MDQ CH 41
by LuluI answered Kang Kimoon without hesitation.
“Don’t worry. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes either.”
The longer I stayed here, the more those thoughts of wanting to die faded.
The turning points were the changes I could never have even hoped for back in the city. It came from small, trivial things. People’s kindness, my encounter with Kang Kimoon… those alone seemed to have brought me effects beyond anything that could be measured in material worth.
Compared to the immense help I’d received, I felt guilty that I hadn’t done much for Kang Kimoon.
Of course, he never seemed to expect anything in return.
“Don’t just stand there. Sit.”
Even now, as he gazed out the rainy window, his face showed no shift in emotion. As if he truly expected nothing from me.
“Okay.”
I sat down about a hand’s span away from him, stealing glances before asking, “Am I… a nuisance to you?”
The word nuisance felt so foreign to me.
I’d always been known as someone with an exceptional sense of responsibility — a manager who endured hardships without faltering, and a son who dutifully cared for his father after being left alone.
I believed I’d never once in my life been a nuisance to anyone. I had tried desperately to make sure of that.
Because I saw causing trouble for others as a sin, relying on someone or hoping for help felt like an indulgence I couldn’t afford.
But ever since meeting Kang Kimoon, I’d been acting like a fool, accepting his help again and again.
Because I wasn’t used to receiving help, the kindness he showed me felt all the more meaningful. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t shake the feeling that I owed him a great debt.
He was my benefactor who made it possible for me to start writing lyrics, and my savior who rescued me when death was right before my eyes
Was there anything I could possibly do to help him in return?
Kang Kimoon’s gaze finally met mine. Holding my eyes steadily, he answered, “If I ever start to feel like you’re a nuisance, I’ll tell you honestly then.”
“So that means not yet, right? That’s a relief.”
“Not really.”
“I told you, I’d take care of you. This much is nothing. Actually, having you here makes me feel less lonely than being alone.”
Wasn’t that such a kind thing to say? I spoke honestly about what I felt, “Kimoon, don’t be too kind to me.”
“Why?”
“Because then I might end up relying on you even more.”
“…”
“Besides, I’m your fan. I already like you a lot — but what if your kindness makes me like you even more? I can barely handle myself as it is.”
A part of me was glad that Kang Kimoon wasn’t someone well known to the public.
For some reason, I didn’t want everyone to know that he was such a gentle person.
If the world saw his true nature, so many more people would love him.
Good-looking and kind—who could possibly dislike that?
I didn’t like the thought of there being others who liked Kang Kimoon as much as I did. Maybe it wasn’t right for a mere fan to harbor a desire that bordered on possessiveness, but still…
“You might end up liking me so much you can’t handle it?”
There was a faint smile in Kang Kimoon’s voice as he asked.
“I guess so?”
Somehow, it felt like he’d interpreted my words a little differently than I meant.
With a deeper smile than before, Kang Kimoon spoke in a tone that sounded almost teasing, “That’s a trouble. I’ve never been with a guy before.”
“What?”
I was so flustered I missed my chance to respond.
If I’d heard him right, then he had taken my words not as “like” but as “love”.
Before his misunderstanding could get worse, I hurried to explain.
“N-no, that’s not what I meant. When I said I liked you… I meant respect. Like, you’re someone I admire. Someone I want to become.”
“Really? That’s a shame.”
“Huh?”
I wanted to ask what he meant by shame, but he smoothly changed the subject.
“How’s your ankle? It’s too late for the hospital now, but if it still hurts tomorrow, let’s go there together.”
“I think it’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
“Still, if it hurts, say so. You can be honest about it. You can even act a little spoiled.”
“…”
I nodded, still wondering if I should ask what exactly he found a shame. But before I could decide, his voice came again.
“You said you were scared you might like me even more.”
“Yeah.”
“No need to be afraid. However much you end up liking me, I’ll accept it.”
“You don’t even know much about me, yet you sound so sure.”
“Of course. I barely know you. But so what?”
“…”
“It might sound strange, but even though I don’t trust people… I don’t dislike your feelings.”
