IDESGI Chapter 38

Chapter 38

“Is this about Han Yeoul again?”

Yeon-oh’s voice, which had been oddly bright just moments ago, sank. He looked at Yoon Geon with eyes full of resentment.

“Is this favor you’re asking me for also related to Han Yeoul?”

“I need to get to Zone 1, and to do that, I have to convince Kim Jiwon. Can you guide him for me? I’ll make sure you’re compensated.”

“So you want me to guide him without reporting it? That’s an illegal guiding request.”

“I’m asking you, please.”

Geon lowered his head. Normally, seeing that stiff neck bow in front of him would have filled Yeon-oh with satisfaction. But if it was for Han Yeoul, it was nothing but humiliating.

“Weren’t you the strict, by-the-book type? The one who always did everything according to regulations? Why do you only throw that away when it’s about Han Yeoul?”

Yeon-oh bit his lip hard as if holding back an overflow of emotion, then glared at Geon with eyes red from bloodshot strain.

“You came here to ask me for a favor about Han Yeoul? How… how could you? This is too much.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Yes! You should be sorry. At least be embarrassed to ask me! I’m your Guide, isn’t that how it should be? How can you do this knowing exactly how I feel? Just how little must you think of me?”

“Seo Yeon-oh.”

Geon called his name quietly. Yeon-oh hated how his heart fluttered just from hearing that voice.

“If you felt I looked down on you, I apologize. I only meant to refuse. I never intended to belittle you.”

Yeon-oh tilted his head back to keep the tears from falling. The clumsy, awkward apology only hurt more because he could tell it was sincere.

“If this request is too much of a burden for you, I’ll find someone else.”

Geon rose from his seat without a trace of hesitation. His back as he left was infuriating. If he had just asked one more time, Yeon-oh wouldn’t have felt so easily discarded.

Yeon-oh suddenly hugged him from behind. Geon froze in place, and with his face pressed to Geon’s broad back, Yeon-oh spoke in a trembling voice.

“Why can’t it be me? If you’d met me first… you could have loved me instead of Han Yeoul. We just missed the timing, didn’t we? So now… can’t you just choose me?”

Geon had thought about it before—if he had met Seo Yeon-oh first, would he have loved him instead of Han Yeoul?

It was a meaningless question. Loving Yeoul had never been his choice.

If he loved him just because Yeoul was his Guide, then the feeling should have faded at least a little when Yeoul was no longer his Guide. But ever since he realized these feelings, they had never left him—not for a single moment. It was a love like an irresistible force.

If he had met Yeon-oh first, perhaps he might have liked him somewhat. But it wouldn’t have been the same as how he felt for Yeoul. These feelings existed because it was Han Yeoul.

It was maybe a month after Yeoul became his Guide. Geon had overexerted himself while quelling an uprising of outcasts outside the zone.

“Phew.”

When he took off his clothes, bruises the color of deep purple covered half his torso. A sharp weapon had pierced his thigh, leaving a deep wound. As usual, he had done only minimal work to stop the bleeding, with no special treatment—after all, Espers recovered quickly with guiding and rest.

Then came a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

At the short permission, Yeoul entered. Seeing Geon, his face went pale and he quickly approached.

“Oh no, you’re hurt?”

Geon raised his eyebrows casually, finding his surprise strange.

“This kind of thing heals in a day or two with guiding.”

“Espers aren’t human? Hurt is hurt. Just because it heals fast doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

As Yeoul fussed over his injuries, examining them carefully, Geon watched him with a strange expression.

“That must hurt. Let me guide you first, and then we’ll go to the hospital together.”

From then on, whenever Geon looked even slightly unwell, Yeoul would rush over to pour guiding energy into him and treat him. He was used to this level of pain—why did Yeoul insist on worrying so much? Geon couldn’t understand it.

Then one day, during a mission, Geon broke a toe. Not wanting to trouble Yeoul over such a minor injury, he didn’t mention it. But Yeoul noticed easily.

“Hyung! I told you to tell me when you’re hurt. Sheesh, come here. I’ll get the first aid kit.”

How did he even know?

