INM 7 Part 5

Chloe, who noticed me first, jogged over to me. It was clear from her expression that she had rushed over because she was worried about me. Her face relaxed when she saw me, but it was still a little stiff, carrying the remnants of her previous fear.

I hurried over to her and spoke as I approached. 

“Chloe, everyone. What’s going on?” 

“What’s going on? We have been waiting and waiting for an answer from you and we were afraid that you might do something reckless!” 

Kasim said with a voice of relief as he came to my side after Chloe. From even further behind him, Victor continued, radiating displeasure. 

“Even I tried to contact you! You probably didn’t even notice!” 

“And,” Chloe interjected, cutting off the young man who looked like he could complain for a hundred hours, “about the same time we lost contact with, well, him, so we got a little worried. I’m so glad it was just a false alarm.”

Taking my hand, Chloe said this with a delicate smile tinged with melancholy. I looked back into her bright, light brown eyes, full of the moisture characteristic of youth, and after a moment’s hesitation, I took her hand back. 

“I was talking to Ethan.”

At that moment, the three of them simultaneously changed their expressions. Three different looks clouded their faces, surprise and grief, caution and quiet determination, confusion and resignation. I realized that although they would never say it out loud, they already knew who had taken Alan’s life. How deep must be the wounds they, so young, had received?

With a single-minded desire to reassure them, I continued. 

“It’s okay. I think… I think it’s going to be okay now.” 

I told myself this with the softest smile I could muster and turned to Kasim. 

“Kasim. I still don’t know if Alan was happy. But at least I can say this, Alan had hope for his future. He made constant efforts to make himself happy. So I hope you can believe that he was happy.”

Kasim, who had been patiently holding his tongue, silently approached me with long strides. His usually well-groomed hair was even more lion-like than usual, I thought as I stood stiffly. The sensitive lion hugged me tightly with his strong arms. Before I could even be surprised, lithe, dark brown arms wrapped around me from behind, hugging my stomach.

Blinking, I glanced over Kasim’s shoulder and my eyes met Victor’s green ones, standing awkwardly, just like me. Kasim and Chloe’s arms simultaneously reached out to the restless young man, pulling him toward me. Victor, sandwiched between their arms and me, remained stiff for a moment, but gradually relaxed, eventually resting his weight on they arms and me. 

“You’re an adult after all.” 

The arms around me tightened at Victor’s murmur. I didn’t understand the meaning of his words, but it felt somehow inappropriate to ask, so I just focused on the warmth of their bodies.

It was a strange feeling. Me and these kids, who I would never have met if it weren’t for Alan, caring so much for each other like this. Courageous young people who, through Alan, quickly looked at themselves and began to fight to change their own lives. 

“I’m glad I met all of you.”

“You didn’t even look at my messages.” 

Victor accused. Behind me, I heard Chloe stifle a laugh. Drawn in by it, Kasim began to giggle near my ear. I reached an arm out from between their arms and gently placed it on Victor’s head, which was certainly sulking. 

“Sorry. I’ll really be more careful from now on… I have to move on with my own life, just like Alan.”

So that I can take care of the people I care about. So that I don’t shut myself off in my own world and reject everything. So that I don’t hurt the people I love because of my fears.

So will you believe in me and watch over me, Alan?

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Wyatt, who had changed into casual clothes, watching us with a smile. It was past the time he usually left. Could it be that he stayed because he was worried about me? 

I am cared for. Probably by more people than I realize. 

It took me a long time to realize this simple fact. 

After sending the young men home, I unlocked my device in the elevator going up to the fifteenth floor. As I checked the messages I had received from the students, I sighed when there was no message from Brian. Then I groaned as I noticed a large number of missed calls from Inspector Robinson. 

I somehow managed to suppress the urge to ignore them, reminding myself that I had just sworn to move on with my life, and convincing myself that he was also someone I should at least try to treat well. Even after agonizing over it, I reluctantly pressed the call button as I exited the elevator.

The moment he answered, a wild giraffe screamed at me through the device. 

“Lukas Potter! You son of a bitch!” 

“Don’t yell at me out of the blue, Inspector Samuel Robinson! I was in a good mood. You ruined it!” 

“Oh, I’m so glad. If I’ve managed to return even one ten millionth of the miserable mood you’ve put me in these past few days. How dare you keep putting me in these incomprehensible situations, Potter!” 

“What are you talking about?! Get to the point!”

“I have a mountain of them, those “things you want to talk about” thanks to you. First of all, where the hell are you right now…” 

A burst of laughter from behind interrupted Sam, who was about to continue his tirade. 

