IYAMD: Episode 38

Marsilia lightly satisfied his hunger with dry bread for a late dinner. While he ate, Jaha quietly spent his time holding a cup of tea that Malek had brewed for him. He kept his gaze lowered, worried that looking at him might make him feel like he was blaming him.

On the bare floor, there were traces of freshly cut grass, and a small grasshopper, unaware of the night, fluttered around inside the tent. Jaha set the tea cup down and gently cupped the grasshopper in both hands. He had intended to release it outside but found himself hesitating, the stifling atmosphere of the tent making him reluctant to return inside.

Jaha, standing near the entrance of the tent, took a step forward, and Marsilia quickly lifted the tent flap and asked urgently, “Going for a walk? No, let’s go together.”

Since Marsilia led the way, Jaha quietly followed behind. Honestly, he wanted to walk in the opposite direction, but given the situation, that would have been too much.

The two of them walked a few steps apart until they left the camp. The emperor walking ahead and the adjutant following with his head lowered caught the attention of the knights who had gathered around the campfire. Jaha suddenly wondered how they would appear in their eyes. Seeing the man ahead, not turning back, gave Jaha the feeling of being scolded.

Why? Was it the way the man walked with his long arms swinging? Jaha couldn’t shake the feeling that Marsilia was angry with him.

When they had walked ways outside the camp, Marsilia finally turned around. He was standing with one leg bent, his long limbs giving off an almost ethereal impression. His eyes, filled with a greenish hue, appeared darker in the night, and his blonde hair seemed to have faded to a deep gray.

“Why?” he asked, his question completely baffling. It was Jaha who wanted to ask why, wondering why Marsilia seemed angry.

“Oh, I meant, why did you stop?” Marsilia corrected.

‘I don’t know. My feet just stopped’ Jaha muttered, and after a moment, Marsilia reached out his hand.

“Hold on. I’m actually pretty afraid of the dark.”

Jaha took his hand, and Marsilia continued walking. “We’ll only walk near the camp. It’s too dark to go far.”

Jaha nodded, looking down at the ground. The sound of grass brushing against his shoes was loud, and the chorus of insects and frogs was almost deafening. The sounds seemed to be having a conversation of their own.

After walking in a circle around the camp for a while, Marsilia turned toward a hill and asked, “What did you do today?”

Jaha, still staring at the ground,, ‘I helped Gerald.’

Gerald had been swamped with organizing supplies meant for the Ferento territory, shouting in frustration. Knights had rolled up their sleeves to help, but with so many people moving, it had caused issues with the inventory count.

After a while, Gerald had paused, looking as if he were about to cry from the stress. Jaha had helped him, drawing from the experience of helping his father with similar work in his youth. It wasn’t difficult, and together they had spent the afternoon counting and organizing items by category. Since the supplies were no longer useful for the local people, they would be used as rations.

“Did you wait for me?” Marsilia stopped at the top of the hill and turned to look at Jaha.

Jaha finally looked up. The moon, just past its new phase, cast a faint light. Marsilia’s hair no longer gleamed, and his eyes, too, appeared dull.

Jaha looked into his dark eyes and opened his mouth.

‘No. I knew you’d come back, so I didn’t wait.’

‘But I did worry.’

He had known Marsilia was strong, but he couldn’t help feeling concerned. When the knights had returned, Jaha wanted to confirm that Marsilia had made it back safely. And when they finally met face-to-face, he felt relief, but when he found out about the injury to his arm, he was also a little angry. And worried again—wondering if he would be alright.

Jaha sighed. A gust of wind blew from behind, ruffling his hair. As he tried to tuck the strands behind his ear, a large hand reached out, brushing past his ear.

The warmth of the hand felt different from the coldness Jaha had felt a few days ago, bringing a sense of reassurance.

Jaha, feeling Marsilia’s gaze on him, lowered his eyes. He felt that it wasn’t the right moment to make eye contact. He was afraid he would end up saying too much. On the other hand, he wondered if his words had reached Marsilia. With the darkness, he wondered if Marsilia had heard him properly.

