TBM Vol 5 Part 9

Public opinion was in an uproar.

Both Ril Entertainment and Ondo Entertainment did their utmost to block news articles, but given that the two actors were of such high public interest, it was impossible to completely silence everything.

Il-seo’s company had no choice but to release an explanatory article first. Serious rumors were circulating, such as Lee Il-seo attempting suicide due to despair over the pregnancy, or that he had already died, leading to a flood of calls from reporters not only to the company but also to Kyung-hyun and CEO Kim Jin-hong’s personal phones.

CEO Kim Jin-hong released a brief statement saying that Il-seo was still unconscious after receiving emergency surgery. He said they would actively respond to speculative articles or rumors about personal matters, but people’s intense interest did not subside.

Two days later, Seung-yeon’s agency contacted CEO Kim Jin-hong saying they would release Seung-yeon’s official statement, and soon after, articles were published at midnight as promised.

“[Entertainment] Shock, Sa Seung-yeon was the biological father… The reason for breaking silence belatedly on the controversy?”

“[HOT] Lee Il-seo unconscious after miscarriage, Sa Seung-yeon was the biological father (Comprehensive report 1)”

“[Hot Issue] Sa Seung-yeon reveals stance through brief statement, controversy reignites”

“[Exclusive] Lee Il-seo still unconscious after emergency surgery… Sa Seung-yeon reveals paternity test results”

Sa Seung-yeon’s acknowledgment of paternity. Immediately after, the entertainment sections of online news were plastered with Seung-yeon and Il-seo’s names. During the days of shock after shock, Seung-yeon stayed continuously in Il-seo’s hospital room.

Il-seo was moved to a general ward three days after surgery. Although he still hadn’t regained consciousness, he had started breathing on his own, and fortunately, most of his vital signs had stabilized.

But Seung-yeon found the doctor’s words about it being fortunate particularly painful. The vital signs had stabilized, but Lee Il-seo wasn’t opening his eyes. Could it be that his current deep sleep was too peaceful, making him reluctant to return to this noisy reality? Could it be that Lee Il-seo’s reality was too burdensome, making him hesitate to come back?

While the world was in an uproar over his name, Seung-yeon remained motionless in the hospital room as if holed up in a cave. Hwan occasionally dropped by to take care of Seung-yeon’s clothes, and Kyung-hyun also visited to check on Il-seo’s condition daily. But Hwan and Kyung-hyun, as if by agreement, never brought up anything about public opinion or news articles.

The quiet hospital room was like a separate world. In that place where only Lee Il-seo’s breathing could be heard, Seung-yeon always kept the same position. Very occasionally, he would caress Il-seo’s cheek as he slept like a doll, or ask questions that received no answers. Sometimes he would crack lame jokes and laugh alone, and every evening he would drape a shared earphone cord to listen to music together. Even when he grew tired of doing that and did nothing, his gaze was always fixed on Il-seo’s pale cheek.

But Seung-yeon was more stable than ever before. He seemed as if he would keep that position for a lifetime, even if, just if, Lee Il-seo never opened his eyes again, with such unwavering consistency.

The ambiguous reality that Il-seo stood on was now Seung-yeon’s world, and Seung-yeon’s world was filled with the deeply sleeping Lee Il-seo.

***

[You sing well.]

An unfamiliar voice was heard clearly. Strangely, the inside of the chest felt ticklish, and a smile burst out involuntarily. It was a plain compliment, but one that touched the heart more than anything else, and thus particularly difficult to forget.

Before long, his gaze constantly followed him. The sight of him lightly running on the basketball court, his side profile sitting comfortably under the shade of a wisteria, his back view passing by in the cafeteria – all were preciously stored in his eyes.

He always stood out among the bustling students with his tall and handsome appearance, and everyone seemed to look at him as if it were natural. That bright, unreachable light-like figure was cool, but at the same time bitter with the thought that it could never be reached. Still, it was really nice to be able to look at him easily, hidden among the many gazes.

The voice with a sense of déjà vu became a little thicker.

[It sounds like a different song when I hear it in your voice. What song are you going to upload next?]

It was a voice that appeared like a typo. Although the face couldn’t be seen, it was clear that it belonged to the same person as the voice heard at first. He answered that it was a secret, but his mind was full of thoughts about what song to make him happy with next. The fact that someone was waiting for his song was like raindrops occasionally falling on dry land.

