IWBNAM Chapter 8

8. A Story from the Past

There were children his age, too. Nael was clinging to his mother’s skirt when he noticed a few kids glancing at him. His mother had been right. It wasn’t a party filled only with adults. She had said children would be here as well. So he would surely make new friends today.

With a pounding heart, Nael looked around at the other kids. Every one of them was neatly dressed and pretty. They were all nobles. Back where he used to live, he had been the only noble.

What should I do? Should I walk up first and ask them to play? But I’m too shy to talk. What if they say no? I don’t even know what they play here.

At his old home, he had played by running around the farm. Chasing butterflies, picking berries to eat, gathering eggs. Sometimes the geese flapped and chased after him, and he would cry and run away in fear, but an adult always came quickly, so he could soon go back to having fun.

But a few days ago, they had moved. His father and mother told him they now had to live in noble society. Nael didn’t fully understand what that meant, but he was excited about new friends and new games. There would surely be something different and fun. It was his first time being around noble children, after all.

Then, a few of the noble kids who had been staring at him snickered and walked out of the party hall. They seemed to know each other well and left as a group. Nael gathered his courage and decided to follow them.

He let go of the skirt he had been holding so tightly and headed toward where the children had gone. It was the same building, and there were plenty of adults nearby. There was no danger.

His heart pounded.

He could hear the children’s laughter. It was the room next door. The host had prepared a separate playroom for children who would be bored with the adults’ party.

With an excited face, Nael peeked through the slightly open door. Inside, boys and girls in fine clothes were playing with very impressive-looking toys. There were kids around his age and some older ones too.

“Excuse me.”

Nael politely said the words his parents had taught him, then stepped inside. The children all turned to look at him at the same time.

He was scared.

A sudden fear washed over him. Even at his young age, he sensed something was wrong. What had he done wrong?

The children who had been chatting and playing inside all stopped what they were doing and stared without speaking. Nael became uneasy. Was he not supposed to come in?

He blinked and stood awkwardly. Then the noble children began to laugh. But their smiles looked strange. They were definitely laughing, but why?

“What’s that kid? Did someone bring their servant child?”

“You didn’t know? That’s him. From the Azani family….”

“Ohh. So he’s the child of that expelled Baron Azani?”

The older-looking kids whispered and sneered. Nael’s face tightened with fear, and he hesitated. Should he go back to his mother? Just then, children his own age approached.

“Play with us.”

“Come on. Come here.”

Smiling brightly, they took Nael’s hand and pulled him along. Nael felt something odd, but followed anyway. The place was unfamiliar, and he had been scared. He thought everything would be fine once he played with new friends.

“What’s your name?”

A girl with beautifully tied blond hair asked.

“I’m Nael. Nael de Azani.”

As he had learned, Nael stated his name politely.

“Do you have a nickname?”

A brown-haired boy with messy curls asked with a mischievous look.

Nael hesitated. He did have a few nicknames. His father sometimes called him our little one. His mother laughed and called him Mister Kim-Nael now and then. The workers at the old farm had called him young master, but that wasn’t a nickname, was it? Then his nickname was…

“If not, we’ll make one for you.”

“Yeah. That’s fine, right? Yeah?”

Before Nael could answer, the children started chattering. They exchanged glances and snickered. Nael only blinked.

“A nickname? What is it?”

“Well, it’s like this.”

For some reason the noble children burst out laughing. Then one of them placed both hands at the corners of his eyes and pulled.

“Ching-chang-chong.”

Ching-chang-chong? He had never heard the word. What did it mean?

“Ching-chang-chong.”

Not understanding, Nael only stared. Another noble child copied the gesture.

“Ching-chang-chong.”

Another child mimicked it as well. All of them placed their hands at their eyes, pulling them thin, repeating the sound ching-chang-chong with grinning faces.

“Ching-chang-chong.”

“Ching-chang-chong.”

“Ching-chang-chong.”

At first only three or four children said it, but soon the others joined in, thinking it was funny. Pulling their eyes long with both hands, giggling, repeating just one word. Ching-chang-chong, ching-chang-chong, ching-chang-chong.

