PSY CH 29

He felt an overwhelming sensation of free fall, as if the ground beneath his feet had collapsed. His vision darkened and returned repeatedly. He should’ve snapped back and told him to stop spouting nonsense, but his body had turned to stone. He couldn’t move a muscle.

Seeing Jooyoung unable to say a word, Dohyun spoke with certainty.

“Fuck, I was right, wasn’t I?”

He grinned brightly, like a kid who’d just guessed the correct answer.

Jooyoung’s face had gone completely pale as if it was dusted in flour—like a single swipe would send the powder flying. Fear and unease were stark across his frozen expression.

The Jooyoung Dohyun knew never hid it when something pissed him off. Sensitive as he was, he was always clear about what he liked and disliked—and he never tried to pretend otherwise. In fact, he wore his feelings openly, almost as if expecting others to notice and take care of him.

“I just didn’t think it was worth ruining what we had—”

The following words that never made it out weren’t even worth hearing.

“Ha, ‘what we had’ my ass…”

It was so ridiculous that Dohyun let out a hollow laugh. He knew better than anyone. He was never someone that valuable to Jooyoung. That’s exactly why it was so strange that Jooyoung had pretended not to notice.

Unless he was gay, there was no way anyone would be okay with that kind of attention from another guy, especially someone like Jooyoung. He should have been disgusted. He should have pushed Dohyun away in anger or hatred.

“…I’m not.”

After a long silence, Jooyoung finally spoke. He squared his shoulders, trying to appear unshaken. He even curled his trembling fingers into fists to hide the shaking.

“Then.”

But Dohyun didn’t seem even slightly interested in Jooyoung’s answer. He didn’t pretend to listen—too busy pushing forward with whatever he wanted to say.

“A criminal record and gay? Fuck, you’ve really got it all, huh?”

He mocked him, folding down one finger at a time. At that, Jooyoung couldn’t help but raise his voice.

“I said I’m not!”

Dohyun let out a dry chuckle upon hearing his shout.

“Not, huh?”

“…Yeah. So don’t go making shit up.”

He couldn’t stop the tremble in his voice. His mouth was so dry, it felt like it was cracking open. 

“There you go again… trying to deny it.”

Dohyun spoke like Jooyoung was lying again. His head tilted to the side as he stared at him, eyes suddenly flashing.

“Then how about this?”

He took a step closer to Jooyoung, who was perched on the edge of the desk. Now, Jooyoung was backed into a corner with nowhere left to go.

“Tell me the truth, and I’ll delete the CCTV footage.”

It was an unexpected offer. So unexpected that Jooyoung’s eyes widened in shock.

The reason Jooyoung had been helplessly swayed by Dohyun all this time, despite not actually stealing any money, was because the CCTV footage clearly showed him picking up the wallet.

But now, Dohyun offered to delete it.

That meant Dohyun could no longer blackmail Jooyoung with that incident.

“Why are you even hesitating?”

Dohyun tapped the desk with his index finger, raising his eyebrows, as if he couldn’t understand Jooyoung’s reluctance.

He was right. It was a good deal for Jooyoung. If he simply told the truth about whether or not he was gay, there would no longer be any need to worry about the CCTV footage. 

Jooyoung glanced at Dohyun, who was grinning with that low, mocking smile. But there was one problem: no matter how he answered, how could he be sure Dohyun would believe him?

“…If I say I’m not, will you believe me?”

“Nope.”

“…”

“Of course not. It’s a lie.”

Just as expected. Dohyun wanted a certain answer. If it wasn’t that answer, he would never delete the CCTV footage.

As Jooyoung sat in front of him, nervously biting his lip, Dohyun casually tapped the items on the desk. He pulled a few pens from the holder, clicked them a couple of times, then set them back down. Unlike Jooyoung, who looked cornered, Dohyun had regained his composure and was now waiting comfortably for a response.

Jooyoung desperately thought. He weighed his options, one by one, on the scale, trying to decide which one to sacrifice. After a fierce internal battle, the scale began to tip subtly to one side. In a way, the answer might have already been decided from the start.

Jooyoung lifted his head, which had been directed at the floor, and looked at him.

“…I’ll speak once I see you delete it.”

“That’s not how it works here.”

“…”

“What am I going to do if you just keep quiet after that?”