“When are you going to wake up?”

A voice suddenly interjected among the mixed afterimages. It sounded particularly thick and clear. The clearer it sounded, the more painful various parts of the body felt, but strangely, the desire to hear more became desperate.

“What kind of dream are you having to sleep so prettily today?”

The heart beat strongly at the unfamiliar voice gently coaxing. The voice asking calmly sounded gentle and soft, but at the same time, it sounded so painful because it contained no expectation.

There was a feeling of warm fingers carefully touching the back of the hand. He wanted to firmly grasp the hand that was sufficiently weak yet careful. Before he could think, his fingers twitched.

The sound of someone holding their breath was heard. Soon after, there was the sound of a chair being dragged. The surrounding sounds became clearer, and even his own breathing began to be heard. As he lifted his heavy eyelids with difficulty, a faint light seeped into the dim surroundings.

Someone called his name desperately, again and again. Il-seo opened his eyes fully, using that voice as a guide. As the light brightened, tremendous pain followed. With a gasp, along with the sound of his own exhalation, a light so bright that he couldn’t recognize the surrounding objects at once poured into his vision.

The pain was sharp, but all sensations beyond it were dull. Everything came slowly, heavily, and wetly. The familiar voice calling him sounded muffled, and even the unfamiliar space wasn’t properly recognized.

His consciousness faded and cleared repeatedly. Whenever his mind became hazy, he heard a voice desperately calling his name. He wanted to respond immediately to such a desperate call, but his mouth was dry and wouldn’t cooperate.

“Il-seo, Lee Il-seo…!”

Whenever he wanted to give up due to the pain and suffering, that voice called him incessantly. He forcibly opened his wet eyelashes that were sticking together. As his focus adjusted, he realized this was a hospital. With difficulty, he moved his gaze and slowly took in the face of the person backlit by the bright white light.

With each slow blink, sensations became clearer, as if a shell was being peeled away. After recalling who the person by his side was, all sorts of emotions pierced through.

Il-seo gazed blankly at Seung-yeon, who was holding his hand. He had many things he wanted to say, but his mouth wouldn’t open, so he could only blink. Then that hand gently caressed his cheek.

“Everything’s okay.”

At those words of reassurance, something knotted inside his heart unraveled. Ah, I was constantly worrying about something. Although he couldn’t recall exactly what he had been worrying about, he felt a deep sense of relief that was difficult to put into words from that voice tinged with warmth.

“Everything… is okay.”

He buried his lips against Il-seo’s ear, then lowered his head to press their cheeks together. He could feel the thoroughly wet skin. He wanted to wipe it and tell him not to cry. But he couldn’t do anything properly. Twitch, twitch. With each connected thought, only his fingertips moved pitifully.

Meanwhile, nurses came and went from the room several times. The doctor who entered last didn’t leave the room and checked many things for quite a long time. While slowly answering the doctor’s questions, tracing his memories, Il-seo belatedly recalled one by one the things that had happened to him. It took a long time before he could fully regain his senses, and his fragmented memories gradually returned.

“You were unconscious for 15 days.”

His heart sank at the words that he had been unconscious for over two weeks after the surgery. They said his life had been in danger due to significant blood loss. Il-seo traced the last traces in his blurred and smudged memories.

Whether it was because his perception had blurred over the two weeks that had passed, he couldn’t be sure, but he remembered that the pain on the day he collapsed wasn’t much different from the occasional pain in his lower abdomen he had experienced until then. That day too, thinking it would pass if he endured it, he had crawled into bed and curled up.

He sensed something was wrong when his underwear felt excessively damp. With a sinking feeling, he lifted the blanket, and seeing blood seeping not only into his clothes but also the sheets, he became frightened. Having already had an argument with Seung-yeon before coming in, he even worried about ruining the bed sheets on top of everything else.

He searched on his phone about bleeding during pregnancy. There were many posts saying “Don’t panic, it’s common,” but most mentioned that the amount of blood was small, which worried him. If there was enough blood to soak through to the sheets, it seemed like quite a lot of bleeding, so he felt he needed to get it checked.

