7MoH 2.7

“So I’m going to focus on myself from now on. I’m thinking about how to start my essay. Would ‘The Life of an Immigrant’ be too cliché? What if I started by quoting Nietzsche?”

Jeong-in rambled on to Grandma Meiling, who showed no signs of listening.

The grandmother was sitting on the sofa watching her telenovela as usual. On the TV screen, a woman in a wedding dress was slapping her deceptive strategic marriage partner and running out of the cathedral.

Jeong-in continued.

“For volunteer work, I was thinking of going to Oklahoma to help build houses, but people say that’s too predictable. My counselor told me to find something more special. I need to start looking tonight.”

Watching Jeong-in continue to talk about his resolutions, Justin finally realized. Jeong-in was making a pledge to himself. Almost like self-hypnosis to stay focused.

“Kids, dinner’s ready!”

Just then, Rachel came in with a small tray and placed it on her mother-in-law’s lap. The tray held delicious crab soup and Chinese bread, neatly arranged. Reluctant to take her eyes off the screen even for a moment, the grandmother ate while watching TV.

The two exchanged brief words in Chinese, their sharp tones making it sound like an argument. Jeong-in cautiously asked Justin, who was sitting beside him.

“Are they fighting?”

“No. That’s just how they talk. ‘Thank you, dear. That looks delicious.’ ‘Yes, Mother. Enjoy your meal.’ Something like that.”

On the screen, the male and female protagonists who had separated were miraculously reunited in a touching reunion. Jeong-in deliberately looked away from the romantic scene.

Justin’s home had a rotating dining table like those seen in Chinese restaurants. The dishes on it, though not numerous, all looked delicious. As restaurant owners, his parents were excellent cooks.

Rachel, Justin’s mom, who knew that Jeong-in loved stir-fried pork with chives, always invited him over for dinner whenever she made that dish. It was a modest but warm meal.

After dinner and tea, Justin offered to drive Jeong-in home. He looked slightly nervous as he got into his used Volvo.

It took courage to ride in a car with Justin driving. Here, if you failed the driving test three times, you had to wait six months before retaking it. Unlike Jeong-in, who passed on his first try, Justin barely succeeded on his sixth attempt, finally getting his license after half a year.

Jeong-in nodded when Justin suggested stopping by a nearby store on the way. He just remembered he was out of Pop-Tarts for breakfast.

Justin’s car crawled onto the road. As cars, scooters, and occasionally bicycles zoomed past them, Justin carefully broached a subject.

“Jay, listen. What if Chase Prescott…”

“First this morning, and now again, Justin. Why do you keep talking about him?”

Like someone trying to set up a blind date, Justin had been bringing up Chase Prescott’s name at every opportunity since class this morning.

“Well… when have we ever not talked about him? Like 90% of our shame book is about Chase Prescott.”

“…That’s true.”

As Jeong-in reluctantly acknowledged this, Justin’s car turned onto Fitzroy Street. While not as expensive as Crestview, it was still an affluent area with high-end homes scattered throughout. The scenery of the quiet residential area with well-maintained parks and street trees flowed past the window.

As Jeong-in gazed absently out the window, a familiar car caught his eye.

“Huh? Is that…”

A silver Porsche convertible was parked by the roadside.

“Isn’t that Chase Prescott’s car?” Justin asked, parking his car at a distance across the street.

It was indeed Chase Prescott’s car. The reason they could be certain was that Chase was standing near it, with Vivian Sinclair in his arms.

Why did it feel like this was inevitable? Why did it feel like they had reached a predictable ending?

A bitter smile formed on Jeong-in’s lips.

“…You were right, Justin. ‘Never dated’ indeed. It was all lies.”

Of course, he had seen it himself. The two of them entangled on the terrace the night of the charity party. He had just forgotten it momentarily.

Justin stared at Chase and Vivian with a blank face, unable to say anything. He looked somewhat dazed, as if the hypothesis he had believed until now had been completely shattered.

“What are we doing here? Let’s go, Justin.”

Flustered, Justin hurriedly turned the car around and hit a trash can on the side of the road. At the crashing sound of the falling trash can, both Chase and Vivian looked in their direction. Jeong-in instantly ducked down.

