DI Ch 84

He let out a long sigh and mumbled in a monotonous voice. A moment of silence fell, and no one spoke. The air felt so delicate that even my breathing sounded loud.

“Then what if the kid’s life is ruined today or tomorrow?”

“That, uh.”

“Money is being spent as it should, and also time…”

The tone at the end of his words was harsh. It wasn’t the tone he used when teasing me, nor was it mischievous sarcasm. It was a harsh, serious voice that felt as if it were a warning.

“If you keep doing this, it’s going to be trouble.”

“Okay, yes, I understand.”

“Get it together. That kid was already a poor soul with an unstable mind. It’s pitiful that even his body hurts like that.”

Ugh… That’s too much… How could you make me feel even worse… I grumbled internally and tried to regain consciousness, which was slipping away. A dull sound followed by footsteps approached me as I groaned and shifted.

Now, the dizziness was gone, and my sense of space and distance felt jumbled. I felt as if I were floating. The fingers rubbing my forehead felt good, and I naturally relaxed.

“Even if they say we have to replace the kid’s organs, I won’t take yours, so don’t waste your time and focus.”

He made a sarcastic remark as if he was some kind of gangster…

I exhaled a much more relaxed breath than before. I couldn’t fight the overwhelming drowsiness any longer, and my tight chest felt fine now. I wanted to stop and rest now. I gave in to the tiredness and let myself drift away. The rest was darkness.

***

I opened my eyes and took a deep breath as soon as I woke up. I’m alive, not dead! It was clear that the previous vivid dream or delusion had been caused by the sudden fever. Feeling relieved, I immediately checked the empty space next to me. It was empty. I hadn’t expected anything different, but somehow, it felt even stranger to have nothing there.

Where did he go? Did he go to work again? I stared at the empty seat and then slowly looked around the room. Everything was intact. It had felt so real… I was starting to feel disoriented, not knowing where reality ended and illusion began.

I felt like my mental state was breaking down little by little. Like a cheap plastic stick, it snapped so easily that it was almost useless. I don’t think it should continue like this. I reached out to massage my throbbing head, but something unexpected happened. My hand was wrapped in soft cloth, both of them were.

“…?”

What the hell, it’s not… it’s not even a hand bandage… why did he do this? First, I bit it down with my teeth and shook off the stuffy hands. Next, I took the IV needle from my forearm. I was used to being in a situation where no special measures could be taken and I was given IV fluid. This happened often when I lived at Seo Seung-won’s house. There weren’t any high-tech machines. I felt burdened and closed my eyes while massaging my throbbing shoulder.

Come to think of it, I must have sweated a lot. My clothes and the sheets were fresh as if it had been just a dream. Wet and dry towels were piled on a tray. Looking at the slightly stained cloth, it seemed like I had a nosebleed again. There was plenty of ice too, and it hadn’t melted yet, so it seemed like someone had been here until recently.

Did he call someone again? I keep bothering him, and I feel sorry… It must be annoying. My reputation must be really deteriorating. As I blankly stared, idle thoughts gradually bubbled up. I wondered if some strange rumors would start spreading. I hoped those rumors wouldn’t cause trouble for Tae Seong-je, even though they were about him.

Rumors.

I suddenly remembered that some of my classmates were giving me unpleasant looks before the end of class. There were many people around Woo Ji-min who were jealous of him and bickered with him. As a result, all sorts of rumors were created even if he just stayed quiet. Strange rumors were also linked to me.

That was a problem that Ji-min was worried about. Nevertheless, he didn’t express concern to me or give any warnings. Perhaps because his immediate loneliness outweighed his concern for me. Strong yearning for people and a sense of belonging to a group. He must have hesitated even more because he had been alone for a long time.

The more I think about it, the more humane Woo Ji-min was. In the story, Woo Ji-min knew Tae Seong-je’s identity, but he couldn’t tell Seo Seung-won to break up right away. Was he afraid of hurting his favorite junior?

“Uh. Haa…”

I let out a sigh of pity without even realizing it. Why do rumors about him come to mind at this moment? When Ji-min was a freshman like me… there was a rumor about his hobby being “stealing friends’ lovers.” A Friends’ lovers. It must have been an interesting rumor to spread from mouth to mouth.

Words are like embers. Rumors tend to spread, and they can grow into uncontrollable fires. From then on, all sorts of dirty rumors must have arisen. It was easy to guess because I knew and saw things without even having to look at them. The reason why Woo Ji-min couldn’t open his mouth.

How could he tell Seo Seung-won the truth? Tae Seong-je actually became interested in him.