But the moment he got up to go to the bathroom and put his feet on the floor, he felt a sharp pain as if his insides were being torn apart. He collapsed right there, clutching his stomach. He was sweating profusely as he staggered to Seung-yeon’s room, in too much pain. After that, his memories were fragmented and only flashed dimly due to the pain.

The doctor said the baby had been miscarried. Il-seo reflexively touched his stomach. There wasn’t a big external difference, but it was hard to describe how he felt. Il-seo asked in a somber voice.

“Then… when can I be discharged?”

“Since there was significant bleeding during the miscarriage, your body is actually much more damaged than in cases of healthy childbirth. It’s still too early for discharge. Let’s observe your progress.”

Il-seo nodded blankly, and the doctor, seeing this, looked at the chart.

“After a few tests, it would be good to slowly start treatment for pheromone stabilization and recovery. We’ll inform you soon, so please make sure both of you participate together at the scheduled time.”

Il-seo couldn’t hide his puzzled expression at the phrase ‘both of you’. The doctor smiled gently and said to ask Seung-yeon for the details of the situation. After the doctor left, Il-seo stared blankly at the closed door before shifting his gaze to Seung-yeon.

It was hard to tell who had been sick; in just two weeks, the person had become half of what he was. Seung-yeon, brushing his fallen bangs up over his forehead, sat down heavily in the chair beside the bed, looking somewhat tired.

Il-seo quietly blinked. He had many questions. But not knowing which words to start with, he could only keep his mouth shut. Seung-yeon seemed to feel the same way. So the silence in the hospital room, with just the two of them left, continued for quite a while.

Seung-yeon was the first to break the subdued atmosphere.

“I did a paternity test.”

The moment he heard the word ‘paternity’, Il-seo felt his heart drop. His fingertips trembled slightly.

“We did the test with the fetal blood after the surgery. They said the biological father’s pheromones are important for recovery too.”

The plain voice explained the reason for the test. Il-seo nodded slowly at the implication that it wasn’t because he didn’t trust him, but because it was necessary.

“While you were unconscious, they extracted my pheromones to make injections and kept administering them. Your body was getting better, but you weren’t regaining consciousness. Your sleeping face looked so peaceful that I felt sorry to wake you.”

Seung-yeon smiled faintly. It was a calm and gentle voice, like the one he had heard in his vague consciousness saying everything was okay. He spoke with a serene expression, as if reading a book, showing no signs of anger or disappointment about the fact that Il-seo had ultimately hidden the identity of the biological father. The atmosphere in the hospital room hadn’t changed either. It was like an ordinary afternoon where nothing had happened, except that Il-seo’s heart was beating a little faster.

“…I’m sorry for hiding it.”

“It’s fine. I would have hidden it too if I were you.”

There was no need to remind him of the words he had spouted in front of Lee Il-seo about the baby, so Seung-yeon brushed it off with a casual response and stood up from his seat.

Seeing the light seeping through the gaps in the blinds touching Il-seo’s cheek, Seung-yeon adjusted the angle of the blinds so that the sunlight fell below his face. Then, returning to his seat, Seung-yeon gently stroked the crown of Il-seo’s head, who was just staring at him blankly.

“Stop thinking.”

“…”

“You just woke up after sleeping soundly for two weeks. If you use that tiny head of yours too much all of a sudden, it might burst.”

Warm pheromones enveloped Lee Il-seo’s feet. A shiver ran down his spine, yet simultaneously, his entire body felt languid. In an instant, even the tip of his tongue grew hazy, and a drug-like comfort surged within him. Il-seo rubbed his large eyes with his fingers and asked in a drawn-out voice,

“I’m relieved everyone says I’m okay, but…”

“…”

“Are you really okay, Sa Seung-yeon sunbae?”

At Il-seo’s question, the smile that had been lingering around Seung-yeon’s lips faded for the first time. Seung-yeon’s gaze, which had been lingering on Il-seo’s eyes as if contemplating something, curved beautifully.

“It was as hard as dying.”

“…”

“The moment you opened your eyes, it all became okay. Thanks to you.”

It was the first time Il-seo had seen Seung-yeon’s genuine smile. That unburdened smile, devoid of any falsehood, was completely different in appearance and nature from the smile he had replayed countless times on screen, and from the smiles Seung-yeon had feigned in front of him.