“What’s ching-chang-chong? I don’t like that nickname.”

Nael shook his head. Instinctively, he could tell it was something bad. But the noble children didn’t stop. They matched their voices as though chanting.

“Ching-chang-chong. Ching-chang-chong. Ching-chang-chong.”

“I don’t like it. Stop. Don’t do that.”

Nael desperately told them he hated it. But the more he protested, the louder their chanting grew. There were plenty of adults watching nearby, but no one stopped them. In the end, Nael ran away to find his mother.

“Mama!”

* * *

“Raphael. I’m not confident. I don’t want to place such a heavy burden on our son. I, I….”

“Marina. We can’t protect him forever. I know he’s still young. But Nael has to live in noble society. He’ll have to attend school, and one day he’ll have to stand on his own as an adult. That’s why we need to help him slowly get used to this world from now on. It’ll be hard, but there’s no choice.”

After returning home, Nael heard his parents talking while he drifted in and out of sleep. They must have thought he was completely asleep, because they were speaking quietly beside his pillow.

His mother was heartbroken, and his father comforted her, saying they had to endure even if it was painful. Their opinions differed a little, but both spoke out of love. Even at his young age, Nael understood that. He also understood that he was like a chick inside an egg, just about to hatch.

It was something the old man from the farm had told him before they moved.

The world outside the egg is completely different, young master. It’s cold outside. There are scary weasels and foxes and hawks. You may get hurt, and you may fall ill.

But when spring comes, you’ll see the fields sprouting with green shoots, and you’ll be able to smell the fragrance of colorful flowers in bloom. Summer has its own joys, autumn its own delicious fruits, and in winter you’ll enjoy walking through the soft white snow, listening to the crunch beneath your feet. You’ll meet countless possibilities you would never know if you stayed inside the egg. So do not fear. Do not step back. Step forward with courage.

My young master is kind and wise, so I’m sure you’ll go on to enjoy a world I never even dreamed of. See for yourself how beautiful it is. Let the troubles that pass become nothing and find your happiness. You can do it.

Only now did Nael begin to understand the farm grandfather’s words, at least faintly. And what his parents wanted from him.

So he made up his mind. Even though the new place was frightening, he would be brave and live well. He had loving parents, and many people who cheered for him from afar. He resolved to step forward with strength.

At the age of four, he encountered the malice of this world for the first time. Nael had been shocked, but he endured it well. Being young, he had been protected by adults.

The crisis returned when he entered elementary school. Nael’s father had barely managed to secure eligibility for him to enroll in the Imperial Joseph Academy. It was a prestigious school where only the children of noble houses could attend.

His mother objected. They already lived under the cold stares of noble society. If the mixed-blood child of an expelled baron family entered such a place, it was impossible to imagine how he would be bullied.

His father persuaded her gently. In the Empire, noble houses with hereditary titles made up only 0.1 percent of the population, and even among them, only a chosen few ever gained the right to enter an imperial elementary school. If Nael attended the highest-tier institution now and built connections, he might be able to restore their title by the time he became an adult.

His father didn’t mind being mocked as the expelled baron. But his son? To maintain the lineage status of a noble house, the title had to pass through at least two generations. If Nael didn’t earn a title, then from his son’s generation onward they would fall to lower-class nobility.

His mother reacted skeptically. What was a title really worth? But if it would help their son’s life, then it was better to try. After much hesitation, she agreed to send Nael to the imperial elementary school.

With everyone in the family anxious, Nael entered elementary school. At the entrance ceremony, nothing happened. Nobles were a group obsessed with keeping up appearances. For the sake of their image, they didn’t openly show contempt for an expelled noble house in front of so many people.

So Nael’s parents, though anxious, comforted themselves by saying it would probably be fine. Since these were children of prestigious families, they expected them to behave with dignity and refinement. They had once experienced something unpleasant at a noble family’s party shortly after returning to the Rosenburg city-state, but they believed that had been caused by a handful of immature and mischievous children stirring the mood.

