2. Pregnancy (1)

The buzz around Il-seo’s first variety show was tremendous. Even though quite some time had passed since the variety show aired, short edited clips of the variety show consistently ranked in trending videos, and Il-seo’s name went up and down on real-time SNS trends.

Il-seo’s small animal-like appearance in daily life was also a hot topic, but there were especially many mentions of his chemistry with Park Jun-yong. Park Jun-yong’s characteristic naive yet unspoiled friendliness as a young professional, and Il-seo’s kind attitude taking care of such Jun-yong, elicited empathy and reactions from many people.

The problem was that as they frequently became topics, it also frequently caught the eye of Seung-yeon, who no longer wanted to see Il-seo being paired with other Alphas.

Il-seo had once made such a complaint to him in passing. In the past when they had a big fight, it was harder because his advertisements and photos were hung everywhere visible. Seung-yeon was feeling that sentiment now. Not only entertainment articles and SNS, but even people he met would ask about Il-seo’s well-being and always brought up Park Jun-yong’s story.

As soon as Seung-yeon, who had stopped by the company to discuss schedules, sat on the sofa, CEO Hwang suddenly snapped his two fingers and spoke.

“Ah, Lee Il-seo’s variety show response is hot, right? It would be good if we could bring in a wholesome young man like that manager too. Can’t you use your personal connections?”

Seung-yeon smiled broadly and stared at CEO Hwang.

“Is Lee Il-seo your friend?”

“Then is he my hyung? Should I speak formally to him?”

CEO Hwang furrowed his brow as if absurd.

“When you’re in a hurry, you might just call someone by their name. You’re so petty, seriously. Your insides are like a shriveled anchovy liver.”

When Seung-yeon just checked the schedule on the tablet without saying anything, CEO Hwang observed Seung-yeon’s mood and sat down beside him.

“Why, what’s the problem now.”

“Park Jun-yong is debuting? Why is everyone talking about him. Fuck, do they even do viral marketing for managers these days….”

“Sa Seung-yeon is acting like a narrow-minded person again.”

CEO Hwang, who noticed Seung-yeon’s feelings, pouted his lips.

“It’s good that Il-seo has a reliable manager who’s good at taekwondo by his side. They say sasaeng fans and such cling to him. How nice would it be if he could kick them away each time. The guy who even hired a bodyguard at his own expense, why is he complaining about this too—”

“I want to adjust my schedule.”

Seung-yeon, who cut off CEO Hwang’s words, pushed the tablet toward him. Seung-yeon requested that he clear his schedule for about a week.

“Hey. A whole week?”

There were no major shoots, but when not filming dramas or movies, advertising or promotional campaign schedules were almost done in batches, so it was difficult to take out a whole week.

“Is it urgent? You didn’t even say in advance, I can’t clear a whole week. Especially the Mongnel popup, I can’t remove that.”

“Then at least two days.”

CEO Hwang, who was looking at the schedule with a groan, lifted his head at the sound of Seung-yeon calling him once more.

“You said you have a close reporter around you, right?”

“Reporter? There are many reporters.”

“Could you introduce me to just one person?”

CEO Hwang tilted his head in curiosity, finding it strange that Seung-yeon, who hadn’t hidden his disgust for reporters since that incident with Il-seo, was looking for a reporter first.

***

The bright lights that had been attracting swarms of insects were turned off. The staff organized cameras, costumes, and folding chairs, and greeted each other.

“Good work.”

“Get home safely!”

“See you tomorrow.”

“The scenery is amazing.”

Even in the somewhat chaotic atmosphere, people’s expressions were bright. Twenty minutes ago, an amazing purple sunset had beautifully embroidered the entire sky. Il-seo, who had changed into casual clothes, also lifted his phone to photograph the sky and sent it to Seung-yeon.

「Photo」

「The sunset is amazing, right?」

Il-seo hesitated whether to add that he wanted to see it together, but he thought that if he said that, he would miss him unbearably, so he held back and put his cell phone in his pocket.

It had already been a week since he stayed in Bali for a men’s fashion photo shoot. TThe tightly packed shooting schedule, moving between cities, was also grueling, but what exhausted Il-seo even more was the weather. December in Bali was the rainy season. Luckily it didn’t rain much, but the air was very humid. After filming outdoors all day in the muggy weather, he was almost exhausted by the end of the day.

Since he couldn’t recharge with Seung-yeon, his stamina dropped faster than in Korea. Still, the filming schedule was reaching its final stages. Il-seo, who repeated to himself that he could see Seung-yeon if he just endured a little more, rubbed his neck with a somewhat tired expression and got in the car.

After arriving at the resort, the company employees immediately called a taxi. Since this resort was located somewhat away from downtown, the employees decided to go out separately and eat a late dinner at a nearby restaurant. The employees who had roughly filled their meals with sandwiches throughout filming were busy discussing what to eat for dinner.

“Il-seo, you’re hungry, right? Is there anything you want to eat?”

“I’ll eat room service.”

At a glance, Il-seo’s eyes looked full of fatigue, so Kyung-hyun couldn’t push further.

“Okay. Rest well. Tell me if there’s anything you want to eat. I’ll bring it back packaged.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

Il-seo saw off Kyung-hyun and Jun-yong and returned to the resort. Il-seo, who looked through the room service menu and ordered fruit salad and juice, immediately showered and washed off his makeup and sweat.

Il-seo, who came out flushed all over from bathing in a hot water for a long time, tightened his robe and half-lay down on the sofa with a good view.

He gazed absent-mindedly for a moment at the lush forest spreading beyond the window. The resort had a sufficiently wonderful view even when viewed in the dusk. If tomorrow’s filming ended early, it would be really relaxing to swim in the wonderful pool attached to his room, drink fruit juice, and lie on a sunbed.

However, even while imagining happy things, a strange melancholy permeated Il-seo’s eyes. Because now, when enjoying good things, he naturally thought of Seung-yeon.

“I miss you.”

He ended up saying it out loud. As soon as he said it, he missed him unbearably, so he ended up looking at Seung-yeon’s photos on his phone for a long time.

Knowing this would happen, he had taken many photos of Seung-yeon. The day before departure, he even took videos here and there with a regretful heart, and while watching a video where they burst into laughter while painfully squeezing each other’s cheeks on Seung-yeon’s home sofa, Il-seo also laughed along with Seung-yeon in the video.

[—-.]

Just then, the doorbell rang. At the words that room service had arrived, Il-seo, who got up from his seat with a faint sigh, opened the door. In an instant, Il-seo’s eyes opened as wide as possible.

“Huh?”

“Your room service order and… Sa Seung-yeon has arrived.”

Seung-yeon, holding a wooden tray for room service in one hand, was standing with one leg bent and his lips raised.

“What!”

“What do you mean what, I came because I missed you.”

Il-seo looked at Seung-yeon with his eyes wide open, then, thinking it might be an illusion, reached out his hand and stroked Seung-yeon’s cheeks, neck, chest, and belly.

“It’s really you, right…?”

Seung-yeon, who smiled so much his dimples showed, let Il-seo touch him as he pleased. His large eyes blinked ceaselessly. Il-seo, unable to hide his bewilderment, muttered in a heated voice.

“I was thinking I missed you, and you appeared right away… so it really feels like I’m dreaming….”

He thought maybe he was dreaming because he missed him so much. But Seung-yeon even had the plumeria flower pin they give you when you check in at the resort stuck in his side hair.

“It really is sunbae. …I’m happy.”

Il-seo, who carefully cupped Seung-yeon’s cheeks with both hands, muttered blankly.

Seung-yeon finally burst into laughter as if melting. The guy was usually embarrassed and passive about expressing himself, but occasionally like this, he would suddenly bring out his pure true feelings to the point of touching one’s heart. When he heard Il-seo’s deeply pressed inner feelings without any preparation, his heart felt strange. It was so good that his insides even ached.

Il-seo belatedly realized he had left Seung-yeon standing in a hot place for too long and opened the door wider.

“Come in, sunbae. It’s hot, right?”

How did you adjust your schedule? This resort is really far from the airport, right? I really thought you had a schedule today, sunbae. I was completely fooled…. Did you see the sunset photo I sent? You probably couldn’t see it because you were on a plane…. Luckily it was captured in the photo shoot so everyone cheered.

