FOOL Ch 6

“Have you eaten yet?”

“I’ll eat later.”

I was at that stage where, as indifferent as I was, I slowly started to learn Woonu’s language.

“That just means you haven’t eaten. Let’s go have lunch. What do you want to eat?”

“I’ll pay. In return, I can’t buy you anything expensive. Let me go get my money.”

“Stop messing around.”

“I owe you a lot, so I really want to buy you this.”

“Do you even know what I like? And what if I’m in the mood for something much fancier and classier than your few ten-something thousand won bills can cover?”

“Can’t you just eat an unclassy, thirty thousand won meal for a change?”

I laughed. It wasn’t a scoff, and I didn’t laugh because of the absurdity of it all either. It was because I genuinely found those puppy dog eyes and innocence of his cute and funny. I wondered how someone his age could be so adorable. Once I burst into laughter, it was hard to stop, so I turned my head away and continued to soundlessly smile for a bit longer.

“Ahem, ahem! Alright, so what’s this unclassy, thirty thousand won meal you’re treating me to? I’ll pay first¹.”

“Um… what should we eat…”

I took a rough look around our surroundings. There was a budae-jjigae restaurant.

“Will you buy me budae-jjigae?”

Thanks to my maternal uncle and aunt, who consistently dragged me—someone with nearly zero social connections—out into the world, I often had to hang out with my cousins during the holidays. Those cousins of mine had monstrous appetites. Still, never in my life had I ever seen someone eat as well as Woonu. He wasn’t the type to eat quickly or voraciously. But when he ate, he made noises of delight and stomped his foot on the ground. He kept repeating, “Wow, this is so good,” too. Still, the fact he was keeping track of how much he ate, seemingly wondering if he was eating too much on his own, was laudable. When he finally cleared his plate, he glanced around, gauging my reaction as he licked the plates and bowls, just as he did at the hospital. Just how many people in the world wouldn’t find such a sight pitiful?

“Are you still hungry? Do you want to eat some more?”

“I’m full. I can’t eat any more than this.”

“Then why are you licking the plates?”

“Because it’s a waste.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“No.”

Woonu set down the side dish bowl he had been licking and stared at me. The light hue of his eyes made me feel as though I was looking at my own reflection in a mirror. Reflecting on it now, every time those two eyes focused on me, I felt like I was being made to stand naked.

“Can I also ask about you, Doctor?”

“No. There’s nothing I want to tell you.”

“Honestly, that’s the same for me.”

“Are you implying I shouldn’t ask you any more questions?”

“No. It’s just that my memories are sparse and disconnected. Especially the memories from my childhood. I have some clear ones, but nothing noteworthy enough to talk about.”

It seemed I wasn’t allowed to touch on his childhood. It might even be so heavy that it would pin me beneath it, immobilizing me completely. Even if Woonu did want to talk about it, it was a topic I wanted to avoid. I rushed back to the heaviest questions I could bear.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday evening.”

“Why didn’t you eat breakfast or lunch today?”

“I won’t die if I don’t eat one day a week.”

Woonu’s manner of speaking. It meant that he never usually ate on Mondays. That reminded me of the person he called Auntie.

“Are you still working at Auntie’s restaurant?”

“Yes.”

“Did you not eat today because it’s Auntie’s day off?”

“Yes.”

“Did you also walk all the way here today?”

“Yes.”

Sigh—how many more frustrated sighs escaped me, I couldn’t keep track. The more I asked, the heavier I couldn’t help but feel. I felt faint before this life of his, disparate to the point of it being difficult for me to accept as truth.

“What did you mean when you said you might not be able to see me again?”

“I’m not sure, but… it’s a possibility.”

“This is your own situation, yet you still don’t know the specifics?”

“I wish I did, but I’m never completely sure.”

“I don’t want to know what happened. Just take the phone and go.”

“You want to stay in touch every now and then? That makes me really happy. But… I’m a little sad to think we might not be able to do that.”

For the first time, I managed to read the relay of his emotions. When Woonu was unable to express things in words, he was quick to express them through his facial expressions instead. I thought of the time he asked me to give him a hug back in the hospital. I was curious. Curious about the array of expressions that had adorned his face back then—the ones I didn’t have a proper recollection of. His next words didn’t quite align with the emotions his face conveyed.

“Twice a month. Ask someone else to send a text confirming you’re still alive. That’s the price for letting you use that phone.”

“I genuinely wish I could, but… I don’t think my circumstances will allow me to contact you.”

The me I knew was the one who avoided Woonu’s words and left them be. However, another self of mine, one that wasn’t me, emerged and tormented Woonu with a different question.

“Are you saying you won’t take it because you think the guy who took the wallet I gave you might also steal the phone?”

“……”

“Answer me.”

“Ah, that’s not the reason this time.”

“This time? Why are you covering for him? It’s that Tae-whatever hyung of yours, right? What’s your relationship? How long have you known him?”

“Taewook hyung isn’t like that.”

Those words, implying that there was someone else who did those sorts of things, weighed heavily on my shoulders. I felt choked up by Woonu’s apparent calmness. When I wasn’t there to get angry on his behalf, the little rascal felt like a worthless person. Even if he lied about his ID card or other matters, he still seemed pitiful to me. Tears had welled up in his eyes due to the detached kindness of a man like me, so starved of affection he had to place a black bag before my doorstep before he left. Of course, he wouldn’t have been able to cut ties with those who beat and stole from him.

“So what you’re saying is that, while that Taewook guy doesn’t do it himself, he allows your other hyungs to do so?”

He looked at me as if I were an investigator or an exceptional detective. I wanted to jump from my seat and run because of those eyes, which seemed to ask me, How are you so smart? How did you know?

“You’re not a child. You’re already twenty-four, so you should be able to handle it on your own. I have no right to tell you what to do, and it’s not like I’m going to live your life for you. However, you shouldn’t let people steal from you.”

“But…”

Once the truth he had been trying to hide from me was uncovered, Woonu no longer tried to deny it.

“So, what do you get in return?”

Even if he was a little oblivious to the affairs of the world, he definitely wasn’t being exploited like a slave because he was stupid or anything, so it made me wonder why he allowed himself to suffer in such a situation.

“…Sometimes, they hang out with me. They even let me tag along whenever they go drinking or playing. They also praise me when I run errands for them sometimes. I also get to see the pretty girls my hyungs date. I like not having to sleep alone in motels or actual hou—”

Listening to his words, I raised my palm. Woonu stopped talking. I wanted to run away, but I also kept wondering. Wondering about this fool who smiled like a sunflower, holding his spoon in a peculiar manner as he ate.

I faced a decision: whether to continue bearing the weight of that life, which grew heavier by the second, or to put an end to it there.

Just then, a group of customers came in, looking for a place to sit down. The owner came over to us, as if he were helping me, who wanted to run away, and asked if we could give our seats to them. As I settled the bill and informed Woonu that he didn’t need to contribute his thirty-thousand-won bill since I was covering it, he gazed at me with a questioning expression, silently asking, Why? I furrowed my brows and retorted, Why do you think I did?

I was under the impression that he had a habit of lowering his gaze, but later on, I came to learn that he only did that in front of me. Whether it was those bastards who angered me or even myself, neither of us could decipher Woonu’s emotions. However, Woonu never seemed to be wounded by them, whereas he shed tears on numerous occasions because of me. I was the biggest bastard of them all.