Seo Seung-won is Woo Ji-min’s only normal relationship and only friend. That’s why he must have felt even more anxious. That’s why he acted so irresolutely. After dragging the problem on and on, he belatedly admitted his mistake and felt so miserable. 

Woo Ji-min probably just wanted to avoid getting hurt. Oh, it’s funny. Thinking of Ji-min not as the protagonist but as one of the people made me realize more about him. It was like a play, and it only made my head hurt more.

I crawled down under the bed as if rolling off. I grabbed the bag I had hidden and immediately searched the kitchen. Tae Seong-je had clearly mentioned that this was the room he used whenever he came to work, so all of this must be his alcohol.

I took out a relatively small bottle of whiskey. I carefully positioned it so that it wouldn’t look like it had been touched and then admired the bottle I had taken out. The brown liquid in the luxurious bottle looked appetizing. I read somewhere how to drink whiskey… I put ice in a glass and poured the whiskey straight into it, then downed it in one go.

“Whew…”

It was a surprisingly strong drink. But as strong as it was, my headache disappeared all at once. As my spirits lifted, I moved energetically, as if I had just applied oil to my rusty brain. My body, which had felt heavy with muscle pain, felt refreshed and lighter.

“Oh, this is good…”

Sipping it slowly, bit by bit, I savored the whiskey in my mouth. I thought I might get bored just drinking it, so I brought a fruit basket as a snack. I wanted beef jerky, but seasonal fruits wouldn’t be bad either. I went out to the veranda to take a deep breath. The air was oppressively warm to the point where it was difficult to breathe.

I lay down in that ambiguous space between the room and the veranda. The sky was incredibly clear and sunny. Merciless. It was so clean that it was as if it didn’t matter whether someone like me was broken or not. I used the scenery as a backdrop while sipping my drink, but loneliness suddenly struck me.

I had alcohol to warm me up, and my survival bag clung to my side like a faithful dog, but why did I feel so lonely? Even on a day when the night sky was so beautiful, my mood quickly improved, but… I think I know the difference between then and now. Tae Seong-je is not here.

I thought it was a luxury to want someone by my side right away. I thought about making a phone call, but then the glass of alcohol caught my eye. I’ll have to wait until later. Ah, but I’m so lonely. Then I had a sudden thought and dug through my bag. I found it. My cigarette.

“I thought there was only one, but there was another.”

I couldn’t find the lighter, so I lit it with a mini torch. Perhaps due to the faint smell of cigarettes, I had the illusion that Tae Seong-je was right next to me. The wavering white smoke danced seductively as if tempting me. I gazed at the tip of the cigarette as it gradually burned away, and then took a deep drag with my lips.

I was distraught. But tears didn’t come, and I didn’t feel anything. I’m in a fairly rational state right now, so that might be why. No, it’s not that; it might be because I’ve completely lost my memory. Although it was only superficial memory loss before, it is now a real memory loss,  like something out of a melodramatic TV show.

I emptied the glass and refilled it, then let out a long sigh. Even though I had seen my younger sister, and even though I felt sorry for her, I no longer had any interest in that kid. My intense desire to go home turned into a duty.

Then the thought of “Do I really need to return to reality…” began to grow. It was amazing to think that I wanted to stay here even though my body was like this. After all, you never know what’s ahead of you.

Even if you do, there would be countless variables and it would be impossible to predict. That’s life. Look at me. I had been fixated on finding a way out of a situation that didn’t make sense, but then, just because I lost some memories, my perspective changed.

After lying there like that for a while, I turned my body and took out a notebook and pen from my bag, starting to write without any hesitation.

<Me → Reality: Death → No physical form ↔ Seo Seung-won’s body ↔ Then where is Seo Seung-won? ← Death?> 

I stared at the even handwriting and picked up the pen that was rolling and firmly placed a double colon next to “No physical form.”

<No physical form: Nowhere to return. Therefore, I have to live here. P.S Unfortunately, with this kind of body.>

And I wrote a new hypothesis below it.

<Accident → Reality: Survival → Physical form>

It’s not a good habit to prioritize the worst assumptions, so maybe it’s better to first think about the possibility of being alive. So, I wrote down several more positive hypotheses. Some of them seemed quite plausible, but my thoughts couldn’t expand further because of something I couldn’t understand.

How on earth did I end up in Seo Seung-won’s body?

<Accident → Reality: Survival → Physical form ↔ Seo Seung-won using it? ← But how did that happen?> I woke up in Seo Seung-won’s room, at his desk where he used to study. It was an ordinary space. There were no signs of suicide or anything like that. Maybe cardiac arrest? I furrowed my brow at the thought. Is that even possible?