BITM Ch18

Han Naeyung couldn’t give any answer to Jin’s confession. However, Jin didn’t press him for one. He didn’t interrogate him about what he used him for. He simply continued driving in silence.

Han Naeyung bit the tender flesh inside his mouth. He had deliberately provoked Jin’s pride, cowardly telling him to stop coming around because he was using him. But even after confessing his true feelings, Jin didn’t leave. Instead, he drew him closer.

During the drive to Jin’s house, Nari continued to play and frolic, sensing the tense atmosphere. Han Naeyung kept petting Nari, then eventually set her down on the floor. The underground parking lot of the officetel was filled with the smell of tires.

Jin got out of the car and walked ahead in silence. Nari looked up at Han Naeyung holding her leash and yawned widely.

Han Naeyung wanted to hand the leash back and run away. It was a mistake. Even though seeing Jin calmed his chaotic feelings, he shouldn’t have followed him. But Han Naeyung followed him silently. Maybe it was just a flimsy excuse, but the reason he couldn’t leave was Nari. Jin headed to the entrance after they exited the elevator. Jin, who had been silent the entire time, pointed inside after opening the door.

Han Naeyung relaxed his grip. Nari ran inside first, circling the entrance as if urging him to come in. Jin stood at the entrance, arms crossed, looking down at Han Naeyung. He could have forcibly pulled Han Naeyung, who stood rooted to the spot, but he didn’t.

Han Naeyung walked slowly, taking off his shoes. If this was going to be the last time…

“Do you want to shower?” Jin asked, pushing back his disheveled hair.

“Yes,” Han Naeyung replied.

“The bathroom is over there.”

“Let’s go together.”

“I’ll go alone.”

“Isn’t it okay as long as I don’t touch you?”

Han Naeyung’s mouth felt dry. Since he had come this far, he had no intention of turning back. He simply unbuttoned his coat and draped it over the sofa. It felt awkward to walk naked from the living room, so he entered the bathroom and removed his sweater and cotton pants. Jin, who had left the door half open, came in after opening it fully.

Normally, Jin would have made a joke or said something to break the silence, but today he was different. He just looked at Han Naeyung, who was completely undressed. Jin still had his clothes on and was wearing gloves.

Han Naeyung turned on the water in the shower booth. He felt Jin’s gaze on his every move, making his skin prickle.

“Prosecutor,” Han Naeyung said, lowering the shower’s pressure.

“…”

“I’ll wash first.”

He couldn’t bring himself to tell Jin to leave. Jin, who had stepped into the shower booth, closed the glass door. The humidity in the booth increased with the heat.

Leather gloves touched Han Naeyung’s bare back. The wet and smooth sensation made him shiver.

“Why am I so angry?” Jin pressed his fingertips against Han Naeyung’s soft skin. His firm hands traced the scars. Droplets of water that had slid down Han Naeyung’s forehead pooled near his eyes. Han Naeyung rubbed his burning eyes with his hand and turned around. Jin’s sleeves were also wet.

“If it’s because of me…”

The air was humid, but Han Naeyung’s throat was dry. If Jin didn’t feel like it, Han Naeyung should leave. Jin, holding the showerhead, turned the water pressure up again.

“It’s not because of you,” Jin said, unbuttoning his shirt with one hand. He draped his wet clothes over the top of the booth, where they left long trails as they wiped away the moisture. The booth was slightly cramped for two people.

Seeing Jin’s bare body up close for the first time took Han Naeyung’s breath away. For Han Naeyung, sexual desire was a filthy thing. Sexual acts always brought back past nightmares. Just the thought of someone viewing him as a sexual object made his head feel as if it had been doused in ice water.

But Jin was different. Han Naeyung felt pure sexual desire towards him. There were no nightmares or filth. Han Naeyung looked at Jin’s body through the steam-blurred vision. His muscles were toned, marked with small scars.

Jin dropped his gloves on the floor. He suddenly grabbed Han Naeyung’s thin wrist. Heat seemed to radiate from Jin’s palm.

“If you’re going to use me, do it properly.”

Jin took Han Naeyung’s hand and placed it on his bare chest. The heat from Jin’s body was even hotter than his own, making his insides tingle.

“Prosecutor.”

At Han Naeyung’s call, Jin lowered his head. The water from the fixed showerhead splashed off his shoulder and onto his cheek.

“Why…?”

Why is it only you who makes me feel alive when you touch me? All these questions remained unspoken.

“The scar…”

“This one,” Jin pressed on the most prominent scar on his chest while still holding Han Naeyung’s hand. “It’s not from catching a serial killer. I used to get into fights when I was younger.”

