BFILWY CH 35

Chapter 35: Please Believe Me

An Yue was in a low mood all the way home. As soon as he entered the house, Ye Qinghe grabbed him, roughly pushing him onto the couch, almost knocking him to the floor due to miscalculating the distance.

“What are you doing?” An Yue caught the arm of the sofa before he fell and sat down, slightly annoyed. His tone was cold.

“Are you angry?” Ye Qinghe cautiously sat down beside him.

“Why did you say such things about my friend?” An Yue could no longer hold back his anger and scolded Ye Qinghe.

“I didn’t say anything wrong. I already told you that I wanted to pursue you, how is that wrong?” Ye Qinghe felt wronged. “And honestly, when most people see two men together, who would immediately think they’re just friends? That person obviously already knew your sexual orientation. When he thought I was your boyfriend, he wasn’t surprised or repelled at all.”

“It’s you who’s been talking nonsense, lying to me about not liking men.” Ye Qinghe accused An Yue with both grievance and dissatisfaction. “Fortunately, my gaydar is pretty accurate, I’ve known you were one of us for a while.”

An Yue sighed tiredly. “Chairman Ye, whether or not I like men has nothing to do with you.”

“How could it have nothing to do with me? I like you!” Ye Qinghe said, feigning sadness. “I told you I wanted to pursue you, but you didn’t take it to heart. Or is it that you dislike me because I’m blind…”

“Stop.” An Yue immediately interrupted. “Are you sick? What are you even saying?” An Yue was very unhappy with Ye Qinghe attributing his rejection to his blindness. He shot him a sharp glare before saying, “Haven’t you already been able to sense light? Stop being so down all the time.”

Ye Qinghe smiled. Of course, he knew that An Yue would never reject him because of his blindness. An Yue was so kind-hearted and sincere in helping him—he wasn’t the type of person who would discriminate against others.

“An Yue,” Ye Qinghe smiled before becoming serious again. “Now that we’ve talked about this, I know you can like men, and you also know that I like you. Could you give me a chance? I’m not asking you to immediately agree to date me, but at least agree to let me pursue you?”

“Not possible.” An Yue said decisively.

“Why not?” Ye Qinghe persistently asked.

“What’s there to explain?” An Yue frowned. “Why are you pursuing me? You say you like me, but you don’t even know whether I’m round or flat. What exactly do you like about me?”

“Why does it matter that I don’t know your appearance?” Ye Qinghe protested, bewildered. “We’ve been spending time together for four months, and for the last two months, we’ve even lived together…”

“That was a business necessity, not living together!” An Yue interrupted him impatiently.

“What I mean is, we’ve spent this much time together. I can’t see you, but I can feel you. You’re a kind and polite person. You’ve been really good to me and very considerate. It’s easy and comfortable being with you. You’re adorable, and I like you.” Ye Qinghe, fearing that his words might not be convincing enough, added a few more. “I really haven’t seen your face, but that’s proof that I’ve genuinely been attracted to you as a person. I’m not so shallow as to only like your appearance.”

“Heh,” An Yue scoffed. “What if I’m a hideous monster?”

“Then I’d still like you,” Ye Qinghe said, laughing. “But you can’t possibly be a hideous monster. Good-hearted people always have good looks.”

“I really am an ugly monster, not lying to you.” An Yue touched his face, rolling his eyes, then whispered, “I’m not kind either.”

“Ugly is fine, anyway, I can’t see.” Ye Qinghe smiled.

An Yue was left speechless. “What’s wrong with you? You can’t see, but that’s only temporary. You can already sense light, maybe your vision will recover soon.”

“Stop changing the subject.” Ye Qinghe said. “I’m going to pursue you, it’s settled.”

“Settled? Even if I could like men, I don’t like you. Don’t waste your time.” An Yue was becoming agitated. “You said you feel I’m kind, that I’m good to you and considerate. Please, that’s because I’m employed by you. You’re paying for my help, so of course I’ll take care of you. You mistakenly think you like me just because you’ve relied on me during this time. It’s just a habit, not love.”

“You don’t even know me. Think carefully—what were the people you liked before like?” An Yue tried to persuade him earnestly. “Maybe when you truly like someone, you won’t care about their appearance, but you have to be compatible in some way. You’ve never seen me, but in your mind, you must have an image that fits your preference. I definitely don’t meet that standard.”

“You know again…” Ye Qinghe protested, but An Yue didn’t pay him any mind and continued speaking. “Next, those qualities of mine that you think are good, the ones that moved you, they’re not really me. Those are just the services you bought with money. You’ve only fallen for an illusion of your own making.”

An Yue sighed. “Maybe if anyone else were in my place, you’d feel the same way. This is probably just a ‘birdling complex.’ Because of the insecurity you felt in the dark world, you became reliant on me. These feelings aren’t love.”

By the end, An Yue was exhausted. His tone carried a hint of melancholy. “And also, I don’t really know you. I’ve always seen you as an employer. I don’t understand you at all. How could I possibly have any further relationship with you?”

Hearing An Yue’s words, Ye Qinghe fell silent. He wasn’t sure if An Yue was right. Was his affection just an illusion?

“Since that’s the case, then let me ask for one opportunity—a chance for us to like each other.” Ye Qinghe didn’t want to give up. He made a request to An Yue. “Give me a chance to get to know you, and you try to understand me too. Earlier, you asked me what kind of person I used to like. Honestly, I’ve never liked anyone. This is the first time I’ve felt this way about someone, but you say this isn’t love. This isn’t liking.” Ye Qinghe spoke helplessly. “Then, could you teach me?”

“…You’ve never liked anyone?” An Yue was stunned when he heard Ye Qinghe’s words. Hearing a thirty-year-old man say he’d never liked anyone sounded absurd to him. “Don’t tell me you’re still a virgin.”

“…No. I, of course, have experience. But none of those were love.” Ye Qinghe gave an awkward smile, lowering his head with a somewhat repentant tone. “I was a bit wild in the past, but if you want to know, I can tell you later. But right now, I’m serious.” Ye Qinghe stood up, feeling his way toward An Yue. An Yue instinctively reached out to hold him. Ye Qinghe stopped in his tracks, holding An Yue’s hand in one hand while pulling a small satin pouch tied with a red ribbon from his coat pocket with the other. Inside were two specially wrapped milk candies. He placed the small pouch in An Yue’s palm, curling his fingers around it to hold the candy. His eyes, though unable to focus, still seemed gentle and affectionate as he spoke.

“An Yue, I’ll treat you well. Please believe me.”

“…?” An Yue stared at those eyes, mesmerized, unable to move.

Not hearing a response, Ye Qinghe knew that emotions couldn’t be rushed, so he gently patted An Yue’s fist-like hand, trying to sound casual. “Have a candy. Remember to think of me when you eat it, so that every time you think of me, your heart will feel sweet.” Ye Qinghe smiled at An Yue. “Just like love.” After saying that, he turned and felt his way back to his room.

It wasn’t until he heard the door to Ye Qinghe’s room close that An Yue snapped back to reality. He lowered his head and looked at the golden-yellow satin pouch in his palm. Inside were the limited edition Christmas milk candies from his favorite brand.

“I’ll treat you well. Please believe me.”

An Yue could still hear Ye Qinghe’s words in his head. Though they were sweet words of affection, An Yue felt a bitter taste in his heart. “But I… can’t trust anyone anymore.” His voice was hoarse and low.

The two candies remained on the small desk in the guest room. Ye Qinghe found out much later that, as for An Yue’s love, there had never been a trace of sweetness.

(To be continued…)