IDESGI Chapter 15

Chapter 15

To Yeoul, Geon was family. His hyung. His first assigned Esper after awakening as a Guide at 21 years old.

Three years older than him, Yoon Geon was quiet and reserved, but he always paid close attention to Yeoul’s needs.

Yeoul had liked that about him. The silent care, the unspoken warmth.

But that was all it was—family.

Not as a man.

And from the start, Geon had been the one to draw the line.

“I don’t do direct Guiding.”

Yeoul had agreed without hesitation.

Even if it was just for work, the thought of sharing that kind of intimacy with someone he saw as his older brother was embarrassing. In a way, Geon’s refusal had been a relief.

Most Guides ended up dating their closest Esper, but family? That was impossible. Yeoul had never looked at Geon that way.

Though…

There had been one moment when their dynamic had blurred.

During an emergency in Zone 5, three gates had opened simultaneously. Geon had overexerted himself, pushing his limits far beyond what was safe.

His runaway index spiked to a dangerously fatal level.

“Hyung, I know you hate it, but we need to try direct Guiding.”

There was no time to hesitate.

He didn’t want to do it, but it had to be done.

It was just a job. Like artificial respiration.

Yeoul had steeled himself, preparing to get it over with as quickly as possible.

That’s when Geon had spoken.

“Han Yeoul. What do you think about when you kiss an Esper?”

The question had caught Yeoul off guard.

What kind of absurd thing was he saying in the middle of a crisis?

Geon was seconds away from losing control, and this was what he wanted to talk about?

Despite the ridiculousness of it, Yeoul had answered, figuring there had to be a reason.

“Huh? I… I just think of it as part of my job. Like CPR. But, hyung, we don’t have time for this—”

“Then I won’t do it.”

Geon’s deep red eyes, dark like a blood-drenched night, locked onto Yeoul’s.

“That would be a pretty miserable first kiss, wouldn’t it?”

His voice was soft, almost gentle.

Yeoul had assumed he was just being considerate as always.

So he had moved to help, placing Geon’s arm around his shoulder.

“It’s fine. I really don’t mind. What matters is getting your index down. Now let’s go to the Guiding room—”

“I wasn’t talking about you. I meant me.”

Rejecting Yeoul’s support, Geon had refused to collapse.

Even while gasping for breath, even as his legs trembled under him, he had forced himself to stand on his own.

“Hyung, lean on me. Don’t be stubborn.”

“If I lean on you now, I’ll start expecting more from you.”

“Han Yeoul, do you think you can handle that?”

Yeoul had been unable to answer.

Geon had smiled faintly, ruffling Yeoul’s hair.

“See? You can’t.”

That night, even after receiving Yeoul’s Guiding, Geon had to endure sessions from multiple other Guides.

To bring his runaway index down quickly, several Guides had to work on him at once—meaning the process must have been more painful than usual.

And yet, he had endured it without complaint.

Why did he refuse my Guiding?

Yeoul never sought an answer to that question.

Because after that day, Geon’s behavior toward him never changed.

So he buried that fleeting glimpse of Geon’s heart somewhere deep inside.

He had been too afraid to acknowledge it.

And if you fear change, nothing ever changes.

That’s why…

That’s why he had fallen for Yoo Ihan.

Because—

“Yeoul-ssi, I think I fell for you at first sight. What should I do?”

“Yeoul-ah, can I speak casually with you? No? Got it. I won’t. Thanks.”

“I used up too much power today. Can you Guide me? A kiss won’t be enough… but if you don’t want to, I won’t push it. I’ll be gentle.”

“Are you exhausted? I’m sorry. I promised to be careful, but I lost control. You’re just too beautiful, too cute—I lost my mind. Should I slam my head into a wall? Would that make you forgive me?”

Ihan had always been honest.

He never hid his feelings.

Every single day, he confessed his love, cherished Yeoul, and showered him with affection.

How could Yeoul not love someone like that?

How could he not give in to someone who poured that much love into him?

So no matter what Geon’s feelings were…

Yeoul had no room left in his heart to accept them.

His heart was already full of Yoo Ihan.

So he chose to ignore Geon’s feelings entirely.

“That’s not what I should be thinking about right now.”

He needed to figure out why his match rate with Geon had suddenly increased.

It was nothing more than a vague, distant hope, but even the smallest clue was something to hold onto.

As he mulled over the possible reasons behind the change, a knock sounded at his door.

“Yeoul-ah, it’s me.”

Yeoul recognized the voice instantly.

So he didn’t open the door.

Of course, that hardly mattered.

With his sub-ability, Ihan teleported inside effortlessly.

“If you were just going to barge in anyway, why bother asking permission?” Yeoul grumbled.

Ihan ignored the complaint entirely, cutting straight to the point.

“When did the two of you start?”

“What the hell are you talking about all of a sudden?”

“You and him. Since when?”

Ihan’s voice was raw—strained and unpolished, nothing like his usual smooth confidence.

Yeoul took a quiet, steady breath before answering.

“Since February.”

“The month after we imprinted? Since that day?”

“…A little before that. I told you right after I admitted it to myself.”

“Why did you admit it at all? You should’ve just kept denying it. Then I would’ve stayed fooled forever.”

“I don’t want to lie. I want to be honest with my own feelings.”

That, of course, was the biggest lie of all.

Since returning from death, Yeoul had never once been honest with Ihan.

Every word, every emotion he had shown Ihan was a fabrication, laced with false resentment.

“I’ll pretend not to know.”

Yeoul’s breath hitched.

“Just stay with me.”

There was nothing dignified about the way Ihan pleaded.

There was nothing proud about the way he sank to his knees.