Han Naeyung couldn’t imagine Jin as a delinquent. He couldn’t take his eyes off the scar. Jin squeezed out some shower gel as he spoke.

“Do you believe that?”

“Because you said it, Prosecutor… I believed you.”

Jin’s grip tightened momentarily. When Han Naeyung winced, Jin unfolded a wooden chair attached to the shower wall and made him sit down. Jin handed him a shower sponge, giving him a choice.

“Do you want me to wash you, or will you do it yourself?”

Han Naeyung chose to wash himself. Even while scrubbing, he dropped the sponge several times, distracted by Jin’s gaze on him.

Jin took the showerhead and rinsed off the soap suds that clung to Han Naeyung’s body. Jin pumped lotion from a bottle on the shelf and rubbed it between his hands. The lotion mixed with water dripped onto the floor, creating white, viscous drops that looked like semen.

“Hold the wall,” Jin’s voice was deep and commanding. Han Naeyung placed both hands against the wall and turned his back to him.

“Ah…!”

Two fingers immediately entered him, making him gasp and his body twist. Jin used his thumb to press one buttock aside, minimizing skin contact. His fingers swirled inside, exploring at will.

Han Naeyung bit his lip, head lowered, as Jin’s fingers prodded his tender interior. Every time they grazed his prostate, his hips jerked. Jin’s fingers moved deeper, rubbing the folds of the passage.

“It hurts…”

Saliva dripped from Han Naeyung’s parted lips. He tried to look back at Jin, but Jin grabbed his nape, immobilizing his head. The grip was strong, making him blink repeatedly. All his senses focused on the intrusion below.

…Prosecutor Jin, Jin. Han Naeyung mouthed the words soundlessly.

Jin’s fingers withdrew, then probed his perineum, stimulating the sensitive skin. They re-entered his opening, which tightened even more than before. Han Naeyung’s body trembled as he whimpered. The only sound was the running water.

“Not like this…”

Han Naeyung panted under Jin’s forceful touch. Jin released his grip on his nape and grabbed his waist, pressing his erection against Han Naeyung’s buttocks.

Finally, Han Naeyung turned his head to look up at him. Jin looked down with an expression of urgency and anger. Their eyes met, and Jin lightly kissed Han Naeyung’s temple.

Seeing Jin’s face relaxed Han Naeyung, making him shiver.

“…Just like that, stay relaxed.”

“Ah!”

Jin’s erection penetrated deeply into him. Han Naeyung tried to push against the wall, but his hands slipped under the pressure. Jin held his hips and thrust upwards. His full length buried inside, he exhaled deeply. Han Naeyung’s legs shook, standing on tiptoe. Jin moved rapidly, his thrusts shallow and fast.

From the start, Jin’s rough movements made Han Naeyung grab his forearm. Jin quickly gathered Han Naeyung’s arms and pinned them against the wall.

Was he angry about being used, or…? But Han Naeyung couldn’t think any further. Jin’s vigorous thrusts drove him to the edge of his sanity.

“Ah! From behind… Ah! I don’t want to do it from behind.”

“You don’t like it from behind?” Even as he asked, Jin continued relentlessly from behind.

“From the front, uh! From the front.” He wrapped one arm around Han Naeyung’s waist, still holding his wrists tightly as if they were nailed in place. Ignoring Han Naeyung’s pleas, Jin moved roughly, pressing his hardened length against Han Naeyung’s prostate repeatedly.

“Ugh… Ngh…” Jin licked his canines as he listened to Han Naeyung’s moans, suppressing the urge to bite his nape.

“From the front, do it from the front…” Han Naeyung muttered repeatedly. Jin clicked his tongue and finally loosened his grip on Han Naeyung’s wrists. As he slowly withdrew, the stretched folds of Han Naeyung’s entrance contracted tightly. Jin shook out his water-soaked hair.

This wasn’t his intention. When he had prevented Han Naeyung from turning around, his body had been stiff with tension, but as soon as Han Naeyung saw his face, he relaxed. Seeing Han Naeyung find relief in him filled Jin with a powerful pleasure.

“I’m sorry.” Jin offered a reluctant apology as he turned the weakened Han Naeyung around, wrapping a towel around his body.

“…Are you angry?”

“No. Honestly, I was angry, but not for the reason you think.”

“…” 

Jin held Han Naeyung, who was staring at him blankly, even tighter.

“You really don’t understand why it’s only me, do you?” Han Naeyung whispered softly, “I don’t know.” Jin laughed in exasperation.

“I do.” But Han Naeyung looked at Jin as if he didn’t believe him. 

‘How could you know when I don’t even know myself?’ 

His eyes seemed to ask.

