PSY CH 23

— It would be better if I did, right?

Dohyun couldn’t remember exactly what Hangyeol had said, but knowing him, it was probably one of the same old jokes he always made. Nothing new. So why was he suddenly saying he wanted to apologize? The out-of-character behavior irritated him, and he snapped back bluntly.

“What are you asking me for. Do whatever you want.”

He hung up immediately without even listening to what Hangyeol said next. His hand holding the phone dropped limply. 

Just because of one sentence, “Was this funny to you?” from Jooyoung, now he wanted to apologize? Did the two of them somehow grow close while he wasn’t looking? There hadn’t been any signs of that…

Why the hell did he feel so annoyed by this?

He couldn’t understand why he felt this upset, as if Jooyoung and Hangyeol getting along had anything to do with him. Dohyun picked up his phone again. He thought about calling Hangyeol to say there was no need to apologize, but it felt petty, so he stopped.

“…Like I give a shit.”

He threw the phone across the bed as if to prove his point. Anyway, once Hangyeol got closer to Jooyoung, he’d find out soon enough—that behind the angelic face was a personality cold as ice, that he was someone who knew only himself and wielded others’ affection like a weapon…

“Can you at least wait… ‘til I fall asleep?”

At that moment, the memory flashed through his mind, and Dohyun froze.

“…Huh?”

His face began to drain of color. After a few seconds, he shot upright. The bedding slipped down. The blanket that had been neatly tucked under his chin was completely unlike how he usually slept, barely half-covered at most.

His throat was parched like someone who hadn’t had water in days, and his heart pounded violently. His eyes couldn’t stay still, darting around aimlessly. The chaotic fragments of memory began to fall into place one by one.

And finally, everything came back to him in vivid detail. 

He, himself, forcing Jooyoung to stay over, He, himself, insisting Jooyoung wait until he fell asleep before he left, Jooyoung’s fingers brushing over his eyes as he left. Every bit of it came back crystal clear. 

“…Fuck.”

He buried his face in his palms and squeezed his eyes shut. The memory hit like a disaster out of nowhere—enough to drive him insane. 

Looking back, he never should have drunk that much in the first place. 

Even though they stopped at the second round, he had downed far more alcohol than he usually would during an all-nighter. It was the first time that year he’d gotten so drunk he couldn’t even hold himself up properly. He drank so recklessly that the others even tried to stop him.

It probably started from that moment.

“So what about that pawn shop haem?”

It was from when someone mentioned the word “pawn shop.”

As soon as he heard it, Dohyun realized he’d been thinking about Jooyoung the whole time. Like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him, chills ran down his entire body. From then on, he didn’t even touch the food—just kept pouring drinks. At some point, his memory went completely black, and only picked up again from the moment he ran into Jooyoung by the stairs, each detail sharp and taunting.

“Fuck, forget it. Just forget it.”

It was already in the past—what was the point of replaying it over and over? Ruffling his hair roughly, he headed to the bathroom. He needed to shower.

But despite trying to write it off as something over and done with, the memory from last night kept clawing at him. Why did he do that? Should he just go die? No really, why the hell did he do that? His thoughts spun in circles like a broken record. Eventually, he wore himself out just thinking and collapsed onto the sofa. Leaning his head back, he stared blankly at the dust floating in the air.

“I never imagined that pawn shop boy would be like that.”

After Jooyoung and Arin left, the middle-aged women who had gathered to watch the fight huddled together and began badmouthing Jooyoung, as if they’d been waiting for the chance.

Jooyoung had always been the subject of gossip in the neighborhood, mostly because he was an outsider. At first, it was because of his clear, handsome looks. Then, it was his unusually tender way of speaking—especially compared to the local men. Lately, though, it was his oddly distant attitude that had people talking.

Even though he was from out of town, he never made an effort to get close to anyone. His speech was friendly, but his actions were cold and aloof. People started calling him a snobbish Seoulite, talking behind his back. And since the only person he seemed close to was Lee Arin, the rumors only multiplied.

Arin was infamous in the neighborhood for all the wrong reasons.

She had appeared out of nowhere a few years ago and quickly became the center of attention among people their age. Her pretty face alone was enough to turn heads, but the fact that she worked at a karaoke bar only made her more talked about.

“I get why you misunderstood, but it’s not what you think.”

That day, Jooyoung had calmly retorted. However…

“…Like hell it’s not.”

