7MoH 2.2

To Justin: [I’m really sorry I’ll tell you everything honestly please give me one more chance]

Jeong-in placed his phone on the desk with a sigh after pressing the send button.

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became that Justin was the one he truly couldn’t afford to lose in his life. Not Chase Prescott, whom he’d never had and never could have.

Chase Prescott was like a star shining in the sky, something that glowed from a distance, an illusion beyond reach. He shouldn’t have made the mistake of believing that such a being could become his just because he briefly experienced being close to him.

In reality, it was Justin who had always been by his side. Justin was like a lamp illuminating his path right beside him—not dazzling, but quietly giving light from nearby.

To focus on something, Jeong-in immersed himself in SAT studies all day. But as time passed, his concentration broke, and his gaze kept turning toward his phone. He checked the screen countless times, waiting for a message from Justin.

But no matter how long he waited, there was no reply. Time passed slowly, leaving only silence behind.

In the evening, Suzy returned from work, bringing some warmth back into the house.

Jeong-in, whose physical condition had improved, ate a little dinner. He had deliberately left his phone in his room when he came down. He hated how he kept checking the screen.

But as soon as he returned to his room after dinner, the first thing Jeong-in did was pick up his phone. When he turned on the screen with his fingertip, there was a new message notification.

Chase Prescott: [You didn’t come to school today?

Is something wrong?

Are you sick?]

It wasn’t the contact Jeong-in had been waiting for.

Chase Prescott’s kindness was like a public good—something shared with everyone. Therefore, he shouldn’t assign meaning to it.

The person who truly had his heart was Vivian Sinclair. From the beginning, he should never have expected to become someone special.

To realize this obvious fact only now. Indeed, humans seem to be dull creatures who must experience things firsthand to understand.

Jeong-in turned off the message window without any intention of replying.

On Saturday, the next day, there was still no contact from Justin. He seemed to be extremely disappointed in him.

Jeong-in sighed countless times. If he put himself in Justin position, he would have turned his back too. The anxiety that Justin might have closed his heart for good weighed heavily on his mind.

Jeong-in mechanically solved math problems. After solving one problem, he moved on to the next, and though his hands kept moving, thoughts of Justin wouldn’t leave his mind.

Feeling frustrated, he took off his glasses, placed them on the desk, and rested his head on the desk. If he became friends with Justin again, he would never neglect this friendship. Jeong-in made resolution after resolution.

Just then, Suzy’s voice came from downstairs.

“Jeong-in! You have a visitor…”

Jeong-in jumped up without hearing the rest. In his haste, he stepped on his glasses that had fallen to the floor. There was a cracking sound of something breaking under his foot, but he didn’t even have time to worry about that.

He ran down the stairs, calling out the name he had been waiting for.

“Justin!”

But the person standing at the entrance wasn’t the one Jeong-in had been waiting for all along.

Even with his blurry vision, he could tell who it was just from the silhouette.

“Ah…”

The small sigh that escaped Jeong-in’s lips carried a tone closer to disappointment than joy or pleasure. Chase’s eyebrows momentarily twisted slightly.

Jeong-in said in a deflated voice,

“…Wait a moment. I came without my glasses.”

Jeong-in’s shoulders drooped as he went back up the stairs.

Chase’s eyes narrowed. He looked at where Jeong-in had been standing and quietly murmured,

“…Justin?”

It was clear that Jeong-in had been waiting for someone other than him. Justin. It was a name he had never heard before.

When Jeong-in returned to his room, he found his glasses on the floor with the bridge part broken clean off.

One more thing ruined.

Jeong-in bitterly mocked himself as he took out the glasses he used to wear in middle school from a drawer and put them on. His eyes must have gotten worse since then, as he felt momentarily dizzy.

Weakly going down the stairs, Jeong-in faced Chase standing at the entrance.

The handsome man’s face was, as always, too beautiful to look away from. But Jeong-in’s heart was in chaos as he looked at that face.

The excitement and happiness, the regret and resentment—all of these things began because of this man. He couldn’t deny that he was a person who held special meaning for him in some way.

Chase took one step closer to Jeong-in. His brow gradually narrowed as he saw the shadows under Jeong-in’s eyes and his pale lips.

“Were you sick?”

Chase’s voice was low and careful. His fingertips unconsciously reached toward Jeong-in’s face. That gesture, as if he were about to tenderly cup his cheek, seemed so natural.

Jeong-in stepped back in surprise. Chase, seeming to realize his action was excessive, hurriedly lowered his hand.

