ICYM Ch 48

Episode 48

“…My friend? What do you mean….”

Is he probing me because he already knows something? My lips were dry, so I wet them with my tongue. Just moments ago, the atmosphere had felt warm, but in an instant, it turned icy cold.

I tried to play dumb, but Sunbae spoke as if he had seen through me.

“I saw you with Kendrick. At school.”

“…Oh.”

I blinked at Sunbae’s words that left no room for doubt. He wasn’t just probing. I had thought no one had caught us being together, but I’d been far too careless.

“I also saw you two coming back together on the weekend evening.”

I had thought we had been lucky not to be seen at that time, but he had seen us after all. My eyelashes trembled with frustration at how foolish I had been, thinking I had deceived everyone so well.

I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet I couldn’t meet his eyes, like a child about to be scolded for a misdeed.

“…That’s…”

Sunbae rose from his seat at my hesitant words. Only now did I realize that this was the real reason he had come all the way to my room.

“Didn’t I warn you to be careful?”

Thump. My heart sank heavily. His pressing question made me feel as though all the peace I’d known was nothing but an illusion. Without realizing it, I defended Kendrick.

“He’s not a bad person.”

The Kendrick I had known so far might have had a secretive side, but he was considerate and kind.

“No bad person ever admits they’re bad, Hayden.”

I could sense the pity in his eyes, as if wondering how I could survive in such a harsh world without knowing even that.

“…Like you said, he might be from a mafia family, but I don’t think he’s the kind of person who would abuse cats.”

“So you’re saying you don’t believe me?”

“Senior!”

“You’re saying you don’t believe me, even though I told you that I saw him myself.”

“…I’m not saying I don’t believe you, just that since you only saw from a distance, we can’t make a definite conclusion.”

Kendrick’s face flashed through my mind, the way he had looked so happy when I gave him the keychain that resembled Nabi.

“I know that saying all this might make you think badly of me.”

“…That’s not it.”

“But I’m telling you because I’m really worried about you.”

“……”

“It feels like you’re being deceived.”

At the same time, the image of Sunbae helping me in countless ways, despite being busy himself, came to mind.

“……”

“I worry about you. Okay?”

Sunbae patted my shoulder gently. His once sharp voice had softened, and his caring tone only made me more confused.

The Kendrick I had known so far wasn’t bad. But I couldn’t ignore the words of Sunbae, who had known me longer and helped me without asking for anything in return.

“Thank you for worrying about me.”

“He’s not threatening you or anything, right?”

I did confess to Kendrick by mistake. Out of fear, I’d even said I was dating him with the intention of breaking up soon. It couldn’t be helped. But if we were to divide right and wrong here, I couldn’t say that Kendrick was the bad one.

“…It’s not like that.”

I shook my head and pressed a hand to my forehead.

Sunbae didn’t seem to have any intention of pressing further and stepped back without resistance.

“Be careful.”

“…Thanks.”

Sunbae’s lowered voice carried weight. He had come looking for me despite being busy because he was worried, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth, nor could I agree that what he said was right.

“If anything happens, tell me.”

“…Yeah.”

His gaze, as if to say I was foolish for not being suspicious, pierced into me like shards of glass.

* * *

Ssshhhhh—

The rain that had begun falling on Thursday evening showed no sign of stopping, even as the weekend arrived.

Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, that meant I no longer had to meet Kendrick in the garden after classes. Meeting up occasionally after dinner to do homework or study together could still pass as normal, just like before.

Unlike in the garden, we each had our own work to do, so it was fine even if we didn’t talk much.

“While it’s raining, I’ll feed the kids.”

“Let’s take turns.”

“One person getting wet is enough. It’s fine.”

The truth was, the best solution was to end things quickly. Then I wouldn’t have to meet him out of obligation like now, nor deceive Sunbae by being alone with him. If I confessed to Sunbae and we started dating, I would naturally grow distant from Kendrick.

I was too careless.

No excuse I came up with could change the fact that I shouldn’t have acted this way.

I lay down on the bed and pulled the blanket over my head.

If it’s really the Kendrick I know, he’ll understand.

He might feel betrayed, thinking I had deceived him, but that was something Kendrick had every right to be angry about, and it was something I had to accept.

