7MoH 2.1

Jeong-in hurriedly put his glasses back on, like someone trying to wear a mask to hide his face. But it only made Chase’s face appear clearer.

After the brief kiss, he had probably expected the typical intense reaction of someone who had fallen victim to a mischievous prank. Looking at Jeong-in with eyes full of such expectation, Chase’s face now showed a mix of surprise and confusion. His expression, slightly narrowing his brow, lips trembling slightly, was one of complete bewilderment. It was a face Jeong-in had never once seen on the usually composed Chase.

A dull emptiness spread through his chest. In that moment, Jeong-in realized what his feelings for Chase Prescott truly were. All he had managed to evoke from him was this kind of response. Not joy, excitement, or thrill, but something far distant from those—discomfort and embarrassment.

“Jay…”

Uncharacteristically, Chase seemed unable to continue speaking and appeared troubled. Looking at him like this, Jeong-in increasingly regretted what had happened. He shouldn’t have come to this locker room. He shouldn’t have participated in this stupid game.

He should have firmly refused when Steven asked him to go to that party. No, perhaps he shouldn’t have immigrated to this country in the first place.

Everything felt wrong. The sense of loss was like having someone discover a precious treasure he had never shown to anyone. The emptiness felt like watching a sandcastle, not even properly built yet, being swept away by waves in an instant.

A surge of emotion welled up in one corner of his heart, making his throat tighten.

Just as Chase was about to say something, the locker door swung open, and bright light poured in.

“Seven minutes up! Freedom! How was heaven?”

Max Schneider’s playful voice could be heard. Jeong-in never thought his usually smug face could look like a savior. He practically leaped out of the locker. Max, with a surprised face, reached out and caught Jeong-in as he momentarily lost his balance and staggered.

“Jay?”

“…I’m fine.”

Silently, Jeong-in lowered his head and picked up his bag that was nearby. Then he immediately left the locker room. Until the moment he opened the door and went out, he could feel Chase’s gaze following him, but he didn’t have the courage to look back.

Jeong-in’s steps, once in the corridor, grew faster and faster until he was running. He was out of breath, and sweat ran down the back of his neck.

When he reached the classroom building, Jeong-in hurriedly pulled out his bicycle and got on. In his hurry, his foot slipped several times trying to step on the pedal. His shin got scraped on the edge of the pedal, but he didn’t even feel the pain.

As soon as both feet were on the previously spinning pedals, Jeong-in pedaled like mad to keep other thoughts at bay. The moment he left the school, the emotions that had been building up finally burst into tears. The wind pushed those tears to the edges of his face.

No one would want the person who recognized their feelings to make such an expression. Chase’s face, full of shock and embarrassment, was seared into Jeong-in’s eyes.

Jeong-in arrived near his home but couldn’t go in right away. For a long while, he rode his bicycle around the neighborhood, drying his tears. He didn’t want to worry his mother by showing his wet eyes.

When Jeong-in finally entered the house, he forced herself to pretend nothing was wrong, artificially lifting the corners of his mouth.

“I’m home.”

At that moment, Suzy’s serious expression as he walked out of the kitchen made Jeong-in pause. The heavy atmosphere made his heart sink. It felt like he was about to hear bad news.

“Jeong-in. Um… Justin is here.”

As soon as Suzy finished speaking, the color drained from Jeong-in’s face. Belatedly, he remembered his promise to meet Justin at the mall today. Looking at the clock, he saw that at least two hours had already passed. It felt like his heart had dropped to his stomach.

Hurrying to the living room, Jeong-in found Justin seemingly deep in thought, looking down at his phone. His face was shadowed by a darkness unfamiliar and strange compared to his usual self. Sensing the serious atmosphere, Suzy glanced around nervously before quietly going upstairs.

Left behind, Jeong-in stood flustered in front of Justin.

“Justin, I’m sorry! I suddenly had an urgent… urgent matter…”

Justin slowly raised his head. In his eyes was a mix of disappointment and anger. It was an expression Jeong-in had never seen before, or at least one he had never shown to him.