He tightly embraced Il-seo, who throughout walking to the table didn’t take his eyes off him for a moment and went on at length with words that had piled up. Only then did Il-seo realize he had talked too much and buried his face in Seung-yeon’s chest while wrapping his hands around his waist. Seung-yeon also hugged Il-seo tightly and pressed his lips to the crown of his head.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

Seung-yeon stamped his lips all over the exposed face. Did you just wash? You smell good. Because he spoke without removing his lips, Il-seo twisted his body and held back the ticklishness.

Seung-yeon and Il-seo sat side by side on the sofa. When he selected tangerine pieces from the salad placed on the table and put them in Il-seo’s mouth, Il-seo received them like a bird and stamped his feet as if it was delicious. His excitement was clearly evident.

“Did you order this because you were peckish?”

“I missed dinner time.”

“You call this dinner?”

At the words “I missed dinner time,” the space between Seung-yeon’s eyebrows narrowed. Seung-yeon, who was looking at the bowl full of only greens, clicked his tongue and made a lamenting voice.

“You call something with no nutritional value like this a meal….”

“I have filming tomorrow too.”

“I told you. You’re cuter when your cheeks are plump?”

“Plump….”

Il-seo followed Seung-yeon’s words and swallowed silent laughter.

There were strange expressions Seung-yeon used for him. Things like plump, soft, wriggling, squishy, which he mainly used when expressing appearance or behavior.

For example, he would express seriously taking notes in a script as ‘wriggling,’ or when eating a mouthful of food, he’d say he was ‘nibbling.’ Sometimes he said things like ‘your ankle bones are soft’ or ‘your eyelashes are fluffy,’ but honestly, he still hadn’t grasped exactly what they meant.

Il-seo pushed the fork toward Seung-yeon and said.

“I’m going to eat a lot after filming ends. Let’s eat together.”

“What do you mean eat together. Have that as an appetizer, I’m ordering more.”

Then he ordered a ton of room service in fluent English. Before long, salmon steak, pasta, and loaded cheese fries arrived along with cold draft beer.

“How can you order things like this in front of me when I’m managing my weight?”

Il-seo, who had been looking at the greasy food filling the table as if amazed, eventually couldn’t resist his appetite and picked up his fork. Clearly, before Seung-yeon came, he was too tired to even bother chewing salad, but now his metabolism became active and his appetite soared.

When Il-seo, who had gulped down the draft beer Seung-yeon was drinking, belatedly worried and fiddled with his cheek fat, Seung-yeon said he was only pretty and put a french fry in his mouth and brought it to Il-seo’s lips. When he tried to receive it with his mouth but aimed wrong, ketchup got on his cheek. Even at such a small thing, Seung-yeon burst into big laughter, and Il-seo also laughed heartily with his eyes crinkling.

With an excited heart, he would eat food and then suddenly hug him, or sing along to songs Seung-yeon played. In just one hour, it felt like the fatigue accumulated over a week flew away at once. He thought this might be what the power of happiness was.

***

Seung-yeon went back to Korea the next evening because of his schedule. Il-seo didn’t know what to do when he learned that Seung-yeon had come all the way to Bali to stay just one night. Still, at the words that the fatigue had all flown away thanks to him, Seung-yeon was confident that it was right to come here even if it meant overexerting himself.

Seung-yeon, who finished his short two-day vacation and returned to Korea, came home after exercising late into the night after his schedule ended. He had worked out harder than usual, so he had muscle pain. The day after meeting Il-seo, he felt an especially strong longing. Making the body tired was the most effective way to soothe depression.

As he entered the dark house, the entrance lights turned on. Seung-yeon took off his sneakers and looked at the four-cut photos attached to the entrance for a long time. Looking at Il-seo’s face, which was smiling like a fool, Seung-yeon also smiled with a sweat-soaked face.

After finishing his shower, he stretched out on the sofa and listened to the song Il-seo had recorded as a birthday present. The cushion he was hugging was also something Il-seo had brought, and the blanket placed close by had Il-seo’s scent soaked in more deeply than his own body scent.

He liked that Lee Il-seo was gradually permeating the space where only he had lived. The toothbrushes of different colors stuck side by side, the small-sized slippers placed at the entrance, Il-seo’s scripts and clothes—Il-seo’s belongings that gradually increased filled, even a little, the emptiness created by Lee Il-seo’s absence.

Even when he exercised to the extreme and looked at Lee Il-seo’s photos, if he was having a hard time because he missed Il-seo, he would drive to Il-seo’s house.

It was exactly like today. Knowing that Il-seo would set foot on Korean soil the day after tomorrow, Seung-yeon eventually grabbed his car keys and headed for the parking lot.

As soon as he entered the password and entered Il-seo’s house, he lay on Il-seo’s bed and buried his nose in the pillow. His lower half naturally pulled and a faint moan burst out. He curled up with the blanket wrapped around his body and quietly closed his eyes.

Even with the very faint and delicate remaining pheromones, a sense of stability came. His body instantly became drowsy, and just before falling asleep, at the faintly ringing vibration sound, Seung-yeon slowly opened his eyes. His eyes curved naturally. It was Il-seo’s call. As soon as the call connected, Il-seo spoke without a second’s leeway.

[Sunbae, did you see the article?]

The voice full of worry sounded pitiful, but Seung-yeon, who had been lying face down, slowly turned over to lie down and answered.

“Yeah, I saw it.”

[Is it okay?]

“What wouldn’t be okay.”

An hour ago, an article appeared. An article titled 「Sa Seung-yeon, Lee Il-seo. On vacation in Bali」 covered eyewitness accounts of Seung-yeon and Il-seo enjoying a date in Bali. The evening when Il-seo’s filming schedule ended, a photo of them eating in the city and drinking at a bar was published along with the article. Il-seo was in a flustered voice, not knowing photos had been taken because they had only wandered around for a few hours and went to places where there weren’t many Korean tourists.

[I thought no one would recognize us.]

“There weren’t any bad comments though?”

[That’s true, but…. I was just a bit surprised.]

“It’s okay. It’s good if people know we’re doing well too.”

That way, bastards who don’t know their place will also know that you’re the Omega who married Sa Seung-yeon. When Seung-yeon hid his inner thoughts and consistently reacted calmly and leisurely, Il-seo also gradually found stability. Il-seo, who had suffered from articles, may react strongly to unexpected articles, but there was no content to be concerned about. No, he had made sure that there wasn’t.

[Yes. I guess I worried for nothing. What were you doing, sunbae?]

“I was resting.”

Sa Seung-yeon couldn’t say that he missed him so much that he recklessly came to the house without him, and was lying on the bed faintly smelling his scent, being pathetic.

[We’ll see each other in two days.]

“Yeah. I wish time would pass quickly.”

The sound of laughter ticklishly came from beyond the receiver. Seung-yeon clenched and unclenched his fist and forced out a firm voice. Since it was past 2 AM in Korea, it was also late past 1 AM in Bali. It was regrettable, but he had to put Il-seo to sleep quickly.

“It’s late, you should sleep soon.”

[Yes. You sleep too, sunbae.]

“Okay. Sleep well.”

Seung-yeon, who had waited for Il-seo to hang up the phone, slowly got up from the bed. Hearing his voice suddenly woke him up.

He looked around everywhere in the house that was neatly organized like his personality. Seung-yeon, who opened the refrigerator just in case, furrowed his brow. There was nothing to eat except unopened fruit drinks and jellies. Seung-yeon, who let out a sigh, immediately ordered a bunch of fruits and food ingredients that could be delivered at dawn through his phone. Tomorrow morning, he planned to make fried rice and seaweed soup and put them in the refrigerator so Il-seo, who would arrive home the day after tomorrow, would only have to heat them up to eat.

Seung-yeon, who slowly walked around the house and looked at the traces Il-seo left, reached the “Seung-yeon Zone” arranged on the bookshelf. The “Seung-yeon Zone” was the nickname for the place where Il-seo collected goods and items related to him.

Here, from scripts of works he appeared in to Blu-rays, DVDs, movie posters and tickets, and magazines with photo shoots, were neatly organized by time period. Seung-yeon looked through the file collecting movie posters, took out a marker, and left a signature on the file’s cover.

「I miss you, Il-seo.」

Seung-yeon, who wrote a phrase below the signature and drew a heart on the spur of the moment and colored it in black, burst into laughter. It was clear when he would discover this and what reaction he would show after discovering it. Sunbae, you came to my house? When? He would open his eyes wide and chatter like a bird. As he was closing the marker cap while imagining this, at the end of Seung-yeon’s gaze, a black paper box placed in the corner of the bookshelf belatedly caught his attention.

