IDESGI Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The lively noise of the bar remained unchanged. Jimin waved cheerfully as someone entered through the door.

“Thank you for calling me.”

Responding to Jimin’s message, Ihan had rushed over in an instant and bowed politely.

“It’s nothing. Yeoul seemed to be having a really hard time. I feel like something’s going on these days…”

Jimin glanced at Ihan. With his tall height and strikingly beautiful features, she couldn’t understand why Yeoul was so desperate to break up with him.

‘Looks like he’s just as anxious.’

Jimin, too, found it hard to understand how Yeoul’s feelings had changed overnight, so how much worse must it be for Ihan, who was directly involved? She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

“Do you not know why Yeoul is acting like this either, Esper Yoo Ihan?”

Ihan gave a bitter smile and nodded.

“No.”

“He hasn’t told me anything either… It must be really tough on you.”

He murmured quietly.

“I wish he’d at least tell me why.”

“Hmm… Now that I think about it, he did say he was scared earlier. He said he was afraid of being found out.”

“Afraid of being found out about what?”

“I don’t know. He refused to tell me until the end.”

“I see.”

Ihan, with a troubled expression, gently stroked Yeoul’s soft hair. After a moment, when he lifted his head, his pale, shining eyes were moist.

“Guide Kim Jimin, please take good care of Yeoul. I’m asking you.”

“Oh, of course! I’ll keep trying to figure out what’s on his mind, so don’t worry too much.”

“Thank you.”

Seeing Ihan smile so softly, Jimin resolved to help him in every way possible.

‘Yeoul, you’ll never find another guy like this.’

Ihan was famous among the Guides for his unwavering devotion to Yeoul. Even the recent assault incident—after digging into it—turned out to have happened because the Guide had insulted Yeoul.

‘Anyone would react if someone bad-mouthed their lover.’

Erasing all doubt about Ihan, Jimin burned with determination to support him. Ihan responded to her with a bright-eyed smile.

“Thank you, Guide Kim Jimin.”

“It’s nothing. Just take good care of Yeoul. Give him everything, always yield to him when you can. You know what I mean?”

Ihan held Yeoul in his arms, looking down at him with undivided attention.

“I’ve already given him everything. But now he says he doesn’t want to receive anymore.”

As he gazed at Yeoul sleeping, a gentle smile spread across his face—not the polite smile he had shown Jimin, but one that came from deep within. He looked so angelic in that moment that Jimin found herself staring at him, momentarily lost in thought.

“Then, I’ll be going now.”

“Yes, take care!”

Jimin watched as Ihan carefully carried Yeoul and walked away, muttering to herself,

“Really, Yeoul, why are you throwing away your own luck?”

For Yeoul, who grew up an orphan, Ihan’s overwhelming love must have been a salve for his wounds. No matter how much she treated him like family, she could never truly be one.

But Ihan and Yeoul could be family. They had already Imprinted—Yeoul just had to accept it.

‘Maybe he’s just not ready yet.’

Jimin didn’t know what Yeoul was afraid of, but as long as Ihan was by his side, the two of them would work it out somehow. After all, Yoo Ihan would never just stand by and watch Yeoul struggle.
Jimin could only support them from the sidelines.

---

‘Warm.’

The heat pressing against him was comforting, making him feel like he was floating. Yeoul, grinning in a daze, burrowed into the familiar-scented embrace. A soft hand gently stroked his back, and a low voice resonated in his ear.

“Yeoul, what are you so afraid of? Don’t hide it. Tell me, so I can help you.”

It was a pleasing voice—deep yet soft, soothing to listen to. The affectionate tone melted into his senses, tickling his ears, and Yeoul pressed himself further into the warmth. He wanted to be even closer to the owner of that voice.

“Yeoul, you’re making things difficult for me.”

This time, the voice dropped lower, thicker—resonating not just in his ears but down his spine, sending a shiver through him. A voice so rich and heavy that it stirred something deep within him.

Yeoul absentmindedly touched something hard and firm against his thigh.

“Kh… Yeoul.”

Finding the reaction amusing, he kneaded it absentmindedly, only to have the owner of the voice nuzzle into his shoulder.

“Yeoul… Yeoul…”

He liked the sound of his name being called.

Before he knew it, a strange dampness spread across his palm. With a slight grimace, he rubbed his hand against the sheets, trying to rid himself of the sensation. Sleep was pulling him under again when the voice whispered once more, brushing against his ear.

“Yeoul, tell me. What are you so afraid of?”

‘What I’m afraid of…?’

Mumbling, Yeoul clung to the strong arms wrapped around him.

“Yoo Ihan…”

“Hm?”

“I’m so scared of Yoo Ihan.”

And with that, Yeoul drifted off completely.

“…What?”

He never heard the unsteady, shaken voice that followed.

---

Someone once said that what humans fear most, in the end, is death. That everyone lives in fear of dying.