Il-seo, who had stiffened for a moment, blinked a few times to hide his wavering eyes. His dense eyelashes concealed his confused gaze.

But his heart was beating so loudly that no other sound could penetrate it. His entire body felt numb, as if the pure white blanket was rippling.

\*\*\*

A knock sounded, and the hospital room door slid open.

“Lee Il-seo!”

Kyung-hyun and Park Jae-ho entered the room. Seeing the welcome faces, Il-seo raised his eyebrows and smiled brightly. Park Jae-ho, who had rushed in with wide strides, embraced Il-seo.

Kyung-hyun had visited the hospital the evening Il-seo regained consciousness and had seen him briefly every day since. But this was the first time Park Jae-ho had seen him since he woke up. The moment Park Jae-ho saw Il-seo open his eyes and move, his nose stung, and he barely managed to hold back the tears that welled up.

Kyung-hyun, seemingly forgetting his own tearful past, teased Park Jae-ho about crying as he noticed his reddened eyes. Park Jae-ho released Il-seo from his embrace and wiped his eyes with the tissue Kyung-hyun offered.

“Jae-ho hyung was crying the whole way here.”

“Why do you have to tell him everything?”

Il-seo alternated his gaze between the boisterous pair and chuckled softly, covering his lips with his fist. Seung-yeon, who had been sitting on the guardian’s sofa watching Il-seo smile, stood up. He gave a light nod to the visitors and walked towards the guardian’s cabinet, taking out his coat. After Seung-yeon moved, Il-seo’s gaze followed him constantly.

“…”

Seung-yeon felt Il-seo’s gaze as he put on his padding jacket. He raised one corner of his lips slightly, showed him a cigarette from his pocket, and walked out of the hospital room.

Only after the hospital room door closed did Il-seo shift his clear eyes to Jae-ho hyung and Kyung-hyun. Jae-ho hyung examined Il-seo’s thin frame with worried eyes.

“Are you really okay?”

Il-seo nodded and smiled. He had heard that Jae-ho hyung had visited when he was unconscious, and he felt sorry thinking about how worried he must have been.

“Yeah. I think I’ll be discharged as soon as I regain my strength.”

“Yeah, the reporters are getting quieter now too.”

Il-seo had received a rough explanation of the situation from Seung-yeon. He thought it was understandable that Seung-yeon had taken a paternity test, but he was honestly about to faint again when he heard that he had released the results to the public. Even that was two weeks ago, during that chaotic time when he didn’t even know if he would regain consciousness. Seung-yeon had declared to the world that he was the father of the miscarried child.

Seung-yeon had simply conveyed the facts to him and didn’t tell him about the detailed atmosphere or public opinion at the time. He had only said that it was the only way to resolve the snowballing rumors as quickly as possible, and apologized for not getting his consent. Il-seo took advantage of Seung-yeon’s absence to ask what he had been curious about.

“What did people say?”

“It was shocking, you know.”

After the news of Il-seo’s unconsciousness was followed by the revelation that Seung-yeon was the father, it was utter chaos. Kyung-hyun, who was opening and drinking one of the fruit juices he had brought, shook his head slightly as he recalled that time.

“I was worried about Seung-yeon sunbae’s… reaction.”

Il-seo hesitated, checked once more to see if the door was closed, and continued.

“He told me not to look it up, so I can’t look it up.”

“…”

“Did he get a lot of hate because of me?”

Kyung-hyun and Jae-ho hyung exchanged glances. Park Jae-ho raised one eyebrow.

“Well, it was shocking to everyone since Sa Seung-yeon’s first dating rumor turned into a paternity acknowledgment. It’s not like he didn’t get any hate since he kept quiet while you were getting hate. Your fans, who had been suffering from Sa Seung-yeon’s fans, were very angry. But it wasn’t all bad either.”

Park Jae-ho scratched the back of his head and explained step by step, wearing a bewildered smile.

“Honestly, miscarriage is also a heartbreaking thing, and you were… in a life-or-death situation, so who would dare to criticize you rashly…”

Of course, Seung-yeon, who had been silent since Il-seo’s pregnancy, could not avoid criticism either, but everyone became reluctant to speak because Il-seo was so seriously ill. Il-seo nodded bitterly, wondering if he should call this fortunate.