Strangely, it was very bothersome to the eye. He reached out and opened the box. A perfume that hadn’t been unwrapped from vinyl packaging was inside along with a letter envelope. Wondering who gave it, Seung-yeon, who opened the letter, lost the smile from his lips.

「Hello Il-seo hyung. It’s Jun-yong.」

Handwriting that couldn’t be called pretty no matter how much you packaged it, continued crookedly and long.

「I finally received my first paycheck. It reminds me of the day I was nervous when I first joined the company.」

Reflections about himself who was initially a bit passive after joining during a time when he was struggling and couldn’t adapt anywhere after injury, and in the midst of that, things he was grateful for at the company were written at length in poor handwriting.

「Especially, I sincerely thank Kyung-hyun hyung who took care of me like a son, reliable Jae-won hyung-nim, and the always kind Il-seo hyung. I will do better in the future. ps. It’s not a good brand perfume, but I chose it because this scent reminds me of hyung-nim.」

It seemed prepared to commemorate receiving his first paycheck. A gift might be understandable, but Seung-yeon’s expression as he lifted the letter became extremely cold.

“What the hell is this….”

Seung-yeon, who narrowed one eye, shook the letter held between his fingers finely. He felt the Alpha’s unpleasant pheromones from the letter.

Of course, it wasn’t a form that seemed intentionally and forcibly applied, but the form that leaked out unknowingly while writing the letter was that of a young Alpha who couldn’t even manage his own pheromones.

This bastard had been severely irritating since last time. Seung-yeon first covered the other’s with his pheromones and erased them, then put the letter back in the envelope and placed it in its original place to look untouched.

Seung-yeon walked out to the living room, opened the window, and lit a cigarette. He gripped the terrace and dropped his head down.

Il-seo was now also a proper working adult. While he knew in his head that he shouldn’t restrain the guy over such trivial matters, it was hard to control his wildly jumping emotions.

The article that broke at midnight today was indeed released by Seung-yeon. To CEO Hwang, who was half-believing and half-doubting, saying there was no need to do this when they had already revealed everything including marriage registration, Seung-yeon answered with a cheerful smile.

—We clearly revealed everything. But these days, people… forget that Lee Il-seo is a married man.

As they tried their best not to expose themselves together as much as possible and each actively continued their work activities, the public’s interest in the romance naturally died down, and in the process, it seemed even forgotten that the two had already finished marriage registration.

However, Lee Il-seo was clearly his spouse. It was unpleasant that he was paired with an outside Alpha to the point of being called having “chemistry” on broadcasts, and that he personally received gifts with pheromones on them.

Such things happened anew whenever he’d forget about them, irritating Seung-yeon. Even though he periodically poured in his pheromones, Lee Il-seo would unknowingly come back with unfamiliar pheromones on him. It was evidence that there were plenty of Alpha bastards around him who leaked pheromones without knowing it and showed favor. Considering even the favor of Betas who didn’t emit pheromones, it would be at a level that was hard to ignore.

Bastards who opened their mouths on broadcasts and interviews saying he was a good person despite having exchanged words with Lee Il-seo only once or twice, and humans who babbled as if they knew well about Lee Il-seo whenever they saw him, were all pathetic. What do they know about Lee Il-seo to bring him up so lightly? He had endured with extreme patience wanting to smash those fucking faces.

—Hey. Business is business. Il-seo is also a celebrity.

Although CEO Hwang looking exasperated by Seung-yeon’s possessiveness bordering on obsession, ultimately couldn’t stop him, lamenting that if he didn’t fix his habit of trying to control people, he would end up suffering..

Those words didn’t sound like needless nagging. He knew. More than anyone, Seung-yeon was the one who didn’t want to repeat the past.

It was his first time loving someone in his life. So honestly, he didn’t know what the right answer was. But one thing was certain. If he acted on the desires that made his heart boil, Lee Il-seo would become unhappy.

Several times a day, nauseating thoughts crawled up like black snakes and coiled around him.

He felt anxious seeing Lee Il-seo on TV. He was afraid that anyone could see that pretty appearance. He wanted to lock the guy away so no one could see him, and make him into an existence who looked only at him and listened only to his words.

When he fell into these thoughts, the good-natured Lee Il-seo would call out to him. Asking what he was thinking about, looking at him with clear eyes. At such times, Seung-yeon would only smile instead of answering. He would pull Lee Il-seo deep into his arms and wait quietly, so those clear eyes couldn’t see through his lustful intentions. It was to hide a nature so ugly and base that he didn’t want Il-seo to discover it.

He had been enduring it very well so far. But.

“Everyone… Why are they so ill-mannered.”

Through lips with one corner raised at an angle, a cold voice flowed out along with hazy smoke.

***

It felt like he had become a different person before and after manifestation. Not only hormonal changes, but his immunity had also significantly weakened after surgery, making him suffer from minor ailments much more frequently than before.

However, there were actually far more occasions to exhaust his stamina than when he was a Beta. When filming overnight or when schedules continued without a day off, his sense of regret grew. If only his stamina were what it used to be, wouldn’t better results have come out? Such lingering thoughts, and worries that he might not have looked after the people around him as well due to poor condition, weighed heavily on Il-seo’s heart.

However, it was better to build up his stamina even a little than to be disappointed in himself or feel depressed. Il-seo desperately devoted himself to exercise and tried his best to consume anything said to be good for stamina.

Despite these efforts, his body had been feeling a bit heavy lately and he started running a fever. Il-seo sighed as he pulled the thermometer from his ear. As soon as he read the number 37.9 degrees, his head began throbbing as if it had been waiting.

Il-seo was more worried about Seung-yeon’s reaction when he found out he was sick than about his own illness. He hoped it would pass without him getting seriously ill… He took over-the-counter medicine whenever he could and dressed warmly, but that evening Il-seo suffered severe indigestion from what he ate and ended up being quite sick for several days.

Fortunately, Kyung-hyun adjusted his schedule so he could focus fully on recovery for a few days. He tried not to let Seung-yeon notice, but Seung-yeon picked up on his illness just from his voice on the phone and came to his house as soon as he finished his schedule that day.

Usually, Seung-yeon would interfere with every little thing about what he wore and ate, nagging frequently, but when Il-seo was actually sick, he said nothing at all. He just silently stayed by his side with a face that seemed to be suppressing something. Seung-yeon would sacrifice his sleep to wake up early and make porridge before going to his schedule, and as soon as his schedule was over, he would come and wipe his feverish body, staying up all night.

When he woke up in the morning after falling into a deep sleep from the medicine, the first things he saw were the porridge Seung-yeon had made and the towels used for nursing him scattered around. He was grateful for such attentive care, but guilt weighed on his heart more than gratitude.

Why am I not healthy, making so many people suffer like this? When will the day come when I can properly do my part next to Seung-yeon? Il-seo, who kept blaming himself, even shed a few tears while eating porridge in his pitiful state. However, even while roughly wiping his wet eyes with the back of his hand, he earnestly chewed and swallowed the porridge. He only thought about getting better quickly.

Fortunately, thanks to receiving Seung-yeon’s devoted nursing care and focusing solely on recovery, the body ache went away earlier than expected.

Dawn on the day his schedule resumed after several days. Il-seo, who woke up earlier than usual to wash his face, felt something lukewarm flowing and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. And the moment he saw the red traces on the back of his hand, his heart sank.

When he quickly raised his head to check the mirror, red blood was flowing from one nostril.

“……”

Il-seo was so shocked that for a moment he couldn’t do anything and just froze with the water running.

The fever and nausea that had tormented him for several days. And now a nosebleed.

“Huh…?”

His breath quickened as a past with similar symptoms came to mind. Back then too, it had definitely started with body aches similar to a cold. Then gradually he couldn’t digest food properly and frequently suffered from indigestion, and got nosebleeds at any time.

No way, no way.

After the nosebleed, he wasn’t in his right mind enough to know how he washed up. Il-seo, who couldn’t even dry his hair, squatted in front of the shelf with tissue stuffed in his nose.

“I’m sure the one I bought before is here somewhere.”

Il-seo, who was rummaging through a box that stored pills, ointments, bandages, and such, pulled out an Omega pregnancy test kit he had bought before. One remained from the 2-pack test kit.

