IYAMD: Episode 25

Jaha was in trouble due to the man who had suddenly barged in.

“How about taking a walk before dinner? You’ve been in the room all this time, so it must feel stuffy,” the man commanded his attendants before Jaha could respond.

“Attend to Jaha’s clothing. He’s going for a walk, so prepare his desired drink to be ready by the time he returns.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

The chains came off easily. He had thought they’d never be undone, but with just one key, they were quickly released. For the first time in ages, his wrists felt light, and for some reason, he let out a sigh.

Under Ashton’s leadership, the attendants moved swiftly and orderly. A partition was placed next to the bed, and behind it, the attendants quickly undressed Jaha. They dressed him hurriedly, as if checking for the Emperor’s gaze, and tidied up every detail. One attendant even tied his hair low for him.

Although Jaha had already become accustomed to Western attire, this one felt strangely uncomfortable.

He fiddled with the fluttering collar near his neck or tried adjusting the tight necktie.

“Shall I loosen it a bit if it’s uncomfortable?”

Ashton asked, loosening the tie around Jaha’s chest. Only then did the collar stop brushing against his face.

Jaha’s gaze met the man’s eyes through the partition. He was leaning on the armrest of the sofa, arms crossed, and as soon as he noticed that the preparations were done, he stood up and approached.

“Let’s go.”

He reached out his hand. When Jaha stared blankly, he waved his hand with a small smile.

“Hold my hand.”

Suddenly, Jaha realized that the man’s Eastern language had improved quite a lot. Had he been learning it separately? Jaha stared at him for a moment before placing his hand on top of the man’s.

Marcilia shook his head when Gerald tried to follow.

“Don’t follow. We won’t walk for long.”

Does it not matter that we can’t understand each other? Jaha thought, puzzled, but obediently followed the man.

Has it already entered July? He couldn’t quite recall how much time had passed.

It was still quite hot since the sun hadn’t set yet, but as soon as they stepped outside, Marcilia led Jaha, walking briskly.

Unlike him, who had a light outfit, Marcilia was fully dressed in a jacket up to his neck. It looked stuffy, but he appeared completely unaffected.

After stepping into the sunlight for the first time in a while, Jaha squinted his eyes. Marcilia noticed and moved to shield him from the sun.

As he did, Jaha glanced down at the hand he had momentarily let go of before quickly looking away.

“Would you like to go near the fountain, since it’s hot?”

When they reached the garden, to Jaha’s surprise, it was quite empty. Was it because it was the Emperor’s palace?

Jaha, who had never been inside an imperial palace even in the Eastern lands, just thought for a moment, puzzled.

Marcilia, who had been silent, only spoke after they reached a large fountain nearby.

He pointed to a small gazebo-like structure behind the fountain and began explaining.

“It’s the pergola my mother loved. She liked having tea parties here or just spending time on nice days. There used to be a swing hanging from the trees behind it, but after my father passed, I told them to remove it.”

When the man briefly stopped, their gazes met. He smiled softly, like a picture, just like when Jaha first saw him.

“Happy memories are not always good. When you lose your family, the happiness becomes tinged with sadness.”

He continued, saying how he had slowly removed things that reminded him of his mother. Jaha stared at him. Why was he telling him this? He was curious.

Marcilia gazed quietly at Jaha, then whispered in a soft voice.

“I don’t know how much you understand. Maybe you understand everything, or maybe nothing at all. I just wanted to tell you about myself. We don’t know each other well enough.”

The man turned his head and muttered to himself as though it didn’t matter.

“Sometimes you just want to talk.”

Marcilia explained in detail about his mother. Her golden hair, sea-blue eyes, and her gentle and kind nature, all of which seemed very beautiful in his eyes.

“My eyes resemble my father’s. There are many of us with green eyes since the first Emperor. Even though there’s a mix of bloodlines, the eye color doesn’t change much. They say the stronger the divine power, the darker the eye color, but I’m not sure.”

He smiled faintly and took Jaha’s hand.

“My name means four-leaf clover, Jaha. My eyes are dark green, and my father gave me that name. Do you know that a four-leaf clover means good luck in the Western lands?”

Jaha had no idea what a clover was. He stared blankly, and the man, amused, burst into laughter.

“You’ll see it when we get to the grass.”

Marcilia led Jaha to the grass near the fountain. After staring intently at the ground for a while, the man bent down as if searching for something.