But what if Sunbae is right?

The two thoughts kept clashing in my head.

If it were a question with no answer, then I either needed to stop thinking about it or confront it directly. Yet, I just stayed as I was, doing nothing.  Even I grew frustrated with myself.

I should have just admitted back then that it was a mistake, even if it meant taking a hit for it.

♪♬♫

Only after the bell rang to announce lunchtime did I sluggishly drag myself out of bed.

And of course, the weekend activity that had been scheduled as an outdoor event was canceled.

[– Today’s outdoor activity will be replaced with an indoor one. Students who were supposed to participate in outdoor activities should gather in the lounge at 2 p.m. If you wish to cancel or newly participate, please inform the office by 1 p.m.]

As the announcement echoed while we were eating lunch, Owen stabbed at his salad with a fork and let out a shallow sigh.

“I think I heard they’re going to bake in the lounge instead.”

“…Baking?”

“Yeah. Something about making cookies. Are you going to cancel?”

“What about you?”

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“…I think I’ll do it.”

Honestly, I didn’t really want to. But weekends were the days I usually studied with Kendrick, and Kendrick wasn’t on the outdoor activity list.

If I didn’t join the weekend activity either, there was a high chance we would end up studying even longer.

Normally, I would have gone along with that, but right after hearing Sunbae’s words, I honestly wanted to avoid it.

Even though I know I can’t avoid him completely.

It wasn’t that I planned to avoid him like before or anything like that. I just needed some time to think.

“Were you interested in baking?”

“Not really.”

Interest aside, I wasn’t good with my hands. Saying I wasn’t good was a softened version of the truth.

I remembered what my childhood friend had said when I once tried to cook porridge after they got food poisoning before I ended up here.

“You should just never try making things.”

“Still, if I try a few times, I’ll probably get better, right?”

“Maybe I should live as hopefully as you do.”

“You call this hopeful…?”

“Because your skills with your hands are really catastrophically bad.”

Just like I had never been good at studying before transmigration, and there was no way that would miraculously change after, I had overlooked that my handcraft skills would be the same.

And there was something else I had overlooked.

During the announcement earlier, they had said anyone who wanted could newly join the indoor activity. I had brushed past that part, but I shouldn’t have.

When I went down to the lounge around 2 p.m., fewer people had gathered than I expected. Including myself, there were only four.

“I’m so glad you all came,” said Mr. Robbs, the dorm supervisor assigned to supervise the baking session, looking at us with a warm gaze.

Among that small number, one person especially stood out in my sight.

I should’ve come down at one o’clock.

If I had, I could have checked who was participating and decided whether to join.

I had assumed, naturally, that Kendrick wouldn’t be among the new participants.

But there he was, wearing an apron in the lounge.

The other kids, aside from me, also looked surprised, as if they hadn’t expected Kendrick to show up.

“Well then, shall we get started?”

But Mr. Robbs clapped his hands to announce the beginning, regardless of what the students were thinking.

“If you add about two grams of salt, the sweetness will stand out better that way.”

The dorm supervisor kept explaining that baking was nothing difficult if you just measured correctly, but while he spoke, all the students were half-listening, their attention fixed on Kendrick standing in the back.

My reason might have been different, but like them, all my nerves were also centered on Kendrick.

Seeing me frozen, Owen, as if wanting to ease my tension, whispered into my ear.

“I don’t think Kendrick is as scary as you’d think.”

“…Huh?”

“This is something only I know because I’m his roommate, but recently I saw him wearing really cute pajamas.”

When Owen added that they even had cat prints on them, I was left speechless.

“……”

Owen hadn’t said anything bad, but for some reason, I felt guilty, as if I had damaged Kendrick’s reputation. Maybe thinking I didn’t believe him, Owen repeated himself.

“I’m serious.”

“…Yeah. But pajamas don’t really say much about someone’s personality, do they?”

I had tried to defend him in my own way, but Owen completely brushed aside my words.

“Seeing how he even participated in baking, I think his personality is way different from how he looks.”

Unable to step in and correct Owen’s growing misunderstanding, I silently offered Kendrick an apology in my heart.