***

His lower abdomen felt like it was melting. Jin licked and sucked on Han Naeyung’s erection as he straddled him. Han Naeyung lowered his head to lick Jin’s member in return. The size was too much to fit into his mouth, causing him to repeatedly take it in and out. The sour taste of pre-cum mixed with the bitterness of the lotion.

The repeatedly penetrated hole had loosened sufficiently, opening and closing intermittently. Jin half-sat up, leaning against the headboard of the bed. Between his parted, slender legs, Han Naeyung’s crotch was clearly visible. When Jin inserted his fingers into Han Naeyung’s hole to spread it, semen dripped down his perineum. Han Naeyung’s grip tightened around Jin’s shaft.

Jin also wrapped his hand around Han Naeyung’s member from below, causing a soft moan to escape. He moved to caress Han Naeyung’s bare legs but stopped. Although Han Naeyung wasn’t aware of it, he occasionally shuddered involuntarily whenever touched unexpectedly.

“Turn around.”

Han Naeyung turned around on top of him. His chest was still dirty from the semen spilled earlier. When Jin sat up, Han Naeyung naturally lay back. Jin lifted Han Naeyung’s thighs and positioned the head of his erection against the hole. The angle made the opening feel tighter, causing a sharp sensation. The hard shaft prodded the recently closed inner walls.

The movements of Jin’s member, which had started slow, gradually sped up. The residual semen bubbled up, creating a sticky sound.

“Ah! Ah!”

Han Naeyung looked at Jin with hazy eyes. Despite the pained expression on his face, his breath escaped in excited gasps. When Jin thrust in as if to fill him completely, Han Naeyung’s head snapped back.

Jin rubbed Han Naeyung’s trembling throat with his fingertips. The unexpected touch made Han Naeyung tighten around him. Jin gritted his teeth and delved into the squeezing warmth below.

Han Naeyung rubbed his head against the sheets, gripping his own thighs tightly, trying to disperse the overwhelming pleasure filling him. Jin thrust in deeply, pressing his pubic hair against Han Naeyung’s backside, then pushed even deeper as if that still wasn’t enough.

“Hngh… Please, it feels like I’m going to burst,” Han Naeyung moaned. The fullness from the semen inside must have been unbearable. Jin pulled his erection out, and the tip scraped out the deeply stored semen.

He thrust back in to the root and pulled out completely again, causing the semen to dribble down Han Naeyung’s back. Repeatedly inserting and withdrawing his member, Han Naeyung’s eyes turned red with tears. Jin grasped Han Naeyung’s erection. Watching his head fall back again, Jin bit and sucked on his throat. Han Naeyung trembled, clutching the bedspread. As Jin’s hand moved, semen splattered. Han Naeyung’s body stiffened, pushing against the sheets with his toes.

Jin forcibly pushed and thrust into the tight space. The continuous stimulation of the prostate extended the aftermath of Han Naeyung’s climax, but there was no more semen left to come out. Jin, too, pushed his almost weapon-like member deep inside and released his semen. The feeling of Jin’s ejaculation spreading inside him made Han Naeyung groan softly.

Jin wanted to pull Han Naeyung’s body close and hold him tight as he panted. Should he try it? After all, their bodies had been thoroughly intertwined. Jin lowered his forehead onto Han Naeyung’s shoulder. His collarbone twitched but didn’t push him away. Jin gently ran his tongue over the beautifully prominent collarbone. Han Naeyung’s hand hesitated as it clutched the blanket, then slowly threaded through Jin’s hair.

With a sharp tongue, Jin lightly touched a nipple. He grasped Han Naeyung’s chest, making the nipple rise, and then bit it lightly. When he felt Han Naeyung’s gaze on the top of his head, Jin released the nipple with a loud sucking sound, eliciting a moan from Han Naeyung.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“…”

“It can’t be because you find me handsome.”

Jin posed the slightly teasing question. Han Naeyung averted his gaze to Jin’s shoulder.

“What? Was that the right answer?”

“I’m just confirming… that the person I’m with is really you, Prosecutor.”

Han Naeyung’s chest heaved precariously.

“What if you don’t confirm it?”

Jin licked his chest with a slow sweep of his tongue. Han Naeyung cradled his head again. Jin wanted to hear his answer, but he just chuckled briefly.

Jin teased with his tongue as he moved downward and took all of Han Naeyung’s now flaccid member into his mouth. The stimulation quickly brought it back to life, ready to climax again.

Among the numerous positions, Han Naeyung particularly disliked doing it from behind. Jin inserted himself into the missionary position again. The entrance and interior, loosened from repeated acts, gently enveloped Jin’s member. But it was only for a moment; as the activity intensified, the inside, unable to keep up with the pace of pleasure, tightened.