“Justin, go quickly!”

Justin stepped on the accelerator in a panic. The car zigzagged out of the alley. Jeong-in clutched his seatbelt tightly and said sarcastically,

“The stereotype that Asians can’t drive probably started because of people like you.”

“That’s not helpful at all, you know?”

Only after they’d completely left the street did Justin’s car regain stability. With a sigh of relief, Jeong-in looked out the window, his expression sinking heavily.

Yes, perhaps this was for the best.

Chase can just marry a cheerleader like Vivian Sinclair, who comes from a good family and is pretty, and live happily ever after as high school sweethearts with lots of kids.

Someday, after time had passed, she hoped she could say with a comfortable smile that there was a time when she liked him when she was young. That would be enough.

Jeong-in sighed with resignation as she watched the streetlights passing by outside the window.

* * *

BANG—

With a sudden crash, a wavering car hit a trash can placed on the roadside. The trash can fell helplessly, and the car sped away.

Chase let go of Vivian, whom he had been comforting, and looked at the car with a surprised face.

“Drunk driver, maybe.”

At the sound of Vivian’s sniffling, Chase turned his attention back to her. He had been consoling the crying girl for several minutes already.

“What do I care… sob…”

Chase looked at her with slightly tired eyes and let out a small sigh. He wanted to say “I told you so,” but didn’t voice it.

“You want to say ‘I told you so,’ don’t you?”

As if she had guessed his thoughts, Vivian raised her head and glared at Chase. Chase said nothing and covered it with a shallow laugh. Vivian frowned in frustration but finally nodded in acknowledgment.

“Fine. You were right.”

Evan Prescott had finally done it. He had been arrested in Mexico for possession of prohibited items and imprisoned in a local jail. It was enough to fall out of Albert’s favor.

Albert immediately dispatched a lawyer and spent an enormous amount of money to get Evan out. But there was a price. He was absolutely not allowed to return to the United States, and he was no longer an official member of the Prescott family.

The problem was that the Prescott family trust stipulations clearly stated that trust eligibility would be immediately revoked if one committed a crime that would go on record.

In the end, Evan was expelled from the Prescott family with only a small consolation payment. Although it was enough money to buy several buildings in the city center, it was nothing compared to the trust.

Just like that, Vivian’s ticket into the Prescott castle had flown away.

“Chase, do you really not want to marry me? I won’t ask you to be faithful. You can have girlfriends.”

“Do you want to be a Prescott that badly? Even through a fake marriage?”

Vivian sniffled and nodded.

“I can’t do that. I’ve fallen for someone.”

At Chase’s words, far from being surprised, Vivian snorted.

“If you don’t want to, just say so. No need to lie on top of it.”

Looking at Vivian, Chase suddenly found himself reflecting on his past. It was hard to believe that he, who had thought love was nothing but an illusion, had come to like someone with his whole heart. The change was just as unbelievable to Chase himself.

As he tilted his head back, he saw the white moon shining coldly yet quietly. Seeing that moon reminded him of Jeong-in.

A person who quietly illuminates the darkness with a subtle light rather than receiving everyone’s attention like the daytime sun.

A person who calmly and gently brightens the darkness of Chase Prescott that others don’t see.

Chase Prescott’s first love was such a person. Someone who made him want to become a better person.

“I need to tell you something, Vivian.”

* * *

Advanced PE was the only class where football players with varying academic performances attended together.

Today was a sports medicine class learning about injury management and sports taping that could occur during exercise. While wrapping bandages around each other’s arms and legs, Max Schneider suddenly clapped his hands.

“Oh, right! I have big news. Did you guys know?”

Brian, knowing Max’s habit of making a fuss over nothing, asked indifferently.

“What is it?”

“Madison Wilkes made a promposal.”

“So what? These days, what does it matter if it’s a guy or girl making the promposal?”

“What matters is who it was to. To Jay, they say.”

Chase, who had been lost in thought, jerked his head up. His brow immediately contorted.

“What? Jay? The Jay I know? You mean Jay Lim?”

“Yeah!”

Jeong-in had suddenly become the center of attention.

“I guess those glasses were the issue after all. Why did he always cover his face?”

“I understand why they say Asians are mysterious. His face is quite intriguing.”

