IYAMD: Episode 58

Marsilia left the tent and looked around, trying to calm his restless heart. Why did he feel this way? He roughly tangled his hair and kicked the ground with the tip of his boots.

In just a few days, the dry earth had sunk deeply beneath his boots. As he watched the meaningless sight, Marsilia clicked his tongue in frustration.

That wasn’t what he meant to say. Was there really a need to voice that he couldn’t trust Jaha again?

Marsilia wanted to understand Jaha. Ever since he began offering help with his own hands, he had wanted to understand his difficulties.

If a man suddenly appeared claiming to be his soulmate, it would be surprising. In the Western Continent, same-sex relationships weren’t exactly accepted. Even marriage between men was only possible for the emperor and his partner.

So, Marsilia tried to think that Jaha might be confused, not knowing about the existence of the Soul Mark. It made sense to feel uneasy about it. He told himself that Jaha should be satisfied to stay by his side, even though he was in a condition where he could easily escape.

But the more Marsilia thought about it, the more his impatience grew, especially because Jaha refused to become his partner, despite staying close.

Seeing Jaha sleep in the same bed, hold his hand, and even kiss without objection made Marsilia even more restless. He feared that someday, Jaha might leave his side, even after all that.

Marsilia couldn’t tell if Jaha’s actions were because he was trying to accept him, or if he was just making Marsilia let his guard down, preparing to abandon him.

Ignorance only made his anxiety worse.

So, Marsilia wanted a definite answer from him. He hoped that, sooner rather than later, even if it was just a matter of minutes, Jaha would respond that he would be his partner.

The report he had received from Serez that morning made his impatience even worse.

He had received word that a council meeting had been requested, with the dethronement of the emperor as the main agenda.

He should have felt indifferent, knowing that as long as the soulmate sent by the goddess was by his side, everything would be fine. Even if the meeting was approved, he could announce that Jaha was his soulmate, and that would settle it. Yet, deep down, his heart sank.

What if Jaha ran away before the noble meeting started? What if he lost the position he had worked so hard to protect for ten years?

Emperors who got deposed were executed. If Marsilia lost the position, his life would be at risk too.

Marsilia kept staring at Jaha, who hadn’t woken up all morning, clenching his fists so tightly that they felt numb.

Protecting the throne meant protecting his life. Marsilia didn’t want to die helplessly like his father. He didn’t want to die like his mother either.

So, he kept asking himself silently, waiting for Jaha to wake up.

“Do you still refuse me? Do you still have no intention of accepting me?”

He whispered to Jaha several times.

“Don’t run away, Jaha. Stay by my side.”

When Jaha finally woke up and opened his mouth, Marsilia couldn’t hold back anymore. He wanted to keep it together, but he had already pushed him.

Marsilia knelt down and let out a deep sigh. With his arms hanging over his knees, he looked up at the hazy sky.

It seemed the rain had stopped, but another downpour seemed imminent.

A muggy, humid breeze blew. Marsilia watched the dark clouds drifting slowly in the wind and muttered under his breath.

“Dammit.”

Since he was a child, Marsilia had wanted to be kind to his partner. He had believed without a doubt that they would be a warm and caring couple, just like his parents.

He had hoped to rely only on that partner, cherish them, and live his life by their side.

But why was everything turning out this way?

If he was truly the reincarnation of the first emperor, shouldn’t he be allowed to live a more comfortable life? Death threats didn’t scare him, so it shouldn’t matter. But being with his soulmate was a different story.

The partner he had dreamed of since he was a child.

Why does it feel like a curse to him, rather than a blessing?

Marsilia pushed his damp blonde hair out of his face and let out a long, exhausted sigh.

…

When Marsilia returned, having calmed his mind, only Jaha remained in the tent. He seemed to be asleep, curled up rather than lying on the bed.

Approaching quietly, Marsilia first checked if Jaha was breathing.

“Jaha, are you asleep?”

The skin under his hand was warm, and his breath, though slow, was steady. Relieved, Marsilia gently took hold of Jaha’s long hair, which had spread out beside him.

