BIAC CH 18

Chapter 18: Can’t You Still See Your Own Heart Clearly?

That evening, Du Jianyou was at home preparing the hotpot. His mood was calm, and he didn’t speculate on what the evening would bring—he simply focused on the meal. If this was going to be his and Tang He’s final farewell dinner, then everything should still be beautiful.

Actually, when he found out that Tang He wanted it to be a three-person dinner, he thought it might be for the best. At least with a third person present, Tang He wouldn’t get so angry that he’d lose control and accidentally beat him to death. The thought of Tang He losing his composure made Du Jianyou chuckle bitterly to himself. I, Du Jianyou, really have some skills—to make a man so famously calm and composed in the business world lose his cool. It was something he felt a little smug about, even if his methods weren’t exactly honorable.

At exactly seven o’clock, Tang He and Su An appeared at Du Jianyou’s front door. Just as Tang He reached out to press the doorbell, Su An glanced at the keypad lock and asked, “He still hasn’t given you the code to get in?”

At that, Tang He didn’t bother pretending in front of Su An. He raised his brows proudly and replied, “My birthday.” The joy in his tone was hard to hide.

But what good is joy that can’t be hidden? This little burst of smugness would eventually vanish the moment he stepped inside. Tang He steadied his emotions, smoothed back his hair, and asked Su An, “How do I look?”

“Like a heartless jerk,” Su An replied without a beat.

“You’re getting more and more out of line,” Tang He glared at her.

“I’m just being honest,” Su An shrugged with a face full of innocence.

Unable to outtalk Su An, Tang He pressed the doorbell. A series of cheerful bird chirps sounded in reply, the lively cheep-cheep mimicking Du Jianyou’s chatter. Standing at the door, Tang He and Su An exchanged a smile—it felt like the host was already warmly welcoming them before even opening the door.

When Du Jianyou opened the door, the first thing he saw was the pair gazing at each other with affection, smiling in sync. Even though he had mentally prepared himself, he still couldn’t stop that jolt in his heart.

The two outside quickly greeted their host, and Du Jianyou stepped aside to let them in. As soon as they entered, Tang He introduced, “You’ve met her before—Su An. CFO of Guangsheng Group, and occasionally my personal assistant.” He paused for a moment. “And also… my girlfriend.”

At last, he said it out loud.

Tang He looked straight into Du Jianyou’s eyes. For a split second, he thought he saw a flicker of surprise there—only for it to quickly settle into calm.

“Aiya! Sister Su An, I only knew you as President Tang’s capable assistant. I didn’t realize you were also his girlfriend. I must be really slow,” Du Jianyou greeted them enthusiastically, leading them to the dining table to be seated for the meal.

‘Not only did you not know I was his girlfriend—I myself only got the notice yesterday,’ Su An silently rolled her eyes in her heart.

She took out the bottle of red wine she’d prepared as a housewarming gift and handed it to Du Jianyou. With a polite smile, she said, “First time visiting your home, so I picked out a bottle of wine. I hope you’ll like it.” Leaning slightly toward her “boyfriend,” she cast a sweet glance at Tang He before turning back to Du Jianyou and added, “Just call me Su An! Calling me ‘sister’ makes me feel old. Since Tang Tang doesn’t want people to know about our office romance, we’ve kept a low profile. So, please don’t tell anyone our little secret, okay?”

She said this not only to complete the performance, but also to prevent any more people from knowing about this ridiculous arrangement after they left the house.

Hearing her speak like that and catching the look in her eyes, Tang Tang mentally screamed: I want to go home.

“Oh, okay okay! Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret,” Du Jianyou said with a playful grin, crossing his index fingers in front of his mouth in a “sealed lips” gesture.

Tang He looked at the cheerful and sweetly smiling Du Jianyou and suddenly had no energy to keep up the charade. He slumped into his seat in resignation, preparing to eat.

