IDESGI Chapter 40

Chapter 40

When everything felt suffocating and he wanted to run away, a request for cooperation came from Zone 5.

There was no real need for him to go personally, but Ihan informed the director that he would take the assignment.

“Why would you go for something like this!”

The Zone 1 director was vehemently opposed. No doubt, he hated the idea of a high-value asset like Ihan being sent on something as trivial as an experimental collaboration. But when Ihan refused to change his mind, the director let out a displeased groan.

“Do you really have to go?”

“Gates have been quiet lately. Better to work than to sit around.”

Lounging on the sofa with his legs on the table, Ihan answered flatly. The director let out a long sigh, rubbing his aged face with a palm.

“…Just don’t cause trouble outside of Zone 1, alright? Don’t go stirring things up in Zone 5 in the name of training!”

“Come on. Do I seem like the type to act up in someone else’s zone?”

“You absolutely are the type!”

“You know I’m good at acting, right? I’ll just play the role of a decent Esper, so don’t worry.”

With that, the director reluctantly approved the transfer.

As soon as he had permission, Ihan headed to Zone 5. He had no particular expectations. Going to another zone wasn’t going to magically turn Yoo Ihan into a normal human being. Still, Zone 5 had fewer people than most places—at least he’d be able to breathe a little.

When he arrived at the lab, he overheard some researchers talking about him and stopped in his tracks.

“What’s the point of saving the country if you let your own parents die? That’s just being a disgrace.”

He wasn’t angry at the one mocking him. It wasn’t anything new—he’d never been showered only with praise. Some people had always pointed fingers, asking why he hadn’t saved everyone.

‘Maybe I’ll come back later.’

He was about to slip away, not wanting to waste his time, when a fresh, warm voice followed.

“How is that disgraceful? Do you think that choice was easy for an eleven-year-old? Do you think weighing his parents’ lives against ten million citizens was something a child could do easily?”

Ihan stopped and fixed his eyes on the owner of the voice, thinking that the round back of his brown-haired head was surprisingly cute.

“How is it a heroic story for an eleven-year-old to lose his parents? That’s just… a sad thing. Not something to praise and glorify.”

It was the first time he had ever heard words like that. He had grown up hearing only “hero” or “hypocrite.” No one had ever said something like this to him.

This man knew nothing about him, yet understood him better than anyone. Ihan found it strange—and before he realized it, he had greeted him.

“Hello.”

Leaving the startled researchers behind, Ihan approached the man. Clear, startled eyes met his gaze.

When his own eyes met those green-tinged brown ones, Ihan caught his breath. He had never seen something so beautiful and bright. Trying to hide the sudden pounding of his heart, he extended his hand.

“I’m Yoo Ihan.”

The man hesitated for a moment, then took it.

“I’m Han Yeoul.”

The moment their hands met, the world seemed to slow to a crawl. The warmth of his touch and his gaze flowed into Ihan like guiding energy, easing his pain. It felt like a wound he had thought too old to ever heal was being gently wrapped.

“Um… could you let go of my hand?”

“Oh, sorry.”

Even after quickly releasing Yeoul’s hand, Ihan couldn’t stop staring. Yeoul avoided his eyes as if it was a little much, but not unpleasant—he still glanced back at Ihan from time to time.

Even without using any energy, Ihan’s heart was pounding wildly. He didn’t need the rapid beat to know—

He had fallen in love. From the very first meeting with Yeoul.

From then on, he went to see Yeoul whenever he could and struck up conversations.

“Yeoul, are you free today? Want to go to Seoraksan with me? I heard the cherry blossoms are beautiful.”

“…The cherry blossoms have been gone for a while.”

“Oh, already?”

“You just said they were beautiful. Didn’t you see them yourself?”

“I meant they’d probably be beautiful. Actually… you remind me of cherry blossoms.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Your cheeks are pink, and when I glanced before, your chest too…”

Ihan let his gaze drop briefly to Yeoul’s chest—or more precisely, to the faint outline of small bumps visible through his white shirt. Yeoul’s face flushed pink like a blossom as he tried frantically to cover Ihan’s mouth.

“A-are you crazy? Talking about that here!”

“Hm? Why? I mean your heart is as fragrant and bright as cherry blossoms.”

“……”

“Yeoul, you’re sneakier than you look.”

“When are you going to leave? Please just go.”

“If you go on a date with me, I’ll go.”

Whenever he pulled something like this, Yeoul would frown as if exasperated but still blush. Ihan found it cute, so even after the research work ended, he kept chasing him.

“Esper Yoo Ihan, don’t you have work? Why aren’t you going back to Zone 1?”

“There haven’t been any big gates lately, so the Zone 1 team can handle things themselves. I’m on vacation.”

Vacation? There was no such thing for an Esper. He would slip back to Zone 1 when called, without telling Yeoul, and still head to the training grounds at night as usual. He was exhausted to the point of collapse, but seeing Yeoul’s face made all the fatigue vanish.

Innocent Yeoul tilted his head as if unsure, but he believed it easily enough. A day passed like that, then a week, then a month.

When Ihan was starting to feel like this might actually kill him, Yeoul cautiously asked,

“…You look really tired. Are you getting guided properly?”

“Huh? Oh, I forgot.”

In his hurry to come, he’d forgotten all about it. Smiling, Ihan held out his hand to Yeoul.