As Yeoul fussed, wrapping the bandage slowly, Geon asked quietly.

“How do you always know?”

He never made a show of his pain, yet Yeoul could always tell.

Yeoul smiled faintly and pressed his fingers to his own brow.

“When you’re tired or hurting, Hyung, a little wrinkle forms here on your forehead. There’s no way I wouldn’t notice.”

“…Don’t I always have that expression?”

“No? You smile often, Hyung. Not a big, bright smile, but your lips are always slightly upturned.”

“Me?”

“Yes. That’s why I can tell right away just by looking at your face whether you’re hurt or not.”

He didn’t understand. He smiled often? He’d been told countless times that his indifferent expression was tiring to look at.

To Yoon Geon, Han Yeoul was special. He had stepped easily across a line no one else had ever crossed. He knew Yeoul’s feelings weren’t the same as his own. He had known that much for a long time.

But that was fine. As long as Yeoul thought of him like family, he could stay by his side. That was enough… or so he had thought.

“Seriously, why does Esper Yoo Ihan keep coming to Zone 5? Is Zone 1 that quiet?”

Even as Yeoul grumbled about Ihan coming and going from Zone 5 like it was his second home, his face always lit up with a rosy flush of excitement when he looked at him. The moment Geon saw the two of them together, so warm and close, a blazing jealousy flared inside him.

‘He’s my Guide.’

The instinct of an Esper surged and gripped his heart. The possessiveness he felt toward Han Yeoul was unfamiliar and unsettling. Desire bloomed wildly, crawling up from his feet until it soaked through him completely.

After Ihan appeared, Geon had to work hard to calm the jealousy darkening him from the inside.

If he’d thought only of his desires as an Esper, he would never have let Yeoul go. Even if it meant dying in a fight with Yoo Ihan, he would have kept Yeoul in his arms.

But Han Yeoul only seemed truly happy when he was with Yoo Ihan.

After seeing that bright smile, how could he pretend not to notice?

When it came to Yeoul, Geon could never be an Esper. Yeoul wasn’t his Guide…

He was the person Geon loved.

Steeling his heart, Geon slowly closed and opened his eyes, then freed the arm that was holding him and softly called out a name.

“Seo Yeon-oh.”

Yeon-oh couldn’t bring himself to look up at Geon. If he had sounded cold as usual, he could have met his eyes shamelessly. But there was an apology in his voice.

“…Do you still think I’m not sincere? Sure, like you said, it started because you were my Esper. But that’s just the reason it began. Didn’t you also start liking Han Yeoul because he was your Guide?”

“There are things a person can do and things they can’t. Loving Han Yeoul is something I can’t control.”

Geon’s lips moved slightly before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry.”

“What about me? Do you think I’m enjoying this one-sided love? I’m doing this because I can’t help it too. So just accept me already.”

“……”

“You’re suffering too, aren’t you? Do you really not know that to Han Yeoul, there’s only Yoo Ihan? There’s never going to be a place for you with him!”

“That’s why I told you.”

Geon’s voice carried a faint trace of loneliness.

“That this is something I can’t control.”

Looking down at Yeon-oh’s bowed head, Geon still saw another—smaller, rounder—head in his mind. At this point, maybe it was an illness. A crooked smile tugged at his lips.

“I can’t help it. Even knowing it’s impossible.”

He reached to place a hand on Yeon-oh’s shoulder, then stopped. He didn’t want to give even the smallest hope. His voice was gentle but firm.

“So you should love someone else. You can do that.”

It was advice he meant sincerely. Right now, he was speaking to Yeon-oh not as a teammate, but as another person. And that made it unbearable for Yeon-oh—it meant there was no space for him at all.

Yeon-oh closed his eyes tightly, then opened them slowly. His tear-streaked eyes had already dried.

“Fine. I’ll do what you asked. But after this, I’m not guiding you anymore. I’m transferring to another zone.”

“Alright.”

“…You could hesitate at least a little.”

A bitter smile hung on Yeon-oh’s lips. He took a breath and then asked, almost spitting it out.

“When do we start?”

“As soon as possible.”

Time was critical. Before anything happened to Han Yeoul, he had to see him first.