Throughout the meal, Su An and Tang He deliberately made small intimate gestures—he picked a fish ball for her, she wiped the oil from the corner of his mouth. Every little act fell into Du Jianyou’s line of sight, but he showed no visible reaction. He remained as warm and chatty as ever, his hands and mouth constantly busy. One moment, he was talking about funny moments on set; the next, he was serving dishes or heading to the kitchen to fetch new hotpot ingredients. He was uncharacteristically busy, and also uncharacteristically cheerful, as if this dinner gathering was a long-anticipated celebration.

Seeing him like this, Tang He lost the will to continue the act with Su An. He was beginning to feel stifled.

He had expected to see a pitiful, tearful, heartbroken, lost-looking Du Jianyou. Then, he could take the opportunity to sincerely say: “See? Just seeing me with a girlfriend hurts you this much. What will happen when I eventually have to marry and have children? I can’t make you any promises, so we should go back to just being friends. That way, you won’t be sad when I return to my responsibilities…”—and blah blah blah, guiding him gently back to the “right” path in life.

But instead, the person in front of him was as lively and cheerful as always. He wasn’t just able to talk with Su An about anything and everything—they even laughed so hard at one point that Du Jianyou collapsed onto the table in a fit of giggles. He didn’t look at all like someone who was jealous or heartbroken. Weren’t you the one who claimed to like me so much? Then how can you get along so well with my “girlfriend”? Right now, I feel like I’m the third wheel instead. Tang He furiously stabbed at a block of tofu until it fell apart.

Su An continued chatting while subtly observing the two men. Sigh… what a tragedy.

That Du Jianyou over there? He was clearly forcing a smile. His overly eager cheerfulness was meant to cover the loneliness in his heart. Every time he turned to go into the kitchen, Su An caught a glimpse of a blank expression that would flash across his face—a brief moment of emotional pause between all the smiling.

And Tang He? He was absolutely hopeless. He had clearly brought a “girlfriend” here to show off, but now he was sulking like an abandoned wife, pouting in front of Du Jianyou, saying nothing but clearly thinking: “I’m unhappy now, hmph! Come coax me!” Did he even remember the purpose of coming here tonight?

But even if he forgot, it didn’t matter—she still remembered. As a subordinate, she had agreed to accompany her boss and show up as his girlfriend. That, she had done. Now, as a friend, she was going to do what a real friend should.

Dinner finally ended—barely—amidst the tangle of thoughts each of the three held in their hearts. It had been a truly exhausting meal. Each of them wore their own masks, each worried about being exposed while also taking care not to expose the others. Su An felt suffocated from holding in her breath the entire evening. Du Jianyou tried to ask them to stay longer for some post-meal fruit and tea, but Su An used the excuse of being tired from a long day of work and wanting to get some rest. Du Jianyou, understanding, didn’t push further.

As the “boyfriend,” of course Tang He had to “send his girlfriend home.” Besides, the mission for tonight had been completed. He had brought a girlfriend along, so Du Jianyou should understand by now. Seeing how he didn’t seem to react much, Tang He assumed he must’ve accepted it calmly.

But inside, Tang He was bitter. He felt like all his suffering over the past month, the endless mental struggles, all of it—what had it been for? Was it really all for the smiling Du Jianyou standing right in front of him? It wasn’t that he couldn’t bear to see him smile, it’s just that—he felt so wronged!

Liar. Saying he liked him—yet in the end, it seemed like he was the only one tormented by feelings. From worrying about how society would react to imagining worst-case scenarios like the stock market crashing, he had truly thought everything through. And yet this person acted as if nothing had happened, leaving him feeling like the only fool left spinning in circles.

The more Tang He thought about it, the angrier he got. His expression turned darker and darker. When the three stood at the doorway saying their goodbyes, Du Jianyou politely bid Su An farewell. Tang He, on the other hand, didn’t say a word. He merely gave Du Jianyou a quick glance, nodded slightly in greeting, and turned to leave.

Du Jianyou didn’t seem to mind. He smiled courteously and closed the door gently after seeing them off, then headed back inside.

Tang He stared at the shut door. It’s over? He couldn’t believe it was really over just like that. Letting out a sigh, he turned to Su An. “Let’s go. I’ll take you home. Thanks for tonight.”

