PSY CH 74

Silence settled heavily between them. 

Jooyoung pressed his lips together and glared at Dohyun. Then, suddenly, he asked, “Are you satisfied now?”

The corners of his lips twisted bitterly.

“Now that you know everything, do you feel better?” 

Dohyun quietly took in Jooyoung’s face. Though he was being glared at fiercely, the traces of tears still stained across his face made him look anything but threatening.

“Why would I feel better?”

“Because now you’ve got something to use against me.”

“…”

“You like threatening me, don’t you?”

Jooyoung muttered through gritted teeth. His tears had soaked into the pillow, trailing down from his temples.

Dohyun reached for some tissues, but remembering Jooyoung’s delicate skin, he clicked his tongue instead. He stood, likely intending to bring a towel, when Jooyoung shouted in a shrill voice, “I’ll kill you if you report me.”

Without stopping, Dohyun headed straight to the bathroom.

“I’m serious!”

When he returned with the softest towel he could find, Jooyoung was sitting up and glaring at him. 

“You think I’m just saying that? If you report me, I’ll—”

“I’m not going to report you.”

Dohyun sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Jooyoung’s hair back behind his ear. Then, as if wiping a child’s face, he gently dabbed the towel at Jooyoung’s tear-soaked cheek. The pale, chapped cheeks looked painful just to see. 

“And for whose sake?” Jooyoung’s eyes wavered at the unexpected answer. Dohyun continued in a calm voice, “Like you said, I’ve got real leverage now. Wouldn’t it be a waste to just report you?”

“…Asshole.”

The insult, dull and toothless, was far too weak to actually hurt anyone.

“Are you done crying now?”

At that moment, Jooyoung’s lower lip trembled, and deep lines creased his chin. The sobs that had been dying down were about to erupt again.

Why did that simple phrase—“Are you done crying now?”—hit so hard? It wasn’t said with warmth or meant to comfort, yet it softened Jooyoung’s heart more than any kind of consolation could.

“…It’s all your fault.”

Jooyoung shot him a glare full of blame. He lashed out irrationally, asking why Dohyun had to be watching him at that exact moment.

“If you hadn’t looked at me earlier…”

“You would’ve stolen it perfectly, huh?”

Jooyoung froze and clamped his mouth shut. Tears were beginning to well up again. His lashes, clumped together, drooped heavily.

“Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

“It’s because you looked at me. That’s why. All of this—all because of you…”

Jooyoung couldn’t finish his sentence. He trembled all over.

Tears, pooled to the brim, finally overflowed and ran down his cheeks. But he didn’t make a sound. He just stared at Dohyun with silent, heavy tears falling one by one.

“…”

Would it have been easier if he had cried out loud? Watching Jooyoung, trying to protect himself by throwing out irrational blame, left Dohyun feeling suffocated.

Jooyoung’s puffy eyelids and chapped skin stirred a deep sympathy just to look at. Dohyun stared at him for a while, then reached out to wipe away the tears trailing down his cheek.

“Don’t touch me!”

Jooyoung slapped Dohyun’s hand away. Dohyun, a bit startled, let out a hollow laugh, as if he couldn’t believe it.

“Shit. Your temper’s really something…”

But then Jooyoung asked something completely unexpected.

“Do you… feel sorry for me?” It didn’t sound like he was trying to provoke him. His tense eyes and tightly clenched lips were trembling with emotion. “Why are you suddenly acting all kind?”

Dohyun sighed and pressed his middle finger against his forehead. In a way, he could understand. After all, he’d been the one most eager to watch Jooyoung fall.

“Don’t look at me like I’m pitiful.”

Jooyoung’s voice had a slight trace of anxiety. Maybe that’s why it was hard to tell if he was warning him or pleading.

“You… Hwang Dohyun, of all people, you are really not allowed to do that.”

Jooyoung’s voice was tight, suppressing the swell of emotion.

