BIAC CH 10

Chapter 10: Just Be Yourself—There’s No Need to Hide Anything…

When Tang He turned around, he was startled to see Du Jianyou’s eyes slightly red as he looked at him. Alarmed, he quickly walked back over to him.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Feeling embarrassed, Du Jianyou rubbed his eyes, unsure how to explain that he had just gone through a quiet emotional storm—a moment of gentle, unconditional acceptance, without even needing to officially come out.

“It’s nothing,” his mother chimed in to smooth things over. “This child just worries too much. I already told him I’m fine, but he refuses to believe me.”

She looked at Tang He’s concerned expression and felt quite pleased.

“Auntie, your blood pressure has been unstable. It’s still best to check it regularly. Do you have a blood pressure monitor at home?” Tang He asked.

“No, we don’t. I actually said I was going to buy one the other day,” Uncle Ke interjected, seizing the moment to tattle. “But she said it was too troublesome and just refused.”

“You’re such a blabbermouth.”

“Mom, you should really listen,” Du Jianyou said gently.

“Here’s what we can do,” Tang He offered, seriously, “I’ll pick out an electronic blood pressure monitor in the next couple of days and bring it over. The ones these days are really easy to use, and they can even connect online to upload your readings. Once it’s set up, all you have to do is take your blood pressure and it’ll send the results to Jianyou. That way, he can keep an eye on your condition and feel at ease.”

“Really? There’s something like that? Let’s go buy one now!” Du Jianyou panicked a little and was about to rush out the door.

“Hold on.” Tang He grabbed the flustered Jianyou. “It’s too late—stores are already closed. I’ll ask Su An tomorrow which brand she recommends and just have them deliver it directly to your home. I’ll also help set up the data-sharing account. Don’t be in such a rush.”

“Auntie,” he added warmly, “what’s most important is to keep your diet low in oil and salt, and make sure to take your blood pressure medicine on schedule. I also bought some apples just now—remember, apples help the body flush out sodium and stabilize blood pressure. You should eat more of them.”

“Alright, alright. Thank you so much for your concern—and thank you, too, for looking after Xiao-You.”

When Auntie Du glanced up at the clock on the wall, she cried out, “Oh my, it’s already so late! You still have a drive ahead of you—young people shouldn’t stay up too late. Hurry and head back to rest.”

“Mom, you…” Du Jianyou still wanted to remind her of a few things, but Mother Du waved her hand, cutting him off.

“I know, I know. I already know what you’re going to say. Don’t nag—I’ll take care of myself.”

“Yes! Don’t worry so much. Don’t you see I’m still here?” Uncle Ke thumped his chest, trying to reassure Jianyou.

“Uncle Ke, thank you. You… take care too.” Du Jianyou hadn’t really spoken much to the man all evening, so even this short sentence came out a little awkward.

Uncle Ke was slightly stunned, then chuckled warmly. “Alright, alright. I’ll take care of myself. Xiao Tang, do come by with Xiao-You when you have time.”

“Sure thing. Uncle, Auntie, no need to see us out. Until next time.”

“Mom, Uncle Ke, don’t bother walking us out. Head inside—it’s late. We’ll get going. Goodbye.”

After finally bidding farewell to the two elders, the two of them walked leisurely to retrieve the car. Du Jianyou seemed preoccupied, barely saying a word. Tang He didn’t press him.

It wasn’t until they pulled up outside the Guangsheng building that Du Jianyou suddenly broke the silence.

“My dad passed away when I was twelve. He was a long-haul truck driver, and he got into an accident on the job from fatigue. They couldn’t save him. The company gave us a few hundred thousand yuan in condolence money, and that was the end of it.

“My mom has always been strong. Even during the toughest times, she never cried in front of me—but I knew she would hide in her room at night and cry in secret.

“She’s been really good to me. Always gentle. She’s never once raised her voice or laid a hand on me.

“Uncle Ke was my dad’s coworker and good friend. He was single, so during holidays or festivals, Dad would often invite him over for meals. He was always close to our family. After Dad’s accident, he was the only one willing to stand up to the freight company and fight for our rights. He helped arrange everything for the funeral, both publicly and behind the scenes.

“I know it wasn’t easy for my mom to raise me on her own. Having a man around to help made things easier for her…”

Du Jianyou’s words came out in fits and starts. It wasn’t a fully coherent explanation—it was more like venting to a tree hollow, just needing someone to hear him out.

“When I was about to enter high school, our old neighborhood was set to be demolished. Uncle Ke asked us to move into his place—that house you just saw. But we weren’t family. How could we just move in like that? I know my mom was thinking of me… she never said anything outright, but after so many years together, they had feelings for each other.

“I… I was the one who told them to get married. Then I moved into the school dorms. I didn’t really want to leave Mom, but I didn’t want to disturb them either. Uncle Ke is a good man. He treats my mom well—and he treats me well too…”

“But you don’t like him?” Tang He asked softly.

“What? No. I don’t dislike him. He’s a good person,” Du Jianyou’s voice was very quiet, tinged with pain. “I just… I’m afraid I’ll forget Dad.” Du Jianyou blinked, trying to hold back his tears.

He fell silent for a moment, then whispered, “Senior, do you think… Dad would blame me? Would he blame me for letting Mom marry someone else?”

“…” Tang He didn’t know how to comfort this hurting kid, so he just reached out to wipe away the tears at the corner of Du Jianyou’s eyes.

