IBMBKC Ch 9

#009

Yua returned home in Jeonghye’s arms. Jeonghye sat Yua down by the entrance and took off his shoes.

“Yua-ah. Your dad is coming home late today, so should we go out and have dinner together?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, let’s do that. Is there anything you want to eat?”

“Braised hairtail fish!”

For the record, braised hairtail fish was Jeonghye’s favorite dish. It was a hassle to make at home, and since Juhyeok disliked seafood, it was not something they ate very often.

Then she should at least eat it at times like this.

Opportunities were meant to be seized when they came. Yua decided to practice a bit of filial piety whenever he could. Raising a child did not cost just a few coins, after all. He should at least give back as much as he had received, but with a physical age of seven, that was impossible. 

Since he had no money, he would make up for it with his body. At Yua’s confident answer, Jeonghye nodded and said okay.

Although he talked like that, in truth, Yua ate well without being picky. His appetite resembled Jeonghye’s more than Juhyeok’s, so there was nothing bad about eating food Jeonghye liked.

“Then go inside and change your clothes. Mom will do some cleaning, and we’ll go play at the playground for a bit before going to eat.”

“Okay.”

Leaving Jeonghye behind as she organized the shoes, Yua went into the master bedroom.

Sniff sniff.

As soon as he entered the room and closed the door, Yua pulled his kindergarten uniform up to his chest and brought it to his nose.

Is that lavender?

A pleasant fabric softener scent lingered. Fortunately, it seemed the assault of squid radish soup had not reached the tacky yellow uniform.

Earlier, since he had taken off his cardigan, he had no choice but to keep wearing the uniform as it was.

Even though it felt uncomfortable, there was nothing he could do at the time. But now that he checked, there were no stains and no smell. He had sweated a little, but not enough for the clothes to be soaked. It looked like he could wear it once more tomorrow.

Yua took off the uniform and changed into casual clothes.

And then he realized.

“Oh right, the cardigan!”

Yua widened his eyes and stared at the clothes he had taken off.

It was just yellow, yellow, and more yellow. It was a field of forsythias.

No wonder something felt missing!

There was no white to be found anywhere.

He clearly remembered taking it off during nap time and using it as a substitute pillow.

The problem started from there. He had no memory of taking care of it afterward.

…It seemed he had forgotten to pick it up because he had been distracted by snacks.

What he saw upon waking up had been the main bottom’s embrace, so his mind had been in chaos. That was the biggest reason. Even so, Yua felt dejected. His pride had been hurt.

In life, forgetting an outer garment once or twice could happen. He was seven years old. At such a young age, carelessness was only natural.

Yua thought so too.

But not me. Has there ever been a scene where CoX^[1] refused to go to a crime scene just because he wanted to eat snacks? Never happened.

The analogy might not fit very well, but in terms of being something that should never happen, it was basically the same.

Yua looked down at himself, now dressed in comfortable cotton pants and a sweatshirt.

At least there was one saving grace. He had not left it lying on the street somewhere. He had forgotten to pick it up while playing at kindergarten, so strictly speaking, it was not lost. When he went to kindergarten tomorrow, he could just casually retrieve it. With that thought, Yua rationalized the situation to himself.

Even if he did get caught, it probably would not be enough to get him scolded badly, so it would be fine. Yua decided that if Jeonghye noticed and asked, he would answer honestly, and if she did not, he would just keep his mouth shut. If she did not ask and he did not answer, that could not be called hiding it.

“Eh? Didn’t Yua go out wearing a cardigan today?”

He should have known in advance that this was what people called a flag.

Yua let his eyebrows droop completely. His pride was hurt, and now that the moment had actually come where he had to confess everything to Jeonghye, his spirit naturally wilted.

“I left it at kindergarten…”

Yua recalled a story he might have vaguely heard in his past life, or maybe not.

It was about weak young creatures, or certain animals that could not resist with force. To increase their survival rate, they had evolved in ways that were advantageous and unique to them.

That was cuteness.

At his age, acting cute like this felt a bit wrong, but Yua absentmindedly crumpled the uniform he was holding.

Jeonghye, who had been watching that entire process, spoke.

“Why did you leave it there?”

“So I could eat snacks faster…”

“If you wait, the teacher will hand out the snacks, right?”

“I was hungry…”

“You didn’t eat your meal? Mom told you not to do that.”

Jeonghye shot him a sharp glare.

Jeonghye was generally gentle, but when it came to things that could harm Yua’s well-being, she became mercilessly fierce. This had been consistent behavior since long before Yua could even recall his past life, ever since his earliest memories.

