DI Ch 19

Tae Seong-je, who had fallen with an even more muffled sound than before, silently looked at me and chuckled. My face became hot as if I had been burned with embarrassment. Thinking he had seen all of my tightly closed eyes from nervousness, I was so embarrassed that I lowered my head and wiped my wet lips with the back of my hand.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Tae Seong-je got up leisurely and passed me by. In the meantime, I pulled on my coat and covered my pants. When I first realized that I had to have sex with Tae Seong-jae while organizing the plot, I tore my hair out saying that I could never be a man. I was worried that I would not be able to get hard, but honestly, I thought it would be possible now.

I wanted to do it, and this was what it felt like. My desire for sex began to overwhelm me and covered my body. I didn’t know what to do, so I was only concerned with covering the front of my pants, so I didn’t see Tae Seong-jae paying this time either.

Tae Seong-je came over and hugged my shoulders before starting to walk. My legs were weak, so I secretly grabbed the hem of his clothes. I felt the cold air as I walked out of the bar while relying on him. I wished the cool breeze would relieve some of the heat, but it didn’t.

After walking for a while, I saw a motel. It was exactly what I thought when I first met his eyes. I was already caught in Tae Seong-je’s trap at that time. What easy prey I must have seemed to him? Perhaps it was because I felt he had chosen me, and at this point, I felt like I had become a special person to Tae Seong-je.

But I shouldn’t have been. I wasn’t supposed to be his special person or to be the one he loved. That was a very problematic development. When Tae Seong-jae moved to the nearest motel on the street, I laughed softly out of relief.

It was a very cheap place.

I came from an undeniable line of scholars who had been educated to the brim. I lived in a two-story detached house in a high-priced neighborhood, and there was a maid who commuted to work. The surroundings were luxurious, and there was never a time when money was tight.

As a result, the trash piled up under the utility poles, the cracked exterior walls, and the flashing neon signs seemed mild to me. It’s hard to define, but who would want to spend their first night with their crush in a place like this? Rather, Tae Seong-je’s car would have more atmosphere.

Fortunately, he wasn’t sincere with me. I was just his one night stand. It stung a corner of my heart, but that disappointment belonged to Seo Seung-won, not mine. As I thought about it, I had a dreamlike vision of myself escaping this place and returning to reality with my memories intact and my body intact.

“What makes you so happy?”

“…”

“It’s nice to see you smile, but talk to me.”

Was I too distracted? No, I haven’t even gotten drunk yet…

“Ugh.”

The sudden collision made me stagger. Normally, I wouldn’t have fallen over even if someone had hit me on the shoulder, but because I was drunk, I couldn’t keep my balance. This was the second time I’d bumped into Tae-Sung’s chest. My impression of the unexpected contact was that his arms were still firm and smelled good. 

As I was unconsciously sniffing, a sharp voice came out.

“Fuck, you’re blocking the road.”

What. I turned my head at the harsh rebuke. It was because it sounded too close to me. Indeed, a splendid man with a lot of fashion was staring at me annoyedly with narrow eyes squinting. Are you looking at me now? Don’t you know how to avoid it? You didn’t rent this big road, so what are you doing? Do you wear your eyes as decorations?

Before I could react, Tae Seong-je pushed him away. I think he hit him lightly, but that man flailed his arms and legs and fell on his butt.

“Fuck, are you hitting this kid for that?”

“What are you saying now? Where… ”

The furious man raised his head and was silent for a long time. I looked up after following the frozen man’s eyes and saw Tae Seong-je’s terrifying face. I looked up, then lowered my gaze again, and saw the man’s fingers carefully bent.

I felt like a fox carrying a tiger on its back. Because there were no proper streetlights, it was a little dark around the road, and only the blurry silhouettes of each other could be seen. The man left as if running away. Tae Seong-je was taller and more muscular than Seo Seung-won, who was around 180 centimeters and had a good body, so his shadow was threatening.

