INM 8 Part 2

“I told you then that I wanted you, but if you’re still satisfied with our current relationship, you don’t have to accommodate me. I’m happy just to have you by my side.”

After hearing the man’s words, I remained silent for a while. I looked at the man’s hand holding mine. The soft warmth that filled me.

“You’re right. I’m happy just to talk to you honestly like this, just to be able to touch you like this, Brian.”

Saying that, I pulled back a little and met Brian’s gaze.

I felt like I had to tell him now.

“I love you too.”

The moment I said it, the thorn that had pierced my chest for so long throbbed.

The classroom at dusk, the profile of a boy picking up his textbook and putting it in his bag, a cool silhouette illuminated by the backlight. I was captivated by this sight for only a moment, but the eleven-year-old me was immediately struck by a sharp pain in my chest. My own shabby body, my messy and unhygienic home, my lack of education that made those around me dumbfounded… everything that made me who I was felt terribly unhappy, and I was driven by the urge to disappear from that place, to disappear altogether… Come to think of it, it was around that time that I began to become a serious neat freak. And it was around that time that I stopped inviting Brian over to my house.

Pulling the thorn out of my chest, I continued.

“Even though I was the one who cut off contact, I really wanted to see you… I’ve liked you since I was twelve.”

Always… it was always painful, like I was about to burst. I had continued to give up every second, thinking there was not even a one in ten thousand chance that Brian would like me, even after I found out he was gay.

“It’s a lie that I’m content just to be by your side, Brian… give yourself to me.” 

Brian released my hand with a gentle movement. He cupped my cheeks with his large palms as I instinctively tried to follow his hand, and he kissed me deeply. Although there was no hint of roughness, it was definitely a passionate kiss. I felt as if a torrent, Brian’s feelings, were flowing into me.

And in that moment I finally understood. Brian had always wanted to give me something. Probably for a longer time than I thought.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss myself. Brian, sensing my intent, groaned deep in his throat and grabbed both my wrists. A feverish, intense pair of blue-gray eyes.

“Shower…”

Ignoring the man’s words, I resume the kiss, dropping a laugh into Brian’s nervous mouth and whispering softly.

“I’m surprised you noticed, I usually don’t go to bed until I’ve had a shower… but this is a little different.”

And as I deliberately traced the man’s neck with my fingertips, I narrowed my eyes.

“You’re wearing your usual cologne today, Brian. I like your cologne. If I could inhale this scent to my heart’s content in my favorite bed, that would be wonderful.”

Brian, at a loss for words, finally sighed deeply as if in surrender. At his usual sign of surrender, I was certain of my victory. The man’s long arms went around my back and he lifted my body effortlessly. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to compete with you…”

I smile at the man’s mumbled words as I put my arms on his shoulders.

Brian put me on the bed and put his hand on his white shirt. The man, who usually carefully unbuttoned all the buttons before removing the shirt from his arms, had reached his limit after three buttons and removed his shirt from around his neck, and I was amused to think that this man was also eager to touch me. 

“You look like you’re having a lot of fun.”

“Well, yeah, I guess. It’s been a long time since I played with you.”

I reply cheerfully, and the man with his shirt all over the floor laughs nostalgically.

“We did a lot of things. You even built a secret base in my backyard.” 

“The one Hannah found and disassembled in a day. We even went searching for new species in the jungle on the outskirts of town.”

“Ah, it was a great adventure. I used to run around every corner of the city with you.”

“The way we are now, we could probably run around a much bigger world.”

“That’s true.”

Nodding in agreement, the man finally shed all of his clothes. Muscles that looked taut and skin that looked firm appeared. I gasped in awe at his well proportioned and undeniably strong body.

It had been a long time since I had seen Brian naked. Of course, I had tried to imagine him naked in my mind many times before. But none of those imaginings really came to fruition, and I had thought that if I had the chance to see his body again, I might feel like he was a different person. I thought it would be an exciting experience, like meeting a man I had just met.

Contrary to my expectations, Brian was right in front of me, just as he was. The muscles have grown since he was a student, his robustness is more noticeable than his suppleness, the skin is smooth rather than fresh, and, well, Brian’s “Brian” is also well developed, but the man in front of me was still just a childhood friend I knew well.

I felt a deep sense of relief.

The man, noticing me staring intently at his body, narrowed his eyes, raised his eyebrows, and then silently climbed onto the bed. He stroked up my thigh as I instinctively pulled away slightly, then reached up and kissed my neck.

A low moan escaped my throat, and the air in the room immediately became thick.

Brian whispered to me in a husky voice.

“Well, for now let’s play the kind of games you can play when you have a locked room and a bed.”

“I know. Come on.”

At my words, Brian kissed me. He pushed me down as if to pin me down, covered me and pulled me down onto the sheets into an embrace.

Hugging the warm and soft body, I savored Brian’s scent with all my being. With every rough breath, the man’s thick body and mine pressed against each other, and our four limbs intertwined restlessly, as if embodying the impatience of their owners. In this world of just Brian and me, where no one could disturb us, I felt a deep satisfaction and tightened my arms around him.

