IDSEGI Chapter 62

Chapter 62

Between their joined lips, the salty taste mingled with warm breaths.

Even though they were both a complete mess, the way they looked at each other dripped with sweetness like honey.

Yeoul breathed guiding energy into Ihan, but nothing happened. Last time, the energy had at least faintly passed through, but now he couldn’t give even a little.

So I can’t even do kiss guiding anymore. Has that much time already passed?

Before diving into the sea, that realization might have left him drowning in unbearable sadness.

But now, there was hope. The light he had clutched onto in the darkness was still in his hands.

Yeoul pulled back and steadied his breathing. He didn’t know where to begin. There were too many lies—truth tangled so tightly it was hard to unravel.

Sensing his hesitation, Ihan pressed their foreheads together with gentle affection.

“Yeoul, take your time. I’ll listen to every last thing—without missing a word. Let’s face it together now.”

Hearing Ihan’s tender whisper, Yeoul felt the chaos in his mind slowly settle. Now he knew what to explain first.

“Ihan, I love you.”

Ihan’s lips parted, his face dazed. He blinked, his eyes glistening, and then…

He smiled the happiest smile in the world.

“I love you too, Yeoul.”

Their lips met again.

In Ihan’s arms, Yeoul began explaining everything that had happened up until now. There were moments when emotion clogged his throat, but every time, Ihan’s hand in his gave him the strength to continue.

“…That’s how it happened.”

When he finished, Ihan’s first words were:

“I’m a bastard.”

A real son of a bitch, for not noticing your pain. What kind of idiot doesn’t see something like that?

Seeing Ihan harshly berate himself, Yeoul couldn’t help but laugh.

After that, Yushin came running, and with Ihan fussing over him, Yeoul was taken to the hospital. Only after he had undergone every possible test and was hooked up to an IV did Ihan finally calm down.

Sitting primly in a chair beside the bed, Ihan handed him an apple carved into a rabbit shape.

“Yeoul, can you wait just a bit? I have somewhere to go—just ten minutes, no, five.”

“Alright. Go on.”

Assuming Ihan was going to the bathroom, Yeoul nodded. Ihan’s eyes curved warmly as he got up.

Of course, where he went was to where Lim Juho was.

“You bastards. Don’t think you’re leaving alive today.”

Seeing Ihan sneer like a villain, Lim Juho’s men clung to each other, shaking. Worse still was that the two corpses Ihan had dragged in were faces they recognized.

As loud crashes and chaos erupted inside the building, Yushin, watching the mess unfold, tapped 112 on his phone.

“Hello? Yeah, there’s a lunatic here beating people up. No, it’s not a group fight—one person’s beating the hell out of everyone else.”

At this point, even calling it self-defense would be a stretch. Afraid that Ihan might turn from punishing criminals into becoming one himself, Yushin did his best to explain the situation to the police—adding that they should keep his report anonymous.

* * *

“Ihan’s taking longer than I thought.”

It had only been five minutes, yet Yeoul already missed him.

Maybe it was because they had been apart for so long—being without Ihan now made him anxious.

Is this separation anxiety?

Had Ihan’s sickness rubbed off on him? The thought gave Yeoul a slight sense of dread. If he ended up as hopeless as Ihan, there’d be no cockroach more clingy than him.

Feeling suddenly embarrassed, Yeoul fanned himself.

“Ahem… it’s hot in here.”

Where was the air conditioner remote?

Even though there was no one around, he fiddled aimlessly, pretending to be busy—when suddenly, the silence shattered as the door swung open hard enough to break.

From the short distance between the door and the bed, Yoon Geon all but flew across the room and wrapped Yeoul in a sudden hug.

“Geon? How are you even here…?”

Then it hit him—this was a Zone 5–staff-only hospital.

Awkward in Yoon Geon’s arms, Yeoul tried to push him away, but the embrace that would normally have loosened easily did not let go.

“Geon, I can’t breathe…”

The moment he said it, the tight arms finally released him. Seeing Yoon Geon’s face, now noticeably thinner, made Yeoul’s chest ache.

So, you were looking for me too.

He wished it were a brother’s love.

If it were simply the affection of an older brother for a younger one, Yeoul might have leaned into him… but this was a love that had missed its moment, and he could no longer accept it.

Turning his gaze slightly, Yeoul held out a plate of sliced apples.

“You look tired, have you eaten? You could snack on this…”

“Have you eaten?”

