RAT Chapter 3 (Part 3)
by BrieEven while I’d been on the phone with Taeyoung earlier, the hem of that apron had been turned this way the whole time.
I mean, sure, I could always restart if things went south—but what if this was the same loop where I’d managed to pull SSR Jin Yoorim again? I couldn’t waste that.
I should calm Eden down first… maybe get him to sing something while I’m at it.
And in the process, find out what he knows this round.
At that moment, as if he’d read my mind, Eden stopped smiling and looked straight at me.
“Hyung.”
“Yeah.”
He grinned as if he’d expected my uninterested response, leaned close, and whispered softly.
“This time, I’m gonna do what I want.”
“…Ha. You make it sound like you didn’t always do that.”
“Yeah, well. I did. I just… couldn’t, really.”
Then he pressed down the hat I was wearing, snug over my head.
When I frowned at the sudden gesture, he brushed back my hair—pretending to fix it—his fingers sliding slowly from my forehead, along my cheek, down to my ear.
And he smiled—brightly, almost radiantly.
“But this time, it feels a little different.”
This time, it wasn’t acting.
* * *
There are five of us, so even if we only eat two each, that’s twenty slices of toast.
Unless you’ve got a restaurant-grade griddle, no matter how much butter you use to fry them, by the time you’re on the last batch, the first ones will already be cold and soggy with oil.
That’s why I prefer to toast them dry first, then sprinkle a thin layer of sugar on top and press lightly. The sugar melts into a glaze, keeping the bread crisp even after it cools.
I’ve even developed a bit of technique over time—melt it too little, and the sugar just stays grainy while the bread goes damp; melt it too much, and it burns.
I sighed as I toasted four slices at once on the big frying pan I’d bought along with the groceries.
Taeyoung and Dojun sat at the table, watching me anxiously like they were waiting for an explosion—as if toast even counted as cooking.
“Hyung, give mine extra sugar.”
“If you don’t back off right now, I’ll sprinkle salt instead.”
“Toasts taste fine a little salty, though.”
“……”
And then there was Eden, hanging off my back like an overgrown cat—the most annoying of them all.
I had no idea what was going through his head, but ever since he’d made that whole declaration about “doing what he wants from now on”—sounding exactly like a rebellious teenager—he’d been acting like this nonstop.
It was weird enough behavior, but judging by the looks on Taeyoung and Dojun’s faces, they’d just decided to accept it as “oh well, boys will be boys.”
…From my perspective, though, that level of passivity was closer to having no personality at all.
I pushed Eden away with my leg as he pouted and chirped, “Hmm? Hmm?” beside me, then pointed toward the firmly closed door.
“Go get Jin Yoorim.”
“…Do I have to?”
“Don’t be petty about food.”
“Didn’t you just say you’d use salt instead of sugar?”
“You don’t mess with the one doing the cooking.”
“……”
I’d given up pretending at this point. I openly kicked him again, and he didn’t even try to dodge—just let himself get hit before dramatically leaning on my shoulder.
“Will you praise me if I do the errand well?”
It’s not even an errand. All he had to do was knock on the door and tell Jin Yoorim to come out and eat.
I glanced over at Taeyoung and Dojun, thinking maybe I could send one of them instead, but both of them averted their eyes immediately.
…Was this round’s Jin Yoorim seriously that difficult to deal with?
Even so, it’s still Jin Yoorim. All it takes is a few kind words and he’ll come around. I really don’t get why everyone’s acting like it’s so hard.
Deciding it’d be faster to just do it myself, I turned off the stove. Eden immediately clung to me again, pressing for an answer.
“Hyung, hmm?”
“What’s so pretty about you, huh?”
“…What? You don’t think I’m pretty, hyung?”
“What exactly am I supposed to find pretty about you?”
My words were genuine, which must have made it even funnier—someone next to us tried and failed to hold back a laugh, letting out a muffled snort. But Eden just stared at me, mouth slightly open, as if he were genuinely shocked.
Uh… that look was a little too convincing. Kind of scary, actually.
“I’m acting just the way you like.”
“Oh, really?”
Since when do I have a ‘type’?
I smiled faintly, pried the lump clinging to my back off me, and took a few steps away.
Sensing my gaze, Eden straightened his posture, briefly looked down, then met my eyes again.
And when he smiled with his eyes curved like that—
Yeah, no. That’s literally me.
“Am I wrong?”
“…Ha.”
I know it’ll sound like an excuse, but I’m not a narcissist.
I’ve just always behaved in a way that’s… likable to people. Not narcissistic, just socially aware.
…Sure, I have some confidence, but honestly, someone like me has earned the right to it, don’t you think?