Jin muffled Han Naeyung’s lips calling his name. Han Naeyung’s breath was warm. When Han Naeyung, murmuring softly as if calling him again, Jin’s accumulated semen erupted once more. Jin’s arm muscles tensed.

He bit and sucked on Han Naeyung’s lower lip, which was panting heavily. Even after ejaculation, his still-hard penis moved inside. Han Naeyung’s body, completely drained of energy, slumped as if under the influence of morphine. Even his eyelids were struggling to stay open.

When Jin withdrew, Han Naeyung’s weakened legs fell to the bed. Jin placed a towel on Han Naeyung’s buttocks, where semen was trickling down.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Han Naeyung opened his mouth at the noise coming from somewhere.

“The sound.”

“Hm, the sound?”

“Yes.”

“It’s Nari scratching the door.”

“Oh… Nari.”

Han Naeyung murmured so softly it was barely audible. It had been scratching since they came into the room from the bathroom, but both of them only realized it now. As the sensation of semen flowing subsided, Han Naeyung turned over. It was harder to lie flat at that moment.

Han Naeyung lay with one cheek against the sheet, looking at Jin. Completely naked, Jin walked out of the bedroom. As soon as the door opened, Nari, who had been scratching, dashed in, and Jin carried it away on his shoulder. Jin quickly returned.

As he put Nari outside and closed the door again, the scratching sound resumed without fail. While looking at the door, a warm towel was placed on Han Naeyung’s lower body.

“I’ll… clean it up.”

“You’re just wiping it with a towel.”

During sex, Jin touched Han Naeyung here and there while his mind was hazy. However, once the act was over, he didn’t touch his bare skin as if he had never done so. After cleaning up, Jin sat next to the prone Han Naeyung.

“Get some sleep,” he whispered to Han Naeyung, who had his eyes closed. Seeing no movement, it seemed Han Naeyung was already exhausted and asleep. Jin pulled the blanket up to his waist and gently brushed his back with just his fingertips. Fortunately, his eyelids remained still.

Jin caressed Han Naeyung’s back, lost in thought.

The reason you don’t mind my touch is… It’s the same reason I want to touch you. Whether you’re oblivious or unwilling to acknowledge it.

Jin gave a small, rueful smile and covered the faint scars on Han Naeyung’s back with his hand.

“I’m angry that the person who did this to you keeps haunting my mind. It makes me mad that you won’t tell me who it was. Whenever you’re ready, tell me. I could get revenge for you.”

Feeling his anger rise again, Jin ran his hand down his face and looked at Han Naeyung. Then, he heard a faint voice.

“…He….”

“You’re not asleep yet?”

It was almost to himself, but he felt he had woken Han Naeyung.

“He… died.”

Han Naeyung still had his eyes closed.

“Once it’s all over… I’ll be okay. I’m sure.”

However, there was no certainty in his small voice.

He died…? What does he mean by everything will be okay once it’s over?

Jin pondered Han Naeyung’s seemingly sleep-talking words. His gaze shifted to the cigarettes on the table. Instead of going out to smoke, he looked back at Han Naeyung.

Han Naeyung, lying on his stomach, was so still that even his breath was inaudible. Suddenly, Jin felt an urge to use his position to investigate Han Naeyung’s past.

Because it felt like the day he’d hear about those scars directly from Han Naeyung would never come. He lightly clenched his fist, his fingertips tingling. Even as he brushed the hair from Han Naeyung’s forehead, he did not wake.

***

That year, the flowers were in full bloom.

Maybe I embellished the worst memory to comfort myself, but I have never seen such beautiful flowers before or after that time.

The TV at the orphanage was playing cartoons. The children, waiting for lunch, were huddled around the TV.

Jaemin stomped his feet watching a baby dinosaur get scolded by Gildong. I, who looked just like Jaemin, sat with my knees drawn up, looking outside.

Bright pink azaleas surrounded the yard like a prison. The thin petals of the azalea trees could be easily traversed even with my small body.

What if I went outside like that? It was a question I had thought of many times in recent days. I called my younger brother, who was watching the cartoon with a tense expression.

“Jaemin.”

“Ugh, why. Talk after the cartoon.”

“Okay.”

Jaemin pouted his lips but slowly came closer.

“Why don’t you watch the dinosaur, hyung?”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t you like it?”

I nodded.

“Why don’t you like it?”

“Because it’s scary.”

“You’re scared of a baby dinosaur?”

I nodded again.

At first, I too enjoyed watching that cartoon with the other children. When the baby dinosaur found its mother again, I cried tears of joy. But when the baby dinosaur couldn’t stay with its mother and was taken back to Gildong’s house, that’s when I started to find the cartoon frightening.