Young Nael also carried hope. He had heard adults say that even among nobles, high nobles, middle and small nobles, and lower nobles were all completely different. If it was the Empire’s best elementary school, then nobody would tease others strangely and everyone would get along well. After all, it was an elementary school watched over by the noble Emperor.

It was a mistake.

A perfectly colossal mistake.

When the influential adults momentarily took their eyes off them, the white noble-born children, proud to call themselves first-class citizens, felt displeased that someone unfitting for the school was mixed among them. He was not a proper noble and his bloodline was filthy, yet he dared to enter this place without knowing his place.

Cold contempt gathered toward one spot. They did not crudely throw garbage or strike him. Instead, they sang with one voice. Ching-cheng-chong, ching-cheng-chong.

He tried to endure it. This was a chance his parents had worked so hard to give him for the sake of his future. He wanted to bravely attend school for the sake of his beloved father and mother. But the time he managed to hold on was only a month and a half. He could not last even two months.

There was no direct physical harm. The privileged noble-born children did not lower themselves to vulgar physical violence. They simply ostracized him. They despised and belittled him. They gathered together, laughing and chatting. They deliberately uttered hateful comments loud enough for him to hear, yet whenever he tried to protest, they would reply that it was a joke and that he was being too sensitive.

What could he have done? What could a six- or seven-year-old child possibly do alone?

Seeing their son struggle through school with no friends at all, his mother finally broke down crying and pleaded with her husband.

“Raphael. This can’t go on. Our son is withering away. Does it look normal to you that he goes to school silently every day without even saying he doesn’t want to go?”

The father, who had also been suffering, listened to his wife’s plea with a pained expression and finally made a decision. They would transfer him to another school.

In October, on a day when the harvest festival was in full swing, Nael left the Imperial Elementary School while holding his mother’s hand. Countless mocking gazes stabbed into his back.

Looking upon her son, whose expression had gone blank, neither laughing nor crying, his mother spoke to him with a heart full of sorrow.

“You must grow strong, Nael. You must become strong. This world is not kind to us.”

Whether her son understood or not, she continued speaking. She told him that this world still had a caste system and that people were divided by race. The most noble class was white nobles, and non-white commoners were considered third-class citizens. Though Nael was a noble, his mixed heritage meant he would not be easily welcomed.

Nael could not understand. It all sounded like nonsense.

His eyes were big and round, so why did the noble children tease him by pulling their eyes thin? His skin was the fairest and palest, so why did they call him yellow? He ate the same food as other noble families and bathed cleanly every day, yet why did they wrinkle their noses and say he smelled like garlic? He spoke the Imperial Common Tongue and French perfectly, so why did they laugh while saying ching-cheng-chong? Why? Why?

Was being a white Asian mixed child that terrible? Was that why nobody wanted to be his friend?

His parents could not give him a direct answer. They believed the explanation was too difficult and complicated. All they could say was that not everything in the world moved in bright and beautiful ways. It was harsh to tell a child, yet they could not offer only hopeful promises about the future. It was even harder to tell him to grow up into a great person and change the world.

Carrying questions born from seeing the malice of the world, Nael began attending a new school. The elementary school he transferred to was a private school attended by the children of wealthy middle-class families. It was one of the few schools in the Rosenburg city-state with a fairly high proportion of non-white students, so his parents accepted the long commute and enrolled him there.

Many parents at this school worked in professional fields such as medicine, law, and accounting. There were no aristocratic families among them, and most students came from affluent commoner households.

Even there, discrimination based on status and race existed. But the student with the darkest skin, of Indian descent, happened to be the grandson of a massive corporate magnate, and the group of Asian students were children of doctors from a nearby large general hospital. Furthermore, the school itself tended to rank students more according to their parents’ wealth and the students’ academic performance than by class or race.

There, Nael managed to regain some peace. Although his family had surrendered their baron title, they were still part of the hereditary aristocracy, were financially well-off, and he himself excelled academically. Some looked down on him as a loser expelled from the Imperial Elementary School, but he managed to live more or less normally. He even got a girlfriend, the daughter of an accountant.

Those somewhat pleasant moments passed quickly. The childhood years, once so long, were nearing their end.

