RAT Chapter 1 (Part 1)
by Brie- This episode is ruined.
“This is work.”
“So what? It’s work, big deal. What are you going to do about it?”
Yeah, that’s basically telling me not to drag personal feelings into the job, right?
Watching the two of them in a mood so tense it wouldn’t be strange if fists started flying, I just put in my earphones.
Getting in the middle and getting hurt isn’t something I need to experience again. Besides, give it a little time and they’ll be back to hanging all over each other anyway.
For the record, “getting hurt” isn’t a figure of speech—it’s meant literally.
I’ve stepped in to explain their sides or taken someone’s part and ended up stabbed, tumbled down stairs, even got hit by a car.
Sounds like a lie, doesn’t it? Ha, I wish it was.
The first time—was it when I got stabbed by a crazed fan? They swung a knife between the two of them, telling me not to interfere. Honestly, it felt so unreal that I felt more wronged than hurt.
I mean, how could I not get involved when I’m the leader? No matter how much of a flop our group was, I couldn’t just let the team fall apart.
When I woke up, it wasn’t in a hospital but in my own bed, so I thought it might have been a dream. But it took less than a week to realize it wasn’t.
I’d tried to break up their fight and ended up taking a huge tumble down the stairs.
And just like waking from a nightmare—when I opened my eyes on the bed again, I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything inside me.
Maybe at first I didn’t know, but by the second time it was impossible to keep pretending.
That I had died.
Thinking back to how I couldn’t even scream when I was stabbed, or the sound of bones breaking as I rolled down the stairs… it’s not something you can easily forget.
Anyway, I kept dying without knowing why and waking up again. Eventually I figured it out. The first thing that crazed fan said was a massive hint.
“Don’t get between the two of them.”
To repeat what I said earlier—no, damn it, how could I not get involved when I’m the leader?
Of course, it’s not like I kept doing the exact same thing every time. Maybe after about the sixth death? I was so sick of it all that I announced I was quitting. But that time, I just died on my way home.
Well, even after that I tried my best to stay out of the way… but it didn’t matter. Not one bit.
After dying over and over again, dozens of times, I came to another realization—maybe I’m not the one causing this regression. The point where I woke up was different every time.
And that suspicion turned into certainty the moment I died after our first album release and woke up to find myself still a trainee.
From the start, it’s like… I’m just an ant swept up in a natural disaster inside this endless loop. Ha… what a joke.
And finally, when waking up became more terrifying than dying, I understood the purpose of this regression.
- The success of D.I.Y.
I’m a required piece for this success, so quitting is impossible. But being the leader doesn’t seem to be one of the necessary conditions.
- Improving the relationship between main vocalist Jin Yoorim and rapper Eden.
Written as “improvement,” but let’s be real—it means romance.
…Even if we reached the top tier as idols, the moment those two broke up for any reason, I’d die and regress.
At the same time, even if they were hopelessly in love, if our group collapsed, I’d die and regress—repeat, again and again.
And, speaking as a seasoned regressor.
—This round is a bust. A quick reset is the only answer.
- To My Dear Regressor
If there’s one advantage to this regression, it’s that I’m a required element.
—which means I can restart quickly.
And if I could someday die for real, that would be even better.
At first it was scary, of course, but after wasting years hesitating and drifting, only to regress again, I realized something. If I kept living carelessly like this, I might never truly die.
…Saying it out loud makes it sound strange.
But obviously, when I first became certain of this regression’s purpose, I wasn’t like this. I was just a normal person who feared death.
Besides, no matter how hard it is to succeed as an idol, after dozens—hundreds—of regressions, it’s not like I’d fail every single time.
Honestly, after a certain number of loops, it wasn’t even that hard anymore. Sure, sometimes small coincidences piled up and everything collapsed spectacularly… but when that happened, I could just start over.
The real problem was that the second condition was ridiculously, disgustingly difficult.
Whenever I focused on making the group successful first, their relationship always turned out to be a disaster.
To begin with, our main vocalist Jin Yoorim, as talented as she is, has a strong pride in her skills and plenty of complaints about Eden.