How could he convey all these thoughts to him?

Jaha didn’t love him, but he worried. Seeing how he lived up close, it seemed so fierce and difficult. He felt sorry for the man who had become emperor at such a young age. The nights when he couldn’t sleep, and the life where he couldn’t even drink a sip of water in peace, seemed sad.

For some reason, Jaha felt a desire to give him something. But even then, Jaha had nothing to give. After losing his family and his sister, Jaha felt empty inside. And in the empty space in his heart, only a cold wind blew.

Jaha thought to himself: Could I offer him the wind that blows through my chest? With the difficult life he’s lived, could I give him anything of significance?

He wondered if what he truly needed was something warmer and kinder.

Slowly, Jaha raised his gaze to meet Marsilia’s eyes. He could have sworn that the dark eyes, only moments ago dull, seemed to sparkle now. It felt like he could hear the wind rustling through the thick forest, shaking the leaves. The soft sound of leaves swaying in the breeze seemed almost audible.

Marsilia took a step closer to Jaha. Slowly lowering his head, he gently kissed Jaha’s forehead. His hand, which had been resting on Jaha’s shoulder, slid down and gently stroked the hair flowing down his back.

Jaha stiffened, doing nothing in response. Despite this, Marsilia let out a small laugh. The quiet laugh reached Jaha’s ears, and instinctively, his eyes fluttered shut. His eyelids felt strangely warm, almost aching.

“Look at me, Jaha.”

Marsilia lifted Jaha’s chin, and as Jaha opened his eyes, Marsilia whispered carefully.

“I want to kiss you.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Marsilia’s lips trembled as he made an odd expression.

“I don’t know why I feel this way.”

Marsilia’s fingers gently caressed the chin he was holding.

“There’s a wind blowing in my chest.”

With his thumb, he slowly dragged Jaha’s lower lip down.

“You, stay close to my heart.”

Jaha could have tilted his head back to avoid the kiss. But instead, he lifted his gaze and met Marsilia’s green eyes, growing closer. Something soft and warm gently touched his lips, and his breath mingled with Jaha’s.

For a moment, Jaha’s breath caught, and his eyes shut tightly. The warmth that had left his body returned, and the sensation traveled up to his eyelids and across the bridge of his nose.

It felt like candle wax was dripping somewhere, slowly hardening above him. Marsilia, leaving a hot trace as though branding him, slowly kissed Jaha’s lips. As their breaths mixed, a strangely sweet scent filled the air. Without realizing it, Jaha inhaled deeply, tilting his head back.

Marsilia’s tongue flicked across Jaha’s lower lip, running along his teeth and slipping into his mouth. Jaha’s lower lip, which Marsilia had tugged, was now firmly sealed as their lips pressed together, blending with a sticky sound. His tongue, which had entered Jaha’s mouth, seemed to move as if gathering the saliva inside.

Jaha froze, forgetting even how to breathe. Marsilia, with their lips still moving together, let out a quiet laugh through his nose. The soft chuckles sounded annoyingly smug, but strangely, Jaha didn’t mind. The warmth on his back, and the lukewarm flesh brushing his lips, didn’t feel unpleasant.

When Jaha opened his eyes, Marsilia pulled away, a bashful smile forming on his face. He took Jaha’s hand and, as always, looked at him with those piercing eyes.

Marsilia softly kissed the knuckles of Jaha’s hand, his lips brushing the raised joints.

“I hope the wind blowing from me has reached you.”

At that moment, Jaha’s heart fluttered. The wind from Marsilia felt like a storm inside his empty chest.

As Marsilia looked into Jaha’s eyes, a confident smile spread across his face.

“It’s reached you.”

Jaha narrowed his eyes, irritated by the arrogant tone.

No…

Marsilia didn’t stop smiling at Jaha’s denial.

“Liar.”

Jaha clenched his teeth. To be teased by a lecher like this… Was he going to end up hearing more of such teasing? For some reason, he could almost see that future vividly.