INM 4 Part 5

The doorbell rang, announcing Brian’s arrival. Jerking out of my exhausted lethargy, I made my way to the front door to greet my childhood friend. As soon as I opened the door, I met those familiar blue-gray eyes.

Brian’s face changed color as he noticed the bandage around my head.

“What happened to you?”

“I hit my head at work. The hospital made a bit of a fuss about it…”

As I tried to reassure him, Brian’s face grew stern. He reached out and touched me with a worried hand as I leaned wearily against the doorframe.

The dry, cold touch on my cheek made me jump.

“Luke?”

“Well, um…”

I looked down quickly, my voice shaking. Damn, my mental state is like sponge cake. Maybe I should have spent today alone.

“Sorry, I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

“It doesn’t look like you just got hurt at work, does it?”

“Well, no.”

On my way to work, I was questioned by the cops, saw Alan’s room and fainted, kissed the floor, and then felt useless as I listened to Maria talk about her lost child.

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Thank you.”

While I thanked him politely, I was a bit at a loss as to how much of today’s events I could share with this kind childhood friend.

“Come on in. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, you should lie down on the couch. What would you like to drink?”

As he stepped into my office, Brian adjusted the cotton-linen bag he was carrying.

“I bought some prepared food. Are you hungry?”

“Ah, now that you mention it, I think the last time I ate was before noon.”

“I thought that might be the case.”

With a sigh, Brian continued.

“I’ll use the kitchen. What would you like to drink? Anything but coffee is fine.”

“You are kind. Are you concerned about my head injury?”

“It’s just that grinding the beans is a hassle. I can’t brew it well anyway.”

“Ah, I see. Then I’ll take advantage of my cautious friend’s kindness and skip the caffeine. The rooibos tea with cinnamon is on the bottom left shelf.”

“That’s a choice even I can handle.”

With a slightly teasing tone, Brian disappeared into the kitchen. Soon I heard the sounds of my childhood friend, who was already more adept with my kitchen utensils than I was, starting to prepare “something to eat right away”. My definition of “something to eat right away” is snacks or prepared meals, but Brian’s definition is a little different. I only realized this in the last few days. I wonder if his partner finds it comforting or disturbing…

As I pondered this and lay down on the sofa, I apparently fell asleep without realizing it. The scent of steam mixed with spices and herbs and the gentle touch of my hair brought me back to reality.

“Are you okay? You seemed to be having a nightmare.”

“I can’t believe it myself, but it feels like I was having a dream for that brief moment.”

“It didn’t seem like a pleasant one.”

“No, it was a dream where I had everything I wanted right now.”

“I see. Then what you want may not be what you really want. Can you eat? I made a vegetable omelet, soup, and avocado dip. There’s toast if you want more. The drink is as you requested, rooibos tea with cinnamon.”

“Brian! Thank you!”

The devastation of the dream was completely blown away and I stood up cheerfully. Brian quickly supported me as I staggered from the sudden movement.

“Don’t move so fast.”

“Sorry, sorry. By the way, I just noticed, but your cologne is different today.”

I only noticed the difference when I was nestled in Brian’s arms and curiously brought my nose to his neck. 

“I like it, but it feels a little younger than what you usually wear.”

Looking down at his outfit again, I noticed that it seemed more casual compared to his usual attire. Actually, it wasn’t just “casual”… it was a complete overhaul of Brian’s typical look. He wore a dark gray t-shirt and distressed jeans. Although the clothes fit him perfectly, neither too tight nor too loose, and were quite flattering, they were clearly not his usual style. Maybe he was working in a place today where such clothes wouldn’t be out of place for his detective work.

“Anyway, can I eat this?”

I slipped out of Brian’s still arms and sat down at the table in front of the arranged plates. The savory smell of the soup and the slightly chunky avocado and cream cheese dip I liked brought a smile to my face.

“Rosemary consommé soup! It’s my favorite from this brand of soup.”

My voice was excited, but Brian didn’t answer. Wondering why, I looked up at him and saw him staring at me with narrowed blue-gray eyes.

“Uh, was that soup not meant for me?”

Fumbling under his reproachful gaze, Brian replied, “No.” and sat down right next to me… much closer than usual. What was going on?

“Just so you know, buddy, even if you’re signaling your displeasure, I can’t figure out the cause unless you tell me! Maintaining a friendly relationship requires conscious communication and constant effort on both sides.”

“You are right. After you finish eating, we can talk.”

“Maintaining a friendly relationship also requires self-reflection. Could you give me a hint where I went wrong?”

Brian grinned and then mumbled with a grumpy face.

“Honestly, it’s that part of you that… well, never mind, let’s eat first. The soup is yours.”

“Great! Thanks, Brian!”

With that, I grabbed the spoon and started on the soup. The consommé of beef shank and pepper pleasantly stimulated my tongue, and the fresh scent of rosemary lingered in my nose. Although I had eaten a luxurious tempura meal at a high-end restaurant for lunch, this felt like the first real feast of the day.

