SFO CH 4

The Younger Husband’s Frustration

—My wife is acting strangely.

My wife, Finn Alabaster—now Marchioness Finn Graphite—is, even from my point of view as his husband, a beautiful person. Being five years older than me, he has always been considerate of me and takes care to lighten the mood by talking with me about various things, maintaining a lively atmosphere.

He has an excellent reputation at the royal palace where he works. Despite his youth, he was scouted for a department directly under the Prime Minister. His competence, friendliness, and willingness to mentor others make him well-loved by his juniors and cherished by his seniors. Even the stoic assistant to the Prime Minister, known for never showing any emotions, supposedly smiles when talking to my wife.

To be honest, when we first got married, the feelings I harbored toward him bordered on hatred.

I had a childhood friend with whom I had promised a future. His name is Noah Mahogany. With his simple and adorable appearance—chestnut hair and eyes—he was a straightforward and sweet person, an angel in every sense. Though we were the same age, he was someone I swore to protect, someone I had to protect. We had played together since we were old enough to remember, and by the time we were five, I already knew I liked him. I kept him close, so dear to me, and gradually, Noah began to blush when looking at me or run away when I approached. By the time we were ten, we had confirmed our feelings for each other and shared a kiss. Slowly but surely, I gained approval from both our families, and I believed it was only a matter of time before we got engaged.

But then, disaster struck our territory.

There was nothing I could do about this. Count Alabaster, who my father sought out through his connections, immediately sent engineers and utilized all the know-how his people had gained from dealing with floods in their own lands to ensure our people could live safely within a month. My parents and I love the people of our territory, so we were truly grateful that we were spared from the fear of a potential second wave of disasters.

While I did feel indebted to Count Alabaster, that didn’t mean I could agree to marry his son. I understood that forming a family connection would provide ongoing support rather than just a one-time financial boost, but I felt that with our joint business ventures thriving, that should have been enough. I was furious with my father for suggesting an arranged marriage when he knew I had Noah.

When I confronted him, my father said, “What you feel for Noah doesn’t seem like love. Besides, while his family is friendly with ours, Noah won’t bring any benefit to our house. He’s bright and honest, so at some point, he’ll begin to feel the weight of that burden.” I retorted, saying I would protect him no matter what, but my father wouldn’t listen. Learning that, for my father, power was a factor when it came to considering a potential spouse for me made me feel disappointed in him.

Determined to prove that Noah and I didn’t need wealth to be together, I threw myself into every opportunity I could find, leveraging all my connections to start various ventures. Fortunately, the elite education I’d received as the marquis’ heir and the support of my allies allowed me to succeed in all these ventures. But no matter what results I brought, my father would only look troubled and say, “You’ve done well, but this isn’t the issue, Al.” And not once did he try to break off the arranged marriage with Finn.

So I worked harder, and the more I threw myself into business, the less time I had for Noah. I knew I was making him lonely, but I convinced myself that enduring a little now would allow us to spend a lifetime together in the future. —That was the mistake I made.

And then I made an even greater mistake.

Noah, with a resolve I didn’t understand at the time, came one day to break up with me. And I… I assaulted and imprisoned him. I was furious, screaming at him for betraying me when I was working so hard for his sake. With blood rushing to my head, I locked him in my bedroom, determined never to let anyone else see him again.

I thought I would keep him there for the rest of his life, until my father broke down the door and dragged me away.

Noah’s parting words were enough to plunge me into utter despair.

Why had I worked so hard? For what purpose?

As I sat in my room in a daze, my father brought me the marriage papers. I signed them without resistance, and my marriage with Finn was set in stone. Neither the wedding, nor anything at all, mattered to me anymore.

From the day of the wedding, Finn had always been considerate toward me. Despite my atrocious attitude, which was far from welcoming, he smiled and treated me with kindness. I, in turn, showed almost no response, continuing to treat him terribly.

After about a month, I started to regain some sense of composure. By nature, I’m not one to laze around or take breaks. I don’t need much sleep either. 

When I was younger, my parents took me to a magic doctor because I barely slept, and it turns out I only need two or three hours a night. Thanks to that, I could stay up late working or studying and still rise early for training, which was how I managed to start and succeed in business during my school days.

As I slowly began to recover, I became restless about doing nothing. The anxiety of knowing I couldn’t continue like this drove me to take up the duties of our territory again. But I had already handed off my ventures to my subordinates, and the work of managing the territory was quickly done. That left me with too much time to think. Being a logical person, I started to reflect on why Noah had left me… Even though I knew he was never coming back.

At first, I thought that because I hadn’t given him enough attention, he ended up in the arms of another man. But Noah’s final words and my father’s remarks kept gnawing at me.

It’s true that I was too focused on achieving results and didn’t spend enough time with him, which wasn’t right. But if that had been the only issue, Noah would have stayed by my side. The real problem might have been that I didn’t truly understand his feelings. I had no idea that he felt he couldn’t stay with me. I had believed, without a shred of doubt, that we both loved each other and wanted to be together forever. I realize now how arrogant I was to make that assumption. I should have listened more to what Noah was feeling. My father’s words—that Noah, being smart and honest, would worry about anything that didn’t benefit my family—started to make sense to me.