Tap. Dohyun put down the ledger he had been flipping through with his index finger. He casually placed his hands on his thighs and waited for Jooyoung’s answer.

It seemed like there would be no compromise on this part. Jooyoung licked his chapped lips, sore from all the biting. After much more hesitation, he reluctantly agreed.

“…It really has to be deleted. You promised. If you change your mind later…”

“You know I don’t lie.

“…”

“Unlike someone.”

Jooyoung swallowed nervously. Staring into Dohyun’s sharp eyes, he cautiously opened his mouth. His bottom lip trembled slightly.

“I…”

As his voice escaped, Jooyoung thought it sounded almost like someone else’s. Or perhaps it felt distant, like hearing a sound from another space.

***

The way Jooyoung realized his sexual orientation was, surprisingly, nothing dramatic. In fifth grade, there was a boy in his class who was particularly rowdy. He would always pick fights with the girls and cause trouble during class, making the teacher’s life difficult.

Jooyoung neither liked nor disliked the boy. He simply had no interest in him. Since the neighborhood was small, his close friends had already been decided, and that didn’t change even when they switched classes. So, even though it was the beginning of the school year, he had exchanged only a handful of words with the boy sitting right in front of him. He had hardly even seen his face properly.

One day, it was art class. The assignment for the day was to sit face-to-face with a friend and draw each other’s portraits. Jooyoung was paired with the boy sitting in front of him. The class was still in the early stages of the new school year, so there was a bit of awkwardness in the air.

“What if I don’t want to draw him because he’s ugly?”

“Ah, just stop moving.”

Despite their terrible drawing skills, giggles and snickers echoed around the room as they tried to sketch each other’s faces.

“…”

But the boy, who seemed like he would be the one to cause the most trouble while drawing, was unexpectedly quiet. He would glance at Jooyoung’s face, then at the sketchbook, and just quietly continued drawing. Jooyoung probably found it a bit strange. But that was all. He wasn’t really curious about how the picture would turn out.

“It’s okay if you didn’t finish it, just swap the drawings.”

Laughter broke out in different corners of the room, following the sound of rustling paper. Jooyoung absentmindedly took the drawing. Would it even resemble his face? He imagined it was probably a messy, half-hearted sketch.

However, the moment he came face-to-face with the drawing of his own face in the sketchbook, Jooyoung froze. There he was, gazing down at the sketchbook with his eyelids lowered in a soft, fluttering blink.

“Huh……”

For a while, he just stared blankly at the drawing. Then, feeling disbelief, he was about to ask if the boy had really drawn it when, just then, the wind blew, and the curtains fluttered. After the fluttering curtains disappeared, the boy, who had been teasing his friend next to him, came into view.

At that moment, it felt like his stomach was churning, as if he had drunk too much water.

It was clear that the only water he had drunk that day was a glass in the morning before coming to school. Yet somehow, for the first time, the sound of the boy’s constant chatter didn’t bother him.

At first, that was all there was to it.

But it hit him when he found himself inexplicably drawn to him, turning his head every time he heard a similar voice, and even witnessing his silly actions made him think they were cute. I like him, he realized.

Of course, he never considered confessing to the boy. He’d be lucky if he didn’t get bullied once the rumor spread. So Jooyoung kept his feelings to himself until he left Maeyang. By then, like ice melting, his emotions gradually thawed and eventually disappeared completely.

After that, Jooyoung often found himself developing feelings for other people. Sometimes, he ended up in a relationship by chance; other times, he was left alone with unrequited love. Some relationships lasted a long time, while others fizzled out quickly, barely making it past a few months.

But never once was the object of his affection a woman. 

Jooyoung was gay.

This was a secret that even his family didn’t know.

TL Note:

Hi, this is Lulu. From tomorrow until we reach Chapter 50, I’m going to unlock the advanced chapter daily for free. This is just a one-time thing. He-he. I just want you guys to get to the interesting part soon. The story gets more interesting after that.

After it reaches 50, it will return to the usual schedule—three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. For the advanced chapters, it will be added whenever I’m available, but usually it will be daily, or if I can’t, I’ll update it the next day or the day after tomorrow with more chapter updates.

So if you’re reading this, please leave a comment. That way, I’ll know someone’s waiting for this novel to be fully translated. Also, if you’re enjoying the story, please consider leaving a review on Novel Updates or supporting me by purchasing the advanced chapters. It would mean a lot to me.