“Delicious.”

Brian sighed at my heartfelt comment.

“Well, it’s good to see you back to your usual self.”

“Thanks to you, Brian. I’m really grateful that you came today.”

“Don’t worry. Compared to what you did for me three years ago, this is nothing.”

“Haha, no, it’s not…”

I laughed reflexively and then fell silent. It felt as if he had suddenly touched a vulnerable part of me. Since we had reconnected, we had both been very careful to avoid this sensitive subject.

I could feel my face tightening uncontrollably. As I was about to change the subject, Brian continued, cutting me off.

“Thank you for reaching out to me when I was at my lowest. I’ve always wanted to thank you.”

“I only did what I could, and it wasn’t anything anybody else wouldn’t have done.”

“You can’t understand how much what you did meant to me.”

“What do you mean? Are you mocking me?”

Brian just shrugged and crossed his legs at my nervous, prickly tone.

“Don’t get so defensive. Eat the omelet.”

Saying that, he pulled the omelet from the other end of the table toward me. Faced with the golden omelet so reverently presented, I managed to pull myself together. With an exaggerated frown, I took a bite.

“Delicious!”

“Glad to hear it, my lord.”

I almost smiled, but quickly forced my face back into a frown.

We finished Brian’s “snack” and it seemed he was determined to spoil me today. He cleaned all the dishes himself, handed me a freshly brewed chamomile tea, and sat down on the sofa.

“So, do you want to share your troubles with me?” 

I sipped my tea at the words of my childhood friend and thought for a moment. Most of what had happened today was still a mess in my head and I didn’t feel ready to discuss it properly. 

But there was one thing I wanted to ask him, something that had been on my mind since childhood.

“A lot happened today, and it made me remember and think about several things.”

“Thanks for the specific and clear explanation.”

Brian replied sarcastically.

“I had the chance to see a room that looked exactly like my old room. It made me think about my life before I left home. I don’t like to think this way, but maybe what my mom did to me was a little hard for a kid. Of course, I grew up healthy and well, and I owe most of that to her.”

I expected Brian to lecture me about not being grateful enough to my parents, but instead his blue eyes clouded over and he chose his words carefully.

“Do you remember the bird carving project we did in elementary school?” 

“Yes, I chose a blue bird from the encyclopedia because I liked blue at the time.”

“When we were drawing the outline at your house, Miriam… your mother suddenly hit you. Do you remember that?”

I was shocked by the words of the childhood friend.

“You…remembered that?”

“Why would you think I would forget?”

Because my mom forgot every time she hit me. 

I thought, surprised at my own answer. Brian continued.

“I remember it well. She yelled, “Why is Brian drawing properly while you’re just playing around!” I tried to explain that you had already finished your sketch. But I couldn’t.”

I was shocked at how detailed his memory was. Of course I remembered the incident well, but I hadn’t thought about it until now. I never imagined it would stay in someone else’s memory.

Brian continues.

“Your sketch was well done. You quickly completed five or six precise, three-dimensional drawings… while I was just bitter about how well you did and obsessively added details to mine. Because I couldn’t explain it, you…”

“That is absolutely not true. As an adult, you know that thinking is wrong.”

“Yes.”

“That incident hurt you, didn’t it?”

I sounded more distressed than I intended. For the first time, I realized that what Mom had done, though perhaps out of her control, was terrible. Brian was only ten. He should not have been exposed to such inappropriate violence. He didn’t need to be hurt by getting involved with us.

While I forgot to breathe in anger, Brian continued.

“At that moment you seemed to offer your body as if you had given up. I thought you must be used to that kind of thing…”

“Stop, Brian. That’s enough. Listen, what you saw wasn’t something a ten-year-old should have seen. I’m happy now, and I’m grateful to Mom for raising me. So it’s really okay now.”

I said with a smile, but I couldn’t hold back my tears and closed my eyes.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, little Brian.”

Above my head I felt Brian heave a deep sigh. Then I felt his long arms gently wrap around my slumped form.

“Honestly, some things about you haven’t changed. Even then, you apologized to me. When we were little, I hated that part of you. You never bonded with people, but when it came to yourself, you shut me out. I always thought that one day I would be strong enough to protect you.”

“I don’t really need any help, or something like that? It’s a common phrase, but your help with the investigation was really helpful.”

“Yes. Calling me wasn’t a bad choice for you… but that’s not it.”

With a rude and arrogant remark, Brian released me from his long arms. Then he placed his left hand over my right, pressing down from above.

A cold, dry palm. My body recoiled reflexively.

As much as I recoiled, Brian leaned forward and continued.

“I should have just told you I liked you and asked to be a part of your life instead of blindly chasing my idea of “strength”.”

“What are you saying…”

The words I was about to say were swallowed by a pair of blue-gray eyes that penetrated deep into mine. His face still had traces of his youth, but the boyishness was completely gone, replaced by a cool demeanor. His skin lost its youthful freshness, which only made him more attractive.