AUS Chapter 32: Wait, Is This Liu Jiang?

In real life, during the summer vacation before my third year of high school, rumors about Liu Jiang and me were rampant. They said he was “bent,” they said he was the bottom, just because he was good-looking and had long hair, just because he treated women more gently than the average man.

People’s stereotypes are sometimes just that unreasonable.

Back then, I did nothing, because I didn’t care.

Now, I also did nothing, because I was afraid.

As soon as I thought of the look in Liu Jiang’s eyes back then, I knew I had done many things wrong, knew I was terribly wrong, knew I had let him be in a rumor that everyone except him reveled in.

So now, standing on the landing, I didn’t react at all.

Rather, I couldn’t react at all.

But just as I was frozen in place, Liu Jiang, who was beside me, suddenly rushed out. I woke up as if from a dream and immediately went to grab Liu Jiang’s shoulder. His strength was terrifyingly great, and I almost couldn’t stop myself.

Liang Yi saw that the situation was bad and hurriedly came up to help dissuade him. The three of us, with six hands, finally managed to hold Liu Jiang down. Downstairs, that group of people had already walked far away.

Liu Jiang broke free from my hold and straightened the collar of his school uniform. Liang Yi had a look of disbelief on his face: “What’s wrong with you? Why did you suddenly fly into such a rage?”

Liu Jiang didn’t speak, nor did he look at him. He just started walking downstairs by himself. Liang Yi looked at me, and I shook my head, signaling him not to ask.

For the next three class periods or so, Liu Jiang didn’t speak to any of us.

He usually wasn’t well-behaved during class and would turn around to interact with us from time to time, but for the next three class periods, he just slept as soon as class was over. He didn’t move at all, not even going to the restroom once.

Liang Yi knew he was scary when he got angry and didn’t even dare to call out to him. Instead, he turned around and asked me: “What do we do now?”

I didn’t know what to do either. I raised my hand and motioned for him to go do his own thing first. During the last class of the morning, I looked up in his direction during a break from listening to the lecture. Liu Jiang wasn’t asleep at all. I could vaguely see his eyes were open, his eyelashes trembling.

At noon, Liu Jiang disappeared the moment class ended. We couldn’t find him for lunch, so we could only settle for a meal in the cafeteria first.

After eating, they said they wanted to look for Liu Jiang. I suggested we forget it.

“He’s a grown person. If he’s in a bad mood, let him be alone for a while,” I suggested to them. “It’s finally cooled down a bit. Let’s go back to the classroom for a nap.”

The few of them looked at each other, and after some deliberation, they agreed with my words. Watching their receding figures, the corner of my mouth tilted upwards.

Plan successful.

It wasn’t that I really didn’t want to find Liu Jiang. I really didn’t know what to do when he was angry, but I knew what he was like when he was angry, so I could handle it.

The noontime campus was bright with sunshine. Today was a good day, clear, but with a breeze. I stood at the edge of the sports field bleachers, feeling that all the colors here were as vivid as a meticulous painting.

I jumped down the steps. My destination was clear: the sports equipment storeroom under the exercise-leading platform.

When I reached the door, I heard the intermittent sound of guitar strumming from inside. In the quiet and ordinary afternoon, everything was just like the scenes from my childhood memories.

I pushed the door open. I promise I was as light-footed as possible, but the old iron door still made a sharp, grating sound.

The strumming in the room stopped. I stood still where I was. Not long after, the strumming started again. Liu Jiang had tacitly accepted my presence.

Summer vacation was coming soon. The new third-year high school students had already left the school. When school started again, we would be second-year students. There were less than two years left until the end of high school.

The new first-years hadn’t arrived yet, and the soon-to-be third-years had already moved into the third-year building in a corner of the campus. With half the people gone, the campus became even more empty. Standing at the door of the sports equipment storeroom, for a moment, I thought that only the two of us were left between heaven and earth.

I turned around and closed the door to the sports equipment storeroom, making this illusion even more real.

After closing the door, I did not continue to approach. I stood still, listening to the sound of the guitar from behind the foam mats.

Liu Jiang playing the guitar was a little different from him on stage. It might be because of the inherent characteristics of these two instruments, but in any case, leaning against the dusty mats, I felt like I had caught a glimpse of his dark side.

After a few more strums, I suddenly heard Liu Jiang curse.

He shouted: “How much longer are you going to wait before coming over?”

I was stunned by his shout and hurriedly showed myself. I saw him sitting on the edge of a mat with one leg propped up, frowning as he looked at me.

I rarely saw him with any expression other than a goofy smile, especially now that Liu Jiang had a hairstyle I had never seen before, so I was stunned for a moment before speaking.

I asked him: “Have you had lunch?”

He nodded, then shook his head, and finally put the guitar down and started rubbing his head, telling me: “No appetite.”

I walked over and sat down next to him, taking a carton of chocolate milk out of my pocket and placing it between us. I bought this from the school’s small store after I finished my meal. I just knew he hadn’t eaten.

He didn’t take the item, nor did he continue to play the guitar. He just sat there, staring blankly ahead with me.