To think the day would come when he’d use this again. Biting the tender flesh inside his cheek, he walked to the bathroom. Even though he knew he was alone, he locked the door anyway and opened the test kit.

A moment later. Il-seo gasped roughly while gripping the bathroom shelf.

“…What.”

The hand holding the test kit trembled violently. He rubbed his eyes and checked again, wondering if he had seen it wrong because his hands were shaking. But it really wasn’t one line. On the test kit, another line indicating pregnancy had appeared.

“That can’t be…”

It wasn’t simply denial. He really couldn’t be pregnant.

First of all, he had undergone major organ resection while experiencing a miscarriage, and there had been a diagnosis that natural pregnancy would be nearly impossible in the future. Moreover, Seung-yeon was so sensitive about contraception that he would even lie during his rut to avoid meeting him.

Seung-yeon took suppressants when his rut came, and his own heat was so irregular and his hormones so low that he hadn’t experienced similar symptoms since that one time before.

Maybe a condom tore. Maybe there was a time he lost his reason and forgot he thought he had one on. Setting everything aside, he really never ejaculated inside.

With a pale complexion, Il-seo stared intently at the test kit once more, then came out of the bathroom with a dazed expression.

His heart was beating too fast. He wanted to test again with a different test kit, but right now people would recognize him even with a mask and hat, so he couldn’t just go buy one. Moreover, all the schedules he should have done during his illness period had been moved to this week, making it difficult to find time to go to the hospital right away.

‘The regular checkup is coming up soon anyway.’

Fortunately, he had a regular checkup scheduled for next week. Il-seo hid the test kit with the lid closed deep in a drawer.

***

“…Seo-ya? Il-seo-ya.”

“Oh, yes. Hyung.”

When he raised his head at Kyung-hyun’s voice faintly penetrating his ears, the surrounding noise poured in all at once. They were taking a brief break during a pictorial shoot. Kyung-hyun, who approached Il-seo sitting in a chair staring at the floor with unfocused eyes, massaged Il-seo’s neck with worried eyes.

“What’s wrong. Why are you spacing out so much lately.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

“You still seem to have a slight fever. Are you sick somewhere?”

“It’s because of the lighting.”

When Il-seo smiled, Kyung-hyun finally erased his worried look.

“Want something to drink? Should I get juice from Mongdabang?”

“That’s far.”

“Gangnam is all the same area. I’ll be quick.”

Kyung-hyun, who poked Il-seo’s forearm as he hesitated, asked several times what flavor he wanted.

“Then an orange juice, please.”

“Okay. What if they’re out of orange? Coffee?”

“Yes. Um… decaf please.”

Kyung-hyun raised one eyebrow as if the unusual request was odd, but soon left without saying much, shouting “Got it.”

Il-seo rubbed his forearm with a strange expression. He felt self-conscious, feeling guilty for unconsciously requesting decaf.

Five days ago, on the day he first checked the test kit, he couldn’t even remember how he got through the day in his confused and frightened state. But as days passed, he gradually became calmer.

While he still strongly thought he couldn’t be pregnant, at the same time he thought and thought again rationally about what would be the wisest response if he were pregnant. He couldn’t waste time and emotion being afraid and hiding like last time.

First, the most important thing to do was to confess the truth to Seung-yeon. Seung-yeon would probably be extremely anxious and say to terminate it right away. He had to act as composed and calm as possible so Seung-yeon wouldn’t suffer immersed in trauma from the past.

However, Seung-yeon wasn’t the only one he needed to take care of. Kyung-hyun ran without hesitation to a distant cafe to buy the drink he liked. Jun-yong, who knew he had been very sick last week, checked his condition periodically and carefully managed everything from warm water and vitamins to the temperature of hot packs. The CEO even brought health supplements good for condition recovery directly to his house. Even right now at this site. Numerous staff members were busily working to shoot just his one pictorial.

The scandal left by pregnancy had a long tail and took tremendous time to shake off. They had just barely gotten back on track… The moment his situation changed, those immediately affected would be the people who had supported and believed in him all this time.

Thinking of them, it was right to terminate it as quickly as possible. At the end of rational simulation, the same conclusion was reached 100 times out of 100. However, Il-seo kept instinctively looking for reasons to defend against abortion.

Unlike last time, now there was no need to hide that it was Seung-yeon’s child. That meant he could actively receive help from Seung-yeon’s pheromones or the hospital. Moreover, the first pregnancy overlapped with manifestation so his physical condition was truly the worst, but not now. He had built up basic stamina through exercise, and his pheromones had found more stability than in the early manifestation period. Also, since it would take about 10 months until birth, couldn’t he adjust future schedules in advance so there would be no disruption to work?

Il-seo, who had been fiddling with his nails, admitted it. That he kept trying to protect what was in his stomach.

Do I want to have a baby now?

He asked himself but couldn’t reach a conclusion. To give an honest answer, there were too many things weighing on his mind, and to hypocritically cover it up, his heart ached quite a bit.

He could see Kyung-hyun approaching from afar. Il-seo practiced pulling up the corners of his mouth before getting up from his seat. Fortunately, there was orange left, and sweat drops hung below Kyung-hyun’s forehead as he handed over the drink.

***

The night before the checkup, Il-seo, tossing and turning in bed with open eyes, admitted it. That he couldn’t sleep a wink tonight without Seung-yeon.

His heart had been restless all day, so he bothered Seung-yeon more than usual. Even though they had a date, he made a video call as soon as he got home. Not wanting to hang up, he clung to the phone for two hours. After exchanging final greetings and Seung-yeon pressing a kiss to the camera lens, he coolly said good night, then just stared at the captured screenshot of the video call for a long time.

And so now it was 3 AM. Seung-yeon would naturally be sound asleep.

“Haah…”

His finger holding the phone hovered around the call button several times. He wanted to hear his voice. But if he called now, he would wake Seung-yeon up. Still, he wanted to call… While agonizing, his twitching finger impulsively pressed the button, and after several rings, the call connected.

[Il-seo-ya?]

It was a husky voice that anyone could tell belonged to someone who had just woken up. Il-seo, whose lips were fumbling, suddenly answered that he missed him.

[You called because you miss me?]

When he answered quietly that he did, he heard a low laugh from beyond the receiver.

[If you act cute like this in the middle of the night, how am I supposed to sleep?]

Seung-yeon’s voice sounded nice, languidly drowsy. This is bad. Hearing his voice makes Il-seo  miss him more. Unable to resist the impulse, he asked if he could come to his house now. Then the languid voice instantly became serious.

[What’s wrong. Is something the matter?]

“I really just miss you. Sunbae, you’re going to America tomorrow… Then I won’t see you for over two weeks again….”

Seung-yeon, who laughed quietly as if he couldn’t help it, could be heard getting up from bed.

[Should I come get you?]

“No, Sunbae. I’ll come.”

Fortunately, tomorrow he had no particular schedule other than the regular checkup. On the other hand, Seung-yeon had a flight to America tomorrow afternoon, so it made sense for him to go. Il-seo called a taxi and drove to the area around Seung-yeon’s house.

The taxi that quickly traveled the quiet dawn roads stopped near Seung-yeon’s apartment. Il-seo got out of the taxi and ran to Seung-yeon’s house without taking a single breath.

When he opened the front door of Seung-yeon’s house, Seung-yeon was already standing in front of the entrance. Seeing Seung-yeon waiting for him with a disheveled appearance showing he had just woken up, he belatedly felt sorry for being stubborn.

As he took off his shoes with drooping eyebrows, Seung-yeon, who had been standing at the entrance, suddenly closed the distance.

“Sorry for late at night—”

Before Il-seo could finish his apology, Seung-yeon cupped his face with his large hands and immediately pressed their lips together. Seung-yeon began to remove the coat Il-seo was wearing with his head tilted to overlap. Seung-yeon’s touch was somewhat urgent, so Il-seo’s body was half dragged along.

“Sun, bae, wait a sec, ah….”

Every time he exhaled, Seung-yeon’s thick pheromones felt strong and his knees weakened. Seung-yeon lightly caught Il-seo as he was about to fall and pushed his tongue through the parted lips. Il-seo turned his head to the side with drooping eyebrows.

“The, pheromones are too strong….”

“Really? I can’t control it, what should I do.”