“Sa Seung-yeon’s agency made a statement first. They said that Lee Il-seo himself did not want to reveal the pregnancy and transformation because they were sudden, and Sa Seung-yeon could not rashly step forward because it was a personal matter. Frankly speaking, it’s not like you or Sa Seung-yeon need to reveal everything to the public.”

“…”

“Anyway, things were a bit chaotic with the articles and everything. It gradually calmed down while you were unconscious.”

Il-seo couldn’t say anything and only fidgeted with his fingers. He had gone through reckless and tortuous things even by his own standards. More than anything, he was worried that Seung-yeon would receive unnecessary hate because of him, but it seemed that his thoughts had flowed particularly extremely because he was psychologically cornered at the time.

“Leaving aside the fans, people were very sorry. Most of the recent public opinion was the same as my heart.”

“…”

“The truth is, no matter what, just please let Lee Il-seo be healthy.”

Park Jae-ho smiled, telling him not to be swayed or overly concerned by the extreme reactions of some, and reached out to lightly pat Il-seo’s shoulder. Then, he took out a small paper bag that had been placed next to the bed.

“Here, a gift to celebrate your safe return.”

“A gift?”

“Wasn’t it your birthday a while ago, Lee Il-seo?”

Il-seo stammered and accepted the paper bag with a dazed expression.

“You didn’t have to…”

“How could I come empty-handed? It’s something light.”

Inside the paper bag was a wrapped box of chocolates. When he took out the box decorated with a red ribbon, a sweet scent wafted out. Il-seo raised his eyebrows when he saw the words ‘Dear Il Seo’ engraved on the bottom right of the box.

“What, my name is engraved on the box?”

“It’s said to be one of a kind.”

Kyung-hyun, who had his arms crossed, answered instead of Park Jae-ho, who seemed embarrassed.

“I was going to taste one too, but they said it was impossible to get and wouldn’t let me touch it.”

Park Jae-ho smiled awkwardly and waved his hand.

“It’s nothing great. I personally asked someone who used to make desserts at a hotel in France until recently. I was so anxious after receiving the order because I was afraid you wouldn’t wake up.”

Listening to Park Jae-ho’s words, Il-seo opened the box and saw beautiful chocolates made in different shapes, arranged in rows.

“Thank you so much.”

“How could you be born on such a perfect day for you?”

His birthday, which had passed while he was unconscious, was February 14th, Valentine’s Day. Il-seo also found his birthday interesting because the number and name felt strangely similar. Il-seo carefully placed the box on the side table, making sure not to disturb the arrangement, and said,

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Eat it secretly from Sa Seung-yeon. Don’t even show that you received it.”

“Huh? Why?”

Seeing the large eyes filled with questions, Park Jae-ho lowered his voice.

“What if he throws it away like he did with the herbal medicine again? You absolutely can’t throw this away like that.”

Kyung-hyun, who was organizing the refrigerator next to him, laughed out loud. Park Jae-ho glanced at the tightly closed hospital door and lowered his voice even more.

“No, Kyung-hyun hyung. I’m serious, Sa… anyway, that guy’s personality is no joke.”

“I know.”

“Hey. It’s not that bad.”

Il-seo, who was watching their expressions, protested quietly, and Park Jae-ho said in a disgruntled voice.

“What, are you defending your boyfriend?”

“What…?”

Seeing Il-seo frown with a bewildered expression, Park Jae-ho laughed as if he was dumbfounded.

“It would be weirder if you weren’t, you idiot. He was staring at me when I came into the hospital room earlier. You know how cats stare intently before attacking? His black pupils got this big and he was staring silently, wow, it was terrifying.”

No, I’m not a rival, so why is he doing this? Kyung-hyun told him that it was because he hugged Il-seo as soon as he came in. Il-seo burst into a weak laugh between the two.

“Anyway, thank you, hyung. I was craving something sweet… I’ll enjoy it.”

“I asked the nurse on the way here, and she said you can eat one or two a day.”

“Okay.”

Park Jae-ho and Kyung-hyun stayed in the hospital room for a long time before leaving. Il-seo often showed a comfortable smile while exchanging silly jokes. He had talked so much for the first time in a while that his tongue felt a little numb after the two left.