Jeong-in frowned, not hiding his discomfort.

This was not how to act toward someone you don’t like. Would he behave this way toward Max Schneider? Darius Thompson? Alex Martinez?

“I’m sorry for just coming to your house. You didn’t come to school, and there was no contact… I was worried.”

“…I was a little sick.”

A long, awkward silence followed the brief conversation. Jeong-in asked while avoiding eye contact,

“Is that all you came for?”

“Huh? Oh…”

Chase finally seemed to remember his purpose and showed what he was holding in one hand. It was a notebook with a red cover.

“…Ah.”

Jeong-in felt a lump in his throat. That red notebook was where everything began. And now it had become a symbol of the end. A part of his chest felt numb, and with each exhale, a tingling pain washed over him.

When asked when Jeong-in would return it, he had answered with a smile. He said he would return it when he no longer disliked him. It seemed that to keep his word, he now judged it right to return this notebook.

Because he had already figured it out. That far from disliking him, he actually liked him.

“…Thank you for returning it.”

Jeong-in slowly stretched out his hand and received the book. Ironically, the moment the book returned to his possession, he felt as if he had lost something.

“And… Jay.”

Jeong-in slowly raised his head to look at Chase’s face. Even through glasses with a slightly wrong prescription, he could clearly see his expression.

He wore an expression that was half apologetic, half awkward.

At this all-too-familiar expression, Jeong-in felt his heart being crushed. Having observed him for a very long time, he knew well that this was the expression he made when rejecting someone’s confession.

Just recently, under the stadium seats where they secretly ate sandwiches, he had worn exactly the same expression. He could roughly guess what he was about to say.

Finally, Chase opened his mouth.

“Jay, you’re a really fun and cute person.”

“Wait.”

Jeong-in interrupted him, already knowing the sentence beginning with “but” that would follow those placating words. He took a moment to catch his breath, then led Chase outside, saying they should talk outdoors.

Only after moving far enough that their conversation wouldn’t be heard inside the house did Jeong-in begin to speak.

“I know what you’re going to say. I know everything, and it’s okay.”

“…Huh?”

“You don’t need to say anything more.”

“…”

Chase raised his eyebrows as if to ask what he meant. Jeong-in continued calmly and composedly.

“I never intended to confess. And I won’t in the future either. So what you’re trying to say now, you don’t need to say it.”

Chase’s expression became a little bewildered, as if Jeong-in’s attitude was unexpected. Jeong-in found his reaction somewhat amusing. What, did he think he would cry and cling to him? Or did he think he would kiss him on the cheek like Michaela, saying “You’re really the best, Chase”?

Chase remained silent, as if at a loss for words.

“Thanks for returning the book. You can go now.”

Jeong-in smiled as if everything was fine, as if nothing mattered. He pretended to be nonchalant with all his might.

Inside, he resented him. He didn’t need to go as far as confirming a rejection for a confession he hadn’t even properly made. Chase Prescott truly was a heartbreaker.

“…Okay. Then that’s settled. You don’t look well, what’s wrong?”

Chase asked, seemingly trying to change the subject. But Jeong-in simply shook his head indifferently. There was no reason to exchange pleasantries and make small talk with him anymore.

“I’m fine. I might have been coming down with a cold, but I’ll get better soon. Thanks for coming all this way.”

Those words signified a farewell. Faced with Jeong-in’s resolute expression, Chase slowly backed away with a reluctant face. His attitude suggested he had more to say but had no choice but to retreat quietly.

“Go inside. You look sick.”

“No. You go first.”

With a still unsettled face, Chase got into the driver’s seat. Jeong-in smiled one last time with all his remaining strength. And he waved.

“Take care.”

Take care, Chase Prescott.

And so Jeong-in bid his final farewell in his heart as well. To the person who had rejected his even before he could confess.

Chase nodded with a somewhat worried face and started the engine. His car moved away with a loud engine sound, and Jeong-in stood motionless until the sound completely disappeared.

As soon as the car vanished from sight, transparent teardrops began falling from Jeong-in’s chin.

“Hic…”

Holding the red notebook Chase had returned in one hand, still in his pajamas and slippers, Jeong-in stood there and began to sob loudly.

His first heartbreak hurt much more than he had expected. Because his time with Chase had been so sweet, the heartbreak that followed tasted even more bitter.

Unable to even think of wiping away his flowing tears, Jeong-in walked aimlessly. His feet, which had been walking without knowing where to go, stopped at Justin’s house. As always, his front door was open.

“Hello… Grandmother.”