He said it gruffly, but that unconditional acceptance was exactly what I’d always longed for.
Sure, Park Chungrim also trusted me often.
But since he expressed his feelings so openly, it somehow felt heavy. Kang Kimoon, on the other hand, approached him with ease. It was as strange a thing as his unpredictable moods.
Maybe it was because he didn’t make things burdensome? Park Chungrim’s casual physical touches often left me unsettled, but Kang Kimoon didn’t.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Kang Kimoon’s face, filled with that suspicious level of trust in me.
“Thanks.”
It was all I could say.
What if I had met you a little earlier? Would I have fallen apart a little less then?
I sank into silence, thinking about a past I could never change.
The ankle I thought would get better by the next day turned out otherwise. It was even more swollen than before, the sprained area flushed red.
Even the slightest touch of my foot to the floor sent a sharp pain shooting through the bone. I could tell that if I left it alone, the pain would only get worse.
I decided to call a taxi and go to the hospital in the city.
There was no way I could wake Kang Kimoon up early in the morning and ask him to come with me.
Even if he had offered to help or told me it was okay to depend on him, it wouldn’t have mattered — I simply didn’t know how to rely on others.
But the moment I quietly stepped into the living room, my eyes met Kang Kimoon’s. He happened to be standing near the door, as if he’d just come looking for me.
His sharp gaze immediately fell on my ankle, which clearly looked serious at a glance.
“Hyunwoo, let’s go to the hospital.”
“I’ll go by myself. I can just take a taxi.”
“Forget it. I’ll go with you. I’m free.”
“Aren’t you working on your song?”
“I’ll do it. But right now, I’ve got time.”
“…”
“It’s not a nuisance. So, let’s go together.”
He grabbed my wrist, as if determined not to let me go alone. With him like this, there was no way I could refuse.
“Alright.”
The moment I gave in, his stiff expression finally softened into a smile.
“Let’s go.”
He slowed his pace so my limping steps could keep up.
The rain was still falling. Kang Kimoon held the umbrella high to keep me from getting wet. He even helped me climb into the passenger seat.
While a single drop hadn’t touched me, Kang Kimoon’s shoulder was slightly damp because he had been paying attention to me all the while.
His kindness didn’t stop there. Once he got into the driver’s seat, just before starting the car, he handed me something warm.
“Something you worked hard to dig up yesterday.”
It was a boiled potato, plump and firm. A simple bite to eat, as if he’d considered the fact that I hadn’t had breakfast.
“When did you get up to boil this?”
“I woke up early and cooked it while I was working.”
Kang Kimoon casually handed me a can of soda.
“You city folks probably don’t know, but this goes perfectly with boiled potatoes.”
In the blink of an eye, my lap was filled with boiled potatoes and soda. The scene felt oddly familiar.
There was something about Kang Kimoon that resembled the residents of Omyeon-ri, who’d shown kindness to me on the bus. No wonder he was from there.
“Country boy Kimoon, thanks for the great combo. I’ll enjoy it.”
At my playful words, I heard him let out a quiet laugh. Not long after, he began turning the steering wheel with practiced ease.
The first bite of the potato was so delicious it made my eyes widen. It made my earlier thought that potatoes are all the same anyway feel foolish.
I couldn’t tell whether the potatoes tasted so good because I’d dug them up myself, because Kang Kimoon was good at boiling them, or simply because they were something he’d given me.
Normally, I hardly ever ate root vegetables like potatoes, but I enjoyed every bite of the ones he gave me.
Each time my throat felt dry, I took a sip of the soda, and just as he’d said, it paired perfectly with the boiled potatoes.
All I’d eaten were a few potatoes, yet by the time my hunger had eased, we had already arrived at the only general hospital in the city.
Out of consideration for my difficulty moving, Kang Kimoon dropped me off right in front of the entrance instead of at the parking lot.
“Go ahead and check in. I’ll park and come in.”
“Ok—”
Just as I was about to answer without thinking, I suddenly remembered — the name I’d told Kang Kimoon wasn’t my real one.