It was time to move on to a higher school. Most students chose to attend a gymnasium, a general middle and high school. Naturally, Nael also advanced to a gymnasium.

The problem was which gymnasium to choose. A gymnasium with a high percentage of non-white middle-class students, or a prestigious gymnasium with many nobles.

It had been fine to attend a private elementary school with many commoner students. But for future advancement as a noble, the gymnasium had to be chosen with care.

If he decided to settle for his current life, he could simply attend a gymnasium with decent university acceptance rates. But from that point on, he would have to accept being stopped by invisible social walls for the rest of his life. Even if he excelled academically and entered the Imperial University as top of his class, he would never truly blend with graduates of the prestigious noble gymnasiums. No matter how hard an individual worked, it was impossible to break the centuries-old academic networks and their closed-off world.

At ten years old, he had to decide his future.

Nael struggled. What did he want to do? How did he want to live?

There was a good boys’ school near the girls’ school his girlfriend would attend. A path of finishing school there and entering medical school seemed good enough. Doctors were judged mainly by ability, so unlike many other professions, racial discrimination was minimal. Giving up on a baron’s title and living as a respected physician held real appeal.

‘Are you sure that would be enough?’

The reason he could not choose it, despite the temptation, was because he had come to understand the world’s injustices. It had been six years since he first encountered the malice of this world at age four. As he grew and came to understand more, he began to feel frustration. And above all, the greatest influence was…

‘Mother.’

The mother who had always looked upon him with warmth had passed away. The cause had simply been a cold. Her fever had not gone down for several days. She had said her chest felt tight and her head felt dizzy.

“It’s probably stress illness.”

She said that during a brief moment when she felt slightly better.

“Stress illness?”

Nael tilted his head. It was a word he had never heard before. Since his mother was also a doctor, was it some rare medical term?

“This world has pressed too much sorrow into me… no, Nael. You don’t need to know.”

What was sorrow? His mother often used Korean, but many of the concepts were too difficult for him to understand.

“Marina.”

His father called her name as he sat at her bedside. His mother smiled with a sad expression.

“I’m sorry, Raphael. I’m sorry, Nael. I love you.”

His mother had been a prodigy who entered the Imperial University’s medical school with the full expectations of her parents. She met his father during her college years, fell in love, broke up when they couldn’t overcome opposition, and only after much hardship did they confirm each other’s hearts again. She stubbornly pushed through, married, and even had a child, but had she truly been happy? Probably not. There must have been suffering hidden where her young son could not see.

Severe emotional distress eventually took a toll on her body and ended her life too soon. For his mother’s sake, Nael thought he must not simply settle for an easy life. He wanted to create even a slightly different world. He didn’t yet know how.

He entered a prestigious gymnasium. It was a boys’ school composed of seventy percent nobles and thirty percent wealthy middle-class commoners. All the students were white. As an Asian mixed-blood, Nael was the only non-white student in the entire school record.

Nael steeled his resolve. He did not want to repeat what had happened at the Imperial Elementary School. This time, he would endure. He would cling to the school, endure and endure until he was recognized as one of its own. It was just a school, wasn’t it? If he couldn’t endure even this, what could he accomplish as an adult?

A school life completely different from elementary school began. Nael tried his best to adapt. It was better than the Imperial Elementary School, where everyone was wrapped in privilege. Here, there were poor nobles and many commoners. The school valued status, of course, but as a top-tier institution, it placed greater weight on a student’s ability. As long as he excelled academically, he could avoid unfair discrimination.

Although he bore the stain of being a mixed-blood, he excelled in his studies and was well-mannered, so the school regarded him favorably. He even made a few people he could call friends. Nael was a diligent and kind classmate. He was not arrogant or fickle, and many students quietly wished to befriend the calm boy who always studied steadily.

A few jealous of his grades gossiped behind his back, calling him a ching-cheng-chong half-breed. When he wandered downtown alone, he often heard people greet him with nihao followed by sexual comments or words treating him like a servant. But Nael brushed them off, saying it wasn’t the worst. These were things he simply had to endure, having been born in this country in this era. How could he resent his parents for giving birth to him?