“The girls were really interested too.”

The conclusion was that Jeong-in without glasses was beautiful. Chase felt uncomfortable with this conversation continuing, but the talk about Jeong-in went on.

“He seems to have a nice personality too. Quiet, and doesn’t show off about being smart.”

“I thought all nerds were gloomy. Doing weird voodoo rituals and stuff.”

“Have you been watching too many movies?”

Chase was listening to their conversation without saying anything, but he was quite displeased.

That strange irritation he felt when he saw Jeong-in standing next to Darius instead of him, or when Jeong-in rode home in Brian’s car instead of his. Now he could understand the nature of that emotion.

He disliked Jeong-in’s gaze falling on someone else and felt uncomfortable seeing him stay beside another person. The emotions he had dismissed as mere displeasure or spite were now clear. He wanted Jeong-in all to himself.

He missed hearing Jeong-in’s soft, articulate voice teaching Darius math while reading a book, and driving under a starry night sky with him in the passenger seat of his car. 

Chase recalled his mistake. If only he had realized his feelings a little earlier. Then he wouldn’t have said nonsense like “Then let’s date” as if doing him a favor. The image of Jeong-in frowning his delicate brow and driving him away wouldn’t leave his mind.

Only after coming to his senses and lifting his head did Chase realize the class had ended and everyone was getting up from their seats.

At that moment, Darius picked up his bag and said in a somewhat dispirited voice, “I’ll pass. And you guys eat without me for a while. I need to go study.”

“What? Study?”

Darius Thompson studying? Max laughed as if he’d heard the funniest joke in the world. But Thompson was serious.

“I need to go to the library. I’ll get scolded by the teacher if I’m late.”

“By teacher, you mean Jay?”

Max asked, pretending to wipe tears from the corners of his eyes. Darius nodded with a still-serious expression.

“He says if I fail my test, the whole world will end.”

“What?”

“First I’ll fail, then Jay won’t get his recommendation letter and he’ll fail, then the football world will lose me and fail, then the sports industry will fail. He said the pharmaceutical and medical industries would fail too, but I don’t understand that part.”

Chase quietly observed Darius. Despite being nearly twice his size, Darius was clearly hurrying, apparently terrified.

Jeong-in had been tutoring Darius in math without missing a single session.

Come to think of it, Jeong-in was firm and resolute. He seemed to have a clear picture of what he truly wanted to do and how to achieve it.

Jeong-in had a clear plan and destination in life. Unlike himself, who was neither able to leave nor stay, just floating in the same place, tied to the harbor.

“I hope I don’t get scolded too much today…”

The group burst into laughter, finding it amusing that the large Darius was intimidated by the relatively small Jeong-in.

Chase quietly stood up and positioned himself next to Darius.

“I’ll go with you.”

Everyone looked at him with puzzled faces. Darius also tilted his head with an expression that seemed to ask, “Why?”

“…I have some math questions too.”

Darius nodded casually without any particular suspicion, and Chase awkwardly raised the corners of his mouth.

Alex Martinez looked at Chase with a seemingly perplexed expression. He knew Chase received tutoring from a famous professor. Why would he ask math questions to a fellow student?

Moreover, he had been acting very strangely lately. During training, he had made so many ridiculous mistakes that yesterday the backup quarterback had to step in for him.

Suddenly, he remembered the conversation he had with Chase during training a few days ago. It was about Chase’s friend Nate and his crush, Caitlin.

Alex unconsciously thought to himself: Nate and Caitlin. And… Chase and Jay Lim?

Chase’s gentle behavior specifically toward Jay, despite being another guy. All the discomfort he had felt about Chase suddenly made sense. Alex’s eyes widened in shock.

As he walked toward the library with Darius, Chase’s heart began to beat rapidly as if he had just sprinted. Why hadn’t he realized it before? That this attraction wasn’t mere interest, but affection.

“Hello, teacher.”

Darius greeted Jeong-in, who was already in the library’s reading room.

Jeong-in, who was taking out a wrapped sandwich from his bag, looked up and frowned upon discovering the two large men entering through the door.

