PSY CH 83

For a moment, time seemed to stop, and Dohyun couldn’t think at all.

Jooyoung was never the kind of person to show weakness to anyone. No matter how hard things got, he would bottle everything up inside. He would never willingly reveal his vulnerability to someone he didn’t trust completely.

And yet, Jooyoung had said he was lonely.

He had asked not to be left alone.

“…”

Dohyun could feel his heart pounding violently in his chest, like a hammer striking deep within him. A steady stream of hope was being poured into him like fuel. Anyone who saw him now would call him a damn fool. After all that hate, after everything Jooyoung had done—was he really breaking apart over one word?

“Also, I don’t hate you, you know.”

“…”

“I wouldn’t do this kind of thing with someone I didn’t feel anything for.”

Jooyoung rubbed his nose against Dohyun’s nape.

His whole body relaxed as if wrapped in a warm blanket as he inhaled the man’s scent mixed with the thick smell of sweat. Just moments ago, while waiting for Dohyun, his stomach had been churning with irritation, and he’d felt like throwing everything away.

“Haa…”

Hearing Jooyoung’s calm, steady breathing, Dohyun felt that he wasn’t lying. He still couldn’t believe him completely, but it didn’t seem like Jooyoung was saying something he didn’t mean at all.

“…”

With a trembling hand, he cautiously placed it on Jooyoung’s back. As if he’d been waiting for it, Jooyoung melted into the embrace, nestling deeper into his arms.

“Shit…”

Dohyun could feel Jooyoung shift, lifting his head to look up at him. His gaze seemed to ask: Why are you cursing like that? But Dohyun couldn’t say the truth—that he cursed because he liked him too damn much. 

Being with Jooyoung had always felt like holding sand, so fragile and uncertain. But not now. Jooyoung was fully within his arms, and it wasn’t forced. He had willingly come into his arms first.

Jooyoung didn’t love him. But he had said he didn’t hate him, either. He was just lonely. And he wanted Dohyun to make him feel less alone

“Let’s date, Dohyun-ah.”

“…”

“Hmm?”

That coaxing voice felt like a siren’s call, luring him in. Even though he knew he shouldn’t go, he couldn’t stop himself from drifting closer.

Dohyun’s face was now flushed red like a burning sunset. His blurred, clouded eyes and clenched jaw revealed all the emotions roiling inside him.

He instinctively knew—this was a decision he would regret deeply someday.

But there was no helping it. When it came to Jooyoung, Dohyun had always made the kind of choices that led to regret.

“…Alright.”

The word slipped past trembling lips like a confession.

He had lost to Jooyoung again. Even after doing everything to crush him and take control, he was always the one who ended up on his knees. It was both humiliating and exhilarating. A painful thrill shot through his entire body. Conflicting feelings flooded every inch of him.

“Then…”

Jooyoung asked with his left cheek resting lightly against Dohyun’s neck.

“You’re coming to Seoul with me, right?”

His eyes sparkled with a strange delight—like that had always been his true goal.

***

It was the first time since the day they’d gone to the amusement park—the day he got the call about his grandfather collapsing—that Dohyun was heading to Seoul.

“Take the exit there.”

Dohyun tried to act as naturally as possible, but his palms kept sweating. The steering wheel was getting so slippery that he had to discreetly wipe his hands on his pants whenever Jooyoung wasn’t looking.

Once they passed the Seoul tollgate and entered Yangjae, traffic came to a complete stop. It was gridlock—something unheard of in Maeyang. The estimated arrival time on the navigation system kept ticking up.

“Are you not tired?” Jooyoung asked while cracking the window to get some fresh air.

“Not really…”

“I could’ve driven.”

Dohyun flinched at that.

“…”

Jooyoung would probably laugh if he knew, but honestly, the idea of riding in a car Jooyoung drove… it bruised Dohyun’s pride. Even though it had been Jooyoung’s idea to come to Seoul, Dohyun insisted on being the one to drive.

“When did you buy the car?”

“After I was discharged from the military.”

“That’s fast.”

Considering his age, it really was. After starting to manage the building, Dohyun often needed to come over every time someone called him, but that got annoying fast, so he decided to get a car himself as soon as he left the military.

“I see, it’s indeed hard to get around the countryside without one.” 

Jooyoung added, resting his head against the window again. Then silence fell.