Both his parents could have been white, or they could have been commoners or even from the poor, or he could have been born an outcast on a penal colony. Among countless possibilities, he comforted himself with the thought that his life was still fortunate. In thousands of years of human history, when had there ever been a time when everyone lived happily?

He lived during a period where anger toward the world and resignation toward the inevitable coexisted in a vague balance. Sometimes Nael placed a hand over his chest and wondered. Was this feeling what his mother had called sorrow? Had it piled up and piled up until it made her body sick? Then would he also one day die from sorrow? He didn’t know.

While his peers entered the stormy stage of adolescence, doing reckless things and causing trouble everywhere, Nael held on to his books and tried to understand the world. He hoped that if he grasped how the world worked, perhaps the suffocating feeling inside him would ease.

Yet whenever he opened a history book, he saw the same human patterns repeat endlessly, making everything feel futile. After humanity expanded into space, the monotheistic religion based on a desert faith declined, while Buddhism, which emphasized personal reflection, continued to hold influence. Perhaps because many people viewed the world as he did.

Afraid that people would say a child shouldn’t think like an old man, he never expressed his true feelings honestly and simply lived one day at a time. In daily life, moments of joy and moments of anger mixed together.

He always maintained the top grades. He hung out with friends who shared similar views, played sports, and went out together. On weekends, he visited the neighborhood where his girlfriend lived. They held hands and even kissed.

He tried to participate in school events meant for social bonding. He wasn’t energetic enough to go around chatting with everyone, but he managed to get along. He intended to maintain relationships that would be worthwhile after graduation.

Even within this small society, there were those with whom he had uncomfortable relations. One such person was a popular boy two years younger, a tall and handsome noble from a prestigious family who had gained attention the moment he enrolled. They had no real connection at first. They lived in separate circles. Nael only heard rumors about him and had no reason to approach him.

But around the time Nael turned fifteen, the boy started picking fights for no reason. Perhaps because no other non-white student had entered the gymnasium for five years since Nael’s enrollment, his presence bothered the noble young master. Rumor reached Nael that the boy openly said their school would have been perfect if not for that ching-cheng-chong half-breed.

Nael only frowned slightly and said nothing. Through years of experience since his first encounter with malice, he had learned one thing. If he reacted, the other person would only enjoy it more. So ignoring was best. Pretend not to hear, not to see, not to know.

A two-year age gap made them senior and junior. In a school with thousands of students, not everyone was close. Keeping a reasonable distance was fine.

Nael gave him no attention and lived his own life. The day he had to finalize his career path was approaching. With his grades, entering the Imperial University posed no difficulty. The school strongly recommended its medical school. A few teachers even recommended law, saying he could easily pass the elite civil service exams.

Nael could not give a clear answer. He secretly had the military academy in mind. Nobles were exempt from conscription. Even if they did serve, strings would be pulled to assign them as officers. Even so, he wanted to attend the academy because the country was a military state. Only by becoming a soldier and rising in rank would he have even a small chance of changing the world.

“How long do I have to put up with a ching-cheng-chong half-breed acting all superior as my senior?”

Yes. At the very least, he wanted situations where someone dared to speak like that to disappear someday.

Nael quietly stared at the boy who spat out the rude remark. The younger student stood before him, leading a group of followers whose roles as friends or underlings were impossible to tell. They had bumped into each other by bad luck while walking across the school grounds.

What wrong had Nael ever done to him? None. If anything, the only crime was being mixed-blood. But was one’s birth something they had chosen?

He found it tiresome to protest and never even considered bowing his head with a servile smile. As always, Nael ignored him and turned away. It was better to avoid trouble.

“Hey, half-breed, where are you going? Don’t be like that. Come hang out with me. I’m planning a party at my family’s villa this weekend. You should come, senior.”

The boy stepped in front of him at some point, speaking arrogantly. Nael looked up at him with a baffled expression. He was two years younger but bigger, making him look nearly the same age at a glance.

“Thank you for the invitation, but I’ll decline. I already have plans.”

