PSY CH 69
by Lulu“We’re not even dating—so what does it matter?”
“…”
“Whether you sleep with her or not.”
Jooyoung shook off Dohyun’s hand irritably. Dohyun stared blankly at his hand, now left awkwardly hanging in midair.
“…It doesn’t matter?”
“Yeah.”
Jooyoung tilted his head slightly, switching the car keys to his other hand.
“That’s all you have to say, isn’t it?”
“…”
“Not…”
The moment he saw Jooyoung sneer with narrowed eyes, it felt as though the ground beneath his feet had collapsed. A terrible sense of falling gripped him—and along with it came the memory:
“What? It’s not like sleeping with you is such a big deal.”
It had been the same back then.
That scornful gaze, like he was sick and tired of everything—like any emotion Dohyun had put into this was pitiful and beneath him. Jooyoung always had a way of making Dohyun feel humiliated and small.
The truth was, Dohyun had always known. What they had wasn’t sex—it was coercion. From Jooyoung’s side especially, it was nothing more and nothing less than forced sex. Just because someone climaxed and felt pleasure didn’t mean it was mutual.
He had taken pleasure in watching Jooyoung fall apart. Jooyoung had only ever been helplessly dragged along.
So really, there was no reason for Dohyun to feel hurt. No reason to be shocked.
“…Ha.”
And yet, he resented Jooyoung. Bitterly.
I could’ve pushed you even further, but I didn’t. So why can’t you show even the smallest bit of decency in return?—That irrational, unreasonable thought looped through his mind. The more he dwelled on it, the more his resentment felt justified. Even knowing it was petty and ugly, he couldn’t stop himself.
“…”
Did he even know what he was thinking as he spent the whole day hovered over his contact today? He racked his brain trying to figure out how to start a conversation or thinking about whether Jooyoung even know how much Dohyun tore his hair out over this? Probably not. No—he probably never even tried to.
“So then, you really wouldn’t care if I slept with someone else?”
Jooyoung looked at him like he was pathetic for even asking.
“Yeah.”
A cool breeze blew through. Dohyun felt it cut through the hollowness in his chest. As he watched Jooyoung’s fine hair flutter in the wind, a knot twisted deep in his stomach.
“Why?”“
“…”
“Because it’s not a big deal for you?”
He stepped closer to Jooyoung. The shorter the distance, the stronger Jooyoung’s scent became—faint, but always overwhelmingly him.
“Because it’s not a big deal, it’s fine if I sleep with someone else?”
From this close, Jooyoung looked so small. And yet, Dohyun could never understand why he always felt that the man in front of him was bigger than him.
“Yeah. I don’t care.”
Jooyoung’s response was quick and flat. Unlike Dohyun, who agonized over every word, Jooyoung always tossed his out carelessly and moved on. The level of effort they each put in was worlds apart.
“If you want to, go ahead. I’m not stopping you.”
“…”
“It’d be easier for me, honestly. That way, I wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore.”
Jooyoung sneered. Like he’d finally decided to let it all out, his words came spilling in waves—each one mercilessly clawing at Dohyun’s insides. Dohyun dropped his head and scratched his forehead with a finger.
“Fuck… seriously…”
Like a balloon deflating, only hollow laughter escaped his lips. He’d thought there were so many things he wanted to say while waiting for Jooyoung, but now none of them seemed to matter.
“What even are we…”
He kept scratching at his forehead, not even noticing the skin had gone red and raw, until his hand suddenly froze.
“We just have to stick to the terms we agreed on, right?”
Jooyoung muttered nonchalantly as he brushed back his disheveled hair.
“Outside of that, do whatever you want. I’ll do what I want, too.”
“…”
“Who you sleep with—ah…!”
Before he could finish, Dohyun suddenly grabbed him by the nape of the neck. In a flash, he shoved Jooyoung against the wall. Jooyoung let out a short cry and winced.
“Sleep with, huh?”
Dohyun, standing inches away, asked in a cold, sharp voice.
“Who exactly?”
“What?”
“Jung Hangyeol?”
“…”
“Lee Arin?”
As the names came out, Jooyoung’s face twisted in shock—realizing only now what Dohyun meant.
“Are you crazy? What the hell is this all of a sudden…?”
“Tell me, who is it?”
Jooyoung twisted his body, trying to shake off the grip, but the hand gripping his jaw only tightened.
“Who the fuck are you gonna sleep with, huh? Say it!”
Dohyun was snarling like a madman. Jooyoung was so shocked he could barely move his lips.
