DEB 55

While Huiyun was disheartened by his disciples’ increasingly disappointing behavior as they treated him as Yasha, the gate conquest itself was completed in a flash. 

Despite being a high-level gate, it only took them 15 minutes to clear it.

How did these people even fail in a high-level gate back then?

Even if the boss was of an unusual type and they were poisoned, their physical abilities should have been enough to handle it.

Wondering about the poison that had incapacitated them, Huiyun received the quest reward. When his disciples tried to hand over the gate rewards to him, he declined. As much as he wanted to take advantage of others, he couldn’t take the rewards after dragging them into clearing the gate.

“Are you sure you don’t want it? It’s a high-grade mana control potion.”

“Thank you.”

But this time, he decided to take it. Such a precious item couldn’t be passed up.

A single high-grade mana control potion cost as much as Huigang’s monthly salary. Huiyun always laughed it off, saying lower-grade potions were enough and that three bottles a month were plenty. But if he could get it from someone other than Huigang, he’d take it without hesitation.

Life is about taking what you can. Huiyun put the high-grade potion safely in his jacket pocket and examined the reward. He expected an immediate passage to the demon realm, but it turned out to be a cube that needed to be assembled in the desired location at the desired time.

When he shared this with them, Juan sighed at the sight of the cube.

“Can we even solve this? It looks like it’s mixed up too thoroughly.”

The system never gave rewards smoothly. Juan worried over the thoroughly scrambled cube, but Huiyun smirked.

He had lived cursing the system long enough to be used to its antics. The reason he let it slide was that he was confident he could solve the cube quickly.

“It’s fine. I spent a lot of time solving cubes when I was hospitalized.”

Huiyun could solve most cubes in under 20 seconds. If he had persisted, he might have been good enough to set records in competitions.

Juan, impressed by Huiyun’s confidence, considered where to open the passage.

“Should we go down to the guild’s underground training area? We don’t want random people getting involved.”

“Not a bad idea. I heard the Ash guild’s underground training area is well-equipped.”

“Rare for you to come up with a good idea.”

For once, Jiwook and Nameless agreed with Ash’s suggestion without any rebuttal. 

They asked Huiyun for the cube to examine it.

“Just don’t solve it by accident.”

Huiyun handed over the cube to satisfy their curiosity, thinking it would be a relief to be out of their constant watch. Jiwook and Nameless immediately surrounded the cube, discussing something as they walked. Seeing them huddled together, murmuring, reminded Huiyun of the past.

They used to do that when they first joined his lair.

Since childhood, Vina and Moot were always full of curiosity. If Yasha brought back something interesting, they would discuss it for a week, exchange opinions, talk about improvements, and after a month, they’d recreate it and proudly show Yasha their success.

Though it was a childhood memory, seeing them still the same showed that some traits never change.

Watching them with softened eyes, Huiyun turned his gaze to Juan, who was also glancing at them and chuckling.

“Feeling nostalgic?”

Juan, too, seemed lost in memories. 

“They might be grumpy now, but they were cute back then. If I left for a bit, they’d cry, ‘Ash, where did you go!’… brings back memories.”

“I don’t recall such things.”

“You’re the seventh disciple, you wouldn’t know much.”

“Oh.”

Huiyun’s casual response made him realize he had slipped. Juan, with round eyes, smiled.

“I’ve lived quite a long time through repeated reincarnations, but looking back, the only truly happy times were those days.”

“…”

“That’s why we searched so desperately for Yasha. All our memories and happiness were tied to that time.”

His sentimental words stirred Huiyun’s emotions. Despite living for so long, and spending ten thousand years without Yasha, the only happy times they had were with him. Drawing his gaze away from Jiwook and Nameless, Huiyun sighed.

Juan, not expecting anything from his words, continued leading them toward the Ash guild with a relieved face.

While Nameless and Jiwook were engrossed in the cube, and Juan was navigating the fastest route to the Ash guild, no one spoke to Huiyun, allowing him a quiet reflection. However, the silence led to more intrusive thoughts.

What if that day, Yasha hadn’t chosen death but stayed to continue the Heavenly Demon War? What if he had fought fiercely alongside everyone, led them, and become the center of the resistance? Even if some disciples had died, what if they had created graves, mourned, lived with the survivors, and embraced the reincarnated disciples? If they had won the war and found peace, what would it have been like?

What if he had chosen to walk together with them?

He had never considered these scenarios, perhaps out of fear of acknowledging that his choice might have been a mistake, or fearing to confront his own vulnerability.

Was that really the only choice I had?

Huiyun gathered his memories from when he was Yasha. He pieced together what had happened before his death, how ruined the world had become, and what was in his heart when he chose to die.

As he slowly unraveled these thoughts, he realized a painful truth he had wanted to avoid. 

A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

“…What’s wrong?”

Juan, ever perceptive to the tone of Huiyun’s laughter, turned around. Huiyun kept his eyes closed, managing only to look at Juan’s—Ash’s—feet and sighed heavily.

“…I gave you all too much affection.”

If asked what Yasha’s greatest mistake was, it was this. Now that he could see it, Huiyun’s muttered words were laced with regret, causing Juan to stop in his tracks. The conversation from behind ceased. Realizing the gravity of his words, Huiyun clamped his mouth shut, looking as if he’d been struck.

“…”

He had spoken with such clear regret that there was no room for excuses. If he had realized it, surely they had too. People often notice others’ feelings quicker than their own.

The oppressive silence was uncomfortable, worsened by the knowledge of its cause.

No one dared to speak, but the sharp sting of reproach was palpable. 

Huiyun, rolling his tongue in his mouth, lightly touched Juan’s back.

“Let’s go. We have to find the others.”

Speaking as if trying to assert his identity as Mok Huiyun more than ever, Juan’s expression blurred. He turned his back, hiding his face, and answered softly, 

“Yes.” 

Jiwook and Nameless’s conversation didn’t resume. In the suffocating silence Huiyun had created, he continued his earlier thoughts.

What was the real issue? 

It was ultimately Yasha’s nature.

His nature to deeply care and love too much.

That’s why he regretted giving too much affection.

Yasha chose death over fighting a relentless war for this reason.

…I didn’t want all of you to get hurt.

Yasha decided to take his own life because he saw one of his disciples’ arms being severed in a battle with the demons. A usually quiet disciple, crying out in pain from the severed limb and the agony of demonic energy invading the wound. 

Seeing this, Yasha—Huiyun—felt a pain that seemed even worse than losing an eye.

What kind of master could remain sane seeing their cherished disciples hurt? That too after fighting the enemies that became stronger because of him…

Yasha, always rational, made an emotional choice for the first time.

All because he was terrified of seeing his disciples get hurt in the war, terrified of seeing them die at the hands of enemies that was strengthened by his mere presence.

How could he not sigh in despair upon realizing this?

It was an unintentional slip, but it caused unintentional hurt. Huiyun frowned, now unable to take back his words.

Yasha, who chose death to prevent his disciples from getting hurt, ended up giving them ten thousand years of suffering. In the end, he and Yasha were no different.

Still a foolish and flawed being.

“To thought I was perfect….”

Reflecting on the usual image of Yasha, who was always brave, benevolent, and composed, and the desperate Yasha he had just recalled, Huiyun mocked himself.

He felt utterly pathetic.