At that sight, Chase recalled a childhood memory. After getting into trouble, Vivian always took him home with her. Vivian’s mother, who valued appearances, never scolded Vivian when Chase was present. Following Darius now, he felt just like Vivian back then. Using Darius as a shield to avoid being scolded.

“…Why are you here, Prescott?”

“I have some math questions too.”

Fortunately, today was the day for AP Statistics class, and he had a few problems he had marked to ask his tutor.

“I’ll ask after you’re done with Thompson.”

Perhaps finding it difficult to refuse outright with Darius present, Jeong-in nodded with a displeased expression.

Chase pretended to read while continuously glancing at Jeong-in. Taking a bite of his sandwich from the plastic wrap and setting it down, Jeong-in began explaining to Darius.

“Think of the x-axis as your strength and the y-axis as the distance the ball travels. If your strength increases this much, the distance the ball travels will increase too, right?”

Jeong-in’s voice was soft yet clear as he explained, mixing in comparisons that Darius would likely understand, like football or cake slices. Darius seemed to have no trouble understanding, nodding and listening attentively to Jeong-in’s words.

Once he became conscious of it, Jeong-in appeared in a new light.

Jeong-in was fundamentally a kind person. Perhaps it was a trait inherited from his mother. She had seemed genuine and kind as well. When the two talked, they seemed just like close friends.

“…Prescott, didn’t you say you had questions too?”

Jeong-in, after giving Darius a few more problems to solve, looked at Chase with a somewhat calmer expression and tone.

Chase immediately took out his textbook from his bag as if he had been waiting.

What he had checked was a problem about regression analysis in AP Statistics. There were traces of him solving it halfway through before getting stuck.

“I got stuck here. At some point, I didn’t know what I was calculating anymore.”

Jeong-in checked his notes and nodded slightly as if impressed.

“You’ve solved it up to the regression equation. Since the predicted values are widely spread, you need a confidence interval.”

Jeong-in continued his explanation, drawing a small graph below where Chase had been solving the problem.

“The predicted value is 45.3, but there’s a 95% probability that the actual y-value is between 47.5 and 53.2.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Chase quickly understood Jeong-in’s explanation and soon found the solution.

“For problems like this, if you approach with the understanding that the regression line isn’t perfect…”

But his concentration didn’t last long. Looking at Jeong-in’s downcast eyelashes, Chase unconsciously thought,

How did those glasses get broken that they still haven’t been fixed? Is it because people are sticking to him now that he doesn’t have glasses?

And is Madison Wilkes crazy? How well does she know Jay to make a promposal? Why has she been acting so familiar since before? How did Jeong-in respond? He must have rejected it, right? Because Jeong-in likes me. Does he… like me?

“…so you need to consider the uncertainty.”

With thoughts bordering on delusion, Chase’s gaze, which had been wandering over Jeong-in’s face, fixed on his moving lips. Was it because his face was pale? His lips were noticeably red. Did he put something on them? He didn’t seem like he would.

“Prescott?”

“…Huh?”

“Did you understand?”

“Yes.”

In reality, he hadn’t understood any of the latter part.

By that point, Chase was thinking about what taste those red lips might have.

He recalled the playful kiss from before. The surprisingly soft sensation was the only thing he remembered clearly.

“Let’s stop here for today. Darius, you must do your homework.”

“Yes, teacher.”

As the library session wrapped up, Chase internally swallowed his regret and disappointment.

He should have cherished every moment with Jeong-in. Their first kiss shouldn’t have been such a silly prank in the locker room. And he had ruined everything from the start with that insincere confession.

Self-loathing burrowed deep into his chest.

Would he ever get another chance?

After making sure Darius was the first to leave the library, Chase deliberately blocked the door, trapping Jeong-in inside.

Jeong-in quickly glanced around. Even the librarian had gone to lunch; the reading room was empty.

“Jay.”

Jeong-in looked up. His silent upward gaze was cold as ice. Chase took a short deep breath before speaking.

“Are you coming to watch the game the day after tomorrow?”

The day after tomorrow was the varsity team’s charity game. Jeong-in quietly shook his head.

“I need to study for the SAT.”

Chase made the most pitiful expression he could manage.

“Snowball cried all night. This morning, his eyes were all swollen.”

Jeong-in looked at Chase as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. But Chase continued seriously.