Seung-yeon pulled Il-seo’s hand down and placed it over his lower body.

“I’ve been in this state since you called.”

“Then, ah, let’s go, inside….”

“Okay.”

While obediently agreeing with words, Seung-yeon entangled tongues again, and the kiss grew more intense with each step.

“Hng, mmph.”

Il-seo’s legs hit the bed frame as they kissed without a moment to breath, and he fell onto the mattress. Everything about Seung-yeon, who climbed up following as if to trap Il-seo, was urgent. The hands removing his pants, the speed of rubbing his hardened dick through only his underwear, and the desire to push the glans in before it was even wet below, all of it.

“Ah…!”

Finally Il-seo cried out, unable to bear the stiff pain. Seung-yeon, who was about to penetrate, stopped his hip movement.

“Does it hurt?”

“Y-yes. A little.”

Although fluid had increased after manifesting as an Omega, compared to normal Omegas it was an absurdly small amount, so they usually relied on gel during relations. Just as Il-seo was about to lean back thinking Seung-yeon would naturally get the gel, Seung-yeon lay on the bed and lightly beckoned with his hand.

“Want to try coming up? I’ll do it with my mouth.”

Usually when giving fellatio, Seung-yeon would kneel on the floor and do it with Il-seo seated on the sofa or bed, but today he seemed to want to do it in a slightly different position.

When Seung-yeon did it with his mouth, his body temperature would rise quickly and the tension below would also relax quickly, so it was good, but the position of practically riding Seung-yeon’s face was embarrassing. When Il-seo hesitated without getting into position, Seung-yeon lightly tapped where Il-seo should place his knees.

“Place your knees here. Come close to my face.”

“L-like this?”

“Yeah. If it’s hard to hold, grab the headboard.”

Even if it was embarrassing, Seung-yeon’s fellatio was hard to refuse. Il-seo, whose ear tips were already burning red, swallowed dry saliva and sat with his knees placed as if to trap Seung-yeon’s face between his thighs.

Seung-yeon, who steadied Il-seo’s awkward waist, moved to get into position. But Seung-yeon’s face between his thighs went a bit lower than Il-seo expected.

“Sunbae…?”

The moment Il-seo tried to get up, thinking no way, Seung-yeon gripped his thin waist and pulled him down. He tried to resist with strength, but his buttocks helplessly lowered and a smooth tongue touched the inside.

“Ah, ah… ngh, Sun, Sunbae…!!”

“Mm.”

When he answered with the tongue touching behind, the hot breath and the resonance of his voice were transmitted directly to the sensitized skin. Heat rose throughout his body. He didn’t know that doing it with his mouth meant loosening the hole with his mouth. Il-seo shook his head repeatedly.

“What is this. N-no, I don’t want to!”

“You’ll like it.”

With a low laugh, the sharp, heated tip of the tongue poked at the twitching hole.

“Ah, Sunbae…”

Il-seo, on the verge of tears, wanted to struggle, but with Seung-yeon’s face right below, he could only whimper unable to do anything.

The hot tongue licked the hole from bottom to top. Like licking ice cream, it licked stickily, and when the tip of the tongue grazed the hole, it deliberately pressed that part in a circle as it passed.

“Ah, heuk. Ngh.”

Il-seo’s upper body, which had been breathing heavily, gradually collapsed. Il-seo leaned his forehead against the bedroom wall with his eyes tightly shut and sobbed. All his senses were heightened and focused below. Seung-yeon’s hot breath, the slippery pressure conveyed by his tongue, and the wet sounds he made as he moved his lips were all too stimulating and hard to bear.

“Sun, bae… stop. This position is too, embar, rassing. Haah….”

“You’re getting incredibly wet for someone who says that.”

Seung-yeon let out an excited groan, “Ah,” and whispered in a dazed voice.

“You’re so lewd…. Il-seo’s juice dripped on my face.”

At the words that his fluids had dripped on his face, Il-seo didn’t know what to do and fidgeted.

“I’m sorry, sorry… hngh. If, if I’m wet, let’s stop.”

Instead of answering, Seung-yeon gripped his thighs harder and buried his face deep between the buttocks as if burrowing in, licking the hole several times. Whenever Il-seo moaned and trembled his thighs, the hole also twitched, and when he pushed his tongue in between, he rubbed his knees against the sheets making lewd sounds. At the stimulating sight, blood also rushed to Seung-yeon’s lower half and his member twitched in the air.

Il-seo couldn’t say anything and just gripped the headboard like a lifeline and scratched it. In the bedroom, the sound of Seung-yeon devotedly sucking below and Il-seo’s sound of struggling to swallow his breath rang out loudly.

A sensation of goosebumps and stiffening thighs alternated with a feeling of powerlessness as if his lower back was melting. Shame and excitement enveloped his body with an intensity he had never experienced before. Il-seo, who had been half-crying, lost strength in his knees, and his position kept collapsing. No, this won’t do…. Just when he couldn’t take it anymore, his thighs trembled and his knees slipped.

“Ah… hng.”

Il-seo, who had unknowingly sat down on Seung-yeon’s face, was startled and raised his knees.

“N-no. I, I’m sorry, Sunbae. Are you okay?”

“Wow… shit. Can you do it just one more time?”

“N-no…!”

Seung-yeon with his eyes unfocused, gripped Il-seo pelvis with force and forcibly made him sit down. Seung-yeon’s handsome forehead, high nose, soft lips, and firm jawline were felt vividly between the flesh of his buttocks. In that state, the tongue delved even deeper inside.

His body turned red as if it were on fire. It was shocking that he was pressing Seung-yeon’s ascetic face into his dirty parts, but it was even more unbelievable that he felt a strange pleasure as he watched Seung-yeon get excited in the midst of all this. As his breathing passage was blocked, Seung-yeon’s panting breath became even rougher.

“Ah. Ah! Just, for a moment, stop!”

Il-seo struggled in a way that was completely different from before, and his thighs trembled. Soon, his back arched, and a thin liquid leaked from his glans. As soon as Seung-yeon left go of his waist after noticing the climax in Il-seo’s body stiffening and going limp, Il-seo crawled to the edge of the bed as if fleeing.

“Sun, bae….”

Seung-yeon grinned watching Il-seo, who looked about to cry with his neck flushed red, and tore open a condom to put on his own dick.

“You’re wet in the front and back.”

“Uh, heup….”

“Were you surprised?”

Il-seo nodded and tried to approach on his knees but staggered as his legs lost strength. Il-seo said with a tearful expression.

“Now, stop teasing… and do it, quickly.”

“Okay.”

Smiling enough to show his dimples, Seung-yeon approached Il-seo and gently laid him on the bed, embracing his faintly trembling shoulders. The heated dick touched the entrance that had loosened to the point of becoming soft, beyond relaxed. At the same time Il-seo urgently swallowed, a foreign sensation filled his belly.

“Does it feel good?”

Seung-yeon’s voice was already heated with excitement.

“Uh, mm. Yes.”

Although the hole had loosened from the long foreplay, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. But he endured the pain and nodded. He felt pain, but more than that, it felt good. Every moment Seung-yeon looked at him like this, excited and eager, an emotion different from sexual desire made his heart race.

Seung-yeon moved his hips slowly. He moved leisurely to give Il-seo’s fluid time to seep between his dick and the inner wall, while endlessly giving Il-seo his favorite kisses.

“Uh, ngh. Hng. Ngh.”

Every time their lips touched, he twitched and made lewd sounds, and his already sufficiently wet lower area became even more slippery. Penetration gradually became easier. Seung-yeon thrust his hips upward from below and grinned mischievously.

“Il-seo, you’re getting incredibly wet today?”

“Ah, uh. That’s because… it feels, uh, good.”

“What feels good?”

Seung-yeon asked, endlessly chasing Il-seo’s gaze as he tried not to make eye contact out of embarrassment.

“Having your hole sucked? Kissing? Being penetrated?”

“All, all of it’s good….”

“The best thing.”

Il-seo frowned, upset that he continued with questions that embarrassed him instead of letting it go.

“Why are you like this today….”

“I’m curious about what feels so good that you’re this wet.”

Il-seo cautiously looked up at the black eyes persistently following him and muttered quietly.

“…Your face.”

“Pfft.”

Finally Seung-yeon stopped thrusting his hips and burst into laughter. Seung-yeon pinched Il-seo’s cheek gently.