“An urgent matter? What was so urgent?”

He was too flustered to speak. Despite racking his brain, he couldn’t even come up with a plausible excuse.

“Well… it was…”

“You mean hanging out with the football players and cheerleaders in the locker room? Or mingling with those kids at the beach party?”

Jeong-in’s eyes widened. How did Justin know about what had just happened? Jeong-in bit his lip hard, trying to understand the situation.

Slowly, Justin held out his phone to him. On the lit screen was Max Schneider’s Instagram account.

He could see Max Schneider’s selfie with a closed locker in the background. He was winking with a mischievous face.

Maxnificent #RetroVibes Playing 7 Minutes in Heaven! Guess who’s in this locker? None other than Chase Prescott and Jay Lim! Can Prescott score a touchdown in the game of love?😘

There was also a photo from the day of the beach party. In the picture, Jeong-in was sitting next to Chase, wearing his varsity jacket. That image somehow made their relationship look more intimate.

“I saw it while waiting for you at the mall, browsing through school kids’ accounts.”

Justin took his phone back and smiled bitterly.

“Max Schneider has a serious social media addiction. I need to add that to my shame book.”

His voice was full of sarcasm, but the bitter emotion it contained hit Jeong-in’s heart directly.

It felt like his throat was blocked, as if he had swallowed dry bread. The disappointment and hurt in Justin’s words and expression were all too clear. Moreover, the shame book where he would write about Max Schneider was no longer in his hands. He couldn’t even imagine what would happen if Justin found out about this fact too.

Justin looked at Jeong-in quietly and spoke again.

“You’ve been really weird lately. You haven’t done your club homework properly, and it doesn’t seem like you’ve been really listening to me. Today, while you were playing 7 Minutes in Heaven with those cool kids, I had to wait at the mall for an hour. Why didn’t you check your phone?”

Jeong-in pulled out his phone in surprise. Because he had set it to silent, he hadn’t checked it, and the screen was filled with messages from Justin.

“I, I… well…”

He tried to explain, but he couldn’t even come up with a flimsy excuse, let alone an explanation. Justin threw another unanswerable question at him.

“And what happened with the campus tour? Your mom reacted like she’d never heard about it.”

Now he just felt dizzy. Giving up on making excuses, Jeong-in bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut.

“It must be fun and exciting to hang out with those kids. If I were you, I’d want to be with those glamorous kids instead of someone like me too.”

“It’s not… it’s not like that, Justin.”

“Then what is it?”

I’ve actually liked Chase Prescott, someone of the same gender, someone we’ve both hated, for a long time. The words swirled in Jeong-in’s head. But no sound came from his lips. In the end, his silence spoke for him.

Justin slowly rose from his seat. There was no longer any expectation on his face.

“The ‘Hate Chase Club’ is disbanded as of today. Now that the obstacle is gone, feel free to hang out with those kids all you want.”

Justin picked up his bag and walked toward the door. Suddenly feeling he couldn’t let him go like this, Jeong-in desperately grabbed Justin’s arm.

“Justin, it’s not like that, I…”

But even in this moment, words failed him. No, he couldn’t speak.

Justin slowly turned around and shook off Jeong-in’s hand. His eyes held a final determination.

“Jay.”

His voice was low but clearer than ever.

“May the Force be with you. But I will no longer be with you.”

May the Force be with you. It was one of the most famous lines from Star Wars, and also known as a farewell greeting.

With those words, Justin declared the end of their friendship.

Feeling as if his fingertips were numb, Jeong-in could only watch as Justin opened the door and left. His last words lingered in the air for a long time.

Jeong-in was left alone in the silence. His vision was still blurry, and his heart felt empty.

“Jeong-in.”

Even when Suzy came downstairs after a while and called his name, Jeong-in was still standing there blankly. She approached cautiously.

“Justin mentioned something about a campus tour, and I think I might not have handled it properly. Did I say something wrong?”

“…No.”