Instead of answering, Yoon Geon asked back, scanning Yeoul’s face. While Yeoul looked much better after receiving an IV, Geon himself seemed worse.

“You’re the one who needs rest… What about guiding? Did you get any?”

When Yeoul checked his readings, he gasped.

“Geon! What were you doing, letting yourself get like this without guiding?”

His readings were dangerously high. If Yeoul knew how much Geon had burned through his abilities while searching for him, he’d be shocked.

“Leaving it like this? You must be in a lot of pain…”

Yoon Geon looked at him and called his name softly.

“Han Yeoul.”

Slowly, he reached out and took Yeoul’s wrist. His touch was so careful it almost tickled.

“Can’t it be me?”

“…What?”

“If loving Yoo Ihan means you have to die, then just love me instead.”

A faint tremor edged his voice. He could no longer pretend to be calm in front of Yeoul—his emotions were too raw.

“Whatever you believe, whether it’s true or not… Forget all that. Just don’t love anyone enough to throw your life away.”

Yeoul looked at the hand gripping his wrist, then raised his head to meet Geon’s eyes.

“…That’s not something I can control, Geon.”

Gently but firmly, Yeoul pushed his hand away. He smiled faintly.

“And I think… I may have found a way for both Ihan and me to live.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

At the sudden question, Yeoul fell silent. He couldn’t give a certain answer. To say it wasn’t dangerous would be a lie, and even then, it was only a fragile hope for now.

Geon pressed on, desperately trying to convince him.

“I know, you can’t control your feelings. Then at least pretend to love me. Use me until Yoo Ihan lets you go.”

“…You know that wouldn’t work on Ihan. He loves me too much.”

“I love you too.”

His black eyes, always a little unreadable, were clearer than ever—so clear they could be recognized even in the darkness before dawn.

“I love you, Yeoul.”

He wanted to insist, childishly, that he had loved Yeoul first. Once he let the words out, more and more truth tumbled from his lips without shame.

“I sent you off to live happily, but if you’re just going to think about dying behind my back, then I can’t leave you with Yoo Ihan anymore.”

The lips that were always composed twisted, his breathing rough. It felt like every cell in his body was screaming. His confession came out like a cry.

“I didn’t try to take you because you smiled when you were with him. You, who always only smiled faintly, smiled so brightly. It was so dazzling… I had no choice but to let you go.”

The more he spoke, the more his emotions surged. The black desire he had pushed down betrayed him, raging uncontrollably.

“If the only happiness you can have is one that comes after you die, then just stay with me and be unhappy. Live unhappily.”

“…”

Yeoul looked startled—or maybe just too troubled to speak.

Geon clenched his fist, the veins on the back of his hand swelling as if to burst, showing how much he was holding back. Of all the things he wanted to say, he could only manage one truth.

“I’ll bear all the guilt, so just stay alive.”

Yeoul’s eyes trembled a deep blue as he looked at him.

“Geon… I…”

Yeoul bit his lip before opening his mouth with difficulty.

“…You said you’d support me, right? There’s a way for both Ihan and me to survive. Please help me. I’m begging you.”

Geon knew this was Yeoul’s gentle but firm refusal, the kind that hurt more for its kindness.

“You don’t need to be cruel for me to know you’re kind,” he murmured quietly.

Closing his eyes tightly, then opening them slowly, he spoke in a calm voice.

“I’ll help you.”

But he added firmly, as if unwilling to compromise on this one thing.

“But my help is only if you have the will to live. Remember that.”

Yeoul lowered his head and muttered softly.

“Thank you. You’re a good person, Geon. Too good for me.”

A small laugh escaped him.

“You’re the first person to say that.”

“That’s because people don’t know how kind you are.”

Watching Yeoul try to lighten the mood, he swallowed a bitter smile.

“You were first.”

He said it plainly, without a shred of falsehood.

“You were the first to be good to me.”

Without adding anything more, Geon pulled a blanket over Yeoul.

“Sleep now. It’s late.”

“Yes. You should sleep too, Geon.”

“I’ll go once you’re asleep.”

Reluctantly, Yeoul lay down. He thought it would be hard to sleep in such an uncomfortable situation, but perhaps from the exhaustion of pushing himself for so long, his eyes closed quickly.

Half-asleep, he felt a gentle hand brushing his hair back.

As he drifted into sleep, Yeoul realized that the touch he had often felt at night back when he was a Zone 5 Guide had never been a dream.