INM 6 Part 4

I blurted out in embarrassment, but the memory of those words remained on my lips. I still love you, Brian. I miss you… those cries that I supposedly didn’t remember played in my head and made me bite my lip.

I didn’t want to think about how Brian had reacted to those cries.

When I turned to look out the window, signaling the end of the conversation, Brian let out an irritating laugh.

“It’s not a lie. You know it too.” 

As I tried to laugh off his words, a sudden sense of dread made me hold my breath.

“You can’t mean…”

My voice, betraying my unease, prompted a cold smile from Brian. Seeing his expression, I knew for certain, he was aware that he was the reason for my breakup with my former lover.

“You mean you even went to talk to Leo?”

“Of course. He was the prime suspect for the drink spiking.”

“An ex-boyfriend I broke up with ages ago… what would he have against me!”

“Most crimes are motivated by money or jealousy.”

Brian met my shocked gaze… along with the young driver, who was desperately trying not to let his reaction show… with a calm, almost gentle explanation.

“He’s no longer a suspect, though.”

All I could do was stare at Brian in stunned silence. Who was I talking to? Who had I spent the past two weeks with? The friend I thought I knew better than anyone had disappeared.

If the man in front of me wasn’t my childhood friend…

No, if he wasn’t even Brian, I would have run from this place and left Brisbane by tonight. I’m not particularly patient. I don’t want to understand privacy invasions or possessiveness. Yet, facing a man every relationship expert in the world would instantly advise me to flee from, I couldn’t muster even a flicker of dislike.

This isn’t right. I can’t allow this.

But despite everything, he has this hold over me.

“Why couldn’t you just be honest with me? You can so easily steal my heart, what more do you want from me!”

“Because you ran from me like that!” 

Brian’s voice rose to match my yell, startling the young driver in the front seat.

“Hey, let’s calm down and have a constructive conversation, guys…”

“Just face forward and drive!”

The young driver looked back at Brian with wide eyes, shocked at the lack of respect, then turned his face forward and tugged at his earlobe in frustration.

Unable to comfort the unfortunate driver, I snapped back at Brian.

“What do you mean “ran away”? Are you talking about the time with the eye graffiti? Or Seth’s paper?”

“I’m talking about when my rehab ended.”

Bringing up something I thought was long settled made my blood boil.

“Calling it “running away” is harsh, isn’t it? I stayed with you until you didn’t need my help anymore!”

“Yes, you interfered unnecessarily and took away the most important thing from me.”

“You… You said you “hurt me” when you confessed. Have you been holding a grudge all this time?”

“Of course. Do you understand what you have done to me? What you did was far worse than my words.”

Anger surged from deep within me, wiping out my last bit of composure.

“You think I was worse!? Do you even remember what you said to me?”

“I remember, unlike you, you birdbrain!”

“What the hell, you bloody idiot, Brian!”

As I yelled, I caught the eye of a passerby outside the window and noticed that the car had come to a complete stop. I hastily thanked the driver, who had been watching us anxiously.

“We’re here. Thank you. Sorry for the noise.”

“It’s okay. But I think you should break up with him.” 

At the young man’s words, Brian and I shouted simultaneously.

“We’re not dating!”

“Mind your own business!”

The young man recoiled, and the horn honked as his back hit it. The sound snapped us out of our glare contest, and we finally stepped out of the car, exposed to the curious stares of passersby.

“Don’t slam the car door so hard!”

“You can’t mean me. Do I look like someone who would do that?”

Brian grumbled at the young driver’s words. While it was true that he was not one to handle things roughly, it was unreasonable to expect a stranger to know that.

“He said it because you do. You should be aware of how people see you.”

“Cool, sharp, reliable and good-looking. I’ve known that for ten years.”

Brian closed the door more gently than he had at my house, muttering in exasperation. As I marched toward the café, I couldn’t help but laugh at his words.

“What are you talking about? You’re arrogant, cold, and you cut people off without a second thought if they annoy you. You need everything to go your way. 

“Is this an introduction, Lucas Potter?”

“If I’m as arrogant as you, I’d like to know.”

“You cut people off and run when things don’t go your way. You don’t care how it affects those left behind. You’re arrogant and cold.”

“If I were really arrogant and cold, Brian, I would have punched you the moment you rejected me and walked away without a second thought about your injury!”

“What’s considerate about that? Your personality is terrible. The next day you acted as if nothing had happened, reassured me, and then disappeared. You wanted to hurt me more effectively, didn’t you? Were you happy when it worked?”

“Wha-wha-what…!”

Anger and shock rendered me speechless. I could only make incoherent sounds before I finally exploded and threw open the door to Café Alexandra.

“How could you say that?! Do you know how I felt staying with you during your rehab?”

“Were you excited about the chance for revenge? You were planning on leaving me by then!”

“Haah!” 

I roared in anger again. Everyone in the café, those chatting, those drinking alone, those ordering at the counter, even the paintings and plants… stared at us in shock. But more important than their stares was the fact that I had a scathing remark to make to this stubborn idiot.