…And to be fair, Eden’s dancing was a bit, well, vague.
Even so, he had all the essential qualities of an idol in abundance. For starters, he was handsome. Tall, too. And when it came to his own position as a rapper, even Jin Yoorim admitted he had the skills.
His personality? Well… just watching him clash with Jin Yoorim over every little thing said enough. Still, he was the type who knew how to be grateful to the fans.
In that sense, I quite liked Eden. Without him, the road to our group’s success would have been far longer and harder.
Setting aside my own feelings about him, Eden, just like Jin Yoorim, had plenty of complaints about her.
When Eden forced himself to beam at the camera and play the cheerful idol against his nature, Jin Yoorim would barely blink, giving no comments or reactions at all.
And yet, from the way Eden sometimes snapped at her—asking if she thought she was some kind of singing doll—you could tell her looks were exactly his type.
Still, no matter how much someone fits your taste, it’s not easy to like a person who makes it so obvious they dislike you.
Honestly, unless you’re a pervert.
And unfortunately, Eden didn’t have any tastes that twisted.
Thanks to that, unless I started building up their affection from the very beginning, the more successful the group became, the lower their feelings for each other sank.
So what if I tried raising their affection right from the start?
Setting aside how the difficulty skyrocketed because that meant I had to bring Eden’s dance skills up to a level that satisfied Jin Yoorim…
…if I made even the slightest mistake along the way, everything could blow up before I had a chance to fix it.
Sometimes my own relationship with Eden collapsed, and I’d be kicked out of the team. Other times Eden would try to quit, and that would drive Jin Yoorim and Eden’s relationship straight into the ground. No, the more I think about it, the more it makes my stomach churn, so I’ll stop there.
Anyway, it was a lot harder than I expected.
I cut down my sleep and worked myself half to death trying to keep things balanced, and just when I thought I’d finally managed it, Jin Yoorim and Eden would start dating and completely ignore the group’s activities.
Even in rounds where I was sure I’d succeeded, they would suddenly have a lovers’ quarrel, I’d get dragged into it, and—reset. Ha.
Honestly, if it had been easy, I would have succeeded and ended all this long ago, so I guess it makes sense.
—In that sense, this round was truly unprecedented.
Since I can’t choose the point where I regress, there were times I came back after our first album had already flopped, and other times I returned right before our debut showcase.
And no matter when it was, I was confident I could make the group succeed.
After all the times I’ve returned, how could I not? If Jin Yoorim and Eden had just quietly focused on dating, I would have wrapped this up ages ago.
To be honest, I’ve restarted so many times that I can’t even remember why I regressed in the previous round, but it must have been a spectacular failure.
Normally, even at the fastest, I’d come back after the debut lineup was more or less set. But this time, I came back before we even got close to that stage.
It’s as if our dear Regressor had some kind of change of heart and boldly turned the clock way back.
Though, from the way things looked, the Regressor himself didn’t even seem to realize he was the one regressing.
There were times when I nearly lost my mind over it and grabbed anyone I could, begging them to save me… but that’s not what matters right now.
“Park Yeoul, let’s see the dance you’ve prepared.”
“Yes, please start the music.”
I took a few deep breaths, my face tight with nerves, and began to dance to the music coming from the speakers. But I kept stumbling, and in the end, frustrated by how my body wouldn’t move the way I wanted, I simply stopped.
Even after I stopped, the music kept playing. After what felt like a long time, the song finally ended, and Team Leader Kim Yeo-jin fixed her eyes on me.
…I’m not even sure if she was a team leader at this point.
Anyway, Kim Yeo-jin is the kind of young old-fashioned team leader who believes that no matter how much the idol industry is becoming a video-based business, you still need a certain level of skill.
So if an audition participant who postponed their camera test audition for two whole weeks shows up this unprepared, she’ll cut them off without hesitation. If you really want to be an idol, this just won’t cut it.
I mean, I was a trainee before the Regressor—supposedly—right? But at the point I came back, I’m not even a trainee. Doesn’t that mean this is finally the perfect chance to escape?