“…Don’t you miss him? What wrong has that innocent child done to suffer the separation of his family?”

Jeong-in spoke in a calm voice with a deep sigh. His tone was as if trying to persuade him with logic.

“Prescott. I’m trying very hard to let you go.”

Chase’s eyes grew desperate as he wanted to somehow narrow the gap with Jeong-in, even with such transparent words. But Jeong-in seemed completely unaware of his feelings.

“Even if you can’t help someone who’s struggling to give up, at least don’t make it harder.”

“Don’t.”

“…What?”

“Please don’t give up on me.”

Jeong-in silently stared at Chase.

There was sincerity in his voice. It had a completely different resonance from his previous words that he had casually dismissed as awkward jokes.

“Please. You have great patience. Enough not to give up on Darius’s math.”

What kind of psychology was that?

He didn’t want to have him, but he didn’t want anyone else to have him either? Jeong-in couldn’t help but think cynically.

“Chase Prescott. You really…”

“A hopeless case? I know. A hopeless case who realized his feelings too late.”

Jeong-in looked at Chase as if asking, ‘What do you mean?’

Meeting his clear and transparent eyes, Chase felt an uncomfortable tickling sensation, as if a feather were brushing against his throat. He couldn’t bear it any longer without spitting out the confession that was stuck in his throat.

“I like you, Jay. I like you.”

Jeong-in’s eyes widened. Because he wasn’t wearing his glasses, Chase could see the surprise filling his small face. But his momentarily shaken expression soon changed back to his usual calmness.

What was this now? Jeong-in thought to himself. Was this an extension of “I want to hang out with you”? Was he still unable to let go?

Jeong-in set up two hypotheses in his mind.

Hypothesis A: His feelings are sincere.

Outwardly, his confession seems quite sincere. But the behavior with Vivian that he witnessed last night weakens the validity of this hypothesis.

Hypothesis B: His feelings are not sincere.

This suggests that he might simply enjoy relationships like a game of conquering others, or that he’s merely testing his reaction.

Jeong-in mathematically organized the two hypotheses. He calculated the probabilities by substituting reliability functions and external variables. The result overwhelmingly favored Hypothesis B.

In fact, even without such complex calculations, Jeong-in was half-convinced. Chase’s heart wouldn’t be what he thought it was.

His existence might have been novel to him. From different races to different cultures, different family backgrounds, resulting in a different personality, plus discovering the shame book.

Since he was about to lose that novelty before it had faded, he was reluctant to let go. Someone who has everything wouldn’t be used to losing or letting go of things.

Even if Chase’s words of affection were sincere, they would clearly carry a different weight than his. For him, it was years of one-sided love, but for Chase, it might just be a passing whim. It could be like a prank that would be quickly forgotten once his curiosity was satisfied.

Jeong-in didn’t want to be left alone dealing with the aftermath while watching a butterfly flit effortlessly from one flower to another. Some people are perfect when kept as a one-sided crush.

Besides, falling for someone in an instant is something that rarely happens in reality.

Having finished organizing his thoughts, Jeong-in calmly said,

“I heard Bellakov has a total population of about 120,000, and there are around 9,000 people our age.”

Chase couldn’t grasp what Jeong-in was trying to say. He slightly narrowed his brows, waiting for his next words.

“I’m saying the probability of me liking you, Prescott, is one in 9,000.”

Somewhat amused, Chase’s eyebrow quirked upward. Being liked with a probability of one in 9,000 wasn’t such an unpleasant thing to hear.

However, the conversation flowed in a direction he hadn’t anticipated.

“But since the probability of you liking me back is also one in 9,000, the probability of us liking each other becomes one in 81 million.”

“…Why is that?”

A sense of foreboding suddenly washed over him. Somehow, Jeong-in’s story didn’t seem to be heading in a positive direction.

“I never really placed much hope in such probabilities to begin with.”

To Jeong-in, Chase Prescott was the perfect object of a one-sided crush. Watching from afar, alone. It was the most harmless and safe form of relationship, with no possibility of getting hurt.

He had never even imagined that they would come to like each other. He considered such a thing not permitted for him.

It was regrettable that his feelings had been discovered, but he swore he didn’t want anything more.