After everyone left, Il-seo brought the chocolate box back and opened it. He picked up a rabbit-shaped milk chocolate from among the various shapes and put it in his mouth. The unexpectedly soft sweetness enveloped his tongue warmly. The flavor itself was different from the chocolates sold at convenience stores.

Just then, the hospital room door opened, and a familiar scent spread faintly below his nose. Seung-yeon, who had taken off his padding jacket and hung it up, approached the bed, removing his mask.

“What’s with the chocolates?”

He had been caught less than a day after Park Jae-ho had told him to eat them secretly. But there was nowhere to hide them in the first place, and Seung-yeon was almost always in the hospital room, so he couldn’t hide them.

“Ah, Jae-ho hyung gave them to me as a birthday present. He said I can eat one or two a day…”

Il-seo wrinkled his nose, exuding a sweet scent. He could smell Seung-yeon’s unique pheromone scent, as well as the cold air from outside and the faint scent of cigarettes mixed in it. As the sweet flavor of the chocolate filled his tongue and his scent filled below his nose, a ticklish feeling surged inside his stomach.

Il-seo glanced around and put another one in his mouth. Seung-yeon, who had been watching his lips moving to melt the chocolate, smiled lightly.

“Is it good?”

Il-seo, who had crunched the chocolate, rolled his eyes and asked cautiously.

“Yes. Would you like to try one?”

When Seung-yeon nodded with a smile, Il-seo tilted his head slightly and asked.

“But didn’t you dislike chocolate…?”

“I do dislike it if Park Jae-ho gives it to me, but I don’t dislike chocolate itself.”

Seung-yeon, who had been tidying up the items on the side table that had been messed up after Kyung-hyun and Jae-ho hyung had left, shrugged his shoulders and turned his head.

“When did I say I disliked it?”

Il-seo belatedly realized that he had been insensitive. The caramel that had fallen on the floor of the filming set, and even the chocolate. Seung-yeon hadn’t thrown them away because he disliked sweets. Il-seo shook his head from side to side with a troubled expression.

“Ah. No, it’s not.”

“What is it?”

“Ah, um…”

Seung-yeon still looked frustrated. He couldn’t start another conversation, and he couldn’t pretend not to know, so Il-seo eventually couldn’t resist and moved his lips.

“I saw you throw it away… so I thought you didn’t like it.”

With a faltering voice, Seung-yeon’s hand, which had been about to grab the tumbler filled with water, slipped, and a dizzying sensation flashed across his black eyes. The tangerine chocolate box he had thrown into the trash can. It seemed that Lee Il-seo had seen it. Honestly, he couldn’t even remember when he had thrown it away and exactly when he had called Lee Il-seo to his house after that, but Lee Il-seo always quietly harbored a deeper wound than he had expected.

“I’m sorry. I was really crazy back then.”

Watching his face harden and shadows fall over it in an instant, Il-seo faintly curled up the corners of his lips.

“It’s okay. I’ll give you one again.”

The ticklish voice softened the atmosphere. He felt even more sorry when he acted so skillfully. Seung-yeon let out a tired sigh at the sight of the injured party acting more resiliently. Il-seo carefully examined the box.

“There are so many shapes. Which one would be good?”

The finger that had been hovering over the chocolate box stopped on the cacao chocolate that revealed the curves of a cat.

“This…”

He remembered that Jae-ho hyung had compared him to a cat, so he reached for it. His neat fingers carefully held the chocolate and handed it to Seung-yeon, but Seung-yeon opened his mouth instead of reaching out his hand.

The hesitating fingertips put the chocolate into Seung-yeon’s mouth. The cold fingertips brushed against Seung-yeon’s lower lip. Then, Il-seo gasped softly as if he had done something big.

“It’s delicious.”

The sound of someone’s heart beating spread throughout the quiet hospital room. The sound of that fist-sized heart, which he wasn’t even sure was beating right after the surgery, pounding was more lovely than anything else, and Seung-yeon hung a loose smile on his lips.

Seung-yeon checked the time by shaking his wrist and said as he swallowed the chocolate.

“There’s a counseling program in the afternoon. Shall we take a walk before that?”

“Okay.”