The realization that followed that answer tightened around his chest. It wasn’t just Justin he had deceived. He had made his mother a victim of his lies as well.

“It’s… my fault. All of this… everything… is my fault…”

His voice cracked, and his words trailed off. Jeong-in finally collapsed on the spot. The tears he had been holding back finally poured out.

“Jeong-in…!”

Suzy knelt beside Jeong-in with a shocked face. But Jeong-in’s sobbing didn’t stop.

Tears streamed down his cheeks, and suppressed emotions burst forth. In his mind, the voice of Amy Williams, his math teacher, echoed.

“This is really… not like you.”

That’s why he hated Chase Prescott. That’s why he tried to hate him.

Perhaps, like in the lyrics of the famous Taylor Swift song, he had known all along. That he would be trouble for him. That’s why his subconscious had sent warnings. To stay away.

Even in the midst of the swirling painful emotions, Chase’s face remained clear in his mind. His smile, his way of speaking, and his gaze. How it had bewitched him, and how it had led him to this point.

Ah…

He should never have jumped into those damn sea-like eyes from the beginning. Especially when he couldn’t swim.

* * *

Whenever Jeong-in wasn’t feeling well, Suzy always made the same stew. The deep red broth was filled with well-ripened tomatoes and large chunks of vegetables, sometimes with seafood like mussels and shrimp, and on other days with beef or chicken.

This stew, spicy and deep-flavored with plenty of peperoncino, although containing no Korean ingredients, strangely made one want to mix it with rice.

The two always ate this stew with heart-shaped crackers from a brand called Valley Lavosh, which had almost no sweetness. They could be dipped into the stew like a sauce or crumbled as croutons.

Even though Jeong-in wasn’t physically ill, Suzy made that stew.

Jeong-in stared blankly at the pot, still bubbling on the table.

Could this warm stew heal a hurting heart too?

“Eat a lot, okay?”

Suzy encouraged in a kind voice. Jeong-in felt heavier at the fact that he didn’t ask about anything.

Though he had no appetite, knowing the care and love that filled the pot, he ladled some stew onto his plate. And as always, he planned to crumble heart crackers over it.

Holding a heart cracker in his hand, Jeong-in suddenly recalled an English composition class before he got involved with Chase.

On the day they were learning about ‘ambiguous expressions,’ the teacher explained how words and phrases with more than one meaning could be interpreted differently depending on the context. That day, Chase Prescott sat diagonally from Jeong-in, wearing a T-shirt with the same phrase.

Looking at the heart cracker in his hand, Jeong-in silently recited to himself.

Heart cracker.

It could literally mean ‘a cracker shaped like a heart,’ but it could also be interpreted as ‘someone who breaks hearts.’

Chase Prescott was a heart cracker himself.

Jeong-in looked down at the cracker in his hand and then set it down on the table.

“Mom, I’m sorry… I just can’t eat.”

Jeong-in apologized in a small, trembling voice and bit his lip. Though he hadn’t swallowed anything, his stomach churned. Saying he had no appetite wasn’t enough.

“Jeong-in…”

Suzy’s voice was filled with worry, but Jeong-in couldn’t face her. Quietly pushing back the chair and standing up, Jeong-in turned away from Suzy and went up to the room.

As soon as Jeong-in entered the room, he closed the door and threw himself on the bed. Then he buried himself under the blanket and closed his eyes.

Since transferring to the school, Jeong-in had known about a famous kid named Chase Prescott. Even during the busy days of adjusting to the new environment, that name was heard everywhere in school. But the first time Jeong-in saw him up close was on graduation day.

California sunshine evenly illuminated the students wearing blue graduation caps and gowns. It was a clear day without a cloud in the sky.

Chase Prescott, who took the stage as the graduating class representative, instantly captured everyone’s attention. His sturdy physique and dazzling appearance made it hard to believe he was just graduating from middle school—he looked like he had just walked off a screen.

