IYAMD: Episode 15

After sending Gerald away, Marsilia moved to the sofa.

Leaning deeply into the backrest and stretching out his legs, his body immediately drooped.

He had been pouring his divine power without proper sleep for several days, and despite his trained body, fatigue was starting to creep in.

Marsilia rubbed his nose with his finger, and Ashton approached with the attendants in tow.

He gestured to move the sofa and placed Marsilia’s legs on the other sofa. Then, he supported his knees with a round stool.

After placing a cushion near Marsilia’s head, Ashton whispered softly.

“Please rest a little, Your Majesty. If there are signs that Jaha is waking up, I will wake you immediately.”

Marsilia knew he should try to get some sleep. However, it seemed unlikely that sleep would come.

He feared that when he opened his eyes, the man would be gone.

There was an unease that perhaps he was dreaming, which sometimes swept over him.

The situation was so chaotic that it only made this feeling stronger. All the things he had hoped would be resolved when they found his soulmate were instead turning into setbacks.

The news that he had appeared had likely already reached the Duke’s side.

Marsilia had tried to move discreetly, but there were so many eyes and ears in the palace. Even in this room, there were probably people with connections to the Duke or other nobles.

Therefore, he needed to come up with a plan, but Jaha’s condition made it even more difficult. Should he keep this man alive, or should he kill him before the rumors become public?

The answer was obvious. However, Marsilia had been asking himself the same question for several days.

Was it that he didn’t want to make a decision, or couldn’t? He wasn’t sure anymore.

“I didn’t know I’d be so indecisive.” Marsilia muttered self-deprecatingly, and Ashton, while covering him with a blanket, responded.

“The heavenly match is chosen by the goddess. Moreover, this is someone you’ve long awaited, so I completely understand, Your Majesty.”

“I’d like to hear your opinion, Ashton. What should I do with this man?”

Ashton casually answered while adjusting the blanket that covered Marsilia’s chest.

“Please decide as Your Majesty’s heart leads.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Marsilia sighed.

If he was going to kill him, he should have done so before the rumors turned into certainty. After all, Marsilia wasn’t the only one waiting for the heavenly match.

The pro-imperial nobles had long waited for the emperor’s successor. The Duke’s faction had been sneering behind the emperor’s back for his incompetence in failing to even find them.

The reason the Duke and his faction couldn’t take action immediately was that Marsilia had divine power. He was the emperor acknowledged by the goddess.

But if Jaha’s issue came to light, it could trigger the movement to depose the emperor.

The Duke was also a legitimate heir, and after deposing Marsilia, he would likely be recognized by the goddess.

If word spread that the heavenly match rejected the emperor, Marsilia could very well be deposed. He had already managed to hold on for ten years.

Marsilia pulled the blanket up to his neck and sighed.

His head hurt from the anxiety and restlessness. It felt as though he had gone back to the day before the coronation, sleepless and waiting for the divine counterpart to appear.

He hadn’t even had time to mourn his father’s death. Marsilia had attended state meetings, handled state affairs, and fought daily battles with the Duke’s faction over the need for a regent since he was still not of age.

He vividly remembered those nights, suffering from headaches.

Marsilia closed his eyes and sighed again.

“I thought the heavenly match would be waiting for me. All the stories I heard when I was young were like that.”

He never expected such a response. He never expected him to refuse so bitterly.

What had he been waiting for? Marsilia tried to comfort himself, feeling disappointed by what he had waited for over ten years.

It felt as if all the blood had drained from his body. He had no motivation. His mind, which should have been thinking about countermeasures, had stopped completely.

This was a serious problem. If he gave up even breathing, things would only get worse.

“Please rest, Your Majesty. May your dreams be filled with peace.” Ashton whispered softly as Marsilia’s breathing slowed. He thought Marsilia had fallen asleep.

Marsilia tightened his eyelids, ignoring the growing warmth in his eyes. He consciously took slow, deep breaths.

Perhaps his mind had stopped because he hadn’t slept. Therefore, it was wise to rest whenever he could, even if only briefly.

But why did his chest feel so uneasy? There was no breeze in the room, yet his heart continued to churn as if a fierce wind were blowing.

It felt like a storm was starting nearby.

As time passed, he drifted into a light sleep. He could feel the presence of the guards outside the door and the attendants in the room, so it would be more accurate to say he was half-awake.

Still, was he dreaming? Marsilia saw the image of his younger self, talking with his parents, fully conscious.

“Father, if I become the Emperor when I grow up, will I be able to recognize the heavenly match right away?” In his childhood, when his mother was still alive, his late father smiled with a rather reassuring expression. He thought that he only remembered his face becoming withered before his death.

He smiled at Marsilia’s bold question and reached out his hand toward his wife. The two looked at each other affectionately and held hands.

Holding his wife’s hand tightly, the father answered Marsilia.

“Well, I’ve heard it’s not always like that.”

“What about you, Father?”

“I liked your mother even before we knew she was the heavenly match, so it’s not really typical.”

“Isn’t that right, Empress?”

At his father’s question, his mother laughed loudly. It had been a long time since Marsilia had heard such a laugh after her passing.

“But I think that’s also the goddess’ arrangement.”

“Sometimes I think… maybe the goddess thought of your uncle as the Emperor. She might have seen him as your heavenly match, but since I loved you so much, she couldn’t help it.”

The father, who had laughed, joking about how plausible it seemed since the soulmate’s marks appeared before the coronation, fell silent when his hand was pinched by his mother.

“Don’t say things like that, Your Majesty. It might make me angry.” Despite his mother’s pouting, the smile never left his father’s lips as he tried to soothe her.

Marsilia stood absentmindedly from a distance, watching them. Having grown up witnessing moments like that, he naturally thought he would live with his soulmate in the same way.

He thought he would have children and live happily together. He believed that he could find them easily and live as his parents did.

Marsilia wanted to ask the smiling father, “Why is it like this for me? Why does my soulmate look at me like I’m a stranger? Why can’t he speak? Why doesn’t he welcome me?”

But Marsilia could only watch the dream. He couldn’t approach his father any closer, nor could he lean on his mother’s cheek.

The child smiled brightly, but Marsilia, in the shadow of the dream, could only watch them silently.

He sighed heavily as the dream began to fade away.

Even after several consecutive sighs, the tightness in his chest did not lessen. In the darkness, now completely pitch black, Marsilia wandered like a lost child, looking around.

He wasn’t at an age to fear an empty space, so he stood still, waiting for the dream to end. After glancing around once, he focused only on the front. No one would reach out their hand, after all.

He had long realized that hoping for help was futile. No one could help him.

So, he just waited for time to pass. When it was time to wake up, he would surely open his eyes.

However, despite that, a lingering feeling of waiting for someone remained. Without realizing it, Marsilia muttered that someone’s name.

“Jaha.”

The name that quietly slipped from his lips made his sleeping body stir. At that moment, Marsilia could wake from the dream.

His tired body, weighed down by sleep, felt heavy. Having been tormented by the dream, Marsilia wanted to sleep a little deeper.

His consciousness was half awake, neither truly sleeping nor fully awake. The exhaustion from that state made it unbearable.

As he tossed and turned, hoping to sleep soundly, his eyes snapped open. Without any warning, darkness surrounded just as expected.