“…”

Dohyun glanced over at him. He didn’t mean to, but before he realized it, his eyes kept drifting in Jooyoung’s direction. He found himself staring blankly at the way Jooyoung’s fine hair danced in the breeze, his long lashes fluttering like flower petals—until their eyes suddenly met. Startled, Dohyun quickly turned away.

“Eyes on the road.”

“…I was just checking the side mirror.”

At such an unconvincing excuse, Jooyoung burst into laughter. A smile deep enough to carve dimples into his cheeks. Dohyun felt embarrassed, but he didn’t hate seeing Jooyoung laugh like that either. He just didn’t know how to manage his expression.

Since that day, the two had become bound in a completely different kind of relationship. But if someone asked whether anything had drastically changed, the honest answer would be, no.

Maybe that’s why Dohyun, cowardly, couldn’t shake the suspicion that Jooyoung had some other intention. And yet, whenever Jooyoung naturally reached for his arm or called out, “Dohyun-ah,” in that soft voice, it made him so happy it almost hurt. So much so that all the avoidance up until now felt laughable.

Their destination was a hotel next to the express bus terminal. But after parking and checking the time, Jooyoung headed not to the hotel, but toward a department store.

As they wandered through the crowd-filled building, Jooyoung finally spoke.

“We were all supposed to go pick out outfits for my brother’s formal family meeting together…”

Even without hearing the rest, Dohyun could guess the end of that sentence. Something must’ve come up and pushed the plans back over and over. And that something was likely related to his brother, Joomin. 

Dohyun also knew that Jooyoung’s second brother had a disability. And that because of it, their parents couldn’t give Jooyoung much attention. Even when they were kids, there were times like this—he remembered the expression Jooyoung wore back then, struggling to hold in his frustration.

“So you just need to buy clothes?”

Jooyoung tilted his head slightly to look up at him.

“Hmm…”

“…”

“Nope.”

He wrinkled his nose and smiled as he said it. Faced with that unexpected smile, Dohyun awkwardly turned his head away. He could feel his cheeks heating up.

Dohyun wanted to ask what else Jooyoung had planned, but seeing how Jooyoung sometimes looked lost in thought, as if completely somewhere else, he chose to stay quiet. Since they were in Seoul together anyway, he figured he’d find out eventually without needing to ask.

But after buying clothes for the formal family meeting, Jooyoung headed somewhere completely unexpected. Since they were going downstairs, Dohyun thought they were heading back to the parking lot—but they arrived at a movie theater instead.

Without asking anything, Jooyoung casually booked two tickets.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Huh?”

“If you’re hungry, we can get popcorn too.” 

Dohyun couldn’t make sense of it—why a movie, all of a sudden? He had no clue what Jooyoung was thinking. When he saw Jooyoung walking over to the kiosk, he quickly followed.

Jooyoung picked out popcorn and drinks, then took out his wallet.

“I’ll pay.”

Dohyun rushed to pull out his card and inserted it into the reader. If he’d known they were watching a movie, he would’ve insisted on paying for that too… He felt like he’d already messed up on their first date, causing his mood to sink.

“…”

Then Dohyun suddenly realized what he’d just thought.

A date?

His fingertips stiffened.

“Uh—your card.”

Flustered, he dropped the card he was about to slide back into his wallet. Before he could grab it, Jooyoung picked it up and handed it to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Nothing.”

Avoiding Jooyoung’s gaze, Dohyun quickly turned his head. His hand rubbed under his chin, trying to calm the confusion swirling inside him.

He had no idea what he was thinking during the movie. He didn’t touch the popcorn. Barely sipped the drink. Naturally, he couldn’t recall anything about the plot either.

His thoughts were in disarray even while waiting outside the bathroom for Jooyoung after the movie. 

Jooyoung probably just wanted to have some fun since they were in Seoul. Sure, Maeyang had a movie theater, but it wasn’t this big, and the selection was limited. Don’t read too much into it, Dohyun kept telling himself—but he still couldn’t shake the idea that this felt like a date. Part of him even wished Jooyoung would just come out and say it was a date.

But even after they ate, visited an arcade, and had coffee, Jooyoung never once defined what this time together meant.

And more than anything, Jooyoung kept spacing out, so much that he sometimes didn’t even hear Dohyun calling his name.