After a moment of silence, he spoke first: “You also know what Qin Bowen said, right?”

I didn’t look at him, just nodded. He didn’t look at me either, but he should know I was nodding.

“He’s not wrong,” Liu Jiang admitted directly, but compared to his straightforward attitude, his voice was barely audible.

The rumor that Liu Jiang liked men had existed long before I transferred here. It was just that my arrival made this rumor seem true much faster.

In reality, the rumors about us were at their most intense when we were about to enter our third year of high school. Before that, we had no idea about anything, and just suddenly ran head-on into those rumors one day.

I gave another meaningless nod, then said to Liu Jiang: “I know.”

His reaction was much bigger than I had imagined. He turned his head sharply to look at me, then asked me: “You know?”

His shout made my ears ring. I leaned a little to the left and turned my face to answer him: “What’s wrong with it? It’s not like it’s a contagious disease. If you like them, you like them.”

Liu Jiang fell silent, just staring at me fixedly, and I looked back at him. I seemed calm right now, but in reality, a thousand thoughts were swirling in my mind. I felt like a sentence was already stuck at the tip of my tongue, wanting to say it, but not knowing if I should.

So I lowered my head to deal with that carton of chocolate milk. I wanted to tear off the plastic wrap from the straw, but my hands were as slippery as if they were buttered. After several attempts, the milk fell directly onto the floor.

I bent down to pick it up, and my next sentence came out of my mouth. I said: “I like men too, anyway.”

I had the milk in my hand, but I suddenly didn’t dare to look at him. This time, I held the milk carton steady and inserted the straw. That sentence I wanted to say but was hesitating about was about to escape.

I heard the sound of church bells from the hillside. Class would start in less than ten minutes. It was still a good time to say it now.

I turned my head sharply to look at him, and I said: “You like them too, I like them too. Why don’t we get together?”

I had never thought I would confess so directly.

And I even handed over the milk with the straw inserted. It was a bit like the boring roses that university boys hand over when they confess, but mine wasn’t boring. Mine could be drunk.

In my memory, our past began during the summer vacation after the college entrance exam. At the seaside plaza as autumn was approaching, after he used his mouth to shut up my incessant nagging words, we were at peace with each other for ten seconds. We were both enjoying that kiss.

After we separated, face to face, it was dark by the sea. Less than fifteen centimeters apart, he opened his mouth and asked me if I wanted to be together.

At that time, I don’t think I agreed.

Now, he looked at me, and I looked at him. Outside the window behind him was the azure sky. I felt like the few words I had just said had flown out of my mouth.

They flew out, hit his head, and bounced off. Then he spoke.

“Wait,” he suddenly laughed. “This time, you’re the one who said it first.”

What?

My hand holding the milk carton trembled, and then it was caught by him.

He said: “The last time, I was the one who said it at the seaside. Now it’s in the sports equipment storeroom. It seems to be lacking a bit of flavor, but I’ll reluctantly accept.”

What??

Before, this time, what I said or what he said.

Could he be talking about the past confession?

No, how could he have memories of the past?

My hand holding the milk carton loosened, and he took it quite naturally. His face was backlit. Against the dream-like blue background, the face I had always looked at, the incredibly familiar face, actually appeared exceptionally strange at this very moment.

He suddenly asked me: “But if I don’t agree, will you cry?”

Then, a loud noise erupted in my ears, very much like the feeling of being kicked out by the system for the first time, but a hundred times more intense.

The world in my eyes rapidly receded. I fell backwards. A wave of irresistible exhaustion washed over me. It was as if I had been hit into mid-air by the front of a subway train crossing my path, and then violently slammed onto the ground by another irresistible force.

After a violent sense of impact, I woke up. The first thing I saw was the office chair lying on its side on the floor.

Then I realized it wasn’t the chair that was on its side, but me. I was lying on the ground, and next to me was the simulation helmet that had fallen with me.

But this time was different from all the previous times.

After I struggled to get up, I found that the simulation helmet was flashing a red light, indicating a malfunction.

The style of this helmet was a bit outdated. It was the first-generation model used when the company started this project. The helmet itself was not connected to any display device; all its statuses were only shown on the segmented LCD screen on the helmet.

On the LCD screen, I saw “Unknown Error” scrolling and repeating over and over again.

Right now, I was numb from the inside out, and the first thing I thought of was—if he didn’t agree, I really would cry, right now.

After squatting on the ground and brewing my emotions for several dozen seconds, I couldn’t cry.

Fine. I raised my hands and rubbed my face up and down, trying to make myself understand the current situation.

He—the Liu Jiang in the plan as usual—he knew what happened in the past. He still remembered the day he confessed to me at the seaside plaza. Could it be that he is Liu Jiang?

He is my Liu Jiang, he is the real Liu Jiang?

My breathing suddenly became rapid, my chest heaving violently. I changed from a squatting position to a kneeling one, covering my face with both hands, but in the end, I couldn’t pick up the helmet.

I curled up my body and lay down with the helmet, my hands still covering my face, my eyes wide open. In my blurry vision, there was only the flashing red light of the helmet.

Could it be that I’ve found Liu Jiang?