed like he was delivering quite an important explanation.

So Lyndon answered obediently. “…Huh? What, what…?”

And finally. Nonsense flowed from the duke’s resolute lips. “Intestinal microorganisms affect humans more than you’d think.”

“… Huh?”
“Don’t worry. Not all microbes are inherently bad for the body. However… The ones inside you are quite troublesome.”

“… Ah, yes. I get it now…” Lyndon muttered reluctantly. Honestly, this irreverent attitude was the best he could manage.

If it had been some worthless scoundrel like Jang or Hans, who had been Lyndon’s friends (though truthfully, he’d borrowed money from everyone around him and squandered it all on gambling, leaving him with no real friends left), and they’d spouted such nonsense, he would have gladly hurled insults right to their faces… Unfortunately, this time his opponent was a duke, so he couldn’t do that.

“Lyndon. It pains me to say this myself, but I am a rather benevolent man. I am not the sort of insensitive master who would ignore his butler’s illness.”

Bullshit. This was bullshit, plain and simple.

Lyndon’s foggy mind snapped into focus. It felt like crawling out of bed in the dead of winter and washing his face with freezing water that threatened to freeze his hands.

He was right after all. The duke… that bastard was insane. The best course was to get the hell away from a madman like that. Staying uninvolved was the wisest choice.

Five teaspoons’ worth… It was a shame, but he’d have to deduct it from his own pay. It might take decades to pay it all back, but if it came down to it, he could always flee in the dead of night. If he could grab even one silver candlestick when he ran, it would be a fair gamble. Or hell, he could just steal those five teaspoons back. The familiar urge to steal in hopeless situations stirred.