INM 3 Part 6

I hurriedly looked at Kasim in response to the mumbled words spoken in a raspy voice.

He doesn’t seem to want to talk at all!

Ignoring my protesting look, Kasim, who must have anticipated Ethan’s overflowing caution, deepened his smile.

“Because I want to. I’m sorry to drag you along with my selfishness.”

“There are people like you everywhere…”

Ethan mumbles softly and… if I didn’t mishear him… clucks his tongue bitterly.

It’s not just dislike, it seems to be hostility. 

As the corners of my mouth twitched, I glanced at the writing on the board. “Report due Thursday”… what was it? It was written in poor handwriting, not much better than worm. 

“So is it true that you are investigating the cause of Alan’s suicide?” 

“No.” Kasim said firmly with a faint smile, turning his head to the side.

“Rather, I want to believe that he was happy.”

“That’s a terrible hobby… You can’t stand it, unless you attach a reason to someone’s death that you can accept…”

“Ethan. I’m not looking for a reason for his death.”

“Even if you say that. For people like Alan and me, having others snooping around is nothing but painful.”

Kasim’s eyes narrowed slightly at the red-haired young man’s words.

“People like you and Alan? I’m sorry, but what exactly do you think you have in common…”

“Stop!”

I interrupted Kasim, who was finally provoked by Ethan’s hostility, a bit forcefully. 

“I’m suddenly very hungry for a sandwich, so I’m going to call a timeout.”

“What? Right now?”

“Yes. I’m going to buy it at the cafe where we were supposed to meet.”

Although surprised by my words, Kasim neither looked angry nor tried to stop me. He must have understood my reason for interrupting the conversation.

“Do you know the location…?”

I shook my head at the shy red-haired young man.

“I might get lost… Sorry to take up your time, but could you accompany me to that café we mentioned earlier?”

I made the request to temporarily separate the two of them, and Ethan jumped. He didn’t seem to be as hostile towards me as he was towards Kasim, but he certainly didn’t open up.

“I’ll go with you.” Kasim offered, standing up and looking like he couldn’t stand to watch any longer.

“Thanks. I’ll buy you a brownie.”

“Thank you. I’ll have a hot sandwich and tea, please.”

“At this hour… well, okay.”

The red-haired young man, who had been silently listening to our exchange, clinked his chair quietly behind us as we walked to the door. When I turned around, he was slowly standing up.

“I’m going after all…”

“Really?”

“I might be in the mood for a brownie…”

He was surprisingly clever. I didn’t mind that.

“I’ll get you some coffee, too.”

For the first time today, Ethan showed a faint smile at my words.

“The coffee there isn’t great, so I’d prefer an iced café latte…”

“All right, all right.” 

Ethan gave me a wry smile and I walked out of the classroom with him.

As soon as the door closed, I couldn’t hold back any longer and quickly asked him, “Hey, did something happen between you and Kasim?”

The young man, who was walking half a step behind me, looked down at me in surprise… I can’t believe it, do people usually ask so directly? He must be crazy… even with his sparse expression, I could clearly sense his thoughts.

Ethan remained silent for a while, watching my reaction, and then reluctantly opened his mouth.

“Not really. I’ve just always been bad with people like him…”

“You mean nosy people? Or is it the pushy part you don’t like?”

“No…”

“Preachy? Stubborn? White shirts?”

Ethan seemed to start to say something in desperation, but then closed his mouth again. After a pause, he mumbled an answer.

“People who naturally end up at the center of a group…”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And who doesn’t seem to question that position.”

“I see.”

Indeed, he seemed like someone who would be naturally respected by those around him. Alan had mentioned that he had always been the center of the school during their high school days.

For now, it seemed that Kasim hadn’t done anything specific to Ethan, and I felt a little relieved.

“Yet you agreed to Kasim’s request.”

Remembering his attitude toward Kasim earlier, I grinned.

“You don’t like him, do you? Didn’t you think about turning him down?”

I asked out of curiosity, but Ethan lowered his eyes and tensed up, becoming slightly suspicious. 

He mumbled something unintelligible for a moment, then sighed resignedly.

“I just wanted to talk to someone about Alan…”

“Someone other than those two physics students?”

At my words, Ethan, who had been standing tall, leaned forward slightly and nodded his head.

“Those two are too intense…”

I looked up at the young man in surprise. Noticing my gaze, Ethan looked away uncomfortably.

Watching him intently, I couldn’t help but scratch my head.

“Well, I see what you mean.”

“Patronizing.”

“Sorry.”

“You’re on this side… unexpectedly…”

Saying that, Ethan shrugged and looked a little deflated.

After that, we didn’t have any significant conversations. We bought sandwiches, brownies, cookies, snacks, and drinks from the cafe and returned to the classroom. Kasim’s face lit up when he saw the mountain of food Ethan and I were carrying.

With much more enthusiasm than when they rearranged the tables and chairs, the two of them distributed the food, creating a somewhat more relaxed atmosphere. I spoke up.

“By the way, Ethan. Is it true that you spent an hour talking about your red hair? I can’t quite imagine that from the way you look at me.”

