IPSTDS Chapter 119

Chapter 119

Nahyuk grew afraid to keep reading. He couldn’t imagine how he was supposed to accept Yoon Noah’s death.

But that didn’t mean he could keep avoiding it. The story had already been uploaded—there was nothing he could do to change it.

He took three or four deep breaths before picking his phone back up. On the still-lit screen, the unfinished chapter of the novel waited for him.

The next part described Seo Dowoong and Kim Daon rushing to the hospital after hearing that Yoon Noah was in critical condition.

「When the two men arrived at the hospital, everything was already over.

Lee Kangil’s face looked strangely hollow, the bed was empty, and Noah’s parents had arrived too late.

Seo Dowoong suddenly felt dizzy. Unable to steady himself, he leaned against a chair, his body shaking.

He had no mind to comfort Kim Daon, who was silently sobbing. Dowoong was just as shaken himself.

Only after some time passed did he manage to question Kangil, almost accusingly.

Was Noah really dead? If this was some kind of cruel joke, he wouldn’t forgive it. But Kangil only stared back at him with cold eyes.

‘Even after he’s dead, you still…’

Kangil didn’t finish. He simply staggered away, leaving Dowoong behind.

Noah’s funeral was held quietly. Almost no one came.

He had lived harder than anyone just to be loved, yet his end was painfully pitiful.

After offering his perfunctory respects to the deceased, Seo Dowoong stood at the back of the funeral hall in silence.

His eyes blinked heavily, dry from too many sleepless nights.

He put a cigarette between his lips—something he had quit long ago. Smoke soon curled upward in thin streams.

It was Noah who had pushed him to quit. Back when they were close, Noah had hated the smell and insisted he give it up.

Now it hardly felt real that he would never hear Noah’s voice again. Only now had he finally found the courage to apologize…

If he had known things would end so abruptly, he would have spoken those words sooner and made peace with him. Now it was nothing but too-late regret.

The moment he closed his heavy eyes, hot tears spilled down his cheeks.

For the first time, Seo Dowoong cried aloud. He had no way to shake off the flood of grief surging inside him.

If only shedding endless tears could bring Noah back, he would have cried for days.

If only he had looked at him kindly, even once…

He could only hope that, in the very last moment of his life, Noah had not remembered him as nothing but cold.」

So it really came to this—was Nahyuk’s first thought after finishing Chapter 84.

The story had been foreshadowing Yoon Noah’s death again and again, yet Nahyuk had stubbornly clung to a foolish hope that Noah wouldn’t die. And hope, after all, was his right to hold onto.

But in the end, that hope had been replaced with despair. Yoon Noah died, without the slightest leniency, without the faintest hesitation.

Perhaps it had been destined from the very start. Thinking of it that way, Nahyuk suddenly understood why the novel was titled “Even in Ruins, Flowers Bloom.”

The “ruins” must mean the world left behind after Yoon Noah, who had touched every character’s life, was gone.

Even in the moment when grief threatened to swallow everything, those who remained would still go on to find love, to bloom into flowers in the end.

For Lee Kangil in the novel, it wasn’t so much about finding love as it was about finally understanding what love meant.

But to have a story completed through someone’s death—what a tragic thing. Couldn’t it have gone another way, one where everyone lived?

Nahyuk let out a dry sigh. Strangely enough, no tears came.

Maybe it was because he had already cried all he could, deep down knowing that someday Noah’s death would arrive.

Instead, Nahyuk wondered how he was supposed to live now. Was there a way to avoid ending up like Noah, dying hollow and meaningless?

“…I don’t know.”

He truly didn’t know anything anymore. His head felt blank, as though even the things he once wanted to do in life had been erased.

Even his longing for love felt faint.

Leaning back against the sofa, he closed his eyes. For a moment, he wanted to think of nothing at all.

Then, warmth touched the back of his hand. When he opened his eyes, he saw Kangil—awake at some point.

The instant he looked at him, the Kangil from the novel rose in his thoughts. The man who had been lost in Noah’s death, yet who still gave warmth to the boy who had nowhere else to rest his heart.

Nahyuk stretched out his arms and pulled Kangil close by the neck.

He wanted to say, At least Noah had you, and that was a blessing—but the words stuck in his throat.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Kangil’s voice was sweet, laced with concern.

“Yeah. A terrible nightmare.”

“What kind of nightmare?”

“That I died… and you were grieving.”

“That’s nonsense. And you know what they say, right? Dreams are the opposite of reality.”

“Then that means I’ll live, and you won’t be sad?”

“Exactly. Clever, aren’t you, Yoon Noah?”

Kangil’s large hand gently stroked the back of his head. The warmth of his touch stung at Nahyuk’s nose, making his chest ache.

Only now, belatedly, did tears threaten to rise—because Kangil was simply too kind. But luckily, none fell.

“Should I stay by your side today? I finished my urgent work early.”

He added that he hadn’t taken a vacation in a long while, so if not now, when?

Nahyuk welcomed the thought. On a day like this, being together was far better than being alone.

Maybe in Kangil’s company, he could find answers to life he couldn’t see by himself.

“Kangil, do you remember the conversation we had yesterday?”

“Which one?”

“The one about what we’d do if we were to die tomorrow.”

“Of course I remember. I remember how coldly you said you’d just die alone in secret.”

“….”

“You’re not going to die, but let me say this in advance—don’t ever be alone. Share everything with me. Unless you want to watch me go insane.”

“Alright.”

At that, Kangil pulled him slightly away, as if surprised by the ease of his answer.

“But let’s change the details a little.”

“Details? How?”

“About staying with the one you love all day… should I be specific?”

Kangil tilted his chin, urging him to go on.

Nahyuk spoke without hesitation.

“Kangil, do you want to do it with me?”

“…What?”

“I’m not dying tomorrow, but… I still want to.”

The calm confidence on Kangil’s face broke, replaced by startled confusion.

Nahyuk hadn’t said it outright, but Kangil had understood immediately. Still, he seemed puzzled by Nahyuk’s intent—it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing you brought up in the morning.

But even so, no rejection came. His answer was delayed only because of his surprise, but Kangil still gave it clearly.

“I’ll do as you want.”

“Yeah.”

“But… why?”

Nahyuk thought back on his life—short, yet long in its own way. Outside of love, he felt he had done everything worth doing.

He had studied until it nearly killed him under his father’s pressure. He had worked tirelessly for a decent job, lived in constant tension trying to look respectable.

But in love, there was nothing to show.

His kiss with Kangil had been his first kiss. Every touch they had shared was his first as well.

Now, the only thing left was to become one with him completely. If he were to die before experiencing that, it would feel unbearably unfair, so unjust he might not be able to close his eyes.

There was a time when he thought it didn’t matter who it was with—he just wanted to try.

Back then, he only wanted to experience what he never had.

Of course, falling in love step by step with the right person would be ideal, but he knew how miraculous that was.

He knew how much of a luxury it was to hope for such a miracle.

But now, as Yoon Noah, suddenly entangled with several people, his thoughts had changed.

It wasn’t Kim Daon or Seo Dowoong—he wanted it with Kangil.

The vague, uncertain feelings he’d always had toward him were finally clear.

He confessed without hiding it.

“Because I love you.”

“….”

“I want to do it with the one I love.”