He picked a clover from the corner of the lawn and handed it to Jaha. When Jaha took it, the man muttered, looking back down at the ground.

“This is a clover. It’s rare to find one with four leaves… looks like there isn’t any here. But since it’s so hard to find, if you do find one, it’s considered lucky.” He raised his gaze and asked, looking down at Jaha.

“What do you call this in the Eastern lands?”

“Rabbit foot.”

Jaha spoke up, but the man smiled awkwardly, frowning.

“I don’t understand.”

Even though it was summer, flowers had already started to sprout from the clover. In Jaha’s homeland, they would start sprouting in spring and be gone by late spring.

When Jaha looked at the clover, he thought of his younger sister. She used to weave flower stalks every spring and make flower crowns or bracelets to give to him.

Jaha had been practicing and then, out of nowhere, put the crown on his head. The expression of his younger sister, who used to undo his tied hair and place the flower crown on his head, was still vivid in his mind.

‘My younger sister…’

Jaha’s lips trembled. Marcilia noticed it and silently looked down at Jaha’s lips.

‘She made the crown out of flowers. She was so skilled with her hands that, even at a young age, she was good at embroidery too.’

His nose felt stuffy. As Marcilia focused on Jaha’s unspoken words, his brow furrowed lightly.

The language spoken in the Eastern continent later changed into the common language of the Western continent. Just as Jaha had said, he wanted to tell someone, even if his words were not heard.

‘My younger sister is six years younger than me. She was very small and precious. The first word she ever spoke was my name. She couldn’t quite say it properly, but our family knew she was calling me.’

Jaha sighed deeply and closed his mouth. His eyes filled with tears, and the face of the man looking at him became blurry in his vision.

“Are you crying?”

He gently cupped one side of Jaha’s face with his large, warm hand. Jaha, without realizing it, leaned his head toward the heat of the man’s body.

Oddly, it didn’t feel unpleasant. Instead, it seemed comforting.

The man, who likely couldn’t understand a word Jaha said, slowly stroked Jaha’s cheek. His long, thick thumb moved gently, tenderly caressing his face.

Jaha couldn’t help but smile. He laughed with furrowed brows, feeling strange that his hand seemed so familiar. As he fidgeted with his face, checking it as if he were being cautious, Jaha found it amusing.

Jaha acknowledged it. The man was very composed and, in his own way, kind.

Even though it might be because he was a deity, Jaha felt strangely comforted at that moment.

‘I want to die.’

Jaha lowered his head, murmuring words that would never reach him. Then, he raised his head again and stared at the man intently.

Though he felt comforted, the sense of loss still weighed heavily on him. The wound hadn’t healed at all and continued to rot inside his chest, festering.

‘Just for a moment, I want to live.’

Jaha couldn’t understand himself. He felt like he was going crazy with the desire to die, but occasionally, when something satisfied him, he wondered if perhaps he still wanted to live.

This unanswered dilemma remained in Jaha’s heart all alone. The frustration, which made him feel like his insides were about to burst, was tightly suppressed in his chest.

‘What should I do?’

He said that he had lost his family at an even younger age than Jaha. Yet, how was he still living normally?

Perhaps because he had not lost his family at the hands of someone else? But seeing how assassins came and went, perhaps his parents had also been killed by someone.

The man didn’t elaborate on it and didn’t show it on his face. His sorrow seemed familiar to him, and he quietly smiled.

‘How did you do it?’

Jaha wanted to ask him. How did you forget? How did you become okay? How can you suppress this boiling sorrow and anger inside your chest?

Marsilia, who had been looking at Jaha’s lips, quietly sighed.

“I waited for you. Every time I felt lonely or when things were tough, I waited for my companion. I believed they would appear one day.”

At his whispered words, Jaha squeezed his eyes shut.

A companion he had never even seen. The man’s words, waiting for a companion whose name was all he had, pierced Jaha’s heart.

‘I’m sorry.’

Jaha couldn’t understand his feelings. The man’s words, holding onto something intangible and enduring, felt so distant to him.

‘I don’t know.’

“Okay.”

Marsilia replied as if he understood, even though it wasn’t in the Western language.

“I see.”

When Jaha opened his eyes, he saw the unchanging smile of the man. He could tell by looking at his eyes that the man was pretending to understand. For some reason, Jaha felt sorry.

And strangely, his heart felt at ease.