“If you’re thankful, then come, you bastard. Don’t act all aloof.”

The younger boy scowled and spoke threateningly. Why was this bastard like this with him?

“I said I already have plans.”

What good could possibly come from going? He would only hear ching-cheng-chong shouted by a crowd. After replying coolly, Nael stepped aside.

“Damn half-breed bastard can’t even accept kindness properly…”

“Hey, stop. A teacher’s coming.”

Just then, some teachers walking across the courtyard approached, and the younger boys scattered. The school had a strong will to protect its top student who could bring prestige to the institution. When the teachers asked if something had happened, Nael politely replied that nothing had, while in his heart he solidified his decision. He would go to the military academy.

The Imperial Military Academy accepted about twelve hundred students each year. From fresh high school graduates to civilians with recommendation letters from important figures, applicants had to pass several tests to qualify.

For a high school student to enter directly, the top priority was academic achievement. The academy had already classified all high schools with strict rank divisions, and only those from schools above a certain rank with excellent grades were eligible to take the first exam.

Nael passed the first exam without any trouble. The news spread throughout the entire school almost immediately. The graduating senior everyone assumed would go to medical school or law school suddenly announced he intended to enter the military academy. People looked at Nael with expressions half worried, half expectant.

A noble had countless ways to avoid military service, yet he chose to enter the military academy? In an era where half of all military academy graduates died in battle within a year? If one survived and built merit, it was possible to be called “Your Excellency” in their twenties, but which type would this calm and diligent young man turn out to be?

Nael simply answered humbly. He said that since he was born a citizen of the Empire, he wanted to devote his life to this country. His dream was to serve the Empire and His Imperial Majesty with loyalty.

Some nodded. Some only watched with conflicted expressions. Some encouraged him, saying he would do well, and others…

After passing all the tests, Nael left school to join the academy. Because he had to begin the five-week entry course, he gave up attending graduation. He had no real lingering attachment. His gymnasium life had been decent. That was enough.

Even after beginning life as a soldier, the words ching-cheng-chong half-breed clung to his back like a shadow. Nael endured in silence. His anger grew slowly from deep within. During the harsh training, and even after he shed his rookie status and became known as a senior.

He heard many things. Updates about old classmates who had gone on to university, and news that the noble junior who had bullied him particularly badly during gymnasium had suddenly died…

The death of the junior two years younger was so unexpected that Nael was genuinely shocked. They said he had wanted to enter the military academy but, blocked by his family’s opposition, had drunkenly driven out of spite. Too drunk, he had raced along an outer road, failed to control his speed, and gotten into an accident.

There was an old saying: do not rush revenge; sit by the river long enough, and the body of your enemy will float by. It seemed to have come true, yet Nael did not feel happy. The boy had not been enough to call an enemy. Just annoying. To Nael, he had been an unpleasant person, but in school and noble society he had been a handsome, popular junior. Nael let the news pass through one ear and out the other. He felt no obligation to attend the funeral.

Time continued to pass.

He reached his final year and was commissioned as a second lieutenant. Many things happened. His girlfriend died. His father passed away. His patience for the unjust reality shrank more and more, and he frequently clashed with incompetent superiors, colleagues, and subordinates.

He always thought. He accepted that he had no ability to change this world on his own. He waited for a savior who would bring the winds of change. Hadn’t this Empire existed for five hundred years? Wasn’t it time for someone to appear?

Is there no one? Truly no one?

In meaningless wars, he searched and searched for such a candidate. But he found none. No one looked like the person he hoped for.

If there is no one. If I was simply born into the wrong era…

Then let the Empire be cursed. Let this country be destroyed.

Just when his long-suppressed rage twisted so violently it nearly broke him, he still tried somehow to endure, because he knew this wretched world still had warmth in it. There were people who lived faithfully even while grieving the world’s injustices. There were those who found happiness in small things, those who laughed. He did not want to see their humble daily lives completely destroyed.

If I lack the power to change the world, and if I cannot even bring myself to defect to the Union with only hatred for the Empire in my heart, then what should I live for?

Nael spent his days in self-mockery.

Then one day, at last, he found hope.