The real problem is that my dear regressor is so familiar with the “regressed me” that he can mimic my habits and tone perfectly.
Maybe even better than I can.
—And that’s not a good sign.
Eden had already cornered me once, forcing me to reveal I’d regressed, all so smoothly it felt natural. He’d gotten exactly the answer he wanted.
Which meant he hadn’t been consumed by the idea of “regression” like Jin Yoorim had been.
So of course, he’d already thought about how to end this loop. And he definitely knew that one of those possible triggers was rumors of conflict between us.
At the same time, given that he’d been waiting for me all along, it was obvious that I—the regressed version of me—was a necessary part of his ending condition.
And that created one massive problem.
In the regression-ending conditions Eden understood, there was no place for Jin Yoorim.
You could tell just by watching the two of them now.
If the Jin Yoorim of this loop had been hopeless enough for Eden to give up on him, there’s no way Eden’s personality would’ve let him just sit around waiting for me. He’d have already restarted by now.
So there’s only one explanation left.
—Eden and I have different regression conditions.
“Yeah… you’re kind of cute.”
I smiled back at my dear regressor, tilting my head slightly.
If all my previous failures were because he’d been working toward fulfilling his own condition—
Then maybe, this round could actually be fun.
If I had to restart, I’d rather it happen a little later this time.
* * *
Spread peanut butter on a well-toasted slice of bread, add two thin slices of apple, and top it with a half-cooked fried egg seasoned lightly with salt and pepper. Cover it with another slice of bread brushed with a thin layer of blueberry jam.
If I needed to watch my weight, I’d add half a cucumber and split it into two meals, but… not today.
Today, everyone gets two sandwiches each.
People who’ve been restricting their diet tend to loosen up once carbs are involved—and they talk more, too.
That’s a big no-no for idols, of course… but if you call it “healthy” by using unsalted peanut butter, apples, and rye bread, it’s enough to trick both the eyes and the brain.
Who could resist that?
“Not eating?”
“I… will.”
While Moon Taeyoung and Kim Dojun, who’d been drooling since I started spreading the peanut butter, had already devoured one sandwich and were halfway through their second, Jin Yoorim—dragged out here by Eden—hadn’t taken a single bite yet.
He’d said he’d eat, but he just stared at the plate in front of him, then glanced at me again, frozen. I couldn’t help but smile a little.
Guess this Jin Yoorim wasn’t used to me cooking.
“If you don’t want it, you don’t have to force yourself.”
“No, it’s not that…”
Before he could finish, Eden leaned in suddenly and cut him off.
“Then can I have it?”
“Oh, me too.”
“Wow, since when do you guys eat this much?”
At Dojun’s comment, Taeyoung groaned and raised his hand as if to say “me too,” joining in.
Watching that, Jin Yoorim bit his lip, covered his plate with both hands, and finally took a bite.
I gave Dojun, who was eyeing Yoorim’s toast like a starving wolf, a light smack on the waist.
“Stop staring at his food and eat this.”
I slid one of my sandwiches onto his plate. He immediately started eating, while Eden and Taeyoung stayed silent—clearly because the whole act had just been for show, to get Jin Yoorim to eat.
As Yoorim started eating faster, probably realizing it wasn’t half bad, I sighed quietly to myself.
I couldn’t remember exactly when I’d started cooking during all these regressions—probably before I first tried seducing Jin Yoorim.
Which meant the Jin Yoorim in this round… didn’t have any memories of dating me.
No desperate pleas not to be abandoned, no crying stabs with a knife after sleeping with Eden.
…Then maybe, I could try again.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that this vague regression system will consider “sleeping together” as a true connection between Jin Yoorim and Eden, but—well, we won’t know until we try.
After what felt like a long moment of thought, Jin Yoorim finally finished his toast and lifted his head. I reached over, brushed the crumbs from the corner of his lips, and smiled.
“You look nice when you eat well.”
“……”
He didn’t respond at first, and I thought maybe it hadn’t worked—but then, after a short pause, his entire face and neck flushed bright red.
Then he shoved the last of his toast into his mouth all at once.
If I took my time this time—no rushing like before—
…yeah, I think it might actually work.
* * *
“Hi. Just give me a moment, and I’ll say hello properly.”
Sitting on the bed with my guitar in my arms, I gave a small wave. A flood of question marks filled the chat window, along with a few messages from fans calling my name.
I hadn’t announced this livestream at all, yet watching the viewer count climb in real time… I guess D.I.Y. hadn’t been a complete flop after all. Not that I expected much, judging by the state of our dorm.