There had to be a reason for Jooyoung’s kindness. There must be. Because the angelic Young-i that Grandpa always sang about didn’t exist.

“I’m not leaving until you fall asleep. So go to sleep.”

So the warmth of the hand covering his eyes must’ve been his imagination. That dry voice—that must’ve been Jooyoung’s real feeling.

Still, there was one thing he couldn’t stop wondering. 

Did Jooyoung… actually wait until I fell asleep before he left?

In that moment, his handsome face crumpled like a piece of paper. Because he’d let himself feel the faintest flicker of hope in that question.

“You idiot, seriously…”

He roughly ran a hand down his face. The breath that escaped him, laced with self-mockery and confusion, was scorching hot.

***

Downtown on the Sunday morning was quiet. Only the occasional truck passing down the street and a few people carrying shopping bags gave the roads any life.

Dohyun zipped his light windbreaker all the way up to his neck. The sunlight on his skin felt harsh. Heat and a faint, grimy smell shimmered off the warmed asphalt.

After unlocking the arcade and stepping inside, he was immediately hit with the stale, musty air. He flung the door wide open for ventilation and grabbed the vacuum cleaner from the storage room. Once he started cleaning in earnest, he carefully checked every corner. 

Yesterday, hungover and out of commission, he’d asked Mr. Kim from the hardware store to watch the arcade. Since Mr. Kim practically lived in the place, he occasionally helped out at the counter like that. As he’d reported, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The arcade looked just as it always did. 

While cleaning beneath one of the machines, he heard the door open, left ajar to let in fresh air. Someone stepped inside, so Dohyun slowly straightened up. Then the hum of the vacuum immediately stopped with a click. 

“…”

“…”

A suffocating silence stretched between them. It was the first time Jooyoung had come to him since that last visit, when he’d said they needed to talk. Jooyoung was the one who approached him first.

“Feeling any better?”

He suddenly held out a white convenience store bag with a logo printed on it in front of him. 

“…”

Dohyun felt a little dazed. The memory of threatening him with a wallet, of watching Jooyoung tremble in fear just a few days ago, now seemed like it belonged to some distant past.

When he didn’t take the bag, Jooyoung placed it down on a nearby chair. Inside, there was an electrolyte drink and a hangover remedy.

“I couldn’t find you yesterday.”

It seemed that was all he had come for, as Jooyoung simply said, “I’ll go now,” and left the arcade. There were no hollow words like “Don’t drink too much” or “Drink in moderation.” 

Left alone, Dohyun stared blankly at the bag Jooyoung had left behind. He slowly reached out and picked it up. It was cold, as if it had been placed straight into the fridge.

Jooyoung came yesterday? Just to give him this?

It wasn’t like Jooyoung to do something so considerate. It confused him. He didn’t know how to interpret it.

Was this his way of trying to smooth over the threat somehow? But it was just a hangover remedy and an electrolyte drink. 

“Sigh…”

Dohyun placed his hand on his waist and exhaled deeply. Seeing Jooyoung had brought back memories of that night, memories he had only just begun to forget. The way he had clung to Jooyoung, acting like a child, gently rubbing his wrist…

“Damn.”

He hurriedly turned on the vacuum cleaner. The loud whirring noise instantly cleared his mind. He focused on cleaning more intently than usual. And he didn’t stop there—he dragged out all the tasks he’d been putting off just to keep his mind from wandering. He wasn’t the meticulous type to begin with, so the more he touched things, the messier everything got—but honestly, he was fine with that. Maybe it was better this way.

Just like that, time passed, and the afternoon arrived. 

Just as Dohyun was at a loss for what to do, he received a call from the company renting the office on the fourth floor. They said the sink in the bathroom seemed to be broken. He immediately grabbed his toolbox and left the arcade. He usually took care of minor issues that arose during the rental period. If the repairs were beyond his skill, he would call in the relevant service.

Fortunately, it was just a loose plumbing connection causing the problem. He tightened the pipes, and the issue was fixed. After confirming that no water was leaking, he left the bathroom. His neck was damp with sweat.

As he rolled up his sleeves, he unconsciously glanced to his right. There was the pawn shop.

At that moment, laughter spilled out from behind the metal gate. His steps came to a sudden halt. He had an odd feeling that the voice sounded familiar.

“Hwangdo!”

Just as expected, the door opened, and there was Hangyeol. Dohyun’s expression stiffened.