I shouldn’t have chased after results all by myself. What I should have done was to alleviate Noah’s concerns. Even if I had held all the power in the world, that wouldn’t have eased his sense of inferiority. What I needed to do was help Noah find his own strength, make him confident enough to stand up to my father himself.

It took me six months to come to this realization.

When I finally spoke of this with my father, he smiled—a genuine smile I hadn’t seen in a long time.

From that day on, I began the process of inheriting the headship of the family. My father had always said he wanted to retire early and enjoy a peaceful life with my mother, whom he adored. And it had been decided long ago that I would take over once I became of age. But because of the turmoil surrounding my marriage, the transition had been postponed until everything was settled.

Incidentally, my mother, the former marchioness, is a man. His family is a count’s household, renowned for its excellence in textiles, leading the industry with their outstanding skills. Naturally, my mother has a strong sense of fashion, and is always dressed in the latest trends. He’s meticulous about self-care, seeing himself as a walking advertisement for his family’s products. Thanks to this, he has an ageless and gender-ambiguous beauty, with a unique aura that can only be described as captivating. I was told that he had me late in life and couldn’t have any more children, but until then, he was busy working day and night with my father to improve the technological standards of our territory.

Because of their hectic early married life, he now wants to spend more relaxed time with my father.

When we meet, my mother often asks about Finn.

He often says things like:

“Such a beautiful, hardworking, and kind person—it’s nothing short of a miracle that someone like that married you.”

And:

“He’s always got that tired look but still worries about everyone, including you. I’m genuinely concerned he’ll crumble under all that weight one day. You need to take better care of him.”

Every time we meet, I hear these remarks about Finn so often that they’re practically drilled into my ears. Whenever I suggested he should just tell Finn himself, my mother would reply with something along the lines of:

“Just being his mother-in-law already makes him overly cautious around me. I can’t meddle any more than this.”

But what right do I have now to express any concern for him?

Although I resented him at first, after realizing my own mistakes, I found myself overwhelmed with guilt for how horribly I had treated him. His family had simply helped ours recover from a disaster that had struck our territory, and Finn had merely accepted the engagement that we proposed. The fault lies entirely with us—no, with me. And despite my terrible behavior, Finn never held it against me. Instead, he was considerate towards me, while I cynically assumed he was only currying favor, responding coldly to his attempts at having a basic conversation and refusing to acknowledge him.

During the process of inheriting the family headship, my father repeatedly warned me to change my attitude towards Finn. I could also feel the silent pressure from Sebas and Edna. However, having failed from the start and knowing how poorly I had treated him, I didn’t know how to interact with Finn, so I couldn’t bring myself to make any drastic changes.

Back when I was with Noah, we both spoke little. Most of the time, he’d occasionally say something, and I’d give brief responses, but silence was more common. It worked because we’d known each other since childhood and could more or less understand each other’s thoughts and behavior patterns. But that kind of relationship doesn’t work with Finn. I know that, but I still don’t know what to say or how to react to his words, so I always end up with a stiff expression.

On the other hand, even when Finn would bring documents for me to review, I could never find the right moment to tell him that he shouldn’t push himself so hard, that I could handle it myself. Instead, I just nodded and accepted them without offering a word of thanks. Then, every night when he would come to say goodnight, dressed in his thin nightclothes with only a robe thrown over them, he would look so enticing I couldn’t look him in the eye. It made his collarbone visible from beneath his neckline, and whenever I caught myself looking at his candidly revealed, slightly moist base of the neck, I would have to look away immediately in order to combat the surging restlessness in my lower body.

I know this is terrible. I understand that unless I do something to change things, he would be completely justified in seeking a divorce at any time.

Six months into our marriage, I began to realize my own mistakes and started wanting to improve my relationship with Finn. Back then, I only saw him as “the spouse I had wronged in this arranged marriage.” However, as I observed Finn more closely, I found myself captivated not only by his beauty but by his remarkable character as well. By the time we reached our first anniversary, I no longer thought about Noah at all; my mind was filled entirely with my beautiful wife.

The more I was drawn to Finn, the more afraid I became of worsening the already poor impression he must have of me, and I found myself unable to do anything. I wanted to gaze at him whenever we were together, but the fear of making him feel uncomfortable kept me from lifting my eyes to meet his. Even I knew my attitude was appalling. But I couldn’t help it.

With Noah, our time together felt calming, a gentle warmth enveloping us. Even in bed, it wasn’t so much a surge of desire as it was a wish to watch his sweet reactions forever.

But with Finn, I felt an irresistible, impulsive attraction. I wanted to thread my fingers through his soft platinum hair, to be so close that I could see my face reflected in his jade-green eyes, to feel the touch of his delicate lips. I wanted to see that normally cheerful face of his, beloved by everyone, twisted with pleasure and calling my name.

Two years have passed without me being able to change anything, even though my feelings have grown stronger.

All the while, my wife remained as kind as ever. But perhaps that day I’d been dreading has finally come.

This morning, he left the dining room without a word, not even a smile, after a curt greeting.

—And, just as always, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, not even lift a single finger to stop him.