It was absurd—like he’d just announced he was going to cheat, and now Dohyun was yelling at him, demanding to know who he was going to sleep with. The one who’d been sleeping around was Dohyun himself, so why was he dumping this on him?
“It seems like you’re sleeping well these days. You used to say you couldn’t sleep without doing it.”
That’s clearly what the woman had said. Which meant Dohyun had been calling her over every time he couldn’t sleep. Of course. A guy like that—so sensitive to loneliness he kept all the lights on at home because he hated the dark—there’s no way he was sleeping alone.
And more than anything, Dohyun had the kind of looks that made people turn their heads on the street. Finding a girl to sleep with wouldn’t have been hard. Even if he was emotionally underdeveloped inside, he looked perfectly fine on the outside.
After hearing that woman’s words, Jooyoung got irritated with himself for feeling sorry for Dohyun. It felt like wasted emotion.
‘If that’s how it is… then when he asked to sleep over…’
Jooyoung had thought it was something he said only to him—because Dohyun had followed him around since they were kids, acting like Jooyoung was the only one he had. The way he begged to stay the night. The way he showed his fragile heart beneath that tough shell.
Dohyun had always only looked at Jooyoung. He never let anyone else touch him. Even when he was out playing with friends, he’d come running like a dog to its owner whenever Jooyoung called.
But it wasn’t like that anymore.
Dohyun had been doing the same thing with anyone and everyone. That pissed him off. Really pissed him off.
“But I haven’t been with anyone else since I was with you.”
And yet he was acting like he’d caught Jooyoung cheating. That only twisted Jooyoung’s temper more.
With a mocking smile tugging at the corner of his lips, Jooyoung looked up at Dohyun.
“So, you can go around doing whatever with whoever, but I can’t?”
“Fuck…!”
Dohyun growled through clenched teeth and suddenly grabbed Jooyoung’s left wrist. He seized the fourth finger—the one with the faint mark from a ring—and squeezed hard.
“Ah…!”
Jooyoung flinched and shouted, “That hurts!” but Dohyun didn’t care. He glared at the ring mark on that finger with a glossy, crazed look.
“It’s not this bastard, is it?”
His wild eyes bore down on Jooyoung. His thumb pressed hard on the pale skin, as if rubbing would erase the mark.
“Ah, that hurts!”
The throbbing pain got worse and worse, until it felt like his bones might snap. Jooyoung yanked his hand away and glared at Dohyun with sharp, raised eyes.
“Is it truly with him…?”
“So what if it is?”
Dohyun, who had been absentmindedly holding his hand in the air, slowly lifted his gaze.
“What if I sleep with him or not, who gives a shit?”
Jooyoung rubbed his aching finger with his other hand and snapped back fiercely.
At that moment, Dohyun imagined Jooyoung in bed with another man. Being held, being touched, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Clutching his shoulders with slender fingers. Curling his legs as he reached climax.
A flash of agony tore through him like fire. His overheated brain felt like it might explode. His mind grew so clouded that rational thought became impossible.
“…No.”
His voice trembled thinly.
“That can’t happen.”
Dohyun stared directly at Jooyoung and sneered.
“That’s something I was eating.”
“What?”
“You, too, don’t eat leftovers, do you?”
Then he grabbed Jooyoung’s ass. Squeezed the soft flesh mockingly and gave it a shake.
“I don’t want to share this with anyone.”
“…”
“You get what I’m—”
Smack—!
Before he could finish, Jooyoung’s hand flew and struck Dohyun’s face, hard.
Dohyun blinked slowly into empty air, stunned. He couldn’t process what had just happened.
“…You fucking psycho.”
Jooyoung glared at him with a hard, frozen expression.
“If you want to act trashy, go hang out with your trashy friends.”
“…”
“Don’t pull this shit with me.”
He never imagined he’d ever hit someone. Especially not Dohyun.
Clutching his trembling hand with the other, Jooyoung bit down on his lower lip until it hurt. Dohyun remained still, head tilted from the blow.
Time passed—who knew how long—before Jooyoung turned away coldly, like he couldn’t stand to be there a second longer.
“…”
Dohyun rolled his tongue inside his cheek. The pain started to bloom belatedly.
Jooyoung’s footsteps faded further and further… until finally, they disappeared completely. And like mist clearing, Dohyun’s mind began to regain clarity.
“…Ha, fuck.”
He slumped down and dropped his head between his knees. He sighed, forehead in his hand—but it was too late.
The emotions twisted on his crumpled face were raw disgust and regret.