Yeoul thought differently.

There are times when living is scarier than dying. When life is so unbearably painful that you’d rather die. When each day is a repeat of that misery. That is what’s truly terrifying.

The first time Ihan died, everyone told Yeoul the same thing.

“The living must go on. Time will heal everything.”

There was no bigger load of crap than that. The living must live? Time will heal?

“If I keep living, will Yoo Ihan come back? If time passes, will Yoo Ihan come back to life?”

If not, then those words were meaningless. Not comfort, but a dagger to his chest.

So he died.

Even though death wasn’t Yeoul’s greatest fear, he was still afraid of it. He was human—how could dying not be terrifying? In the final moments of his first life, when the monster tore his body apart, the pain was excruciating.

But a life without Ihan was even more unbearable.

When his second life began, Yeoul didn’t understand why, but he was truly happy. He believed, without a doubt, that this time, he would be able to save the one he loved.

But like a fool, he let Ihan find out everything. And as he watched Ihan bleed out and die before his eyes, he was overcome with utter despair.

So he prayed, desperately, pleading for just one more chance to save him. Without hesitation, he stepped into the gate.

That was how his third life began.

‘This might be my last chance.’

There was no guarantee another opportunity would come. Yeoul had to die, no matter what.

And yet…

If he were being honest…

‘I don’t want to die.’

He wanted to live.

---

Yeoul opened his eyes. His lashes were damp. He wiped away the tears trickling down his cheeks with the back of his hand and looked up at the owner of the strong arms holding him.

A person so beautiful, it was as if he had stepped out of myth.

Yeoul suppressed the urge to reach out and touch Ihan. Twice was enough for mistakes. He didn’t want to leave any room for hesitation when it came to Ihan.

But just for a moment—just for a very, very brief moment—couldn’t he allow himself to enjoy this?

If only until Ihan woke up. If only for that short while, couldn’t he remain in his embrace?

Yeoul shut his eyes. Sleep had long abandoned him, but he pretended. Pretended to sleep, just so he could stay like this for a little longer. Just this once, he chose to be selfish.

Leaning against Ihan’s chest, Yeoul listened to the steady thud of his heartbeat, savoring a fleeting sense of peace.

Until he heard those words.

“Yeoul, I missed you.”

Ihan whispered as he carefully stroked him.

“I really missed you.”

I was going crazy wanting to hold you like this forever.

The low murmur sent a shiver through Yeoul. He wanted to answer—I missed you too.

But instead, his eyes flew open.

It was time to wake from the sweet dream.

“Let go of me, Esper Yoo Ihan.”

Despite Yeoul’s cold, detached tone, Ihan paid no mind. Instead, he held him close and greeted him warmly.

“Yeoul, did you sleep well?”

His eyes curved prettily as he smiled.

Yeoul forced himself to steady his racing heart and sat up. As he moved to get out of bed, a firm grip suddenly caught his wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to go home.”

“…Yeoul, this is our home.”

“Oh, right.”

For the first time in a long while, Yeoul agreed with him. Ihan’s expression lit up for a brief moment—until Yeoul doused it with cold water.

“It used to be.”

The smile that had been forming on Ihan’s lips froze into a thin line.

Straightening his clothes, Yeoul turned his back on him and walked out of the room.

“Then at least have breakfast before you go. I’ll make your favorite—doenjang jjigae and rolled omelet. Or maybe you want something for your hangover? You like the gukbap place at the intersection, right?”

Ihan, refusing to give up, followed him and grabbed his wrist again.

Yeoul impatiently shook off his hand and shot him a cold glare.

“Ihan.”

“Hm? What is it?”

The tension in Ihan’s stiffened expression loosened slightly.

Since their breakup, Yeoul had only spoken to him in formal language, but now, for the first time, he was speaking informally again. That alone made Ihan happy.

It had once been natural between them—why had he ever taken it for granted? Was that why Yeoul left? Because he didn’t cherish every moment enough? What a fool.

Ihan berated himself, but anyone who knew him would have shaken their head.

Who could love Yeoul more than Ihan?

He had given Yeoul everything, and even then, he was desperate to give him more.

And precisely because Yeoul knew that better than anyone, he had steeled himself.

“You know I get indigestion if I eat with people who make me uncomfortable.”

“……”

“I find you uncomfortable. And…”

Yeoul continued,

“Don’t speak informally to me. You’re three years younger than I am.”

He had only allowed it before because they had been lovers.

But now, they were nothing to each other.

Ihan no longer had the right to speak to him like that.

“…Then, hyung?”

Just as Yeoul was about to tell him that wasn’t the point—

“Urk.”

The alcohol from last night churned in his stomach, making him gag.

“…Do you hate being called hyung that much?”

“It’s not that… Ugh.”

Covering his mouth, Yeoul bolted for the bathroom.