“Forget it…” Ethan mumbled, wrapping the brownie back in its white paper and biting into it. “We had so little in common that I didn’t know how to spend time together…”

“Is it rare for the two of you to be alone together?”

Alternating between bites of his sandwich and sips of coffee, Kasim interjected this time. Ethan looked at him briefly, scratched his right wrist with his left hand, and nodded slightly.

“There was always Vic between us… Without Vic, neither Alan, nor I, nor Chloe would have had a connection…”

With a much softer voice than before, Ethan replied to Kasim.

“Honestly, I’m surprised he found my stories interesting. It always seemed like he was only half listening…”

“”Victor’s red hair is more orange, so I’m the real redhead.” right?”

When I mentioned what Alan had told me, the lightly tanned young man’s face immediately clouded with melancholy.

“Please stop… I just said that without thinking. I’ve never thought about something so trivial in my life…”

Smiling at Ethan’s groan, I offered him a café au lait and changed the subject.

“By the way, out of curiosity, what makes you and Alan similar? Earlier you mentioned, “People like Alan and me.””

At my question, Ethan shook his head slowly and looked confused.

“What makes us similar? Well… isn’t it obvious? Neither of us were the type to actively talk to others…”

“Actually, in high school, he wasn’t the type to initiate conversations either.” Kasim chimed in, agreeing with Ethan and retracting his previous opinion while politely chewing on his sandwich.

Amused by their exchange, I stopped stirring my tea and looked up. 

“About that. Alan talked a lot when he was with me. Whenever I met with Alan, I was always the listener for several hours.”

“What?”

Both Kasim and Ethan looked at me in shock. Seeing Ethan’s completely astonished expression made me feel a bit amused.

“Well, maybe it was easier for him to talk because I wasn’t someone he knew in common. I had never heard that he was a robotics major, though.”

“That surprised me, too, when I heard it through rumors.”

“Did you ask him why?”

“I asked him before graduation, but he brushed it off.”

Ethan, who had been biting into a brownie, swallowed the last piece and spoke up.

“Well, it’s because of the anime, obviously.”

“What?”

This time Kasim and I both raised our voices. Holding our drinks in stunned silence for a moment, we snapped back to reality and exclaimed in unison.

“Really?”

“Shut up…”

Ethan muttered tiredly and continued.

“Anyone who knew him in college knows… Alan was an extreme otaku obsessed with robot anime…”

“Wow.”

“Is that so…” 

“When people around him talked about anime or manga, he was in a slightly better mood… He usually seemed grumpy and had a “don’t talk to me” vibe, but when it came to those topics, his walls came down a bit…”

“I would have liked to see that.”

“He probably didn’t put up any walls around you.”

“I wish I had asked him more about the things he liked.”

At that moment, Kasim, who had been quietly listening with his cup in both hands, hesitantly interrupted.

“Uh, who are you talking about who is always grumpy?”

Surprised by the serious young man’s question, I stared at him intently.

“Come on, don’t tell me you just time-traveled for a moment.”

“It’s obviously Alan. Are you okay, law student…?”

Slightly taken aback by the comment, Kasim fell silent, but then continued, shaking his head as if in surrender.

“In high school, he was quiet but very likable. He was gentle and kind to everyone. I don’t think any of our classmates ever saw him in a bad mood.”

Ethan’s face clouded over with confusion.

“Who are you talking about…?”

“I’m turning your words back on you, IT student.”

Smiling warmly, Kasim looked at Ethan, who looked away bitterly.

“By the way, Kasim, you’re not just talking about your own experience with him, are you?”

“Of course not.”

Kasim replied with a mixture of annoyance and confusion, taking the coffee I had placed to his right. It seemed he hadn’t noticed Alan’s feelings for him. Not knowing whether this was a blessing or a sad thing for Alan, I lowered my eyes and smiled at my tea.

“No, I have to admit, I can’t really imagine an always cheerful and upbeat Alan either.”

Feeling a bit frustrated, I took another sip of tea. The difference in Alan before and after he graduated from high school and entered college was fascinating. The Alan I knew was always angry about something, never showing a calm and kind demeanor. Of course, I knew he was gentle and pure at heart.

Alan, who had the courage to enter the Café Alexandra. Alan who contacted me and bottled up complex emotions. Alan, who struggled to escape daily oppression. 

A thought slipped out of my mouth.

“Maybe it was a delayed rebellious phase?”

I immediately wondered if that might be a bit misleading, but Alan’s two friends turned to me with looks that said, “Exactly.”

“Indeed, it was unbearable. Even mundane stories from my father seemed like unbearable torture at that time.”

“If that indifferent attitude was a sign of uncontrollable destructive impulses, he should actually be proud of his self-control…”

Seeing the young men, who seemed to have gone through a proper growth process, nodding seriously, I couldn’t help but smile. I felt like I had become a normal, thoughtless young person again. Maybe Alan felt the same way when he was with his friends.

“Well, all kidding aside, I think it was a positive change. His ability to take a detached attitude showed that he was beginning to open up to the situation around him.”