“You’re mine now.”

“Thank God.”

We whispered those words into each other’s ears and then immediately began to indulge in our secret games.

Brian was kissing my side when I reached for the nightstand. His large, rough hands wrapped around my body, preventing me from moving. It felt like being playfully attacked by a large predator. The bear who had been licking my body lifted his head when he realized that his favorite toy, held captive in his arms, was reaching for something else. 

“What’s wrong?” 

There was no accusation in his voice. He just asked me gently how I was doing. On the other hand, the hands that were crawling around my body did not relax at all, but rather moved as if to pull me toward them as I tried to stretch out. I looked back at the man and saw two pale blue-gray eyes staring at me. I quickly looked away and ruffled the man’s dark hair. 

“I like to… turn off the lights.”

It’s because I feel it heightens my sense of touch.

I don’t even remember where I heard this, but it was a psychological test that made me realize that my sense of touch is particularly acute among the five senses. When you remember a lover… their appearance, their scent, their voice, a kiss, or their embrace, which evokes the strongest emotion? In my case, it was the hug. I was just surprised that someone’s story, someone I hadn’t even interacted with much, had made such a strong impression. Because I had often been complimented on my sense of color, I had always thought that my sense of sight was the sharpest of my senses. 

Psychological tests are something else. In fact, right now I wanted to block the information from my eyes and fully enjoy the tactile sensations Brian was giving me. Because…

“It’s so good, it would be a waste not to.”

Forming words with my already less responsive tongue, I reached for the nightstand again. Brian tightened his arms, gently but relentlessly holding me in his embrace. Then he whispered, “I understand.” and while holding me in his left arm, he grabbed the remote control with his long right arm. Immediately, the pitch black darkness of the night engulfed the room. The gentle friction that stimulated my entire body tormented me, and a soft groan escaped from deep in my throat. It was a voice I’d never let this man I’d known for over twenty-five years hear before. Brian touched the back of my neck for a moment and then slowly moved from my neck to my shoulder as if to confirm our position. 

While I was concentrating on his gentle movements, a small clicking sound reached my ears. Brian had turned on the antique lamp on the table. A faint light, like a stain in the darkness, had somehow crept up to right beside me, illuminating the beautiful form of the man now next to me from behind.

“Well, I guess this is a good compromise.”

My childhood friend, apparently taking in the view, smiled into the soft light behind him. He was probably unconscious. The man lightly licked the corner of his wet mouth with the tip of his tongue. At that tantalizing sight, I unintentionally became serious. I felt my throat tighten. Compromise? Absolutely not. I grabbed the man’s shoulder, reached up and silenced his mouth with a kiss. The man responded to my kiss immediately.

“Great. I love it.”

Brian didn’t respond to my thoughts that leaked out between kisses, but instead covered my mouth in silence. His large, bony hands trailed down my body, the muscles in my arms and chest moving animatedly in time with his movements. 

Both the visual and the tactile stimuli are too strong for me, and all I can do is take them in. A hot fog covers my head, and soon my feverish thoughts can think of only one thing. A large hand groping my body reaches my hip bone, tracing its protrusion with its fingertips as if to check its shape. I tighten my grip on Brian’s shoulders in preparation for the waves to come. 

Five minutes later I was still limp, still enduring Brian’s constant caresses. As if to taunt me as I prepared for the climax, the man’s hand simply passed through my core and down to my thigh. This childhood friend of mine seemed to have a need to explore every inch of my skin. For me, who had only known immediate and monotonous touching…to put it bluntly, kissing and genital stimulation…it was too pleasant and too slow. 

I counted ten seconds as I stared at the ceiling: a simple Venetian glass ceiling lamp, now off, reflecting the fading light of a table lamp. It’s a delicate shape made with traditional techniques.Whoever chose this chandelier has ingenious taste.

I exhaled slowly for another five seconds and sat up with a start. The man who had his mouth on my lap noticed my gaze and smiled as if full of satisfaction. I smiled back at him and moved my torso closer to his.

“Luke?” 

“You know, Brian. I’m a bit of a romantic myself, but this is frustrating, as you can imagine.”

Saying this, I pushed the man away vigorously. The unexpected attack caused the man to slightly lose his position and turn over violently on the bed. Half of his right shoulder sticks out of the king-size bed. I gasp in awe at the sight of the man looking up at me, stunned, and his nearly burst penis.

“No, I mean, what is wrong with your body? How the hell are you not going crazy in this state?”

“A mole.”

“What?”

“I found a birthmark around your left groin. It should still be there if you look for it.”

“I see, you’re not sane after all. Poor guy.” 

“I’m going to make it easy for you now.” I said as I lightly clamped down on Brian’s middle. A muffled groan escaped the man’s throat. I picked up the used lube I had stashed on the side table and got on my knees with Brian’s legs straddling me. Brian’s eyes immediately become tense as he realizes what I’m trying to do.