BFILWY CH 37

Chapter 37: I Really Want to See You.

Sigh… An Yüe had already sighed so many times that he had lost count, his tone light but filled with helplessness. Sitting in the living room, Ye Qinghe couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been sighing since this morning. Didn’t you say you didn’t want to go out this afternoon for my follow-up appointment?”

“It looks like it’s going to rain. The weather forecast said there will be heavy rain this week.” An Yue gazed out the window at the dark sky. “I hope there won’t be any thunder,” he murmured softly to himself.

“Mm, rain is a good thing. It hasn’t rained much lately, and I heard the water levels in the reservoirs have dropped,” Ye Qinghe said.

“I hate rain,” An Yue complained, showing rare stubbornness. “I hate thunder even more.”

Ye Qinghe laughed again. Though he couldn’t see, he could still imagine An Yue sitting by the window, puffing his cheeks and grumbling, which was quite adorable.

“Are you scared? Then let’s stay home these days. We can go back for the follow-up once the weather clears up. A few days won’t make a difference.” Ye Qinghe thought that An Yue might be afraid of thunder or simply didn’t want to drive in the rain. After all, An Yue was still a novice driver and didn’t like driving much to begin with. Rainy roads made driving even more nerve-wracking.

Upon further thought, Ye Qinghe figured that if it was pouring outside, it would only make it feel as though they were entirely reliant on each other, creating the illusion of living in isolation together. Staying home seemed like a good idea. Excited, he said, “Aunt Chen has already stocked the fridge with enough food for us. We won’t need to go out these days.”

“That’s not going to work.” As soon as An Yue heard Ye Qinghe’s suggestion, he immediately rejected it. “There are still things to do. Don’t try to slack off. Go change your clothes; we’re going out.” Ye Qinghe’s dreamy thoughts were ruthlessly cleared from his mind, and his kind proposal was dismissed as an attempt to avoid work. He could only helplessly get up and change into his outdoor clothes, letting An Yue take him to the clinic.

Under the coordination of Director Zhong and Director Yang, Ye Qinghe underwent a series of tests. Finally, they received good news—Ye Qinghe’s earlier sensation of light wasn’t a coincidence. His eyes were indeed starting to react to light, likely because the blood clot in his brain was slowly being absorbed and the visual nerve that had been compressed was beginning to heal.

In fact, damage to the optic nerve is almost irreversible. When the blood clot was found to be pressing on the visual area, the doctors weren’t sure how severe the damage was. They could only continue monitoring and hope that vision could be restored once the blood clot was absorbed. Now that Ye Qinghe could sense light, it meant that his optic nerve still had some function. This news was incredibly good.

An Yue was very happy for Ye Qinghe. Having worked in ophthalmology for a long time, he had seen many cases of blindness, with only a few people fortunate enough to regain their sight. An Yue could deeply empathize with the joy of regaining vision. Even though it had started drizzling on the way back, it didn’t affect An Yue’s good mood. He even took a detour to buy braised dishes and roasted meats from a well-known old shop and also picked up some beer from a nearby store, planning to celebrate at home.

When they got home, An Yue told Ye Qinghe to go take a shower first. He hummed a tuneless song as he plated the roasted duck and braised dishes he had just bought and placed them on the coffee table in the living room. After Ye Qinghe finished his shower and sat on the sofa, An Yue poured him a little beer. “You can only have half a glass, and then switch to soda later.”

“Are you that happy? You even want to drink to celebrate,” Ye Qinghe said, taking a sip of beer. An Yue tossed a cushion onto the floor and sat down on the opposite side of the coffee table, on the floor.

“Of course I’m happy. Your eyes are getting better,” An Yue said as he handed Ye Qinghe a pair of chicken leg gloves. “Let’s toast,” he raised his glass to clink with Ye Qinghe’s, “You can drink as much as you want.”

Even though Ye Qinghe could only slightly sense changes in light and wasn’t fully regaining his sight, An Yue’s solemn celebration made him feel deeply touched. He smiled and took another sip of beer. “Director Zhong said the recovery process might be slow, so this celebration is a bit premature. It’s not like I’ll be able to see tomorrow.”

An Yue passed him a roasted duck leg. “This is just the beginning. It’ll get better and better,” he said. “Don’t be so pessimistic, be happier!”

“I am happy. Before, I didn’t mind if I couldn’t see, but now I want to see,” Ye Qinghe said, holding up the duck leg.

“That’s the right attitude! The world is still beautiful and worth seeing more of,” An Yue said, finishing the duck liver and starting on the duck wing.

“Mm, when I can see, I’ll definitely look at you more,” Ye Qinghe said, looking in An Yue’s direction. “I really want to see you.”

An Yue’s lips twitched. “Hehe, I hope you’ll be able to see me soon. Then you’ll grow up.”

“Grow up? I’m thirty already, what more is there to grow?” Ye Qinghe asked, confused.