“Sam, you’re being summoned. It’s an emergency. Oh, before you hang up, please give me the phone. Good evening, Lukas. How are you…” 

Oliver, who had apparently snatched the device without waiting for Sam’s answer, burst out laughing as if he couldn’t contain himself in the middle of his polite greeting. Leaving me stunned, he began to laugh loudly, sounding very amused. 

“You’re really amazing…! I’ve never seen Sam make a face like that before.” 

“You’re welcome.” I said bitterly, then quickly changed my tone at the words I couldn’t ignore. “Uh, by the way, you took a picture of that “face” Sam made, didn’t you?” 

“Of course.” 

“Send it to me later.” 

“Certainly.” 

Oliver’s always cheerful answer finally made me grin. This young man definitely has a lot of hidden cards. It’s scary to think how many trump cards he’s hoarding. 

“By the way, what’s the real reason for this call? Is there anything else you want to ask me?” 

“Yes, there is… For now, Luke, where are you right now?” 

“I’m right outside my room. I just got back.” 

“What are your plans after this?” 

“Clean up my apartment and go to sleep.” 

“That sounds nice. As for the person who attacked you earlier…” 

The presence on the other side of the radio signal got louder, “I understand.” the policeman answered the shouting behind him, then the politely behaving tiger… I mean Oliver, apologizes to me regretfully.

“I’m sorry, I was called away as well. I think we’ll talk again soon.”

“Tell him to be ready to answer his phone at any time!”

“Did you hear Sam? That’s what he said.”

“Tell him I got it. Oh, by the way. I gave Sam’s business card to someone else, so maybe he’ll…”

Before I could finish, Oliver burst out laughing again. I had no idea what was so funny. I heard Sam’s voice shouting, this time at Oliver, and Oliver, still laughing, said, “Well, see you soon.” and hung up.

Honestly. How noisy the police have been lately.

I cursed inwardly and opened the door to my apartment. Closing it behind me, I leaned against the door and let out a long sigh. Ruffling my curly hair, I stared at the black screen of my device for a while.

Then, finally, I took the plunge, pulled up a particular contact, and made the call. 

The call rang three times, and then I suddenly checked the time. 10:58 PM. It’s a little late, but it’s still a time when people are awake, I thought, and just then the ringing stopped.

“Luke? That’s unusual. Not since the funeral the other day.”

“Mom.”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I felt a lump in my throat at her brisk but unexpectedly tender words. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since I had called my mother. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had called her.

For some reason, I wanted to thank her. But I hesitated to thank her out of the blue and instead asked the question I had prepared.

“Um. There’s something I wanted to ask you. It’s about something from the past, and it’s no big deal.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Mom, whenever I needed art supplies for school, you always bought me the most expensive and best ones, right?”

“Now that you mention it, maybe I did. You remember things like that well, don’t you?” 

I chuckled a little at her words, which sounded more annoyed than impressed.

“You raised me by yourself, mom, and there wasn’t a single expensive thing among our other belongings, but you always made sure I had good art supplies. Did you ever notice that I liked to draw? I… I didn’t even realize it myself back then.”

“Of course I noticed. How oblivious do you think you are?”

The sound of my mother’s annoyed voice made me laugh even more. 

I suddenly remembered. I was a child who grew up not knowing how to tidy up or clean, only the art supplies, I took care of them naturally. That was because Mom taught me how to take care of them. Mom’s room cleaning skills were absolutely terrible, but she was meticulous about taking care of small tools and equipment.

I had completely forgotten that until now. 

Mom continued.

“You’ve always been very obvious. I’ve known for a long time that you would probably end up working in a field related to houses. Ever since you were little, you’ve been absorbed in books, and then you’d talk excitedly about how “there’s a staircase here” or “the protagonist’s room is on the right at the back of the second floor” without even remembering the characters’ names correctly.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Even with the building blocks you got for your birthday, you didn’t even look at the vehicles or monsters, you just kept building rooms.”

“Now that you mention it, I think I remember that.”

Every time I was asked what kind of gift I wanted, I begged for LEGOs, and with the blocks I collected, I single-mindedly built rooms. I was fascinated by the study, the bedroom, the spacious living room, and the balcony that I built with my own hands, just as I imagined them. I even let Brian help me build the room when he wanted to play with me. In return, I built a helipad to accommodate his request. 

Remembering Brian’s smiling face as he looked at me, I involuntarily closed my eyes tightly and pressed my hand to my chest.

