Chapter 36: Confiding About Their Nightmares

“It’s a secret.”

Urien muttered as such as he unconsciously touched the back of his neck briefly.

He lowered his arm before staring at the garden again.

‘…A secret, huh?’

‘To him, what does that word entail, I wonder?’

Thinking as such, Rodrick looked at the direction Urien was staring at; the beautiful garden, brimming with flowers, bathed by the morning sun.

——At that moment, a scene flashed through his mind—a scene he had witnessed in his youth.

Back when his mother was still alive, when the flowers in the garden bloomed even more beautifully than now. There, stood a black-haired man and a small child. The small child was smiling innocently at the man as he was patting the child’s head, whose hair had the color of chestnut, different from his own.

Meanwhile, Rodrick could only stare at them from a distance away.

Locking that scene of the past in his heart, Rodrick burned the image of the lonely garden into his eyes.

Secrets. Sometimes, he’d associate the word with violence.

After all, secrets could control or even kill a person’s heart. With them in their hearts, people wouldn’t easily be able to open their hearts or trust any other person.

By extension, knowing someone’s secrets could also be considered violence. It’d give one the power to reveal that same secret forcibly, killing their heart in the process.

But, that logic wouldn’t hold true in the face of love.

Only when one’s heart was showered with love and they willingly shared their secrets could one set their heart free.

But, Rodrick had no desire to go that far.

After all, if he were to find out what Urien’s secret was right now, things would undoubtedly lead to the aforementioned violence.

Besides, he was just curious about him, nothing more. There were times when he’d find Urien in a daze—just like he was now. He guessed that it was probably because he didn’t get enough sleep, leaving his mind sluggish.

Just like himself.

Hence why, without really thinking about it, he voiced what he had in mind.

“Why don’t we sleep together tonight?”

“Huh?”

Urien’s small face looked up at Rodrick. His purple eyes that were looking straight into his own, his brain as he processed that sudden remark, both made Rodrick’s body flinch as his mouth scrambled to confess his true intentions.

“My doctor, Sacher, said that it might be easier to fall asleep if you sleep with someone else.”

“Ahh.”

As expected, Urien’s composure didn’t falter. He seemed surprised at first, but after hearing that explanation, he just nodded even though that explanation should sound like total nonsense.

“I see.”

Then, he let out a small smile.

Looking at this smile, Rodrick noticed that it was noticeably softer than his usual half-hearted smile.

With the smile still on his face, Urien said,

“Let’s do it.”

*   *   *

“——Guess this doesn’t work, huh?”

That night. Deciding that they’d sleep together, they both went straight to Rodrick’s bedroom.

They didn’t choose Urien’s bedroom because they figured that Urien would go to Rodrick’s first thing in the morning anyway. The maids, including Ella, prepared their bed for them, grinning ear to ear as they did. When Urien first arrived in the neatly arranged room, “Your bed’s quite spacey, Lord Rodrick,” he made such a remark before immediately lying down in the bed with Rodrick.

After that, they talked to each other for a bit and eventually, Urien fell asleep first.

Their bodies weren’t close enough that their skins were touching, but Rodrick did feel a greater sense of security in his presence compared to when he was alone.

‘Does he feel the same way?’ He thought as he stared hopefully at Urien’s sleeping face. But soon after, Urien’s face began to distort, as if he was struggling with something.

Then, he woke up. When he noticed that Rodrick was awake, he furrowed his brows and,

”Guess this doesn’t work, huh?”

Said those words.

“Yeah.”

Rodrick nodded. If nothing else, he was relieved that Urien’s nightmare didn’t last long.

“You haven’t slept yet, Lord Rodrick?”

“Yeah.”

“Haa…”

“What kind of nightmare did you have?”

Hearing him asking that casually, Urien leaned on his back and closed his eyes.

When Rodrick thought that he probably wouldn’t answer that question, he opened his small lips all too easily.

“A tower. Most of my nightmares are about that”

Rodrick laid on his side, resting his elbow on the bed, his head on his hand. The position had a higher elevation than Urien’s, so he could see his slightly-opened, slightly-dazed eyes that made him seem like he was still dreaming.

“A tower?”

“It was a tower near the Martritz’ estate—it’s abandoned now, but in my dreams, I always climbed that tower.”

“Have you climbed the real thing?”

“Yes. A long time ago.”

Urien murmured softly as he turned his eyes that were bathed in the warm lamp light towards Rodrick. He turned to his side, peering directly to Rodrick’s eyes.

“In my dreams, there were broken crutches and chairs lying around in the tower, but those things weren’t in the real thing.”

“So they’re only in your dreams. But, crutches? …Have your legs, by chance, been broken, at one point?”

“No.”

“Have you at least used crutches once in your life for some reason?”

“Never.”

The conversation went on and Rodrick never took his eyes off Urien’s even for a moment. Urien’s long eyelashes and slender nosebridge were illuminated by the soft light. ‘I want to touch them,’ such a thought crossed his mind, but he obviously didn’t act on it.

“Why were you climbing that tower? Are you sure that it was you in the nightmares?”

“I saw my own reflection in a mirror. The face looked thin, the mouth looked extremely twisted—overall, everything looked distorted, but it was definitely my face.”

“That’s not you then.”

“Huh?”

With his head pressed against his pillow, Urien blinked, unable to comprehend what Rodrick was trying to say.

Perhaps because of his big eyes, it seemed like it took a while for him to finish blinking. He then tilted his head slightly, letting some of his hair fall on his cheek. Noticing some of them got into his mouth, Rodrick brushed them away as he continued.

“You read a lot of books, no? It’s probably a character from a novel you read that’s stuck in your head. In any case, the person reflected in that mirror isn’t you. And since it isn’t you, who cares what happens to him.”

“Why do you think it isn’t me?”

“Because your face isn’t thin, your lips are pretty, and overall, your face looks beautiful.”

“…”

Urien blinked slowly and looked up at Rodrick in silence.

His lips weren’t dry like they were in the winter—they were healthy and plump. Even though he hadn’t gotten much sleep, his skin was unblemished, smooth, and was glowing even, while his cheeks were round—beautifully shaped.

Staring at his angelic face that resembled a painting, Rodrick said what came to his mind without much thinking.

“You’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?”

“…Are you calling me fat?”

“No, I’m just saying that you’ve gotten healthier. Also, that doesn’t change the fact that your face is pretty.”

“Why do you keep repeating that?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“…”

He didn’t really understand, but sensing that his praises might come as unwanted, Rodrick immediately added, “If you hate hearing it, I’ll stop.” Hearing that, Urien buried his head in his pillow.

Urien wasn’t short, but compared to Rodrick, he was quite small. With his face being just as small and the pillow was meant for Rodrcik—big—it didn’t take long for his whole face to be buried in it completely.

Then, he muttered, sounding somewhat unsure,

“I don’t hate it or anything.”

“Mm, I see.”

Rodrick nodded, as if understanding what was going on here.

“You’re just not used to hearing it, aren’t you?”

“Umm.”

“You’re pretty, Urien. That’s a fact, nothing’s gonna change it.”

“…Um, what about you, Lord Rodrick? What kind of nightmare did you have?”