“Disillusionment is the beginning of growth,” An Yue said casually, eating as he made a self-deprecating remark. “Once you see me, you’ll grow as tall as a big tree.”

“No way, I think I’ll just like you more,” Ye Qinghe happily countered.

An Yue didn’t respond to his words and changed the topic. “Why didn’t you want to ‘see’ before?” He noticed Ye Qinghe’s movement as he gnawed on the duck leg stiffen slightly and quickly added, “It’s okay if it’s inconvenient to talk about. I was just asking casually.”

“There’s nothing inconvenient to talk about.” Ye Qinghe smiled, “I’ve said before, if you want to know about my past, I can tell you everything.”

Ye Qinghe finished the duck leg, took off his gloves, and downed the rest of the beer in his glass in one gulp before speaking: “That day, when I said my past was reckless, I wasn’t lying.” He leaned back in the chair, slowly recalling things from the past and slowly speaking: “I’m the youngest child in my family, with an older brother who’s six years older than me. My brother really dotes on me. He’s always been exceptional, went to the best high school, then the best university, and after getting his master’s degree, he started learning to manage the family business with my dad. He’s always been the pride of our family. On the other hand, I’m nothing like my brother. Not only did I fail to meet their expectations, my sexual orientation didn’t match theirs either.” Ye Qinghe said bitterly, “At first, I tried hard to catch up with my brother, but later I realized I could never compare. No matter how hard I tried, he would always be ahead of me. So, I gave up. After all, he was there to carry on the family line and inherit the business. I didn’t need to try so hard.”

“I started mingling with all kinds of people, going out to drink, play, and seek thrills.” Ye Qinghe appeared distant, as if talking about a long-gone chapter in his life. “I didn’t think much of it. Everyone was doing the same thing. I’d change partners—both female and male—and thought as long as I was careful, I wouldn’t catch any diseases.” He continued, “At the time, my mom was really upset. She had to accept my sexual orientation and just hoped I would settle down with someone and stop messing around. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to her.”

“Later, something happened to my family.” Ye Qinghe paused, and the painful expression on his face became more apparent. “My parents were supposed to go down south to inspect a factory, but I got into a fight at a nightclub and was beaten up so badly I couldn’t get out of bed. My dad was furious and said he didn’t want to deal with me anymore. After I was discharged from the hospital, he took my mom and brother and left. They delayed their trip by two weeks, but on the return flight, the plane crashed, and all three of them never came back.”

Ye Qinghe took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, before continuing: “It’s all because of me. If it wasn’t for me, my brother wouldn’t have gone. He would have stayed at the company to look after things. My parents wouldn’t have stayed for half a month because of me being injured, and they would have returned as originally planned.” Ye Qinghe’s voice trembled, “They were on that flight because of me.”

“…” An Yue was stunned by the story and couldn’t speak. He watched Ye Qinghe’s pain, feeling an unbearable heaviness in his heart.

“For these past years, I’ve tried to repent. I’ve lived according to my parents’ expectations, stopped messing around, and worked hard to run the company. But it’s been so painful. I’ve always wondered if it was because I did so many bad things that I got my punishment. But why did the heavens punish me by taking my family?” He tried to calm his emotions. “Then I got into a car accident and lost my sight. I thought maybe that was my punishment, finally coming to me.”

“If it’s punishment, then I should just accept it and not wish for healing,” Ye Qinghe smiled bitterly. “At least that’s how I thought back then.”

“Until I met you. You made me have a little hope in life again.” Ye Qinghe looked at An Yue and said, “I want to see the world again. I want to see you. I want to learn how to love, to truly love someone. If I get the chance.”

An Yue stared at Ye Qinghe, dazed. Ye Qinghe had lost all of his family, and not only did he have no hope, but he was also consumed by guilt and self-blame. He carried such deep sorrow. An Yue had also gone through heart-wrenching separations, but in comparison to Ye Qinghe’s pain—one was the betrayal of a lover, and the other was the loss of family—he had to admit that Ye Qinghe’s suffering was deeper than his.

“…I’m so sorry. I didn’t know about your family… I’m sorry for bringing up your painful memories.” An Yue couldn’t find the right comforting words and could only weakly say, “I’m sorry.”

“Am I being too greedy? A person like me, who caused the death of my entire family, is now still asking for happiness and wanting to pursue you,” Ye Qinghe laughed bitterly. “Do you think I deserve to be blind?”

“No.” An Yue snapped out of his thoughts and quickly responded, “I don’t think that way.”

An Yue fell into silence for a few seconds. He didn’t know how to comfort Ye Qinghe’s heavy past, so he refilled his drink and changed the topic: “I was thinking… if you see me, you might only be more disappointed.”

“Disappointed?” Ye Qinghe said, holding his cup with a forlorn expression. “Before I met you, my life had no hope at all.”

An Yue felt a sharp pang in his heart.

(To be continued…)