“What. Were you marrying me for my face?”

That wasn’t what he meant. While Il-seo was flustered, trying to figure out what answer to give, Seung-yeon narrowed one eye and smiled playfully.

“That face you say is so good, Il-seo harrares it quite a bit earlier, didn’t you?”

“That was because Sunbae…, ngh.”

Seung-yeon made eye contact with the flustered Il-seo and increased the speed of his hip movements. As his dick was inserted all the way to the root, Il-seo’s breathing became urgent. There was no point in looking, but Seung-yeon, who had lowered his head and was groaning, lifted Il-seo’s chin and said.

“We won’t see each other for a while, so look at me and see me plenty while making eye contact.”

Il-seo’s eyebrows drooped down as he looked at Seung-yeon’s face. Strangely, those words particularly pierced deep into his heart, and his eyes suddenly became hot.

While Seung-yeon was on the plane, he would have to receive the checkup alone. If the result was pregnancy, he planned to tell him after Seung-yeon returned home. If he told him right away, it was obvious he would say he’d come to Korea immediately, putting many people in a difficult position.

What if it’s really pregnancy.

How should he answer if Seung-yeon says to terminate it right away.

What if he says he’s afraid of pregnancy and won’t have relations again.

What if he end up touching a wound that was just barely healing.

What if Seung-yeon’s trauma gets worse and he see him in pain and afraid.

If Seung-yeon has a hard time because of him, if he suffers because of him….

“Did it hurt a lot?”

What broke Il-seo’s thoughts was Seung-yeon’s gentle question. Seung-yeon had already stopped moving and was checking on Il-seo with a somewhat surprised face. His thumb brushed Il-seo’s eye area. Seung-yeon’s gaze grew heavy as he looked down at his moisture-laden thumb.

Il-seo shook his head and wrapped his arms around Seung-yeon’s neck, hugging him so his crying face wouldn’t be discovered.

“Because it feels good, because it feels good….”

Fortunately, he heard Seung-yeon let out a laugh a beat late.

“Baby.”

Seung-yeon lifted Il-seo and held him in his arms. As he swallowed at the pressure of the dick entering deeper into his stomach, Seung-yeon stroked his back, saying shh. Somehow it became even harder to hold back tears. Tears pattered down Il-seo’s cheeks.

Seung-yeon soothed Il-seo, who couldn’t suppress his hiccupping sounds, and asked in a worried voice.

“Why are you crying so pitifully. Is something wrong?”

Il-seo shook his head. He didn’t want to weigh down the heart of Seung-yeon, who had to work in a foreign land. Il-seo lifted his wet face and kissed instead of answering.

“Hey, mmph.”

Not stopping there, he pushed his tongue, dampened from crying, deep into Seung-yeon’s mouth.

“Uh, hup, mmph.”

Il-seo continued the rough kiss, gasping for air urgently even as his breath was cut off here and there. His tears flowed down his cheeks to his lips, and he could taste the saltiness.

He felt Seung-yeon’s pheromones growing thicker. Seung-yeon, who had stiffened in confusion at the aggressive kiss, also gripped Il-seo’s shoulder blade and waist tightly and explored his mouth more actively.

Along with the sudden kiss, Seung-yeon’s thrusting began again. Every time sorrow welled up, Il-seo wrapped his legs around Seung-yeon’s waist and tried to accept him deeper. It was to blame the tears rising from worry and anxiety on Seung-yeon, though he felt sorry about it.

“More, more….”

“Fuck…. Seriously.”

Seung-yeon gritted his teeth and lifted Il-seo up. Startled, Il-seo wrapped his arms around Seung-yeon’s neck and clung to him. Seung-yeon hooked Il-seo’s legs over his arms and thrust his hips upward with Il-seo’s back fixed against the wall. Seung-yeon’s dick, penetrating deeper due to his body weight, deeply poked an inner point of his organs it had never touched before. His breath was completely cut off. Il-seo trembled violently with his eyes wide open, unable even to let out a moan.

“It’s, deep….”

“You asked me to do it hard.”

Seung-yeon said as he pressed his groin closely without gaps. As the thick, long dick firmly pushed the organ wall, even his moaning sound couldn’t come out properly.

“Ah, ngh….”

“Haah…”

Seung-yeon also looked down at Il-seo’s lower abdomen at the feeling of the inner wall he rarely touched, then lowered his hand and firmly pressed near the navel.

“It reached… all the way here.”

Shockingly, the foreign sensation of his dick was transmitted as it was under the skin that Seung-yeon’s palm was pressing down on. Il-seo shuddered and dug his nails into Seung-yeon’s shoulder.

“Hck, nngh. It feels strange….”

“Look at me, Il-seo-ya.”

When he barely made eye contact by lifting his wet eyelids, the person who loved him most in this world filled his vision. Meeting this person who looked at him with such eyes, this love, was excessive to the point that even calling it luck wouldn’t be enough. He couldn’t exchange it for anything.

That’s why it’s scary. It made him anxious and greedy. He didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t want to hurt him. That’s why he wanted to give only good things and kept hiding his weak parts.

“It’s okay, so don’t be scared.”

Seung-yeon was referring to sex, but it sounded a bit different to Il-seo. He nodded and hugged Seung-yeon’s nape.

“I love you. Il-seo-ya, I love you.”

“Me too…. I love you too, Sunbae. So, so much….”

With Seung-yeon’s rough sex that pushed him to the limit and the confession that pierced deep into his heart, Il-seo’s anxiety was soon pushed far behind.

The price for provoking a starving Alpha was high. As if intending to have all the sex they couldn’t have while apart at once, Seung-yeon held on to him and wouldn’t let go even after several orgasms. Il-seo watched the light of the sun rising beyond the window and closed his eyes as if exhausted.

After withdrawing his dick after what number climax he didn’t know, Seung-yeon, seemingly finally intending to stop, pulled out tissues and wiped various places on Il-seo’s body soaked with bodily fluids.

At the carefully wiping touch, Il-seo lifted his eyelids. Seung-yeon’s eyebrows rose and a smile slowly spread as if ripples were forming.

“You weren’t sleeping?”

“I was awake.”

Every minute and second was precious before being separated from Seung-yeon, so he couldn’t waste time sleeping. Seung-yeon said his stamina had definitely improved compared to before and stroked the crown of Il-seo’s head as he slowly got up.

They went to the bathroom holding hands like children. Seung-yeon, who was washing Il-seo’s hair submerged in the bathtub, was absorbed in making rabbit ears with the foam-covered hair. With his body submerged in warm water and Seung-yeon touching his hair, he instantly became drowsy. When Il-seo, who didn’t even know what was happening to his hair, began nodding off while sitting, Seung-yeon silently swallowed a laugh.

After washing the half-asleep Il-seo, he brought him to bed first. After washing up and coming out, Seung-yeon shook off his not-quite-dry hair with a towel and checked on Il-seo. As expected, he was sleeping with steady breathing.

He turned down the lights and settled into bed. Perhaps not deeply asleep, Il-seo, who opened his eyes drowsily at his presence, hugged Seung-yeon’s chest and pressed his body closely without gaps.

He acted more spoiled today than usual. Coming suddenly saying he missed him, showing pitiful tears during relations. Maybe because he was sick for several days, thinking of leaving this guy with a weakened heart to go to America weighed on his heart.

Seung-yeon looked at Il-seo’s small face lying on his arm. Perhaps from crying for hours, his eye area and nose tip were tinged reddish, which made him look even more forlorn today. He placed his hand on his thin back and patted it gently. Listening to the even breathing of Il-seo, who had fallen deeply asleep, Seung-yeon also slowly closed his eyes. Just for today, he hoped Il-seo would sleep deeply without any dreams at all.

***

The two of them woke up late and ate a delivered salad for breakfast, enjoying their remaining time together while watching TV. Il-seo’s eyes were more swollen than usual because he had cried and gone to sleep right away. Seung-yeon said that his plump eyelids were cute and kept biting or pressing on the mound with his lips. Il-seo was yielding his body to Seung-yeon, then also sneakily attempted to bite.

Seung-yeon muttered once every 10 minutes that he didn’t want to go. Il-seo thought so too, but worried that Seung-yeon would have a harder time if he said such things as well, so he responded by pressing his body close instead.