It feels like they’re trying to rebuild the group from scratch, but I just flunked the audition because I didn’t have the skills? Ha, what now?
“Park Yeoul.”
“…Yes.”
I fought to keep from smiling as I looked straight at Team Leader Kim Yeo-jin. After all the times I’ve regressed, how could I be too nervous to dance or mess up now? Of course it’s just an act.
—All I need to hear is that it’ll be hard to have me join them. Then it’s really over. Really.
When I get home, first thing, I’ll make a social media account. If I can be sure the group will succeed without me—or if they really do succeed—I’ll be free from this damned infinite regression, right?
Ah, I should get a part-time job too. If I’m going to be a fan of D.I.Y—though the name might change without me—I’ll need some capital.
I’ll use all my regression experience to gather money and somehow help them take off.
Is there any cryptocurrency I can buy right now? How much is Nvidia stock at this point? How much money did I have in my account back then?
“Your skills are still lacking a lot. You know that yourself, right?”
“……”
—Of course. Naturally, Team Leader.
At the words I’d been waiting for, it was hard to hold back a smile, so I lowered my head. Kim Yeo-jin paused for a moment.
And as the silence stretched, the intuition sharpened by countless loops started to warn me.
…Wait, no. Hold on a second. I purposely botched the singing and even stopped dancing midway. There’s no way… right?
“But more than that, you have real charm.”
…Me?
No, sure. I must have. I did debut in the first round and even made it to the top tier. But now? After putting in all this effort to look as hopeless as possible, you’re saying that?
I unconsciously lifted my head, and the company executives sitting in front of me all smiled warmly and nodded slightly.
—No, that’s not what’s supposed to happen.
Don’t do that. Snap out of it. Do you think being an idol is a joke? Do you really think you can raise a top-tier idol group running the company like this?
If I “quit” or “withdraw” on my own, there’s no escaping, so I came to this audition fully prepared to fail…
I bit my lip without realizing it, and Casting Team Leader Seo Dong-hoon smiled as he spoke.
“Yeoul, your eyes are truly special. From the moment our eyes met, I thought we absolutely had to work with you.”
“…Thank you.”
“Ha ha, Team Leader Seo really insisted. I look forward to seeing you work hard.”
With those words of thanks, I was finally sent out of the audition room.
The moment I stepped outside, I couldn’t even think of where to go next and simply sank to the floor.
I felt like I’d been slammed face-first into the mud. My burning eyes felt unbearably dry. Covering them with the back of my hand—eyes that hadn’t shed tears in who knows how long—someone tapped me lightly on the shoulder.
“—Are you okay, hyung?”
At the sound of a voice that absolutely shouldn’t be here, I slowly lifted my head.
The Regressor was standing there, smiling at me.
I had always entered as a trainee first, so I thought it would be the same this time. That I could escape.
…but with the first assumption already completely wrong, how could that be possible?
Probably with a pale, drained face, I gave a small answer, almost like talking to myself.
“—No, I’m not okay.”
Not even a little—absolutely not okay.
…It seems I still had just enough hope left to be disappointed.
After the 44th, the 66th, the 77th, then the 99th, and finally the 100th attempt right after. I’d already been let down long ago, expecting each time that it would really be the end.
No, this is my fault—after the hundredth I stopped even counting, lost track of how many loops it’s been, and still couldn’t give up. Yes, that’s on me.
Collecting my thoughts quickly, I looked from the smiling face of the Regressor—supposedly—and the hand he held out for me to take, and let out a small sigh.
Even with a knife at his throat he’d claimed he didn’t know anything… so what wind was blowing through him to make him show up like this now? Was it because the knife was at my throat, not his?
“—But hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Am I really the older one here?”
“…Ah.”
As if just realizing his mistake, I deliberately stared at his face while covering my mouth with my hand and slowly stood up, completely ignoring the hand he’d offered.
Then, as though wary of a stranger who seemed far too happy to see me, I took a few steps back—only to bump the back of my head against the door.
“…Hyung! Are you okay?”