The glossy strands of hair slipped through his fingers like smooth sand. No matter how hard he tried to hold on, the dark strands slipped through his fingers.

The strands that escaped from Marsilia’s hand fell softly onto the bed. Reaching out to gently touch them, he hesitated. He wanted to wind that hair around his hand, pull him closer, gaze into his surprised eyes, and kiss him roughly.

His fingertips trembled. What if he forcefully grabs this man, hold him down and make him his?

The moment he approached the sleeping figure, Jaha felt something and opened his eyes. His blurry eyes became slowly clearer.

The moment their eyes met, Marsilia took his hand away and pressed his forehead against Jaha’s.

“Jaha, I want to be a kind person to you.” He said in a low, cracked voice.

Marsilia bent down and Jaha suppressed the urge to get up.

It wasn’t easy, his breathing became ragged, his eyes watery and his pulse was pounding hard near the back of his neck.

Sweat dripped from his temples and ran down his cheeks. Jaha’s reached to Marsilia’ head.

“Do you still wish to die?“

Marsilia asked without realizing it. It was something he had wanted to ask several times. Jaha frowned and shut his mouth.

“Tell me, Jaha. Do you still want to die ? Don’t tell me you don’t. I know people with eyes like yours very well.”

Marsilia grabbed his hair carefully. As he took strands of hair with his trembling hand. He looks at Jaha, pressed his lips on the hair flowing between his fingers.

“There must be a reason why you didn’t kill yourself“

Judging from Jaha’s expression. It seemed like Marsilia guessed right. He approached him, his eyes locked on Jaha. He crawled on his knees, lifted his small chin and looked down at him.

“If you want to die so badly, I’ll kill you.”

Marsilia slowly lowered his head and grabbed his neck. It was a neck that w as thin and long enough to be held in one hand. It was a neck that looked so fr agile that it could break if you put force into it.

Jaha remained silent without answering. His eyes moved as he looked at Marsilia. He frowned, as if he didn’t like the situation, without showing any sign of fear or joy.

“I will kill you with my own hands, Jaha.”

Marsilia slowly lowered his head. He let go of his neck and cupped his face with his hand, pulling him closer and kissing him.

“So, stay by my side for three years. Give me a child within that time, and if it happens before the three years are up, you won’t need to fulfill the full duration.”

His head was buzzing . The moment he kissed him, his thirst grew stronger. As if I had a fever, his body became hot.

Marsilia scanned his face with his dry lips. He closed his eyes tightly and felt his smooth skin and high nose. He ran his lips over his long, voluminous eyelashes and round cheekbones.

“Let us make a deal, Jaha. I give you death, and you give me an heir.”

Even as he spoke, he thought to myself that he was not in his right mind. But before he went any crazier, he needed a promise. A promise that would bind him.

A promise that would allow him to continue taking care of him.

So Marsilia blurted out the words he shouldn’t have said. He was impatient and tired of waiting.

As Jaha parted his lips, his yellow eyes stared intently at Marsilia. His gaze was calm and composed, he let out a small sigh.

“Okay, let’s do that.”

The moment he heard his answer, Marsilia kissed him without hesitation. It wasn’t the kind of sweet kiss he had shared with him several times. It wasn’t the kind of kiss she had dreamed of since he was young.

Marsilia bit Jaha’s lips, opened his mouth, and sucked his tongue roughly. He kissed him roughly without even breathing, until his fevered head went numb.

He was seething with the desire to bite Jaha. He had promised to be affectionate towards him, but he drew blood from Jaha’s lips.

“Ugh, it hurts.”

Jaha, who couldn’t stand it anymore, shook his head and pushed Marsilia aw ay. Marsilia grabbed his hand, turned it over, and looked at him while licking th e palm of his hand that had been raised.

“You promised to give me a child, didn’t you?”

Marsilia took his palm and bit the soft part of his wrist as if he was scraping it with his teeth. A red mark was left where the blue veins were exposed.

The vividness of the mark against his white skin pierced Marsilia’s eyes.

It was so fucking hot. A shiver ran through his whole body.

“Ugh..”

Marsilia groaned softly and twisted his lips. “ I want to chew you up.”