“You should be thanking me. But no need to send me back,” Su An said, arms crossed in front of her chest, clearly ready to say something important. “You have something far more important to do right now.” Her eyes shifted toward Du Jianyou’s front door.

“What else is there to do?” Tang He asked, puzzled. Tonight’s task was done—what else could possibly be so important?

“After that dinner just now, you still can’t see what’s in your heart?” Su An asked softly.

Tang He, holding in all his frustration, couldn’t help but let it out the moment she asked that. “Whether I see what’s in my heart—I don’t know. But I do see what’s in his heart! Did you see the way he was acting? Laughing like nothing ever happened! And he dares to say he likes me?” The more he spoke, the angrier he got.

“So what did you expect him to do? Cry and beg?” Su An cut in before he could continue.

“Not necessarily that, but at least show a little sadness, or jealousy. Maybe try to stop me, try to hold me back, something like that.”

“Oh! So that’s what tonight was all about!” Su An widened her eyes in mock realization. “You came here tonight just so he’d try to make you stay, huh?”

Tang He looked at Su An’s mischievous smile and knew he’d walked right into her trap. He pressed his lips together and stayed silent.

“You realize that pitiful look you just had—yeah, it looks a lot like how you’re looking now. So what exactly did you come here for tonight? Don’t you think you should reconsider?” Su An asked.

Tang He stayed quiet. He knew that for someone who came intending to cut things off, his behavior was all wrong. But he just couldn’t help himself.

Su An sighed, the smile leaving her face as she turned serious. “Go back in and talk to him. He’s not doing well tonight either…” She stopped him with a glance before he could argue back. “You’re in the middle of all this, so you can’t see it clearly. But I can. Director Du knows I’m not really your girlfriend. He didn’t expose you—he just kept smiling and let you act out your little play. He must be hurting inside.”

Seeing Tang He slightly moved, she continued, “You said he’s an honest person. He confessed to you because he didn’t want to deceive you—he wanted you to be clear about his feelings. And now look at you, hiding your own feelings, not saying a single clear word, and even dragging someone else in to put on a show. That’s the first injustice toward him.”

“I know you have a lot of concerns, and you think things through deeply. But Director Du isn’t some naive fool. As an independent adult capable of standing on his own, it’s not like he hasn’t thought about the risks and consequences. But you went ahead and decided the future for both of you without even asking his opinion. That’s the second injustice.”

“And in this vast world where life is already hard enough, you two were lucky enough to meet and be drawn to each other—but you won’t even give yourselves a shot at happiness? That’s the third injustice.”

Su An looked straight at him, now completely serious. “Tang He, as your subordinate, I’ve completed my mission tonight. But as your friend, here’s my sincere advice: go talk to him. Maybe, just maybe, you two can reach a mutual understanding. Don’t worry about whether there’ll be a future or not—honestly, you both know a future isn’t guaranteed. But at least give yourselves a chance to walk side by side, even for a while.”

Tang He chuckled at her blunt conclusion. But the moment she said “at least walk side by side,” his smile faded. At least walk together? He recalled what Du Jianyou said that day: “If you feel the same as I do, then let’s walk a stretch of the road together.” Was that what he meant too?

He looked at the concerned expression on Su An’s face and reached out to hold her hands. “Thank you. This… this is the real reason you came with me tonight, isn’t it? You really are an incredible persuader. Even I’ve been convinced. No wonder with that tough Springpan case—Assistant Manager Li had been stuck for six months, and you got it signed after just three visits.”

“You better not let Assistant Manager Li hear you say that! He did all the groundwork those six months, which gave me the opening to close the deal,” Su An replied sincerely. She patted him on the shoulder. “Enough chit-chat. Go already.”

Tang He turned to look at the tightly shut door. “I’ll talk to him properly. Maybe like you said—whether we reach an understanding or not, at least we’ll be honest, stay true to our hearts, and be clear with each other. That’s the least respect we owe this… whatever it is between us.”

Su An, seeing he finally understood, left with peace of mind, taking the elevator downstairs.

Tang He waited until she had left, then stood in front of the door, taking a few deep breaths. Finally, he entered his own birthday into the code lock—and the door clicked open.

(To be continued…)