IYAMD: Episode 61

Marsilia tried hard not to show his anxiety. Had it ever been this hard to smile like it was now?

He couldn’t check if his reflection was visible in Jaha’s faint eyes. His mouth felt parched, as if it were burning. The longer Jaha delayed his answer, the more intense the dryness in his mouth became.

Marsilia subtly moved his tongue and licked the mucous membrane inside his mouth. When a little moisture began to form, Jaha opened his mouth.

“Do I have to answer now?”

Marsilia barely parted his dry lips. There was a sharp pain from the lips that had been stuck together. As he licked that part gently with his tongue, he felt the slight crack.

Marsilia slowly moistened his lips and answered slowly.

“Mm. For me, the faster, the better. But… this must be a difficult choice for you. After meeting is confirmed, there will be about a month before the summon.”

A month. Though it was said to be a month, for someone waiting, it would feel like a thousand years. But Marsilia smiled.

“Answer within that time.”

Jaha hesitated, nodding. Well, it wasn’t as if he was outright refusing.

Marsilia slowly suppressed his restless feelings. There was still hope.

Honestly, he had made a promise during the day, and it would be fine for him to keep it. But Marsilia decided to wait just a little longer.

After all, he was adding just one more month to the ten years. Rather than killing him in three years, wasn’t it better for him to have a child and find a new reason to live?

Jaha was strong. Perhaps even stronger than originally expected. So, instead of forcing things and souring their relationship, it would be better to wait a little longer.

Besides, although Marsilia didn’t know what Jaha was thinking, he was being quite friendly. If he could fall in love with me before the the time’s up, there would be no better outcome.

He was used to the sensation of his insides rotting. It was nothing unusual. He might feel a little bitter and crazy, but he could bear it.

Or could he? Marsilia bitterly smiled as he looked at Jaha’s troubled face.

Honestly, he wasn’t confident. Even now, he wanted to pull that man closer. He wanted to lock him tightly in his arms and push him until words of surrender came from his mouth.

He wanted to plant his seed in a body that couldn’t get pregnant without the ceremony. Even if he said no, he wanted to pull him in and bury a part of himself within him.

It was strange. Marsilia couldn’t remember when his feelings had started to stir like this.

But looking at that man’s eyes, he often felt the urge to do something. What he had thought was anger or irritation, maybe was actually lust.

“Jaha.”

He called quietly, and Jaha lifted his gaze.

“Don’t make me wait too long.”

A month. Marsilia smiled with a sigh. Yeah, just a month. It wasn’t a long time.

Marsilia reached out and gently rubbed Jaha’s cheek. He could feel a bit of soft flesh filling his face, which had been so skinny.

“You should finish your meal. You’ve gained a little weight, so eat more.” He offered a spoonful of stew that Jaha hadn’t touched yet. The small lips parted slightly, and a red tongue slipped out to receive the spoon, drawing it into his mouth.

Marsilia remembered the lips he had sucked and bitten earlier and licked his own. He felt thirsty. For some unknown reason.

He drank water, but the thirst didn’t go away; instead, it felt like a fire was kindling in his stomach.

However, Marsilia quietly suppressed that sensation. Taking slow breaths, he crushed and flattened his feelings little by little.

It wasn’t difficult. He had been doing it for a long time. But it was obvious that it would get harder. The fire now was different in both cause and size compared to before.

Marsilia added a small piece of bread into the stew and chewed it slowly. Jaha moved his eyes around but ate the food Marsilia offered without a word.

“Do you like Western food?”

Jaha was too busy chewing to respond, just rolling his eyes to the other side.

“I guess not. I’ll try to get a chef from the East. It would be hard to bring them here, but once we go back to the palace, you’ll be able to eat Eastern food.”

Jaha shook his head as he took a spoonful of food.

“No need.”

“Why?”

“Because… I can’t taste it anyway.”

“Can’t taste it?”

Jaha nodded. Why? Without realizing it, Marsilia saw Jaha’s round lips and his eyes narrowed slightly, as if not wanting to answer.

I should urge Gerald Sonnet to find out more about what happened in the Eastern continent more quickly. Has he really been through something that has made him unable to speak and unable to even taste food?

Suddenly, the memory of his figure, which had seemed so small when they first met, came to mind.

Was it like that? While I don’t know much about Eastern martial arts, a man who can emit sword energy as powerful as a Sword Master couldn’t have reached that level just by sitting idly.

He must have trained in his own way. Furthermore, it wouldn’t make sense for someone of that caliber to be so debilitated just from a bit over half a month of hunger.

Why hadn’t I thought of that before? Marsilia clicked his tongue inwardly.

Now he realized that the man’s body had withered from not eating properly for a long time. He should have observed him more carefully. Before assuming that the man didn’t want to eat just because he was picky about food, he should have asked a little more.

Of course, he probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk any more back then than he does now. Even if he had known, there wouldn’t have been any perfect solution, but still…

“To fatten you up, I should help you find your appetite first.”

Marsilia whispered, wiping Jaha’s mouth with his hand.

“What’s your favorite food? If you want something, just say it. I’ll have Gerald Sonnet fetch it for you.”

Jaha stared at Marsilia for a moment, then spoke.

“‘Bipa.’”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a small yellow fruit. I’ve never seen it in the Western continent, so I don’t know what it’s called.”

“I’ll have him fetch it.”

“It would be hard to find by now… It’s a fruit eaten in early summer.”

“Still, I’ll have him try.”

“Alright.”

Jaha indifferently nodded. His answer didn’t really seem to show much desire for it.

But what kind of reaction would he have if I get it for him? I wanted to see that. Whether it’s a joyful face or one that isn’t as satisfied as I hoped. Even if it’s just for a brief moment, I wanted to see a different expression from the usual.

“I’ll make sure to get it for you. So, for now, eat a little more.”

Even knowing he couldn’t taste it, Marsilia kept offering Jaha more food.

He knew all too well how unpleasant it would be to eat without tasting it, but there was nothing he could do.

Jaha didn’t show much resistance, but his expression didn’t change regardless of what he ate.

While feeding Jaha, Marsilia remembered the first time he had seen Jaha hungry.

Was it the day after he cried bitterly on the balcony? The next morning, Jaha, with slightly clearer eyes, had sought out water and food on his own for the first time.

Marsilia tried not to sigh, keeping a smile on his lips.

Yes, he was slowly getting better, little by little. He no longer looked like a madman with his eyes gleaming and tearing people apart, and he was even able to speak now.

When kissed, he still tried to push away, but for the most part, he just accepted it quietly. That was a huge change in itself.

Yes. So, let’s not rush it and try a little at a time. To make his heart change.

If the day comes when he wants to live, then Marsilia won’t have to kill him. If he willingly wants to have a child, that would be the best outcome.

Yes. For now, let’s try to make him change his mind in the next month. If he promises to have a child, then within the remaining three years, we just need to make him want to live.

At the very least, let’s make sure he doesn’t want to die anymore. Let’s make it happen.

It’s not going to be easy. Most of all, it will be hardest to control the violent emotions that sometimes rise up like madness.

Marsilia gathered his thoughts again. Difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible. He intended to do whatever he could.

Seeing the calm look in Marsilia’s eyes, Jaha silently inquired with his gaze. Marsilia realized anew that their journey was still far from over, as Jaha, still not accustomed to speaking, asked with his expression and eyes.