CHDY 49

Of all times, his means of contact had been cut off at a moment like this. In despair, he pressed the power button again and again, but there was no change. What should he do? Should he first find a repair shop? Even as he thought that, he had no way to search right now, so he could not even find the location of a shop.

In a state of helplessness that felt like a sealed exit, he thought desperately. Where could he go to meet Inha? After intense and repeated thoughts, Jaeon recalled the officetel where Inha used to live.

He did not know the exact address, but it was a place he had been to before anyway. Since it was near the university neighborhood where he used to work, he felt he could somehow find it if he retraced his memories.

From there, Jaeon took a bus without delay and got off in a few minutes, then searched for Inha’s officetel by retracing his memories.

The joy of finally finding it transformed into a strange feeling the moment he saw the building. When he had slipped out without the sleeping Inha knowing, he had thought he would never return to this place for the rest of his life. The fact that he had come here on his own two feet stirred up a variety of emotions anew.

“……”

Swallowing hard, Jaeon approached the intercom and pressed the call button. He pressed the officetel unit number he remembered and stared at the screen, earnestly hoping, please be home.

However, even as the signal continued, there was no response from the intercom. He pressed it once more, but there was no reaction, making it certain that he was not home.

In that case, he had no choice but to wait until Inha returned. Having rushed here with only the thought of meeting him, his energy was drained, but he was not discouraged. The thought that he would be able to see him soon made the current anxiety feel bearable.

In front of the officetel, Jaeon timidly looked around his surroundings. Staying still in one place was not a difficult task, so he stood in the same posture for minutes, then for tens of minutes. He watched the occasional cars and people entering with great care, his hands clasped tightly together.

Only after waiting like that until the color of the sky changed did the anxiety he had been suppressing slowly begin to sprout.

“……”

Since his phone was broken, he could not tell the passage of time. He had no way of gauging how long he had waited, or how much longer it would be until the sun set.

He could wait just like this until the sun set and the night deepened. But an unknown anxiety would not leave his mind.

Could he really meet him by just waiting blindly? Wasn’t there a smarter way?

With such doubts, it became difficult to just wait quietly. The pressure that he had to meet Inha even a minute, a second sooner did not disappear.

Knowing it was a foolish thing to do, Jaeon turned on his heel once again. He left the officetel and headed straight for Inha’s school without any plan. He hoped for another miracle-like coincidence, just like when he had accidentally spotted Inha nearby after looking around the campus before.

He entered the campus and carefully examined every person who passed by. He looked around his surroundings with the thought that since Inha was a person who was bound to stand out anytime, anywhere, he would not miss him as long as he looked carefully.

He wandered here and there across the campus that felt vast. He circled and circled again, to a reckless degree. He roamed the art college campus especially often, multiple times. He thought about asking someone who looked like an art student about Inha, but he could not muster up such courage.

He wandered around as if possessed by the single belief that he would be able to find him, to the point where the soles of his feet throbbed. Even after leaving the campus, he wandered the surrounding alleys, repeating the same act with a stubborn and crude persistence.

It felt like he could meet him, but in the end, he could not. As hope faded and only discouragement deepened, his physical stamina completely hit rock bottom. He was so exhausted he did not know how he was standing, and he felt pain from his legs all the way to his feet. As more time passed, even that pain became numb.

He walked the streets that had grown dark after the sun had set. He had no thought of giving up just like this, so he returned to Inha’s officetel on that same path. As he reached the front of the officetel, the tension he had briefly forgotten was revived. It was because of the hopeful thought that since the day had ended, Inha might have returned home.

Jaeon pressed the unit number and pressed call. He clenched his fists as he heard the bell ring inside the intercom. He could feel his heart pounding. For some reason, he had a premonition that the door would open this time.

But in the blink of an eye, the melody ended, and the main entrance never opened.

Unable to give up, he pressed the call button two or three more times. Only after all of them ended in silence did he accept the fact that Inha had not yet returned home.

He waited for a few more hours just like that. While waiting tenaciously, another thought suddenly raised its head. It was the thought that perhaps Inha was actually inside, and the reason he was not opening the door was that he had no intention of meeting Jaeon.

Once he thought that, the subsequent thought was that this stubborn waiting might be a tremendous imposition.

Is it okay to keep waiting here like a stalker? Am I making the people around here uncomfortable?

Even just standing near the building began to feel like sitting on a cushion of thorns. His mind complicated, Jaeon showed a hesitant gesture before finally turning his heel and leaving the officetel alley.

“……”

He got on the bus heading home and sat in a remaining empty seat. As he leaned his head against the window, a small breath escaped. Come to think of it, it was the first rest he had gotten today.

He had spent the entire day looking for Inha, but he had failed. He had only caused trouble at his workplace, and he had missed out on everything. He sank into sorrow as he looked back on the past events and the foolish choices he had made at each turn.

Would things have been different if he had chased after Inha right away?

