IIAD | Chapter 2.6

As soon as those firm words of refusal left Nika’s lips, Baran’s face fell into utter devastation. He immediately began throwing out all sorts of enticing offers, as if negotiating a deal. He promised to bring Nika more of the fairy tale books he liked, let him watch the knights’ training up close—he was really using every trick in the book. By the end, he even offered to hand over his marquisate in exchange for just one more kiss.

“Are you just saying whatever comes to mind now?”

Nika raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean, ‘just saying whatever’? I always, always speak to you with a heart that’s about to crumble.”

Baran even let out a dramatic sigh, the kind that was almost cute.

“Damn it! If only I could turn back time. I’d rewind it over and over, just to have you kiss me hundreds of times.”

Nika couldn’t help but find Baran’s flustered reaction utterly amusing. Over something so small, he was writhing in agony—it was ridiculous, and yet, it was also adorable. A warm ticklish feeling swirled in Nika’s chest. The fact that he could shake this incredible man with just one kiss made his shoulders feel heavy, yet at the same time, it felt exhilarating. Just like Baran, Nika felt as if he was floating above the clouds.

“What do I do? What should I do? I feel like my whole body is going to swell up and burst. I want to tell everyone. I want to run across the world shouting that you kissed me.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Alright, alright, don’t worry.”

Baran laughed, watching how horrified Nika looked.

“I love you. I really love you.”

He pressed his lips against his palm, his eyes curling beautifully as he spoke. It sent a shiver down Nika’s spine.

The memories of that moment replayed in his mind. The autumn wind rustling through the leaves, the gentle chirping of garden insects, the way Baran strolled under the starlit sky, humming in bliss. That startled breath that had brushed against his lips and shattered like fragile glass. A love confession as lyrical as a song. The warmth of Baran’s fingers, slowly climbing up from his sleeve before entwining with his own.

That magical moment had nearly drowned Nika in a flood of emotions. A single word surfaced in his mind, branding itself into all of his senses. And from then on, a hazy realization took hold of him, like the impact of being struck over the head.

‘I knew this would happen. Right from the very beginning.’

Burying his face into the soft pillow, Nika thought to himself.

‘There was never a way to resist falling for a man like him. That smile, that gentle voice, those unwavering eyes.’

The moment he woke up and heard that beautiful man call out, “My Nika,” it had already been decided.

His rough, calloused hands clenched the bed sheets tightly.

‘I can’t hold out any longer.’

If meeting Baran was the reason he had lived this life, then he could endure everything else. Without realizing it, such a thought crossed his mind.

“My sun.” Nika murmured.

“The one who brightens my dark world… making it completely radiant.”

── .✦

Nika’s very first memory was of the faint movements he made while floating in his mother’s womb. He recalled the time when he had simply drifted like a weak speck within that crimson-hued space, stirring the warm amniotic fluid around him.

When he was forced through the birth canal, squeezed as if to be crushed, and took his first breath in this world—before he even saw his mother’s face—her hands had ruthlessly cast him aside. He remembered her shrill, hysterical screams. Unlike most mothers, who would hold their newborns close, she had instead placed him—a grotesque, umbilical cord still attached—on top of a pile of rotting fish heads.

‘Since you are its child, you’ll survive no matter what. But I don’t wish to dirty my hands. May this be your first and last stroke of luck.’

‘Baby, be miserable.’

And then, that eerie voice.

“Hah—hah… haah….”

Gasping, Nika threw off his blankets and bolted upright, taking in ragged breaths. Cold sweat dripped down his nose.

“A dream….”

Someone once said that fear was mostly born from imagination. But Nika didn’t need imagination—his memories alone were more than enough to craft a nightmare. He shook his head, forcefully pushing away the self-pity that threatened to surface.

After barely managing to calm himself, he glanced outside the window. It was still pitch-dark. The view looked almost the same as when he had first laid down, making him doubt whether he had even been asleep for an hour.

He lay back down, but sleep refused to come. His fingers and toes trembled slightly from lingering fear. Nights when he dreamed of his mother always left him unable to sleep, making the entire following day a struggle.

The stark contrast between dream and reality fed his growing anxiety. Which one was the dream? If he had to choose which felt more unreal, wasn’t it his current life—being with Baran? His fingertips shook as he clutched the bedsheets.

‘Could I see Baran right now? If I see his face, I’ll feel better instantly. No… It’s too late, he’s definitely fast asleep. I don’t want to wake him. But… just sneaking a quick look at his sleeping face should be fine, right?’

After a moment of hesitation, Nika brushed aside the canopy and placed his feet on the floor. His soft-soled slippers helped silence his steps. The moment he stepped outside, he was already facing Baran’s bedroom.