Driven by the urge to hit him, I shouted.

“You’re the one with the bad personality, you bastard! Just because you got rejected, you think it’s okay to abandon your friend? I stayed even though it hurt and painful…”

“And then you made me dependent and pushed me away.”

“What!? You gut-wrenching! You say I should have abandoned you as soon as you dumped me?” 

“That would have been much more considerate!”

“Hey, hey, hey, what are you two doing in my cafe without ordering anything?”

An annoyed voice brought us back to reality and we realized that we had reached the counter. We both turned sharply to face the speaker, Alexandra.

“Alexandra, give me a godfather!”

“No, you’re going to drink it all at once, aren’t you?”

Brian’s order was rejected in a split second, so I placed my order next.

“Alexandra, I’ll take a gimlet!”

“I’m not serving gin to a screw loose idiot.”

He was obviously still upset about how we had treated the door. Nevertheless, Alexandra vigorously poured orange juice into two glasses. We each grabbed the nearest glass and, still glaring at each other, moved to a corner of the café. Originally, I had planned to have Alexandra mediate our conversation and calmly listen to Brian’s explanation. Now all I could think about was how to outmaneuver him.

We gathered what little rationality we had left and chose the most secluded table. We drank the orange juice and put the glasses down at the same time.

“Hey buddy, I just remembered. You’ve always been a twisted guy.”

“And you’ve always had a rotten personality.”

I tried to force a confident smile at Brian’s words, but my facial muscles betrayed me and I only managed a grimace.

“What is wrong with my personality? I admit I was a brat, but I don’t remember anyone ever telling me I had a bad personality.” 

“Right back at you. Calling the model student of the neighborhood twisted… what do you mean by that?”

“You’ve always been a twisted, perfect student.”

I said, moving my glass around irritably. Condensation began to form on the sides. No wonder… the café was busy tonight, but the atmosphere was unusually tense.

When I saw Brian raise his eyebrows and narrow his eyes, I continued.

“You were always mean to me while you were winning everyone else over. Maybe you conveniently forgot!”

“Mean? Me? To you?” His expression, a mixture of confusion and mockery, was infuriating. “Are you making things up because I’m too perfect to criticize?”

“Where does all this confidence come from?”

Brian sniffed and picked up the glass of orange juice. He put on a nonchalant expression, but a deep wrinkle was etched between his eyebrows and his cheekbones were so tense they seemed about to crack.

The glass, two-thirds full and covered in condensation, was set on the table. New water rings had formed on the dark wooden table, which was already stained in places. The rough wooden tabletop and its black-painted iron legs harmonized strangely with the soft and elegant atmosphere of the café. The coordinator Alexandra had chosen had done a good job. After all, I had made the right decision in refusing Alexandra’s request at that time.

I shook off the old frustration that I had almost forgotten.

“You know, whenever you saw me talking to my friends in middle school, you would always butt in and demand that I introduce you to them, and you would always bother them even when I wasn’t around, right? Most people would get scared and avoid me, so only the tough-hearted ones stayed around me!”

“In other words, thanks to me, you have made true friends. You’re welcome.”

“Why would you say that?!”

I shouted at the man, who raised his chin calmly with a furrowed brow. Driven by the momentum, I blurted out the doubts I had harbored for years.

“That’s not all. In high school, you deliberately told Mr. Brown that I was gay!”

The furrow between Brian’s eyebrows disappeared. He calmly picked up his glass. 

“You’re being paranoid. He figured out your sexual orientation a long time ago.”

My cheeks twitched at the completely indifferent tone.

“This is what I mean when I say you have a twisted mind. Just by saying, “I told him you were gay”, everyone would understand what you were talking about. No matter how you try to explain it, you must have wanted to hurt me. I’ve always hated how you bullied me just to the point where you could make excuses.”

Brian’s expression changed instantly. I could tell that the last bit of composure in the man had been completely burned away by my words.

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s better to be aware of what you’re doing. Does that mean it’s okay to hurt people if it’s unintentional? You always hurt people unintentionally, and you are always forgiven for your behavior. But just because you have been forgiven doesn’t mean that the wounds you have inflicted on others will disappear!”

I groaned deep in my throat at my old friend’s unexpected counterattack. The image of Maria, whom I had carelessly hurt with my rude words during our first meeting… no, the faces of all the people I had inadvertently offended in the past… flashed before my eyes. I understood very well that I was the reason Jane had complained about “picking people to introduce me to”. 

Brian, riding the wave of momentum, continued.

“You would cut deeply into people you just met with insensitive words, and when you felt too close, you would abruptly cut off contact, disturbing their spirit, and then calmly move on with your life.”

“I was young! Now I know how to be considerate of others and how to handle social situations. That’s why I can be independent and live in society.”

“Your so-called social skills are quite something.”

Brian reacts coolly to my words.

“Realizing the feelings you’ve buried deep inside, giving them the words they’ve been craving… when you feel too close, pulling back your chair, and when you feel like vomiting from loneliness, just being there… have you noticed that’s what disturbs the people around you the most?”