“I’m saying I wasn’t greatly disappointed that your feelings weren’t the same as mine. I don’t have time for that… So you don’t need to show curiosity or pity.”

“…What?”

In front of Jeong-in, he always ended up stupidly repeating questions.

Chase was speechless. Curiosity? Pity? Jeong-in’s words had a rather cruel edge to them.

For him, this emotion was by no means light. After realizing his feelings with such difficulty, he was dismissing them as something so trivial and simple.

Chase’s voice sank even lower.

“You don’t… believe my feelings?”

“I’m saying it doesn’t make sense statistically. And anyway, you’re…”

Jeong-in let his words trail off. But Chase didn’t miss that subtle hesitation.

“And I’m what? Why don’t you finish what you were saying.”

“You’re… Chase Prescott.”

Kind to everyone, casually getting along with anyone. The person who was embracing Vivian last night, who kissed at parties, yet claims to have never dated. Chase Prescott, who was too difficult and simultaneously too easy.

“Find someone who suits you, Prescott.”

Someone suitable for the Prescott name. That certainly wouldn’t be an Asian immigrant of modest means who happened to be a same-sex classmate.

Jeong-in had organized his thoughts over the past few days. Realistically, he wasn’t equipped to handle Chase. There was no need to force himself into a picture where he didn’t belong.

Jeong-in slowly raised his head and met Chase’s eyes. When he saw his face, Jeong-in was a little surprised.

Unexpectedly, Chase wore a hurt expression.

He felt something stir in a corner of his heart but deliberately steadied himself. Avoiding his gaze, Jeong-in turned his head and walked past him, ignoring his presence.

* * *

“Is Gatsby a pure person who truly pursued love, or a character obsessed with the recognition of others and vanity?”

The last class that day was English Composition, which Chase and Jeong-in took together. Teacher Davis looked around the room as he posed the question. And he called on Jeong-in to answer first.

After some thought, Jeong-in responded.

“Gatsby seems like someone who couldn’t think for himself. He wasted his life trying to meet others’ standards.”

Some students nodded at Jeong-in’s opinion. Just then, a shallow smile crossed Chase’s lips. That small, seemingly mocking smile drew everyone’s attention.

Jeong-in’s brows furrowed sharply as his sharp voice cut through the air.

“Prescott, did I say something amusing?”

Chase casually shrugged and retorted.

“No. I was just wondering if it’s your habit to arbitrarily judge and evaluate others.”

Murmurs spread through the classroom. Chase was generally equally indifferent to everyone and didn’t treat anyone noticeably badly. Seeing him speak so sharply was quite an unfamiliar sight.

Given that the opponent was none other than Prescott, an ordinary person would have been thoroughly intimidated. But Jeong-in was not one to back down. When someone attacked him, he had to pay them back double or triple to feel satisfied. That was no exception even if the opponent was Chase Prescott.

“I’m sorry if my words upset you. But people only remember Gatsby for his superficial aspects—his name, glamorous house, expensive clothes. You’re not identifying yourself with Gatsby, are you?”

The classroom fell silent at the nerd’s fierce counterattack. Chase’s twisted smile gave way to a cold expression.

“Judging someone based solely on their visible exterior, by your own meager standards? That seems more vulgar to me.”

Jeong-in’s eyes flashed sharply at Chase’s rebuttal. He counterattacked without a moment’s hesitation.

“At least I’m honest. But like Gatsby, no matter how splendidly you dress up, if there’s nothing inside, it’ll be exposed eventually. Isn’t that right, King Prescott?”

The classroom grew quiet as if cold water had been poured over it.

There were many people who called him ‘King Prescott’ because he was always chosen at the King selection event. But calling him that in this situation was just a taunt and a provocation.

Neither the teacher nor the students could say anything. No one dared to touch the tense air flowing between the two.

Chase glared at Jeong-in with fierce eyes. His boiling blue eyes were like fire and ice. Either way, it was clear that touching them would result in burns.

Screech—

The sharp sound of a chair being dragged resonated heavily throughout the classroom.

Chase quietly rose from his seat. Everyone looked at him, but he paid no attention as he crossed the classroom.

Bang—the door closed behind him, and no one could stop him from leaving.