ICYM Ch 31

Episode 31

Kendrick quickly loosened his grip when he saw the ink from the broken pen spreading across his hand, but it was already too late. The pen had been completely destroyed.

It’s completely broken.

How could he lose control like this? He had always been someone who mastered control over his pheromones, over his strength, over everything.

To be shaken by something so trivial was unlike him.

Furrowing his brows, Kendrick took a deep breath, as if trying to carve out the emotions that didn’t feel like his own.

Then he tossed the thoroughly broken pen into the trash bin beneath the desk and pulled a new one from his pencil case. Fortunately, he had bought extras of the same pen.

The others, oblivious to Kendrick’s change in demeanor, continued their conversation.

“You really had this all planned out, huh?”

“Damn, you act so well, you bastard.”

Their snickering echoed loudly through the library. Kendrick wiped his palm roughly with a tissue from the desk, his brows knitted.

No way. It can’t be.

He was probably overthinking it.

There weren’t many Betas, sure, but it wasn’t like there was only one.

But Kendrick’s cautious assumptions were soon proven wrong, as someone mentioned a full name.

“If Hayden Verratti finds out about this, won’t he bawl his eyes out?”

“That would be fucking hilarious. Honestly, kind of worth watching. That bastard’s got way too much pride for someone like him.”

“He really doesn’t know his damn place. And, from the looks of it, doesn’t he kinda like you?”

At someone’s remark, Augustine leapt up in protest.

“Don’t say disgusting shit like that!”

It was unclear whether he was offended by the strong language or by the implication that Hayden Verratti might like him.

“You’re the worst bastard. ‘Disgusting’, really?”

“Don’t lump me together with some inferior being who can’t even sense pheromones.”

“Hey, hey, I just got a brilliant idea. Let’s make a bet. This is gonna be hilarious.”

Kendrick Bardi realized he wouldn’t be able to study any further. No matter how focused he normally was, it was impossible under these circumstances.

“What do you—”

Thud.

He set the new pen down with a loud clack, louder than he meant to. Only then did the group of Alphas seem to notice how much noise they’d been making, casting glances his way.

On any other day, they probably would’ve said something snide about having to yield to the great and noble superior Alpha.

But something about Kendrick’s expression must have told them not to push it, because without a word, they all began to rise from their seats naturally.

“Hey, shut it. Don’t you know you’re supposed to be quiet in a library?”

They didn’t care about the place, yet pretended to blame it, acting as if they weren’t scared of him. It was laughable.

“Let’s talk in the room.”

As the group was making their way out, one of them suddenly stopped, seemingly having kicked something with his foot.

“Huh? What’s this?”

The boy bent down and picked up the object he had stepped on.

“What is it?”

“Feels like I’ve seen this before? Maybe someone lost it?”

“Ugh, taking it all the way to the lost and found on the first floor is such a pain.”

They passed the item around, glancing at it in turn. But no one seemed to clearly recognize whose it was, and their expressions remained vague and unsure.

Then, amidst the uncertainty, Augustine let out a small sound of realization.

“Oh…!”

“What? Do you know whose it is?”

When everyone’s eyes gathered on him, Augustine looked a little flustered for a moment, but soon replied in a dismissive tone.

“No? Just throw it away. No one really goes to the lost and found to pick up stuff anyway.”

“True.”

Had anyone insisted on taking it to the lost and found, someone would’ve had to go all the way down to the first floor. No one was eager to volunteer, so the group quickly reached a consensus.

Clatter.

The item was tossed into the trash bin.

“Hey, let’s get out of here already. He’s looking this way.”

With Kendrick’s gaze as their final cue, the group hurriedly exited, and silence returned to the library.

Should I have listened longer to find out what the bet was about?

Kendrick sighed quietly, a strange sense of self-loathing creeping in. To think he was regretting not being able to eavesdrop more.

He checked the wall clock. It was 9 p.m.

Under normal circumstances, he would’ve stayed a bit longer, but his focus had been completely shattered.

He knew sitting here any longer wouldn’t help him study, so there was no point in lingering.

At times like this, it was better to just call it a day than cling on out of stubbornness.

Kendrick quickly tidied up his desk and stood.

On his way out, he stopped in front of the trash bin where the Alpha group had thrown something away.

Something familiar had caught his eye.

It was an item he had recently seen and recognized clearly; there was no mistaking it.

That’s definitely…

Wasn’t that the badge Hayden had said he cherished?