Yua cautiously watched Jeonghye’s expression.

“It’s not that, it’s just… the other kids told me to hurry and go play…”

“You could have asked them to wait until you finished eating.”

“……”

“Yua. Even if you lose a cardigan, we can just buy a new one, but your health is not like that. You know that now, since you were sick this time.”

Yua bit his lip. Not because he was angry or annoyed, but because he did not know how to respond.

Is this… worry?

People said reason and emotion moved separately. He could understand the feelings of a parent thinking about their child. That was separate from whether it made sense to him, though.

To Yua, emotions of this sort were, how should he put it, closer to knowledge he had learned because a textbook told him, ‘This is the answer.’ And only on the receiving end, not the giving.

He did end up thinking in ways similar to adults. His past life could not be called respectable or stable, but he had managed to make a living in his own way.

But that was knowledge essential purely for survival. There was nothing in it about dealing with people or exchanging feelings. If he really had to look for something similar, it might be how a part-timer dealt with customers. It was only natural, considering that was all he had seen and learned in his past life.

Life was not something someone else could live for him. So he could not expect to be taken care of. If he wanted something, he obtained it himself, and if he caused trouble, he cleaned it up himself. That was how he had lived.

Affection.

Yua suddenly realized that the feeling he was receiving, in its entirety, was exactly that.

He had felt something similar in his past life as well. Even if it had been closer to a sense of duty or responsibility than affection.

He had never thought of it as pitiful or upsetting. Back then, he believed that alone was enough reason to keep living. And in fact, Yua did live.

Even if he ended up dying not long after.

“…Son. Are you crying? Is it because Mom said something you did not want to hear?”

Shake shake.

Yua shook his head. At some point, his gaze had fixed itself on the tips of his feet.

What Yua had been doing in the past was a one-sided interaction. Was there another word in the world as contradictory as that?

It had been a series of relationships he had clung to alone, by force. He pretended not to know because he did not want to acknowledge it, but in truth, he had known all along. Because that was how the world was. A world where most people faced others wearing masks from the start. So he believed that he himself was not particularly strange.

Yet somehow, every time situations like this happened, it was only after everything had passed that he suddenly felt wronged.

Exchanging affection was probably such a natural thing for some people, so why had Yua in his past life been unable to do that? No matter how much he thought about it, it was something he could not understand.

…It is all already in the past anyway. Even if I told my parents something like this now, they would not believe me.

Of course. Even if they did believe him, he was not confident he could endure their reaction. There was no way any parent could accept the fact that their child was actually a middle-aged man who had already lived a full life.

Even though he was the one doing the deceiving, he still felt wronged, absurd as it was. Tension gripped Yua’s throat.

Perhaps interpreting that action differently, Jeonghye pulled Yua into her arms and spoke.

“If you felt hurt, then Mommy is sorry. But if Yua does not take proper care of his body and gets sick, Mommy gets sad too. You know that, right?”

Nod nod.

“Today, we will let it go since you did not know. But from next time on, you really cannot do that again, okay?”

“…Yes.”

“Promise.”

Jeonghye held out her pinky finger. Yua hooked his own pinky around it.

It is definitely smaller than mine was in my past life.

The tightly interlaced fingers felt large nonetheless. A small warmth was transmitted from where they touched.

As expected. Would anyone be able not to love people like this?

Feeling that warmth, Yua thought carefully. He could never tell this secret. He had no intention of doing so anyway, but the moment it surfaced, it was obvious that Yua would be the one who got hurt.

Was that alone not reason enough to stay away from the main bottom?

To Yua, the main bottom was like a living proof that reminded him of his own otherness. Keeping a child like that close and going around together would only make both sides suffer.

Humans are selfish by nature anyway.

No matter how one looked at it, people valued themselves the most. Even when they acted for others, was it not ultimately just self-satisfaction? Only the branches differed. In the end, the root was the same.

“Then Mommy will finish cleaning, so why don’t you watch TV, Yua? Your throat must be dry from crying, so drink some water.”

Yua accepted the cup of water Jeonghye handed him. He had not really cried, but his throat was dry, so he drank without complaint. Pretty ice cubes that Yua liked were floating inside.

When Yua sat on the living room sofa, the sound of the vacuum cleaner started up not long after. Had he been sitting too quietly? Perhaps out of concern, Jeonghye stopped cleaning and came out, creating an awkward, not-quite-funny situation when she turned on PoXX^[2] for him.

“PoXX transcends dimensions…”

Well, that was surprising, but not exactly pleasant.