Only you are not allowed to do that. You always looked at me with those sparkling eyes, like I was the only person in the world. You followed me around every single day like a leech. And after all that… you of all people…

Jooyoung was afraid. He was terrified of how Dohyun would look at him now that he’d fallen so far. If even Dohyun pitied him, he wouldn’t be able to take it. Hwang Dohyun, of all people, must never do that. Dohyun had to be the one who always looked at him with sparkling eyes.

Why? Because Jooyoung’s whole family had looked at him like that— As if he were something on the verge of crumbling, something they pitied, something they didn’t know what to do with.

Joomin was tormented by guilt, saying it was all his fault. Needless to say, their parents were the same. Every time it happened, Jooyoung felt the crushing reality that his life had truly hit rock bottom. At the same time, a fear gripped him—a fear that he might never recover from his illness.

Every little thing he did was met with anxious stares from his family. But it wasn’t the attention or affection Jooyoung had longed for. They looked at him like a ticking time bomb as if he might explode any moment and ruin everything around him.

That’s why Jooyoung had to prove himself over the past year. That he was gradually getting better. That he was a functioning, stable person. That even if he had once fallen into the abyss, he was rising again.

But now, he’d given in to his impulses again. And on top of that, Dohyun had caught him in the act. 

If it had been someone else—Hangyeol, or even Arin—it wouldn’t have been this humiliating. He wouldn’t have even feared what came next.

“…I don’t trust you.”

“…”

“You’ve already gone back on your word so many times—how do I know you won’t do it again?!”

Jooyoung didn’t even realize he was shaking. His words came out choppy and broken, tangled in sobs.

“If things don’t go your way, you’ll spread it—or black…mail me again…”

He needed to prove he was getting better, but everything kept spiraling downward. He didn’t want to cry, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Nothing was going the way he wanted. That alone filled him with dread.

“What would make you trust me?”

Unlike the agitated Jooyoung, Dohyun was calm. The gleeful look he once had when seizing Jooyoung’s weakness was nowhere to be seen. 

“At the very least… I won’t use this to threaten you.” 

He met Jooyoung’s eyes and spoke at a steady, measured pace, like explaining something to a child. 

“So… hahhhh… can you stop crying now?”

“…”

“You’re burning up.”

Clicking his tongue, he reached out and placed the back of his hand on Jooyoung’s forehead and the nape of his neck. His gaze, so careful and attentive, was filled with concern. After a moment’s hesitation, Dohyun cautiously wiped beneath Jooyoung’s eyes with his thumb as if that was the only thing that mattered right now.

Why?

Why? Why wasn’t he happy like before, now that he had leverage over Jooyoung? Why was he worried about a mere fever, begging him to stop crying?

“I want to live with you, Haengnim.”

Back then, he used to sneak glances at Jooyoung with eyes full of gentle affection, shyly revealing his wish. 

Dohyun no longer looked at him with those same eyes—but he was still blindly chasing after Jooyoung. 

“And Bae Jooyoung.”

“…”

“There is no damn chance I’ll ever see you as pitiful. Dream on…”

Dohyun let out a self-deprecating chuckle and flicked Jooyoung’s forehead.

“…”

Jooyoung slowly closed and opened his eyes. His blurry vision began to clear.

Even after witnessing his complete collapse, Dohyun didn’t seem pleased. Instead, he consoled him by promising not to threaten him. There could only be one reason Dohyun would do that.

Perhaps this might be the last lifeline Jooyoung can cling to. Everything had felt so pitch-black that he couldn’t see even an inch ahead… but now, a faint light seemed to shine in the distance.

So then what should he do about this?

Should he push Dohyun’s buttons? Or keep gently fanning the flame, making sure it didn’t go out? 

Jooyoung knew this was a gamble. If he won, he could have everything. But if he lost, he’d lose it all. Especially now that Dohyun had uncovered his final secret—he had to tread carefully.

But Jooyoung needed certainty. He needed the reassurance that Dohyun would make his shame feel like nothing— That he would protect this secret forever. He had to hold that belief tightly in his hands in order to finally feel safe. 

So, Jooyoung decided to roll the dice. At that moment, only one thought dominated his mind: Hwang Dohyun likes Bae Jooyoung.

No— Hwang Dohyun must like Bae Jooyoung.