“This is fine too. If you don’t want to be with me, then just make me your second. Cheat on him with me.”

Yeoul’s fists clenched, his red-rimmed eyes narrowing at him in disbelief.

“Why are you doing this? Is it just because I’m your imprinted Guide? Is that why?”

He was trying to yell, but his voice wavered despite himself.

Ihan, still on his knees, looked up at him with desperation so raw that it was painful to witness.

“Yeoul, I… I can’t be without you.”

His devotion poured out of him, unchecked and unrestrained.

Every word dripped with sincerity—pure, transparent, unfiltered truth.

But Yeoul… he couldn’t accept it.

Even as Ihan grabbed onto his arms, even as those trembling hands made his heart shatter, he didn’t turn around.

“Even if I wasn’t an Esper. Even if I wasn’t even human—just some worthless stray dog. I still wouldn’t be able to live without you.”

“……”

“You think this is about our imprint? That’s just an excuse. Yeoul, even if you were nothing more than a rock on the side of the road, I would’ve still loved you. I would’ve carried you everywhere—kept you safe, treasured you.”

Yoo Ihan was a complete idiot.

How could someone be so foolish?

How could someone kneel, throw away their pride, and beg—for him?

For Han Yeoul?

Yeoul’s lips parted, heavy with exhaustion.

“Fine.”

Ihan’s teary eyes widened in disbelief.

Before he could react, Yeoul spoke again.

“Let’s keep seeing each other.”

Ihan shot up from the floor, pulling Yeoul into a crushing embrace.

His arms trembled as they wrapped tightly around him.

“Thank you, Yeoul. I swear, I’ll do better—I’ll—”

“But.”

Yeoul pushed him away with a cold hand.

Ihan froze.

His radiant, hopeful face made Yeoul want to crumble.

For a moment, he almost caved.

But he inhaled sharply and forced himself to continue.

“Prove it.”

Ihan blinked, confused.

“Prove what?”

“Prove that you’d love me even if I wasn’t your Guide.”

Ihan didn’t hesitate for even a second.

“What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything.”

Yeoul’s stomach twisted.

His nails dug into his palm as he clenched his fists.

Every part of him wanted to scream the truth.

No.

I love you.

But in his last life, he had learned the hard way.

No matter how many times they relived this, as long as their match rate remained the same…

Yoo Ihan would always make the same choice.

And Yeoul knew.

Knew without a doubt—

That Ihan would die for him.

Yeoul forced down the truth that kept clawing its way up his throat.

He met Ihan’s gaze head-on.

“Go get Guided by someone else. I won’t Guide you anymore.”

Ihan’s lips parted slightly, as if speaking physically hurt him.

“What… what are you saying?”

“You heard me. Or is that too hard for you?”

Ihan looked like he had been gutted. His fingers twitched, struggling for words.

“Yeoul, I imprinted on you. If I want to be Guided by someone else, I’d have to cycle through Guides all day long, forcing myself through it until my body accepts it.”

“Yeah.”

Ihan collapsed, defeated by that simple affirmation.

His hands gripped Yeoul’s small shoulders, shaking slightly. The tremor in his fingers made it clear just how fragile he was in that moment.

“How is that proof of anything? How does that measure my feelings? I can’t even get hard for anyone but you.”

“Of course.”

Yeoul’s voice was eerily calm.

“That’s all your so-called love amounts to, right? In the end, what matters most is your feelings.”

“If you really loved me—”

—you wouldn’t have died like that.

Yeoul clenched his jaw, forcing back the surge of emotion rising in his throat.

Turning his head away, he spat out the final blow.

“I won’t say it again. We’re done.”

“And one more thing—if you ever use violence against Geon-hyung again, I won’t let it slide.”

Ihan exhaled sharply.

“Really? You won’t let it slide?”

“That’s right! I’ll make sure you pay for it!”

For some reason, Ihan’s face brightened just a little.

“Then I guess I’ll hit him.”

“What?!”

“If I do, you’ll come running to see me, right? You won’t let it slide. You’ll come and punish me, won’t you?”

His logic was so ridiculous, so warped, that Yeoul momentarily lost his ability to function.

For a second, he just stared at Ihan in stunned disbelief.

Then, as if snapping out of a daze, he practically shouted,

“Try it, and I’ll hit you, too!”

Despite the threat, Ihan just laughed.

Lifting a hand, he wiped at the tears still clinging to his eyes.

“Why are you laughing?! You think I’m joking?! I hit hard, you know?!”

“Yeoul, how are you this cute even now? You’re driving me insane.”

‘Shit, is this not working?’

Realizing he needed to be harsher, Yeoul raised his hand.

But when it came down, it only landed weakly against Ihan’s shoulder.

He had meant to hit him—really, he had.

But when it came time to follow through, he just couldn’t.

Frustrated, Yeoul turned on his heel, voice rising.

“Anyway, just remember what I said! I’m going to bed, so get lost!”

“Okay. Sleep well, Yeoul. Dream of me.”

“If I see you in my dreams, it’ll be a nightmare.”

“Scared of nightmares? Want me to sleep over?”

Yeoul shoved him toward the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Then, sliding down against it, he buried his face in his hands.

“Idiot. Stupid, stupid Yoo Ihan.”

The truth was…

He had been glad that Ihan came.

Seeing his face, getting to talk to him even a little—it had made him happy.

I shouldn’t be like this. I should push him away.

But being near him made his chest ache and fill with warmth at the same time.

The real idiot wasn’t Ihan.

It was him.

“…I really am an idiot.”

A small, bitter laugh—half a sob—escaped Yeoul’s lips.