The one that looked like the dog who’d wandered into the dorm’s back garden recently.

Hayden had said it reminded him of a dog he used to raise, and that he’d grown attached to it. He’d seemed a bit embarrassed as he said it, but Kendrick could still picture his expression vividly.

And also the look on his face when he realized he’d lost it—disappointed, even a little disheartened.

They threw it away.

There was no way Augustine, who was supposedly closest to Hayden, didn’t recognize it.

Yet not only did he pretend not to know, he was the first to suggest throwing it away.

“Ha.”

A breath of incredulous laughter escaped him.

Lately, Hayden had been avoiding him, noticeably so. Kendrick didn’t know the reason, but it wasn’t hard to guess that Augustine had something to do with it.

All because of someone like that?

Sure, his own reputation didn’t help matters, and in the end, it had been Hayden’s decision, so Kendrick hadn’t said a word. But still, it didn’t sit well with him.

He could’ve just walked past. But Kendrick didn’t.

More accurately, he didn’t want to.

Kendrick reached into the trash and pulled out the badge. Hayden had said he lost it, so this was where he had lost it.

His grip tightened around the badge.

If he held onto it and returned it, Hayden would be grateful to him.

But what if he asks where I found it?

Could he pretend not to know?

Could he really hand it over and say he found it lying around when, in truth, it had been thrown away by Augustine Rogers? By the person Hayden had once said was his only close friend?

Should I tell him?

Even when he tried to think objectively, personal feelings kept creeping in, blurring the line between what was better or worse.

Why do I care so much about someone else’s business?

The old him wouldn’t have gotten involved, even if it had concerned a friend. After all, other people’s problems were just that—other people’s problems.

He hadn’t cared what those idiots swarming around like stray dogs got up to. It wasn’t the first time they’d pulled something nasty, and frankly, Kendrick had no desire to get involved.

He’d already had enough of being roped into their mess at the start when they tried to drag him into their group.

But if he could ignore all that he loathed… and focus only on Hayden?

Still, the feeling that he should tell Hayden didn’t outweigh everything else.

What if Hayden found out Augustine had been insulting him behind his back? What if he learned that someone he trusted had heartlessly thrown away something he treasured?

He might end up resenting Kendrick, even though he’d only been the messenger.

Because Kendrick knew all too well that people’s emotions were not always rational.

Would Hayden cry again somewhere no one could see, like he had the first time they met?

The thought crossed his mind, but it was not a question he wanted answered.

I hope he doesn’t cry.

Kendrick stepped out of the library and headed down the stairs.

All he could do was put the badge in the lost and found so Hayden wouldn’t be hurt.

He just wanted to get a little closer to him.

And if Hayden did cry, he hoped he would be the one to comfort him.

It was only natural.

Because I like him.

Just thinking of Hayden made him feel light and fluffy, like he was floating on clouds. But when their fingers brushed, whether by accident or not, it sent a sharp thrill down his spine.

He could no longer get a handle on himself.

What he’d thought were calm, still waters of emotion now felt more like a waterfall crashing down.

It hadn’t been long since he realized this.

But the problem was that he had not even had the chance to do anything about it before he was already rejected.

The moment he realized he liked Hayden, Hayden began to distance himself.

* * *

When had he started liking him, exactly?

To be honest, until he saw Hayden again after that first encounter in the locker room, Kendrick had only remembered him a little more than others, not enough to really care.

But just as their first meeting had been intense, their second meeting had been no less striking.

During a weekend dorm activity, Kendrick immediately recognized that Hayden was the same person who’d cried in the locker room that day.

He doesn’t recognize me.

Of course, Hayden had no idea the person he’d run into back then was Kendrick.

Kendrick thought it would just pass awkwardly and quietly. He’d expected their second meeting to be dull and uneventful.

If there was anything unusual about it, it was the way Hayden sat next to him, even though his expression made it clear he didn’t want to be associated with Kendrick.

There must be another reason.

It did not seem like he wanted to sit next to Kendrick, but rather that he did not want to sit in any of the other remaining seats.

After arranging a time and place for their next meeting, Kendrick went to eat and then stopped by a café.

He had zero desire to participate enthusiastically in weekend activities, but he had no choice if he wanted to ease his parents’ constant worries.

Especially since his family’s butler had made such a fuss, he had even come all the way to the dorms, insisting on escorting Kendrick personally. So Kendrick had decided to participate just enough in external activities to keep things quiet at home.