I could hear the sound of running, someone vomiting and arguing coming from somewhere. There were a lot of people everywhere, lightly dressed and excitedly talking about what they did today. In a different sense, I looked around curiously. I noticed a woman walking down the street, fiddling with her phone. Her hair concealed her skin, but when she saw us she flinched and lowered her gaze.

But why is Tae Seong-je so quiet? When I raised my head, I accidentally met Tae Seong-je’s eyes looking down at me. He was making a mysterious expression. It was difficult to read his expression, but his eyes looked like he had just sobered up. I waited blankly for him to speak.

“Haa… ”

Tae Seong-je placed his hand on his waist, bowed his head, and exhaled a deep sigh. He took another deep breath as he looked up at the sky. I was wondering what was wrong with him and then he spoke up.

“Forget it.”

“What?”

“Forget it. Where’s your house? I’ll call you a car so go home.”

Tae Seong-je muttered and took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. Then he mercilessly turned back.

“I was fucking crazy too. What am I going to do with a kid…”

I dumbfoundedly looked at the back of his head from a distance like a lost child. No, so… Are you saying not to do it now? Huh, why? What did I miss at that moment? Why all of a sudden? No, there are limits to how fickle you can be, but now? You want to stop now? I didn’t even get angry because it was ridiculous.

“I’m not going home.”

I raised my voice at him as he walked away in impatience. He said he was scared of the night because he wanted to sleep with me, but I didn’t understand why now. I forced my voice to be firm, saying each word with determination.

“Today, I must go in there with hyung…”

“Baby, What did you just say?”

Tae Seong-je, who was talking to someone, turned his head and scowled at me. He became frightening when he scowled. I wondered if he was the same person as he was just five minutes ago.

“No. I didn’t say anything.”

I quickly shook my head. Still, he continued to glare at me as he picked up the phone, so I hesitantly opened my mouth again.

“I’m sorry…”

“What did you do wrong for you to be sorry?”

“…”

It was. I didn’t do anything wrong. He glared at me as he slowly lit a cigarette. Tae Seong-je, who had been sucking in the cigarette so deeply that his cheeks were sunken with a look of excitement, raised one eyebrow. I didn’t have the courage to speak, so I stayed still and he tapped my head as if telling me to shut up and started talking on the phone.

“Yeah. Come over here. Oh, not me. Take the kid home.”

And now I’m being treated like a child. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck in a fit of rage. I couldn’t have done it if I were sane, but I was able to do crazy things like this because of the alcohol. As if my fearless attitude was funny, Tae Seong-je exhaled cigarette smoke and laughed.

“What?”

“What do you not like so much? Did I cool you down for being stupid?”

“You’re stupid?”

For a moment, I hesitated without realizing it. I hesitated for a moment, but quickly shook my head. Then, Tae Seong-je smiled and spoke again.

“But why did you say you’re stupid?”

He just played around and didn’t give proper answers. I frowned my face because I was frustrated and annoyed.

“Then why?”

“Just because.”

Tae Seong-je patted my cheek and spoke insincerely. That was absurd, so I asked the same question.

“Just because?”

“Yeah. Just because. I just don’t want to do it.”

“No, but, but all of a sudden?”

Tae Seong-je, who had been so good to me, frowned and waved his hand as if annoyed.

“Baby. I’m so sorry, so just go when I tell you to go.”

He became bored all of a sudden. He looked like he wants to,  but he was bored. All I could do was stand in front of him, speechless. What did you do to persuade someone who drew a line without hesitation to do it? Will someone who has already lost interest in me and started smoking listen to what I say? A silence with a completely different meaning fell uncomfortably between Tae Seong-je and me. Maybe I was the only one uncomfortable with the silence.

Even though he felt my gaze, Tae Seong-je smoked a cigarette with a bored expression and did not even look at me. The smell of his perfume and the acrid smell of cigarettes flew in the wind and reached the tip of my nose. I was afraid of the way he had lost interest and became cold. The corners of his mouth curled up, giving the impression of a smile. But now the unusual atmosphere was so cold that I couldn’t help but notice it.