BIAC CH 7

Chapter 7: The Ones Who Smile Are the Ones Remembered Till the End

Du Jianyou began learning karate from An Zicheng, though it was mainly for self-defense. According to An Zicheng, Du Jianyou was simply too skinny. He told him to eat more, exercise more, and even created a fitness plan for him. Every morning and evening, Du Jianyou ran laps around the school track—starting from 1,000 meters and gradually increasing to 3,000. When he had free time, he would lift dumbbells to build muscle. With two to three karate training sessions a week, it all paid off. By the second semester of sophomore year, Du Jianyou no longer looked frail and sickly. He was still slender, but his body had become much stronger.

Du Jianyou was incredibly grateful to him. By this time, An Zicheng was already in his third year of high school, busy preparing for the looming college entrance exams. Even someone as academically brilliant as he was starting to feel the pressure, and his time became more limited.

“Xiao You,” An Zicheng said, “I’m getting really busy now and won’t have much time to continue teaching you karate. But your running and weight training—you need to keep those up on your own. Keeping a regular exercise routine is important. You’ll be in your final year soon, and you’ll need more stamina to handle the workload. If you run into any trouble, the techniques I taught you should be enough to protect yourself. And if you really can’t win a fight—well, you’ve been running so much, at least you’ll be fast enough to get away.”

It was evening, and the sun was sinking low in the sky. They had just finished sparring on the rooftop laundry area of the dorm and were now resting, leaning against the wall while chatting. An Zicheng was still watching the basketball court below, reminding Du Jianyou of these things. Since entering his last semester of high school, he no longer had time for clubs or the school basketball team, so watching others play left him feeling stifled.

Du Jianyou hadn’t fully recovered from the training session. He was still catching his breath as he looked at An Zicheng. The thought of not being able to practice with him anymore left a pang in his chest.

An Zicheng was practically the only friend Du Jianyou had in this school. Even though they never had deep conversations and every meeting was just about squeezing in training time, Du Jianyou had already grown to rely on him deeply. He thought, Even if I don’t know how Senior An feels, if he’s willing to spend this much time on me, then he probably doesn’t dislike me… right?

Taking a deep breath, he suddenly wanted to be impulsive—just once.

“Senior…” he began, hesitating.

“Hmm?” An Zicheng was still gazing into the distance, lost in thought, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“I like you.”

“…What?” An Zicheng didn’t process it at first.

“I said, I like you.” Du Jianyou summoned his courage and said it again.

“…”

This time, An Zicheng reacted. He was so shocked he couldn’t speak.

His eyes widened as he turned his head to glare at Du Jianyou. The smile at the corner of his lips slowly faded.

A gentle breeze blew by, and it should’ve felt nice, but as Du Jianyou watched the senior’s face turn red then pale, his heart gradually sank.

Behind them, the door to the laundry balcony banged shut and bounced open again. No one knew if it was the wind or something else, but the loud sound startled them both into turning around. In that split second, it seemed like a shadow flashed by. Du Jianyou didn’t get a clear look, but An Zicheng did—he couldn’t possibly mistake that blur of blue.

He let out a soft sigh, and the melancholy in his eyes deepened.

After a while, An Zicheng finally spoke: “I’m sorry. Did I make you misunderstand something?”

“…”

This time it was Du Jianyou’s turn to be speechless. It was unbelievably awkward.

The two of them stood on the open-air laundry deck. The sun had already set, and darkness was creeping in. The once-pleasant breeze had turned chilly.

“Let’s go back. You need to take care of yourself and learn to be strong,” An Zicheng said, and then he left.

Leaving Du Jianyou standing there, alone in the dark.

The senior told him to be strong, so he didn’t dare shed a tear.

To this day, he still remembers the look of shock in An Zicheng’s eyes—And the evasiveness that followed, the kind where they never saw each other again.