While they were lying intertwined like one body on the sofa, the ointment commercial they had filmed recently came on the TV. At the curious coincidence, both Il-seo and Seung-yeon’s gazes naturally turned to the screen. At the end of the commercial, Il-seo’s gaze lingered long on the back view of a child diving into his arms with a bright voice saying “Daddy!”

Even after the ointment commercial ended, Il-seo couldn’t take his eyes off one spot on the TV. Seung-yeon, who had been smiling while watching Il-seo in the screen, bent his waist to check the expression of Il-seo, who had become quieter.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Huh?”

The moment he asked back, Seung-yeon’s large hand touched his forehead. Seung-yeon, who had been caressing various parts of his body, made eye contact with Il-seo, saying he didn’t have a fever.

“You’re spacing out like a sick person.”

“I’m not sick….”

“Did we overdo it yesterday?”

A large hand entered under his T-shirt and rubbed and stroked around his lower abdomen. The fact that Seung-yeon was preciously cradling his belly also felt a bit different now. Il-seo looked at his lover, for whom worrying about him had become a habit, and pulled up the corners of his mouth.

“I’m not sick. Really.”

Il-seo, whose lips had been hesitating, placed his hand on top of Seung-yeon’s hand resting on his belly.

“Sunbae.”

“Yeah.”

“…What if we had a baby.”

At the topic brought up with difficulty, he could see Seung-yeon’s expression hardening in real time. Il-seo scratched the back of his neck and forced out a bright voice.

“What if, really what if—let’s just imagine what that would be like.”

“Why do you keep having such useless thoughts since last time.”

However, Seung-yeon’s eyes, voice, and expression were all much colder than expected. Perhaps because of that, Il-seo’s expression became somewhat disgruntled instead.

“I can at least think about it…. It’s just a thought.”

“I don’t even want to think about it.”

Seung-yeon, who let out a voice similar to a sigh, closed his eyes and leaned back against the sofa. His face with eyes closed and forcibly suppressing emotion, was permeated with a faint complexity he couldn’t quite hide. He seemed to be recalling that time.

Il-seo fiddled with his nails. It was the reaction he expected, but strangely his heart felt heavy. They had become a couple, but the act of pregnancy itself was stained with layers of trauma, making it difficult to even mention it, which made him upset.

Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t understand Seung-yeon’s raw rejection. He also thought that time was truly like hell. It was a pregnancy discovered during the worst period when certainty about love and human trust had disappeared.

So he had been obsessed with making the pregnancy disappear so as not to harm Seung-yeon. After the surgery, he had accepted calmly that his organs were damaged and he could never have a baby again, thinking it was unavoidable. There really was no other way. Back then, it was fortunate enough that he at least saved his life.

But a lingering attachment that maybe he had given up too easily on a precious opportunity that might be the last remained subtly lodged deep in his heart. Sometimes when such thoughts arose, the small movement that had made his stomach ache whenever he resolved to erase what was in his stomach would surface in a chain. The desperate movement that expressed its existence every time he repeated that he had to erase it had become guilt that now painfully constricted his heart.

Il-seo reflected on whether the emotions he felt the moment two lines appeared on the test kit were entirely despair and pessimism. At first, naturally he was just flustered and surprised. But as time gradually passed, he didn’t become captured only by negative emotions.

Because he had lived as a Beta for a long time, there were still aspects where the act of pregnancy itself was difficult to accept, but still, he didn’t feel repulsion. Rather, when he thought of a baby resembling Seung-yeon, his heart softened slightly and an emotion difficult to define in words welled up.

Moreover, after manifestation, Il-seo, who had become an ambiguous and fragile human being neither Beta nor Omega, had a desire to fulfill his deficiencies. If it was correct that he was normally pregnant. He had hope that perhaps now he had become a healthy person as an Omega.

Il-seo, who had been lost in thought for a while, asked in a cautious voice.

“Sunbae, wouldn’t you be happy if a baby was born between us?”

Seung-yeon opened his eyes. His jet-black pupils immediately looked at Il-seo’s face.

“There are also people who regard having a baby and building a happy family as a blessing—”

“Not for us.”

However, Seung-yeon cut him off before Il-seo could finish. If his voice were a knife, it was filled with a sharpness sharp enough to cut. His gaze, which had instantly grown cold, subtly contorted with emotion.

“How can something that has the possibility of making you endangered be a blessing?”

“……”

“I want you to be healthy. That’s the blessing for me.”

As expected, Seung-yeon hadn’t recovered from the wound of that day yet. At such a firm attitude, Il-seo nodded slowly.

“Don’t get depressed while having foolish thoughts.”

“…Yes.”

However, Seung-yeon read Il-seo’s gaze that somehow looked gloomy. He tilted his head to the side and held his hand.

“Are you upset?”

“No. It’s natural to….”

He tried to answer with a forced smile, but his voice caught at the end and he ultimately couldn’t complete the sentence.

“Oh dear.”

Finally Seung-yeon hugged Il-seo tightly. At Seung-yeon’s warmth coming in contact without gaps, Il-seo also closed his eyes firmly and put his weight in.

“How are you going to live in this harsh world with such a weak heart.”

As expected, Seung-yeon only thought he was digging a pit by having foolish imaginations. Il-seo let him think that way. Right now he didn’t have the courage to honestly bring up any words.

“We’re happy enough with just the two of us. Il-seo, don’t tell me I’m not enough for you?”

Seung-yeon tried to lighten the atmosphere by making his voice sound petulant. Il-seo shook his head with his eyes lowered.

“It’s enough. I’m sorry for saying such things for no reason.”

Once again, he hid his true feelings out of habit.

He had resolved countless times that he would never create secrets between himself and Seung-yeon again. However, facing Seung-yeon’s reaction that was much colder than expected, his mouth stuck shut as if pasted and wouldn’t open.

Lying to Seung-yeon’s face doubled his guilt. His heart was heavy and his head throbbed, overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions difficult even for him to sort out. His neck really felt heavy and he had a slight headache.

It’s not too late to talk after the test results come out. Let’s not create problems on our own. Il-seo, who repeated the rationalizing words in his mind, compulsively inhaled pheromone and tried to calm his mind.

***

It was cloudy all morning, then it rained in the afternoon. Instead of sunlight, water droplet marks reflected through the diagonally tilted blinds.

To push out the characteristically damp and humid air of a rainy day, the heater was running diligently. Il-seo coughed dryly in the silence. The sound of dry coughing echoed in the examination room, darker than usual.

Before the checkup, Il-seo conveyed to Doctor Lee Ju-seung the symptoms he had recently experienced and the test kit results. Unlike Il-seo, whose voice trembled at the end with nervousness, Doctor Lee Ju-seung listened to Il-seo’s explanation with a consistently calm expression, then suggested doing a blood test.

Il-seo waited for the results with a somewhat anxious heart. The test results came out without taking too long.

Doctor Lee, who sat down and pushed the test sheet toward Il-seo, circled with a ballpoint pen the place indicating pregnancy hormone levels.

“As you can see.”

Il-seo’s eyes slowly read the numbers below the graph.

“You are not pregnant.”

“……”

“Pregnancy test kits also have frequent errors. There are cases where they were improperly stored or the test kit itself was defective from the start.”

An error.

It was a somewhat anticlimactic conclusion compared to the mental anguish he had suffered for several days. Il-seo took in the sight of the pregnancy hormone level marked as 0 inside the circle. His mind became calm at the fact that he no longer had to worry needlessly.

“That’s a relief.”

Doctor Lee, who hadn’t taken his eyes off Il-seo’s face as he answered composedly, quietly reached out and handed him a tissue.

“…Thank you.”

Il-seo bowed his head deeply and firmly pressed away the tears gathered in his eyes. The test sheet, which had become blurrily distorted due to the welling tears, became clear again. Even though relief was definitely much greater, strangely his heart felt empty and his eyes grew hot for no reason.

Fortunately, the tears stopped quickly, and Il-seo received all the regular checkups that were originally scheduled. As always, there were no major problems other than unstable hormone levels. Il-seo left the examination room holding the medical report.

Kyung-hyun, who had been waiting in the waiting room, approached Il-seo and pressed an orange ade into his hand. Having seemingly waited quite a while, the ice pieces had melted considerably and moisture had formed on the plastic cup.

“Why did it take so long? Usually you come out immediately.”

“There were more tests to do.”

“What. Did they say something’s wrong with you?”