“Yeoul, will you guide me?”

It was something he said half-jokingly, but Yeoul’s cheeks flushed, and he gave a shy nod. When they tried a hand-guiding, Yeoul’s energy wrapped warmly around Ihan’s searing waves, calming them.

After some time, as soon as they let go, they looked at each other at the same time. Both wore vaguely dazed expressions.

“…The guiding efficiency…”

“It’s unbelievably good, right?”

That very day, they went for a match rate test. The result was 99.8%—unprecedented.

Ihan, face alight, held the result sheet up to Yeoul.

“I knew it. We must be meant to be.”

When Ihan beamed at him, Yeoul smiled too. That first smile Ihan had ever seen from him was sweet enough to melt his heart.

“I guess we are connected in some way.”

“Then will you go out with me?”

“…How does it jump straight to that?”

Yeoul’s expression soon returned to its usual curt self, but that smile lingered in Ihan’s heart for a long time.

From then on, Yeoul no longer hesitated to guide Ihan. The sessions grew more frequent, and before long, they progressed from hand-guiding to sharing their bodies once a week—but Yeoul still refused to date him.

“Yeoul, why don’t you come with me to Zone 1? I’ll treat you so well.”

“I said no. And stop casually speaking informally. How many times do I have to say it?”

Every day, without fail, Ihan pestered Yeoul to come to Zone 1, but Yeoul firmly rejected him each time.

‘And the reason’s obvious.’

From afar, Ihan glared at Yoon Geon like he could kill him.

‘If it weren’t for that bastard, my Yeoul wouldn’t be turning me down.’

The more he thought about it, the more murderous his feelings became. He restrained himself because killing someone wasn’t an option—but how much longer could he keep holding back? His patience was wearing away fast.

“Ihan, it’s been a while!”

After spending a few days back in Zone 1 for work, he returned to find Yeoul greeting him with a bright smile. That smile made everything else irrelevant.

So what if he wouldn’t come to Zone 1? Maybe Ihan should just move to Zone 5 instead.

He couldn’t truly abandon Zone 1, but whenever he had a spare moment, he went to Zone 5—only to see Yeoul.

The more he got to know Han Yeoul, the more impossible it became not to love him. His warm nature and occasional glimpses of vulnerability made Ihan love him to the limit of his heart.

The day Yeoul finally agreed to go on a date, an S-Class gate opened in Zone 1. The moment Ihan heard, he rushed out, but even then he had to choose.

Save one hundred thousand lives—or save three comrades. Time, cruel as ever, gave him no room to deliberate. As always, Ihan chose the greater good.

After saving the civilians, he recovered the mangled bodies of his comrades. Their corpses were so damaged they could no longer be recognized, a clear sign of how painful their deaths had been.

When he returned, exhausted, a middle-aged woman who had been waiting for him hurled herself at him, screaming.

“You could have saved my son! You! If you’re a hero, you were supposed to save him! Why are you fine? Why is it only you who came back alive?”

Ihan knew her—she was the mother of one of the Espers who had died. She had always thanked him, saying her son owed Ihan so much.

“Ma’am, please, this isn’t the way—”

People tried to pull her away as she beat on Ihan’s chest and wept, but Ihan stopped them. Bowing his head like a criminal, he accepted her fury calmly.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t save him.”

He was the world’s hero, yet to someone, he was a criminal. Perhaps the two were the same. He would carry both glory and guilt for the rest of his life.

It was suffocating.

When he came to his senses, he was standing in front of Yeoul’s home.

“I did well, didn’t I, Yeoul?”

Yeoul… will you tell me I did the right thing? That I didn’t make the wrong choice? That I chose the right path? Tell me that.

At least from Yeoul, he wanted affirmation. If he didn’t hear it—forced or not—he felt like he would shatter into pieces.

Instead of answering, Yeoul pulled him into a hug and whispered,

“You’re back, Ihan? I was waiting for you.”

Ah…

For a moment, Ihan just stood there in a daze before melting into Yeoul’s arms and quietly sobbing.

So that’s what it was—I’d been scared. I had nowhere to rest my tired, wounded heart. No matter how far I wandered, I couldn’t find a home to return to, and I was always afraid.

But Yeoul told him he had been waiting. As if to promise, I’ll be your home. I already am your home.

That was when he knew—his feelings for Yeoul would never have a limit. He would always love Han Yeoul more today than yesterday.

Yeoul filled the hollow in his soul that guiding could not. Yeoul treated him not as a hero, but as a person. In front of Yeoul, he could cry, he could be weak. Only Yeoul could make him feel ordinary.

To Ihan, who had been buried in a pit of dust, fumbling through darkness, Yeoul was the sun—warm sunlight melting softly beneath green shade.

Now, a world without him was meaningless, yet Yeoul was trying to leave.

Yeoul, I would do anything for you. I could even die for you. But I can’t let you go. That’s the one thing I could never do for you. So, Yeoul…

If I can’t go inside you, then I’ll have to pull you inside me.

I have no choice but to stain you black with myself.

“Isn’t that right, Yeoul?”

Gently stroking the sleeping Yeoul’s hair in the direction of the grain, Ihan murmured softly.

His eyes, always faintly glimmering as they looked at the one he loved endlessly, were—now as ever—deeply, unnervingly black.