“Every time you went to someone’s house, you would talk about what kind of things they had, or how this room was next to the living room, everyone was terrified. But because you were so detailed and accurate, they ended up being impressed.”

My mother’s voice was so cheerful as she said this that I suddenly felt a slightly mischievous feeling.

“Hey, Mom. Did you know that paying attention to someone is a basic form of love?”

Immediately, my mother’s voice became unpleasant.

“You’re quoting that person again. I’m sick of it.”

It was sharp enough to startle anyone who heard it for the first time, but even so, it was much less harsh than it had been when I was a child. Maybe I could ask her now.

“Mom, why do you dislike Grandma so much?”

“Because she always anticipates everything and gives the right answer.”

The answer came back without pause.

“And besides, she’s usually right. Can you imagine anything more unpleasant for a child? It was as if she was taking away all the joys of life, one by one.”

Saying this, my mother snorted.

“Besides, that woman may have put on an act in front of you, but she was a really stubborn, strong-willed, tough old hag who never doubted for a second that she was right!”

“She was pretty much like that in front of me, too.”

And it seemed that my mother had inherited that personality quite well.

“I wasn’t wrong. I can say with complete certainty that this reality I have grasped with my own hands is a thousand times more beautiful than the “correct” words she spoke. Including you. If I had followed her “right” words, you wouldn’t even be on this earth right now.”

My mother asked me suspiciously as I fell silent in surprise.

“What is it? You are glad you were born into this world, aren’t you?”

I can only answer this question clearly. Right now.

“Yes, I think so. I really do.” 

“But now I understand her way of thinking a little better. She just wants you to be healthy. And to be alive. That’s all parents want for their children, and I’m sure that’s what she wanted, too. Did you get any last words from her?”

“Yes. “Don’t be too sad.” and such.”

And because I tried my best to listen to her, Grandma really came to me.

“I got some too. “Absolutely, no matter what happens, don’t have any regrets.” As always, she sees through everything, which is annoying, but well, I’ve lived my life without listening to a single thing she’s said. I guess I’ll listen to at least one thing in the end.”

“You should.”

I replied with a grimace, looking at the time on my device.

“I should hang up soon, Mom. I love you too.”

“Then you should come back more often.”

“You should come visit me. You know my address, right?”

At her confused voice, I raised my voice in surprise.

“I sent you a birthday card.”

“It’s somewhere in the house. I don’t think I can find it, though.”

A moment of silence passed.

“I’ll send it to you in a message later.”

“Okay, okay.”

And then we both hung up. Brian had taken me home before the day I fell into the hole at the construction site. I published my office address online. Even so.

“Next time I see him, I’m going to make him spill all his lies.”

Murmuring this to myself, I entered my house. Immediately upon entering, I turned right and took long strides toward my room… hastily turning around and washing my hands, then returning to the door and entering the bedroom.

Two large windows. Heavy curtains of royal blue and gold thread, all the furniture was ornate antique, a solemn and traditional interior. My quiet and harmonious sanctuary was now… even I was amazed at how messy it was. 

The pillows were thrown on the floor, the curtains left wide open, the blanket and sheets still tangled from sleep. Everything was neglected, as if to reflect my recent state of mind. I had avoided it. I didn’t want anyone to see it. Especially not my childhood friend. 

A wave of nausea and heat rose in my stomach, which I calmed with a deep breath. I walked over to the pillow on the floor. Bending down, I picked it up and lightly brushed off the dust.

It all started with that pillowcase.

After graduating from high school and leaving home, I immediately started working in an interior design store in a town about halfway between my hometown and Brisbane. I was happy to be working in a world I had always longed for, but since I didn’t know how to take care of things and couldn’t even handle a broom properly, I think I was quite out of place in the store at the time. 

Things weren’t always smooth sailing, but still, those days held something irreplaceable that I had wanted for many years, a room of my own that wouldn’t get messy. There was nothing in that room. No desk, no bookshelves, no curtains, no bed. I lived with a mattress on the floor that I polished every day. I was happy. And at the same time I was afraid. Afraid that unnecessary things would invade this space. Every day, as soon as I got home, the first thing I did was clean the house. I knew that if I didn’t keep things in order on a regular basis, unwanted items would quickly multiply. 

It was during this time that I “met” this pillowcase. 

I fell in love with it at first sight. I kept thinking about these two pieces of fabric, 45 cm by 45 cm… just 2,025 square centimeters… that were stylish, beautiful, and incredibly soft to the touch. How wonderful it would be to have this pillowcase in my room. Just thinking about it made my days feel more alive. 

But how could I say it wasn’t a useless thing?