Seung-yeon, who had stood up from his seat, opened Il-seo’s cabinet. Everything, from the small-sized coat to the taste of the chocolate that Il-seo had fed him, was so cute that the inside of his chest tickled. The sweetness lingered on the tip of his tongue for a particularly long time.

Although the wind was still cold, the daytime temperature had risen slightly compared to last week, making it good for walking during the day. Seung-yeon and Il-seo, who had left the hospital building, walked around the outer promenade. Il-seo, who had refused to be supported, was walking half a step ahead of Seung-yeon.

“Heh.”

At the same time as his hand touched the pillar of the bench, Il-seo laughed softly. He had reached the end of the bench, which he hadn’t been able to reach yesterday, without stopping even once. An unconsciously proud smile burst out.

Seung-yeon, who had been walking at the same pace one step behind, handed him the warm tangerine tea he was holding and smiled. His expression was as if he was comforting a baby who had taken his first steps.

“You’re walking well.”

“It’s not cold yet, is it?”

“Yeah, I think you’re getting strength in your legs, so you’re picking up speed well.”

It was a great improvement for Il-seo, who had initially needed support to move to the bathroom attached to the hospital room, and whose warm drinks would often get cold while walking during his walks. The two sat on a bench for a while. Il-seo took a sip of the tangerine tea that hadn’t cooled down and warmed himself. The wind was cold, but his insides were hot from exercising.

Then, a click sounded. Both of them were wearing black ball caps, almost completely covering their small faces, but people often recognized them and secretly took pictures. There were security guards in the VIP ward, and the visiting guests were managed, so it was rare for people to take pictures like this, but this happened about once every two days when they left the ward for exercise.

Seung-yeon raised Il-seo’s scarf to below his earlobes without changing his expression. These days, it was rather welcome for pictures taken with Lee Il-seo to spread. There was no need to explain Il-seo’s health, and there was less need to explain their relationship. It was Il-seo who was restless, and Seung-yeon would comfort Il-seo with a nonchalant and dry face.

“It’s okay, we’ll be photographed a couple more times in the future.”

“…Still.”

“Either the public gets used to it, or we get used to it. We have to go through one of the two.”

The handsome lips under the brim of the hat drew a beautiful curve. Il-seo fidgeted with the cup of tangerine tea and nodded slowly.

‘In the future…’

Feeling the lukewarm warmth, he repeated Seung-yeon’s words in his heart. Whenever he talked about the future, not the present, Il-seo was immersed in a feeling that was hard to describe. Whenever he heard the future that Seung-yeon was naturally drawing, he wondered if it was really allowed for him. It was already too much for Il-seo to get better day by day, but what kind of us would be in his future?

Even so, Seung-yeon’s calmness made him forget that anxiety even for a moment. Il-seo took a big gulp of the lukewarm tangerine tea. Seung-yeon also drank his Americano following Il-seo.

***

This hospital had various recovery programs for omegas who had miscarried, including not only pheromone-based therapy but also psychological treatment for alphas and omegas who had lost their babies. Il-seo didn’t think that Seung-yeon, who was reluctant to talk about his psychology to others, would respond to this counseling, but Seung-yeon was surprisingly attending diligently and quite seriously and honestly.

Seung-yeon and Il-seo, who had finished counseling, walked silently with their respective results in hand. Today was the second psychological counseling, and they talked about their family with a professional counselor.

Il-seo had thought he could handle the depression he’d been feeling, but today, he found it hard to suppress the emotions that surged up throughout the counseling session.

Whenever the conversation delved even slightly into his family, he would inevitably lose his voice at the end. He felt that if he said even one more word, his voice would tremble pathetically, so he ended up shutting his mouth.

“Was it hard? You look haggard all of a sudden.”

Seung-yeon spoke to Il-seo first. Il-seo sighed softly and shrugged.

“I’m good at burying difficult things. I’m not that smart, and I’m not sensitive, so I forget things easily. And when things get too hard, I unconsciously try to ignore the whole thing. It’s not a great habit, but it’s helped sometimes. But trying to bring up things I’ve buried during counseling… it feels a little… unfamiliar.”

Il-seo’s nose tingled, making him sound nasal, but he continued to speak clearly.

“But I think it’s helping. It feels like I’m learning how to say that things are hard… It’s like I’m getting permission to open up to someone during that time.”