Du Jianyou hurriedly wiped away the tears he couldn’t hold back. “I’m sorry. Uncle Ke always tells me to be like a man and not cry. I know he means well, and you said not to cry all the time too. But… but…” The tears fell even faster. “Dad said it’s okay to cry sometimes — it’s a healthy release.”

“Yes, it’s okay,” Tang He patted him gently.

“I’m always scared, always scared…” Du Jianyou leaned on the steering wheel, almost whispering to himself.

“Scared of what?” Tang He asked softly.

“That I gave Mom away, and Dad will blame me.
That I’m all crybaby and shy, not like a man, and Uncle Ke will dislike me.
That Mom will forget Dad, and I’ll forget Dad too.
But Uncle Ke is really good. It’s unfair to him.”

“…” Tang He gradually understood the turmoil hidden beneath Du Jianyou’s scattered words.

He loved his father deeply.
Then another man came into his life, a good man who could almost replace his father.
He gritted his teeth to let this man take his father’s place, yet he couldn’t help but blame himself for betraying his dad.
So he didn’t dare get close to that good man, and then felt unbearably guilty for neglecting him.

This kind of yearning had no way to be expressed. Facing these two father figures, he felt equally full of guilt and unrest.

He longed for approval from the older men in his life, but was conflicted and afraid to accept their kindness. Even crying was a struggle between Uncle Ke’s idea of being a man and his father’s saying that it was okay.

Should he cry? Could he cry? Whose voice should he listen to? What kind of suppression must this be?

Tang He’s heart tightened painfully inside.

“No, it won’t happen. Your dad wouldn’t blame you. He would know you did it for Mom’s happiness,” Tang He gently patted his back to help him calm down.

Du Jianyou cried for a long while before slowly stopping, leaving only a few sobs.

“You must have been a very good and adorable kid when you were little — so cute that your mom never dared to scold you. I was beaten a lot when I was young. My mom always yelled at me, ‘You little brat, don’t run away! I’ll break your legs this time!’” Tang He squeezed his throat to imitate his mother’s angry shout.

Du Jianyou chuckled, “You must have been really naughty as a kid.”

Tang He pulled out a few tissues and handed them to Du Jianyou. “Feeling better?” Du Jianyou nodded shyly, his nose red.

“Listen to me,” Tang He suddenly looked at Du Jianyou seriously. “You are a very kind person, and I believe your dad was too. He must have been a great man to have such a son like you. So, you don’t need to be afraid your father will be mad — he won’t. I dare say he’s proud of you. You’ve done very well.

“Very few kids think so deeply about their family. What you did for your mom back then, no one else could have done better.”

Du Jianyou looked at Tang He, confused.

“Think about it — one day, you will have your own family. Even if you live with your mom, it won’t truly be her own home. She’d just be living in her son and daughter-in-law’s house. But now, she has Uncle Ke. They support each other, keep each other company. That’s a real home for her.”

“…I, maybe, won’t get married,” Du Jianyou said quietly. “I can still live with Mom.”

“What nonsense is that? Our little bunny is so cute, so handsome when he plays drums, and so kind — everyone loves you. The girls chasing after you must be lined up to the ends of the earth. How could you not get married?” Tang He ruffled his hair.

“As for Uncle Ke, he has watched you grow up since you were little. He knows you’re a great person. He wouldn’t be disappointed just because you shed a few tears.”

“It’s not just about a few tears,” Du Jianyou’s voice was stuffy and muffled.

Tang He grabbed his clenched fist and gently pulled open his fingers one by one. “Being a man isn’t just about appearances. It’s not about walking with feet turned out, being rough, or swearing a few curses. That’s just being a crude brute.”

“A real man is brave on the inside. You’re doing very well.” Tang He paused. “Tell me, how many people dare to marry off their own mother?”

Du Jianyou laughed again at Tang He’s teasing.

Tang He pinched his fingertips. “Such beautiful, slender fingers are meant for painting the sky and drawing the earth,” Tang He said sincerely with a smile, “Just be yourself. No need to hide anything.” Saying that, he made a delicate gesture with his fingers and tapped Du Jianyou’s red nose.

Finally, just before getting out of the car, Tang He pulled two little bunny plushies from his pocket and placed them into Du Jianyou’s palm.

“Don’t be sad, my dear baby. This is for you. It’s my first souvenir from the night market, very precious — keep it safe. When you find someone, you can each have one. They’ll make a perfect pair. Alright, it’s really late now. Didn’t you say you don’t stay up late? Go home and put on your face mask, then sleep. Good night, see you.” With that, he got out of the car and left with a flourish.

Du Jianyou held the bunnies dumbfounded, watching Tang He’s handsome back. He didn’t know if he was dazed by Tang He’s handsomeness or moved to the point of being silly.

He stayed stunned for a moment, then put one bunny in his chest pocket close to his heart. The other one hung from the rearview mirror, swaying as he drove all the way home.

He returned to his parking lot, went up to the eighteenth floor, punched in the 1212 code to enter his home — still feeling dizzy.

Tang He said he just wanted him to be himself? No need to hide anything?

Did he realize he was hiding himself?

Du Jianyou thought about the elders’ questions tonight.

“A boyfriend?” The elders hesitated to ask.

“No.” Not yet. His voice was firm.

It will be. Right?

Tang He — will you? Will you like me?

Please like me soon!

Because I already like you so much.

(To be continued…)