Du Jianyou pulled himself out of the memory, wearily rubbing his face. On the path to growing up, he had stumbled again and again, trying to find his footing. At first, he was humble and submissive, wagging his tail for approval, only to find himself looked down upon even more. No one reached out a hand to help; they only pushed him deeper into the mud.

Fortunately, the senior who had avoided him for a whole semester came looking for him on the eve of his graduation. He told Du Jianyou that, actually, he also had feelings for a boy—his classmate and close friend—but he didn’t have the courage to confess like Du Jianyou did.

Now that they were graduating and might go their separate ways, he had decided to muster the courage to tell that friend. But before doing so, he wanted to see Du Jianyou and thank him—for giving him the bravery to pursue love.

The senior said he saw a faint reflection of his younger self in Du Jianyou. That’s why he’d always paid attention to his inferiority and timidity, and why he had wanted to teach him karate—so he could protect himself.

He also said: Only when you treasure yourself and treat yourself like something precious, will others see you that way too.

He also said: Kids like us—different from the rest—are special. If everyone were the same, what would be the point?

He wanted Du Jianyou to summon the courage he had when he confessed, and stand tall with pride.

From that moment on, whenever Du Jianyou wanted to shrink away, the senior’s voice would poke at his spine and remind him to stand straight.

In the end, the senior gave him a warm, kind hug and said: “Smile, don’t always cry.”

Now, he could stand tall with confidence.

It had taken him more than ten years to accept himself, to allow himself to be who he was.

If he couldn’t grow into a towering tree, then at least he could spread out like a meadow or bloom into a patch of wildflowers.

This little wildflower bloomed freely, ignoring the gazes of others. Those who wanted to admire it could do so. Those who didn’t—well, they could just look away. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He never bloomed for anyone else—only for himself.

But now, he was beginning to waver.

The insecurities and self-doubt he had sealed away for more than ten years were bubbling back to the surface.

How could he let himself lose control? How could he allow himself to be so defenseless around Tang He?

Du Jianyou—wasn’t he known in the industry as the cunning one?He never schemed to harm others, but he always knew how to fiercely guard his own kingdom, making sure those who coveted it would understand—Du Jianyou was not to be trifled with.

He had thought his scheming mind and rational nature would make it hard—if not impossible—for him to fall in love.

Though he acted like a flirtatious little fairy on the outside, deep down, he was ice cold and indifferent. He knew he had no interest in women.

As for men—aside from mistaking An Zicheng’s kindness and chivalry for affection back then—he had never met anyone in all those years who truly stirred his heart.

He lived a life of contrast: passionate in front of others, detached behind the scenes. He reserved his warmth for work, for friends, even strangers. But he gave all his coldness to himself.

Du Jianyou had always been disciplined and capable. Once a person’s talent is recognized, the atmosphere around them begins to shift.

He went from being the despised, disgusting little sissy, to the darling of the fashion world—the flamboyant, adored diva.

No one dared mock him to his face anymore.

So, of course, he had to double down and declare: That’s right. I am femme. I’m a goddamn sissy.

At social events, there was always the dazzling butterfly that was “Queen Jianyou”— Striking a pose, flaunting his presence, his exaggerated voice impossible to ignore.

Because he knew—In real life, there were still many children like him:
Delicate, fragile boys.
Dominant, assertive girls.

He wanted them to see that even though they were different—They were one in a million.

But deep down, he also knew—Not everyone could truly accept people like them.

Being one in a million sometimes meant needing someone with vision to recognize you as a thousand-mile steed. Some people’s eyes couldn’t hide their disdain.

He had worked so hard for so long. In his career, he’d earned a modest degree of success. But when it came to love—he was still, at his core, that shy, timid child.

He still remembered the day Senior An graduated. He and another senior went up together to receive an award.

That person was his basketball team captain. Those two were always together. So it turned out, beneath the surface, there had always been love between them—he loved him, and he was loved in return.

The place beside him had always belonged to him, and no one else. Wherever he was, the other was sure to be there too.