Il-seo looked at Kyung-hyun, who was quickly becoming worried and anxious. He felt bitter for a moment, but Il-seo soon folded his eyes into crescents, smiled, and shook his head.

“They said I’m extremely healthy.”

“That’s a relief. I was worried because you didn’t come out.”

Seung-yeon, Kyung-hyun, and the fans. When it seemed like they went between heaven and hell depending on his condition, terrible guilt arose and his heart tightened with needless pressure. Il-seo tried to soothe his uncomfortable feelings and spoke in a bright voice.

“Where’s Jun-yong?”

“The parking lot’s a mess because of the rain. He went down first to get the car.”

Even at his words that he was healthy, Kyung-hyun took the test sheet and examined it meticulously. Il-seo watched this with somewhat sunken eyes, then slowly turned his head.

All the way home, Il-seo’s blank gaze was directed out the window. Il-seo chased after the afterimage of the gloomy clouds, which still had a gloomy air even though the rain had stopped, a beat late each time.

Both Kyung-hyun and Jun-yong were acutely aware that Il-seo’s mood was different from usual. Kyung-hyun, who was checking Il-seo’s expression using the rearview mirror, looked over the test sheet Il-seo had brought back once more, item by item meticulously.

There were no particular abnormalities in the results. Because he wasn’t bringing it up first, it was awkward to ask directly, so Kyung-hyun could only leave him alone.

While heading home with a somewhat heavy atmosphere, Kyung-hyun turned his head at the voice calling him from the back seat.

“Hyung.”

Il-seo slowly parted his lips.

“By any chance, do you know a good psychiatrist or counseling center?”

“Psychiatrist?”

Kyung-hyun, who was noticeably agitated, turned his body almost over from the passenger seat. Kyung-hyun, who raised his eyebrows, poured out a barrage of questions.

“Suddenly? What’s wrong? Is there something wrong?”

“It’s not that anything’s wrong.”

Seeing him awkwardly wave his hands, it seemed he wanted to keep his words to himself, so Kyung-hyun couldn’t ask in more detail. At Kyung-hyun’s answer that he would find out through CEO Kim Jin-hong, Il-seo shifted his gaze back to the car window.

Just before leaving the examination room, Doctor Lee Ju-seung called out to him as he was about to go outside.

—Il-seo-ssi. The recovery program you heard about at the hospital after the last surgery was actually special counseling targeted at manifestors, specifically manifestors right after losing a child.

Il-seo-ssi is a rather unusual case who experienced late manifestation and miscarriage simultaneously. Late manifestation and miscarriage are both psychologically very difficult things to experience even one of, and Il-seo not only experienced both, but also suffered even more because this fact was known to the public due to the nature of his job.

Particularly in the case of late manifestation, confusion about identity usually comes along with it due to physical changes or hormonal changes. Il-seo-ssi especially manifested from a healthy Beta to a recessive Omega, so there must have been many cases where it’s difficult for both the mind and body. Looking for a hospital specializing in counseling therapy would also be helpful.

Doctor Lee’s sincere and warm advice wouldn’t leave his mind.

In the past as a Beta, his only strength was that he could sufficiently do his own share well. But now, depending on his physical condition, even those around him would often waver. When he fell ill without warning, Kyung-hyun had to run around busily trying to move schedules, and even if it was a tempting script, he came to hesitate over anything that excessively demanded stamina.

If it was his fate to manifest as an Omega anyway, why couldn’t he at least manifest healthily? It was embarrassing and upsetting that he became an existence that needed to be protected overnight. And more than anything, seeing Seung-yeon’s heart sink every time he was sick doubled his self-loathing.

The pregnancy was an error. Rather than relief at the clean result, self-blame thinking ‘of course it was’ first dug into his heart.

Because he was originally weak.

Because he was often sick.

Because he wasn’t whole.

The result that he wasn’t pregnant became a trigger leading to self-loathing thoughts. He was suddenly frightened by Doctor Lee’s consolation that precisely pinpointed this. He became afraid that what he had just been swallowing inside had festered and was starting to smell even to others. Il-seo didn’t want to return to that worst period after the pregnancy when his self-esteem hit rock bottom and he suffered endlessly.

At that moment, Jun-yong, who had slowly stepped on the brakes according to the stop signal, turned his head toward the back seat.

“I’m sorry to interrupt while you’re speaking.”

Jun-yong began somewhat cautiously.

“It’s just that my brother-in-law is a psychiatrist.”

“Really? Your brother-in-law?”

Kyung-hyun’s eyes widened as he looked at Jun-yong. Jun-yong nodded and looked at Il-seo as he spoke.

“He’s running a hospital not far from the company…. If it’s okay with you, shall I make an appointment?”

“Really? It’s close to the company?”

Il-seo sat up straight, showing interest. The light happened to change, so Jun-yong turned his head forward again. So as not to burden Il-seo, Jun-yong continued his explanation while looking at the rearview mirror.

“Yes. I’m not introducing him just because he’s my brother-in-law, but because he’s really good. Actually, I also had a really hard time after quitting taekwondo due to a knee injury. I couldn’t sleep properly, and I developed depression and stress-related illness…. My mother got an introduction from an acquaintance and we went to that hospital, and he gave really good counseling. Also, that became a connection and he ended up marrying my older sister.”

Jun-yong, who had been chattering on, scratched the back of his head and made eye contact with Il-seo through the rearview mirror.

“I don’t know what it’s about for you, but…. Since you mentioned needing counseling, I thought I’d mention it.”

“I’m very grateful. Then I’ll ask you a favor.”

Jun-yong smiled readily, saying it would be fortunate if it helped. Kyung-hyun vigorously patted Jun-yong’s shoulder, saying a bundle of luck had rolled in. Feeling touched by Kyung-hyun trying hard to lift the mood, Il-seo also tried to pull up the corners of his mouth.

That evening, Il-seo, who had returned home, called Kyung-hyun first while making tangerine tea. Knowing Kyung-hyun’s personality, he was surely agonizing over wanting to ask about the circumstances. As expected, before the ringtone could go past once, Kyung-hyun snatched up the phone.

Il-seo thoroughly laid out everything from the sense of loss that had begun to rise since filming the ointment commercial to the self-loathing he felt after today’s checkup. Kyung-hyun, who had been silently listening to Il-seo’s grievances while responding “mm, mm,” cut off Il-seo’s words with a small sigh.

[Wait, did you tell Seung-yeon-ssi about the test kit matter?]

“…No.”

[You should tell him.]

“Of course I was going to tell him if I was pregnant, but I wasn’t pregnant anyway…. If I told him before the results came out, you know what he would have done. You know his personality. He’s the type who would drop the filming and come home.”

[Well… that’s true. But you’re having a hard time now because of that. Originally couples share both sad and happy things together.]

It wasn’t wrong. Usually he talked about even small things well. It’s just that particularly topics related to pregnancy had become awkward to bring up.

Il-seo filled his cheeks with air to make them puffy, then let out a long sigh.

“I want to share too. But Sunbae is like a knife when it comes to pregnancy.”

[Like a knife?]

“Yes. He hates it terribly. Enough to refuse the conversation itself. This morning too, just in case, I subtly brought it up and he snapped at me so coldly…. I got scolded for no reason when I wasn’t even pregnant.”

[That bastard snapped at you? Next time I see him, I won’t let it go.]

Il-seo ended up laughing because Kyung-hyun was so aggressive. Perhaps because of this reaction, he seemed to tell Kyung-hyun everything, even the smallest details. Il-seo made a cheerful voice.

“Anyway, I don’t want to dig a pit like last time, so I’m going to try counseling once. I feel like my heart has gotten particularly weak lately.”

[Yeah. I think that’s a good attempt. Did Jun-yong contact you?]

After wedging the phone between his shoulder and cheek, Il-seo, who sat on the sofa holding the tangerine tea, answered.

“Yes. I got a text earlier. He said as soon as the schedule is organized, he’ll talk with his brother-in-law and make an appointment.”

[I should send it quickly. Will Jun-yong do the pickup too?]

“Yes.”

Kyung-hyun giggled, saying it became convenient with one more person. Il-seo, who finished the call while chatting, lay loosely on the sofa with a somewhat relieved mind.

Seung-yeon was still in flight. He had no idea how disappointed he was that he couldn’t go to the checkup together due to departure. Il-seo decided to talk about the psychiatric checkup on the day Seung-yeon returned in two weeks.