There was a secret passage connecting their rooms, but Nika had only taken a single glance at it before deciding he didn’t like its ominous atmosphere. More than that, he had no idea how to navigate it. Instead, he opted for the straightforward approach—entering from the front door like a proper intruder.

‘I’ll just check his face and leave. I’m good at staying unnoticed.’

But all his efforts at moving silently were for nothing—because Baran wasn’t in his room.

That was strange. Though he couldn’t see the clock in the dark, by his estimation, it should be around two or three in the morning. He absentmindedly fiddled with the perfectly untouched bedsheets, confusion growing in his chest.

Then, he started searching. Wandering the dimly lit halls, he let his instincts guide him as he silently roamed the castle.

How long had he been wandering? At some point, a faint glow appeared from around a corner, accompanied by hushed voices. Though the words weren’t entirely clear, the voice that whispered in a roughened tone was unmistakably Baran’s.

“Get healthy horses ready. I don’t want them collapsing midway again, foaming at the mouth.”

“Young Master, even recklessness has its limits. If you keep riding day and night, do you really think your body will hold up?”

“Enough with the nagging.”

‘What is this? Getting horses ready… Is he planning to leave?’

Nika pressed himself against the wall, listening closely to Raymond’s sarcastic remarks and Baran’s amused responses.

For a while, the sound of a quill scratching against parchment filled the space, followed by Baran’s tired sigh. Immediately, Raymond’s sharp words followed.

“I heard you dueled today. With that dragonkin.”

“Can you stop calling him that?”

“No, I cannot. Since you’ve been losing your edge lately, I need to keep my distance—to remind you.”

Raymond let out a long, exasperated sigh.

“How long do you plan to keep up this love affair with an eighteen-year-old who doesn’t even remember his past? This isn’t some childish game of make-believe.”

Nika’s heart pounded violently.

That dragonkin—they were undoubtedly referring to him. This entire conversation was about him. Yet, he couldn’t follow the context at all. Or maybe—he simply didn’t want to.

‘What are they even talking about? Love affair? Make-believe?’

Maybe he was still dreaming. That had to be it—because otherwise, Baran Taltamio, who should have been shouting in outrage at such rude words, was merely letting out a dry laugh.

If Baran truly loved him as desperately as he always claimed, then he should have at least been offended by those words. That would have been the normal reaction, wouldn’t it?

But then, Baran spoke again, his voice utterly devoid of warmth.

“…It’ll have to end soon.”

Nika’s world plummeted into a bottomless abyss.

The heart that had been beating so strongly inside his chest suddenly felt like it was sinking, plummeting deep down, dragging all his thoughts into a void of darkness. A heavy hammer pounded mercilessly against his stomach, sending waves of nausea rolling through him.

Betrayal was an unfamiliar concept to Nika.

He had never possessed anything in the first place—so the idea of losing something had always felt like an extravagant luxury, a pain reserved only for those who had something to lose.

‘What a fool. A blind, stupid fool.’

So why had he believed such an obvious lie? Since when had he started taking Baran’s blatant deceptions to heart—the sweet words about being special, about being loved?

Why had he failed to protect himself, despite knowing better?

Had he truly wanted to believe in something as absurd as a fairytale—a prince falling in love with a monstrous, cursed creature?

Had he dared to hope for love, despite being born in such a hideous form?

‘Maybe this conversation was just an extension of my nightmare. I was anxious, so my mind twisted everything. Look—just look at Baran’s face. He’s smiling so brightly. There’s no way he’s lying.’

“Nika, you don’t look well.”

Baran’s gentle voice pulled him back to the present, a warm hand patting his shoulder.

“……”

“Did something happen?”

‘See? There’s no way he’s deceiving me.’

As those clear blue eyes gazed at him in concern, Nika felt a strange, fleeting sense of triumph.

“It’s nothing, Baran. But aren’t you busy today? Are you sure you should be staying by my side like this?”

He hurriedly changed the subject, though his unease still leaked into his voice.

“If something’s bothering you, you have to tell me right away, alright?”

Baran frowned slightly, clearly seeing through his flimsy excuse, but his voice remained as gentle as ever.

“I had Raymond clear my afternoon schedule. I even finished my work last night… because I wanted to spend the day with you.”

Baran was unlike anyone else Nika had ever known.

He neither despised Nika nor used him, nor was he indifferent to him. He was something different entirely.

And yesterday—when their swords clashed, when their lips touched—Nika had felt it. Something connected them. Something beyond fate, beyond all the hollow words people used to romanticize love.

If only Baran could give him just a little more certainty…

Then, maybe, Nika could forget everything he had heard last night.

That was why he suddenly found himself acting out of character—grasping for reassurance, testing Baran with an oddly petulant remark. Like a wary wild animal prodding for safety before settling down, Nika’s words came out with a hint of paranoia.

“…And after the evening? Will you leave me alone then?”

The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them.