When An Zicheng spotted Du Jianyou in the audience, he gently tugged on Jin Feng’s sleeve. Senior Jin Feng turned his head, and the two of them exchanged a soft, knowing smile. A perfectly matched couple stood shoulder to shoulder, their hands lightly brushing, fingers intertwined. The sunlight spilled over them, so dazzlingly bright that it made one squint.

Du Jianyou could feel the intimate affection that flowed between them—and he was happy for them.

But after this… who would ever feel happy for him?

Who would ever smile at him like that? Who would ever walk side by side with him?

Certainly not Tang He. Even if Tang He loved men, which he clearly didn’t, the entire society, the entire business world—including his family, his corporation, and even the man himself—would never allow such a scandal to come to light. It was something that couldn’t see the sun. No matter what, Tang He was not someone he could afford to provoke.

“Smile a little, don’t always cry.” His senior’s voice echoed in his mind again.

“Yes, yes, I’m not crying,” Du Jianyou replied inwardly. “But what do I do now that I seem to have fallen for someone who can’t love me back? I really can’t smile right now.”

“You don’t do anything. You’re not loving him because he loves you. You just love him. He doesn’t love you, and that’s his business.” That gentle yet resolute voice spoke clearly in his heart.

Suddenly, everything clicked. Du Jianyou felt a wave of clarity wash over him.

Yes. I love my love. Whether you love your love is your problem. It doesn’t concern anyone else, and it offends no one’s eyes. If I could once spread out a vast grassland, then surely I can nurture a lake too—to raise this crocodile inside it.

He looked at his reflection in the glass coffee table and saw himself smiling.

From now on, regardless of whether Tang He is capable of love or not, I will be the one who loves—steadfastly and with a smile. I must smile. The smiling ones are always the ones people remember in the end.

I’m ready now.

Tang He, you too…smile for me.

At this point, Du Jianyou had completely sorted through his feelings. He’d also thought carefully about the road ahead and the obstacles waiting for him. He knew it would be tough and didn’t expect anyone’s blessings—because even he couldn’t bring himself to bless this love.

All he could do was watch himself charge ahead like a moth to a flame, knowing full well he would be reduced to ashes, and still choosing to take the plunge.

Just like that famous line from an old commercial:
“It doesn’t matter if it lasts forever—what matters is that it once was mine.”^[1]

It was cliché, but fitting.

After taking a shower, he picked up his phone, planning to send a message to Tang He—partly to test his reaction. He wondered whether that earlier “I like you” had scared him off.

He opened his messaging app, carefully considering his words. After a long pause, he finally sent a single line:

“Ge, are you home yet?”

“I’ve been home. Just finished showering, about to sleep. What about you? Still up? I heard people in your line of work are all night owls.” Tang He replied in under two minutes.

“I’m not a night owl. I’m heading to bed too—beauty sleep is key for good skin. You should sleep early too!” Seeing Tang He’s warm and casual reply, Du Jianyou finally let go of the anxious knot in his heart.

“Are you throwing shade at my skin now, punk?” The message even came with a huffy emoji.

“How would I dare? Ge’s handsomeness is unmatched—loved by all, adored by flowers. Just that… your face is slightly on the larger side.”

“……” So mad he couldn’t reply—well, more like, he couldn’t find the words to type. So what if his face was a bit bigger? That just meant a larger area to contain his good looks. Get it?

“I just wanted to say good night before bed.” Du Jianyou quickly steered the conversation into softer waters.

“Good night. Go to bed early.” He couldn’t even stay mad anymore.

“Ge, good night.”

It was the first time they had ever texted each other.

After that, this became their routine. Whenever Du Jianyou thought of something, he’d send a message. Whenever he saw something, he’d snap a picture and share it.

As if everything he thought and everything he saw—he just wanted Tang He to be a part of it.

And Tang He never found it annoying. More often than not, he’d take time out of his day, open his phone, and smile at the screen.

(To be continued…)