“……”
Even though the Regressor clearly realized he’d made a mistake, he urgently called me “hyung” again and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me toward him. With his other hand he carefully felt around my head, so gently it almost tickled.
…Hmm. This is getting annoying.
It seems this Regressor, unlike before, knows he’s regressed. And now, he remembers my death too.
We were on the same team before, so things were never bad between us, but not good enough for him to tremble just because I backed into a door.
I had a hunch something was off, and I was right to check. Not that knowing changes anything.
Acting flustered and uncomfortable, I glanced at his face, then dropped my eyes to the floor.
“I’m fine, so please let go.”
“…Yeah. I should. I should… right?”
But his reaction was strange. He looked at me with such wistful eyes, as if he wanted to hide the fact that he’d regressed.
…I don’t know how many loops this version has gone through, but maybe it wasn’t a badly failed one. Unless I disappeared in some really awful way.
Still, I can’t just blurt out, “I know too!” and act like we share a secret. I don’t even want to count how many times I’ve approached him with that kind of false intimacy only for everything to fall apart before we built any real connection.
Without waiting for the Regressor—who still couldn’t take his eyes off me and was slowly stepping back—I slipped out through the first gap I saw.
“By the way, do you know me?”
“……”
“Or did you hear there was an audition today? I’m not feeling well, so—”
“What? Are you sick?”
“…I asked if they could postpone my audition. Just in case you’d heard.”
It was a private audition and by invitation, so of course that wasn’t possible, but I still looked at him with a nervous expression, pretending to worry about trainee hazing. Like, did I mess things up from the start?
“Where does it hurt? It’s not your lungs, right? Your singing’s okay? Your voice is fine?”
“……”
…Wait. Are you a first-timer?
That would explain why he’s suddenly using honorifics. I thought maybe he was just trying to hide his identity, but the moment I mentioned being sick, every limit vanished.
I studied his face, pretending to be surprised. When I first regressed, I assumed that since I remembered everything, the Regressor—the true one—would naturally remember too.
Of course, he never admitted it. But honestly, I didn’t believe his denials. He never even acknowledged that regression was happening, so that kind of lie would be easy.
But seeing this reaction… maybe he really had no memories of regressing until now.
—Knowing that everything I’d built and remembered was only mine to carry… I could understand it in my head, but it wasn’t easy to accept emotionally. At least, it wasn’t for me. Not for a long time.
If this Regressor really is on his first loop, it would take time for him to accept that the past version of me and the current me are the same person, yet not entirely the same.
“Hey…”
“—Yeah, hyung. Go on. I’m listening.”
“Ha… Sorry to say this when we’ve just met, but you’re making me uncomfortable.”
“……”
…But is that really something I should have to worry about?
As soon as I mentioned feeling unwell, he’d practically pulled me into an embrace, gripping my arm. I lightly tapped his wrist until he finally let go, then rolled my newly freed wrist and gave an awkward smile.
“—Well, I’m usually pretty good at remembering people, you know.”
“……”
“We… this is our first time meeting, right?”
Watching the Regressor’s handsome face cloud over in an instant, I let out a small sigh. I’ve been through too much to feel guilty over something like this. Sorry.
“I must have waited too long… I think I got a little confused.”
“Ah. You mean you’ve been waiting a long time, huh.”
What’s that supposed to mean? There’s no way he’s just talking about waiting for a new debut team member.
…Don’t tell me his regression point and mine are different? He’s the true Regressor, and I’m just the error that got dragged along, right? How could that even be possible?
I barely managed to hold back a laugh at the new realization that came from all these countless loops.
I’d searched the internet, watched movies and dramas, read comics and novels—anything that even mentioned regression. But I’ve never seen one this unfriendly. Usually there’s a clear goal from the start, or some kind of system that tells you what to do.
—That’s when I started thinking maybe nothing was given to me because I’m not the “main character” of this regression. So to find the real Regressor… well, forget it. I don’t want to think about that.
Anyway, I really did my research. And now, out of nowhere, a new variable shows up?
“…When you cast me, nobody mentioned anything like that.”