Grandma Meiling, who was sitting on the living room sofa, took her eyes off the TV for once and looked at Jeong-in. Seeing Jeong-in in his shabby state with tears falling, the grandmother clicked her tongue and shook her head. As if what was bound to happen had finally happened, she pointed her finger at Jeong-in.

“Tsk, tsk, fuego.”

Fuego meant fire in Spanish. Jeong-in immediately understood what the grandmother was trying to say. He recalled a line from a drama they used to watch together.

‘El que juega con fuego, se quema.’

If you play with fire, you’ll get burned.

Jeong-in answered in a trembling voice, as if trying to defend himself.

“I… didn’t mean to do that.”

But nevertheless, he had played with fire and ended up getting burned. That realization made him sad, and tears flowed once again.

Sobbing quietly with his shoulders shaking, Jeong-in clutched the red notebook tightly. The grandmother sighed deeply and turned his gaze back to the TV.

“Grandma, who are you talking to…”

That’s when it happened. Justin, who was coming out of the kitchen with a snack bowl, discovered Jeong-in standing in the middle of the living room. His eyes widened at the sight of him standing there in tears, looking haggard. At the same time, the bowl he was holding fell to the floor. Crispy pieces of snacks spread across the floor like a carpet.

Justin approached with large strides and hugged Jeong-in tightly.

“This kid…”

“Justin… I… actually I…”

Jeong-in’s voice trembled pitifully as he spoke between sobs. Justin quietly patted his back.

“You idiot… did you come crying in that state, embarrassing the whole neighborhood? Were you that desperate to see me?”

Jeong-in wiped his tears and looked up. Then he looked at Justin with a serious face.

“I have something to tell you… It’s important.”

Justin immediately sensed that Jeong-in was trying to say something difficult to bring up. Anticipating that a big bombshell was about to drop, he swallowed hard and quietly took a deep breath.

* * *

The crackling of burning wood filled the silence. The two sat in front of the fire pit in Justin’s backyard, staring blankly into the flames.

The flames danced, and an empty marshmallow bag lay next to Justin.

“That bastard.”

Justin spat out the words with a face that seemed to boil with anger. Of course, due to the soot marks from roasting marshmallows, he didn’t look particularly threatening.

“That bastard.”

That was Justin’s first response after hearing Jeong-in’s entire story.

Jeong-in had confessed everything without omitting a single detail. From the red notebook that had been in Chase’s hands and returned, to the kiss in the locker, to the cruel pain of the rejection he had just received.

Justin was outraged.

“If he doesn’t even like you, why did he kiss you? He’s crazy. And yet he’s so quick to catch on.”

Jeong-in sniffled again. Just having someone understand his feelings somehow made him emotional. Seeing his reaction, Justin continued, seeming even more agitated.

“What is the FBI doing? Not arresting someone like Chase Prescott. That guy should be locked up. Or at least be put under protective supervision!”

Jeong-in wiped his tears on his arm and mumbled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier…”

“Well… I am a bit disappointed about that…”

Justin glanced sideways at Jeong-in. His dejected appearance was pitiful.

Even for close friends, confessing to liking someone of the same sex wouldn’t have been easy. Thinking about Jeong-in suffering alone, Justin sighed deeply.

“Sigh… They say beautiful mushrooms are poisonous, and the old saying is absolutely right. Indeed, handsome men are harmful. They should be designated as dangerous animals!”

After fuming for a while, Justin left briefly, saying to wait a moment, then returned. He extended his hand toward Jeong-in as if he had firmly made up his mind about something.

“Jay, give me that notebook.”

Jeong-in looked at his hand with a puzzled expression and asked, “Are you going to burn it?”

“Are you crazy? Why would I burn such valuable evidence? I’ll preserve it so our descendants can discover it later. That’s how history will remember what kind of guy Chase Prescott is.”

What Justin pulled from his pocket was a black permanent marker. He vigorously crossed out the words “Shame Book” and then, after searching for something on his phone, wrote a new title in Chinese characters.

Jeong-in tilted his head.

“What did you write?”

“The Kill List.”

At Justin’s resolute voice, as if the notebook had become a Death Note, Jeong-in burst into laughter with tears still clinging to the corners of his eyes.

Finally, at last, he could laugh.

“I’ll write Chase Prescott’s name as number one in here.”

“…Still, let’s not carry it around anymore.”

Justin grinned in agreement with Jeong-in’s words.

The secret that had been weighing on his heart like a stone was now gone. Somehow, he felt closer to Justin than before.