Useless self-blame clung to him heavily. He did not know what was lacking in him, but he was always slower to realize things than others. This time, too, that foolish part of him had been revealed without fail. He was angry at himself for failing to get the timing right and trying so hard only after it was too late.

He habitually took out his phone to check the time. Seeing the shattered phone, a hollow sigh of, “Ah,” came out. Starting tomorrow, it would be difficult to work without a phone.

He passed the stop he was supposed to get off at and got off in the downtown area. He looked around, predicting that there would be at least one or two repair centers in a place like this.

Since he could not search, he asked a passerby, who readily searched and found a location for him. In his exhausted state, the small help felt as significant as if his life had been saved. He was so grateful that he bowed his head several times.

“With this much damage, there’s a high chance the data can’t be recovered. Is that okay with you?”

He was happy to have found the shop, but the repair technician’s words quickly made him feel bleak.

“Ah……”

It meant that all his contacts would be gone as well. His mind went blank at the words that were like a bolt from the blue. But since he had to get it fixed right away, he had no choice but to request the repair.

The phone that had been in tatters was neatly fixed in an hour. Perhaps because of the money he had spent out of pocket and the data he had lost, he did not feel very relieved. He left the center listlessly, clutching the phone that had become like new.

The expense had been too great, so even the bus fare felt like a burden. Thinking that it was only one stop away and would be quick, he slowly moved his feet.

When he checked his phone while walking, he realized that not a single message had arrived while it was off. The contact list that had been wiped during the repair was empty, and the photo album that had contained at least a few pictures was also empty. It had become a simple telephone, empty like a tin can.

“……”

Even though he had lost his contacts, he had wondered if a number might have remained. He had thought that perhaps Inha might have called or sent a message.

But it was all just his own foolish wishful thinking. As the last bit of hope he had harbored within him disappeared, reality finally began to come into view. The obsession that had continued all day long vanished, and the option of giving up came into sight. He no longer had any will left to attempt anything more.

Even when he did everything he could, he could not meet him. He listlessly accepted the situation, which felt as if an omnipotent being was telling him that this was reality and fate.

Jaeon stopped walking. A sharp pain shot through the sole of his foot. His ankle also throbbed, and a tingling sensation spread from both his knees to his thighs.

“……It hurts.”

Once he said it out loud, the pain became even more distinct.

Jaeon ignored the sharp sensation and walked. He thought that being in pain was nothing. As always, it was something he could get used to if he suppressed and ignored it.

He walked one stop and reached his neighborhood. He barely arrived at the bus stop closest to his house. From here, he had to walk up a hill for a long while again.

Looking up at the hill before him, a sense of vastness washed over him. His two legs felt heavily stuck to the ground. He moved his legs slowly, as if coaxing a child who had sat down, refusing to walk.

But even while steadily climbing, he had no choice but to stop for a moment. It was because the hunger and thirst he had been holding back had become extreme. He wiggled his toes several times in deliberation before reluctantly stopping by a convenience store.

The banana-flavored milk was sweet and cool. But as soon as he drank it and came out, a sense of emptiness washed over him. It would have been better to just take the bus from the beginning than to buy a drink that cost about the same as the bus fare. He felt regret, but then he thought that making foolish choices must be his fate and laughed emptily.

Today, the hill felt exceptionally long and steep. To the point where he wondered if it had always been this far, no matter how much he walked, the end did not appear. The single-room flat far from the bus stop, and his own life that had no choice but to choose such a room, also felt cruel.

It felt like he was walking through a day that would never end. He entered the narrow alley and passed the densely packed houses of the old neighborhood. He diligently moved his tired feet toward his house, which was among them.

“……”

By the time he arrived near his house, he was completely exhausted. At a time like this, of all things, the shadow of a man standing near his house was cast. Wondering if it was a drunk person, he stopped for a moment and was on his guard.

Sometimes, drunk people would be leaning or sprawled out there. There were many cases where they would try to call him over or pick a fight just for silently passing by. Worried that he might get into trouble for no reason this time as well, Jaeon pretended not to notice and approached his gate.

He entered the password for the lock and pushed the main gate open. Just before going in, he glanced to the side, and only then did his movements stop.

He was so startled that a voice escaped him like a moan.

“……Inha……”

It was the name of the man he had been wandering around searching for.

“……You’re late.”

The smile he wore as he spoke looked tired somehow.

“……”

Jaeon looked up at the man standing under the streetlight, his hand still on the doorknob.

Why does this person always surprise me like this.

As if telling me not to, just when I want to quit everything.

“……”

How did he know this house that I never told him about. Why did he not call again. Since when had he been here. Questions surged, but he had no thought of asking them.

“……Um……”

He opened his mouth, looking up at the light-colored eyes. Inside his parted lips, his tongue stiffened without him realizing it. He was studying his expression, weighing the timing, and an excuse was about to come out instead of the words he wanted to say. Feeling more frightened than ever, Jaeon forced his voice out.