From the moment he began his speech with a voice that had grown firmer after his voice change, Jeong-in couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“Being here today isn’t just because of my own efforts.” He continued, mixing in appropriate jokes. His tone and smile were as relaxed as someone who had nothing to fear in this world.

His skillful attitude that made the audience laugh and then drew them in seriously, along with his natural charisma. His speech completely dominated the air of the graduation ceremony.

Even without asking Justin sitting next to him, Jeong-in recognized him immediately. That kid was “Chase Prescott.”

And since that day, Jeong-in’s teenage years had been completely colored by Chase Prescott. With that brilliantly dazzling hue.

But those feelings were meant to be kept only in Jeong-in’s heart. He believed he had neither the courage nor reason to reveal them. Chase belonged to a world Jeong-in couldn’t dare to reach, and he thought it was enough to just focus on studies and goals as always, and to watch him from afar.

Everything went wrong when he started getting involved with him.

And now, Jeong-in’s world was a mess. Like an insect struggling in a spider web, the more he tried to escape, the more hopelessly tangled he became.

He couldn’t concentrate on his studies, and even his math club activities, which he had always valued, were pushed aside.

Moreover, if Chase Prescott were to spread rumors, it would only be a matter of time before word got around school that he was gay. Of course, Chase didn’t seem like the type to do such a thing, but Jeong-in couldn’t be sure he really knew him well.

To make matters worse, even Justin, who had been his only support and understanding friend, had declared the end of their friendship.

In the midst of confusion and loneliness, Jeong-in suffered from extreme stress. Pain twisted his stomach, and his body grew feverish.

That night, Suzy sat by Jeong-in’s bed, giving his medicine, placing her hand on his forehead to check for fever, and constantly wiping his sweat-soaked forehead with a wet towel.

〈Mom…〉

Jeong-in did something unusual. He whined in Korean, like a child, and whispered weakly.

〈I don’t want to go to school…〉

〈Our Jeong-in has become a baby.〉

Suzy looked at Jeong-in and smiled as if finding him cute. Then she gently patted Jeong-in’s chest and offered kind comfort.

“Sometimes it feels like the world is ending. As you live… there will be times when things are so hard that you might think it would be easier to just die.”

Suzy’s voice was calm, but her words carried the full weight of the life she had been bearing.

Jeong-in looked at Suzy with tired eyes. In Jeong-in’s memory, his mother had always been strong. But thinking about it, she had been through tremendous hardships.

She lost her first husband to illness, and after coming to a distant foreign country with her second husband, she became alone again. Maybe it would have been a little easier if she had been alone. But she had a young son to feed.

“There were many times I wanted to give up. To be honest, sometimes I really did give up. Dating, laundry… But there was just one thing I never gave up on.”

“What was that?”

“You.”

“…Mom.”

“Look how you turned out. You’ve grown up so wonderfully.”

Suzy spoke in a quiet voice, but with conviction.

“There’s no hardship you can’t overcome. Do you believe me?”

Jeong-in nodded. There was no reason not to believe someone who had been through it.

“If it doesn’t work once, you try two or three times.”

“And if it still doesn’t work?”

“Then too bad, what else?”

Jeong-in burst into laughter. Though his heart was still heavy, the conversation with Suzy created a small crack in Jeong-in’s hardened feelings.

“Good night, Mom.”

“Good night, son.”

Before leaving Jeong-in’s room, Suzy turned off the light and said one last thing.

“Still, it’s better if you take a day off from school tomorrow. Essays, SAT studies… Maybe you’ve been working too hard and that’s what’s wrong. I’ll call the school tomorrow. After that it’s the weekend, so let’s take a good rest.”

Suzy probably wanted to help Jeong-in escape from a difficult situation. But Jeong-in didn’t even have the luxury to consider that. The thought of wanting to run away, even for a day, was ultimately true.

Tomorrow was an A-day with English composition class with Chase. And before that, there was lunch time. It was always a time spent with Justin.

In the darkened room, Jeong-in curled up and hugged his knees. And tried to sleep, though it wouldn’t come.