He was so used to holding back that expressing his feelings honestly still felt awkward and clumsy, but it felt like he was practicing it properly for the first time. A festering wound hurts when you touch it, but you have to scrape away the infection to heal. He decided to think of it as that process.

“It’s often comforting, not just because of the baby, but for other things too.”

“Other things?”

“Even though I never really welcomed the baby… After it was gone, I felt like I’d lost a family that almost was.”

Seung-yeon’s eyes grew heavy.

“I kept cursing and hating the baby, but if it had been born healthy, I think it could have become a precious member of my family, like my mother or Grandmother. That’s… something.”

Il-seo couldn’t finish the sentence. A small sigh escaped with his breath.

“I don’t have any family anymore.”

He felt disgusted with himself for grieving over someone he had never cherished, and he felt overwhelmed as if the sense of loss he felt when he lost his mother and Grandmother was repeating itself. He also felt a complex sense of futility, wondering if family was not allowed for him. He felt bad in many ways, and he felt complicated because he was looking into the depths and examining the reasons through counseling.

Seung-yeon, who had been listening to Il-seo’s voice in silence, moistened his throat with the coffee he was holding. The wind rushing in through the open window was quite chilly. However, the air that seeped in could not scrape away the stuffiness in his chest.

As he walked back to his hospital room, Il-seo’s legs gave way, and he reached out to grab the handrail.

“Uh…”

Fortunately, Seung-yeon caught his arm and supported him, preventing him from falling. But he dropped the cup he was holding, and the remaining tangerine tea spilled on the floor. Sticky syrup and fruit pieces got on his patient gown pants and slippers, forcing him to stop.

Seeing the flustered Il-seo, Seung-yeon frowned and laughed hollowly.

“You’re like a baby left out in the water.”

“My strength… suddenly gave out…”

“I’ll get some tissues. Stay still, it’s slippery.”

Seung-yeon smiled at Il-seo, stroking his cheek, and walked to the bathroom. Since his hands were already dirty, Il-seo bent down to pick up the paper cup and roughly gathered at least the solid pieces that had fallen on the floor. But the surroundings had been strangely noisy for a while.

“Seriously… I raised him all by myself…!”

The sound was not clear because it was far away, but Il-seo’s expression gradually hardened. It was a very familiar voice. Il-seo’s pale face was reflected on the spilled tangerine tea. The hand holding the paper cup began to tremble intermittently.

“I’m not saying I’m going to barge in, but they’re saying a family member is applying for a visit!”

“VIP rooms require the consent of a guardian or the patient. How did you even get into this floor in the first place?”

“I got a pass, so what.”

“This is an elevator pass, so you need to apply for a visit separately. I’ve told you several times.”

“I’m his father, so why are you talking about guardian consent? It’s frustrating. I know Lee Il-seo is here.”

The voice grew louder and louder, and each word brushed against his ears like a blade. He was short of breath. He felt like blood wasn’t circulating properly to his head.

Il-seo slowly stood up. Should he run away, or should he stop him? He didn’t know what to do, and both his back and palms were soon damp with cold sweat. He could feel his own breathing was labored.

“What, isn’t that Lee Il-seo?”

The sight of him in a hospital gown and a ball cap made him easily noticeable to Kang Hyung-won. Kang Hyung-won pointed his finger at Il-seo’s small silhouette and grinned.

“That’s right, that’s Lee Il-seo.”

The moment their eyes met, Il-seo grabbed the handrail and took a step back. At that moment, the security guard guarding the elevator ran towards the desk.

“It seems someone has acquired another person’s elevator pass from the bathroom. A lost report has been filed.”

“Please get this person out of here immediately.”

As if trying to achieve his goal before being caught by the security guard, Kang Hyung-won began to run towards Il-seo, who was standing far away.

“Il-seo, let’s talk for a minute. Huh?”

“Someone call the police!”

“Catch that man!”

“I came to see my son, and you’re calling the police? Get out of my way, you fuckers!”

Kang Hyung-won, who had found Il-seo, lost his reason. The Alpha Kang Hyung-won, who lightly brushed off the nurse who was standing nearby, glared at Il-seo with yellow eyes.

<To Be Continued in Volume 6>