Chapter 4 Part 9

When I managed to pry my dry eyes open, I saw Yoo Min-ho. Unlike the memory of him standing there crying bitterly in his school uniform, here he was standing under the bright fluorescent light, looking down at me with his arms crossed.

Yet, strangely enough, I felt that his gaze hadn’t changed much, neither then nor now. The kind, gentle boy who used to look upon the mean me—the me who only spat out sharp words—with loving eyes was still inside Yoo Min-ho. And that, too, was the reason why I could never stop loving him.

As soon as I woke up, I could recall every memory of Yoo Min-ho. The memories flooded into my mind as naturally and undeniably as they always had. From when we lived together in the orphanage when we were very young, right up to when I personally held his funeral.

Strangely, all my other memories were completely gone, as if carved out with a knife, yet everything related to him remained crystal clear, just like it happened yesterday. Once I could recall every memory of the man named Yoo Min-ho, I could finally understand why I had created this world.

Hyeon-ho was right. I had wanted him—who was only accustomed to being foolishly kind and loving like a pushover—to live a life like Cha Min-jae’s. A brilliant life where he was loved by all, where he could be selfish, and where he wasn’t drowning in debt.

Nevertheless, the reason I ultimately killed Cha Min-jae was simple. No matter how much I envisioned Yoo Min-ho while creating Cha Min-jae, the two could never be the same. Yoo Min-ho was already a dead man. I could not forgive a world that remained perfectly fine despite his death. Only then did Hyeon-ho’s words—that Yoo Min-ho himself was an error in this world—begin to make faint sense. Yoo Min-ho and Cha Min-jae were the same person, yet they were beings with fundamentally opposite natures that could never overlap.

He looked down at me with a displeased expression. Though we were only a year apart in age, there was now a six-year gap between us. It was only natural, as I had stubbornly survived and continued to age after he died.

The last time I saw Yoo Min-ho, he lay peacefully in his coffin, looking as if he were merely asleep. Because he had died of a cerebral hemorrhage, his outward appearance was miraculously perfect, and for a time, I couldn’t accept his death as reality. Seeing Yoo Min-ho, alive and moving, looking exactly as he did at twenty-one, made me feel as if hot blood were about to surge up from deep within my throat.

“Hey… why are you crying like that in your sleep? Did you have a nightmare?”

When he spoke, I touched my face and found my palms damp with tears. I felt ridiculous for clinging so desperately to the foolish hope of resurrecting the dead to create my own world. Was it a blessing that I could meet him again, even in this kind of world? Why couldn’t I have done better when he was alive? The unanswered question, which I couldn’t bring myself to voice, turned into a sharp blade, gouging at the inside of my heart.

He was the person I had missed until the very moment of my death. I lived every moment consumed by self-loathing, caught in the futile fantasy that if only I could see him one more time after losing him. I regretted, I pitied, I blamed myself, but there was no way to reverse a life that had already been marked as finished and done. Because real life, no matter how much one fails or regrets, simply moves forward.

What was lost remained lost forever.

While silently enduring irredeemable failures.

In this hellish world overrun by zombies, I had already witnessed Yoo Min-ho die too many times. But in this world, at least, I could reverse his death. It meant I wouldn’t lose him eternally. A pathetic thought surfaced, wanting to collapse to the floor and weep aloud, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I bit my lip until it hurt and tried to compose myself.

Thump, thump-thump-.

At that moment, a violent noise at the entrance made Yoo Min-ho curse.

“Those sons of bitches must have made it up here. Damn it, are they insane? What kind of zombie climbs forty-nine floors? Did they take the elevator? Thinking that makes it even more horrifying.”

“……”

“Hey, stop crying already. Did someone die? We’re still alive, you know?”

At the repulsive gurgling noise and the dull thudding against the door, the kitten cradled in my arms seemed terrified, arching its back and letting out a faint cry. I felt I needed to say something to change the mood, but I swallowed my words, afraid that if I opened my mouth, my voice would come out a wreck. Seeing me like this, the nervous one suddenly made an impulsive move.

“Are you scared because of that noise? There’s nothing to be afraid of. Watch this.”

Saying that, Yoo Min-ho did something absurd: he turned on the intercom and started hurling profanities at the zombies.

“Hey, you sons of bitches! You want in? Try coming in if you can! Should I tell you the passcode? One-nine-eight…”

However, Yoo Min-ho, who had begun his tirade with great gusto, gradually lowered his voice until he clamped his mouth shut like a clam. He seemed to have had the sudden thought that they might actually enter the passcode and open the door. A hollow laugh escaped me at his pathetic display. Yoo Min-ho hadn’t changed at all, then or now. He was still insignificant, still endearing, and still the kind of person who made you worry.

“Hey, why are you laughing? Now that I think about it… nobody really knows how intelligent those bastards are. It can’t hurt to be careful, right?”

“Don’t worry. They can’t open the front door and come in.”

I had established the premise that the intelligence levels of the zombies varied depending on how they contracted the virus, but even the smartest ones wouldn’t be able to punch in the front door passcode. If they could, it wouldn’t be a zombie movie; it would just be a standard thriller.

“Ah, right. You said you were the creator of these zombies, Seo Ki-hyeon-ssi. You’d know best.”

“…Sorry.”

My immediate apology seemed to fluster Yoo Min-ho even more, and he stammered.

“Hey, honestly, I don’t believe everything you say. So don’t apologize.”

“I really didn’t know it would turn out like this. I just…”

After he died so meaninglessly, I couldn’t figure out how to live the rest of my life. The desperate effort to graduate from university, the stubborn saving of money while working—all of it instantly lost its meaning with his death. Simply surviving each day was an excruciating burden. Every day I regretted things, pitied Yoo Min-ho, and finally became enraged at myself.

I started writing because I couldn’t bear the endless time that had been thrown at me. If I didn’t do something, I felt like I would go insane. I couldn’t spit out the chaotic words swirling in my head and kept repeating the same phrase.

“…I’m so sorry, Min-ho-ya.”

This time, he seemed genuinely flustered. Hurrying about in a way that didn’t suit his large frame, he rushed to a kitchen cabinet and pulled something out.

“Are you depressed? Should I get you some chocolate? Eating something sweet usually cheers you up.”

Clutching the chocolate he offered, I stared blankly at him, my breathing growing ragged. The emotions, the dam having broken, surged violently and couldn’t be controlled. No matter what nonsense Yoo Min-ho said, it only felt heartbreakingly tender.

“You were fine just a little while ago when you were eating instant ramen; what on earth is wrong? Don’t frustrate me like this—just tell me what’s going on.”

“……”

Hooo… Instead of tears, a hot breath escaped slowly. I tried to shed my sorrow with the exhale, but it wasn’t easy. He was a good man. He wandered from construction site to construction site to pay off the debts of the father who abandoned him when he was five, eventually ending up working in a host bar.

It was a discarded child making unconditional sacrifices that his parents never did. Yet, life was cruel, digging deeper into the vulnerable and trampling on the destitute. That bastard who even took the meager settlement money didn’t even show up at Yoo Min-ho’s funeral. And I, the only one he ever loved throughout his life… only caused him pain.