Of course, that didn’t mean I was popular. I adjusted the settings so the chat wouldn’t show and flexed my wrist.
This Park Yeoul—crushed by depression, unable to compose because of Jin Yoorim—was just a pretty face in the background. And with Eden around, even “the most handsome” title was out of reach.
“I suddenly missed my Yeongwonies too much, so here I am. I didn’t get permission from the company, so I might get in a ton of trouble tomorrow.”
Yeongwonie—that was our fan nickname.
Technically, since the group’s name is Dive Into You (D.I.Y.), the official fandom name set by the company was “Almond.” Cringe-worthy for both the ones saying it and the ones hearing it.
But when combined—D.I.Y. + Almond—it made “Diamond.”
So because diamonds symbolize eternity, the fans started calling themselves “Yeongwon,” meaning “eternal.”
…I wasn’t sure if “Yeongwon” was already in use at this point in this loop, but if not, I could just pretend I was drunk and slipped up.
Not that I’ve ever had a drop of alcohol, but late-night livestreams that feel a little unhinged are always assumed to be drunk broadcasts. That’s the unspoken rule between idols and fans.
I bit my lips softly so my pale face would look good on camera, then leaned closer to the phone and blinked slowly.
“Um… I can’t see the chat right now… Can you hear me? My Yeongwonies, you’re here with me, right?”
I pretended to fumble with the phone, tipping it over and setting it back upright before smiling again.
“Hmm, guess I’ll just assume you’re here. Let’s do that.”
I sat back down, pulled the guitar into my arms again, took several deep breaths, and began to play.
At first, clumsily—with trembling hands.
I didn’t sing right away.
Just exhaled shakily, as if my voice wouldn’t come out, until I finally closed my eyes and began to sing.
“…Tell me something.
Tell me something.
It’s okay to doesn’t meaning.
It’s okay to doesn’t meaning.
Just tell me something.
…Please, darling.
Just tell me something.”
This was a song written by this loop’s Park Yeoul.
The lyrics, written right after I found it and decided I had to sing it, sounded like an ordinary love song.
It had to sound like one.
The trembling in my fingers gradually steadied, and instead of mimicking Jin Yoorim’s vocal tone, I sang in a lower voice—a desperate love song, quiet and raw.
I didn’t add any flourishes or vocal tricks.
This song didn’t need them.
“―Say something.
Say something.
It’s okay to doesn’t meaning.
It’s okay to doesn’t meaning.
Say something to me.
Please, darling―.
Please don’t let me go.”
After that, I focused back on the guitar. Instead of continuing the lyrics, I switched to humming.
Technically, I could’ve just repeated the same lines, but it was important to make it obvious that the song was freshly made and unfinished.
The narrative needed to be that this wasn’t some unstable, depressed member doing a random emotional livestream in the middle of the night—it was an underappreciated member, struck with inspiration, sharing a self-composed song with fans.
Skillful guitar playing, original lyrics, soft humming, a voice different from the usual group performances, a darkly lit livestream—all the right elements.
Add in the line about “not having company permission,” and even my faint little fanbase would go wild.
“Our boy actually has this much talent, but the company’s been burying him all along—!”
Whether or not it was true didn’t matter.
Fans of unpopular members always learn to feed on heartbreak. Their idol’s intentions don’t matter.
So then—would those fans really miss the chance to seize on this moment?
I even blinked prettily for the camera, made my hands shake like I was nervous—perfect clips for fan edits.
After finishing the song, I kept strumming for a while longer, then lifted my head as if startled.
“…Ah. I think I have to go now—no, I am going. See you soon, my Yeong—”
Cutting myself off like someone had just walked in, I hurriedly ended the broadcast and checked my fingers. I’d almost messed up from the pain.
Sure enough, my fingertips were red and swollen—I still wasn’t used to playing guitar.
Regression or not, a proper songwriter needed at least basic skill in piano, guitar, bass, and drums.
By that standard, this version of Park Yeoul was a bit behind. The depression must’ve been worse than usual this time.
…Probably thanks to those dear regressors of mine.
I stared toward the door and let out a quiet sigh.
They’d clearly been watching the entire livestream from the living room, but the hallway outside was still silent.
Well, I guess it’s not like they had anything to say about it anyway.
Why did I hide a song like this?
No, this round’s Park Yeoul never hid it in the first place. If he’d wanted to keep it secret, he would’ve recorded it in MIDI on his password-locked laptop.
Why did I put on an act like that, then? No—that wasn’t acting either.
From the company’s perspective, it must feel like getting struck by lightning out of nowhere. They gave a private room and special care to an unpopular member suffering from depression, only for him to suddenly pull a stunt like this.
But really, wasn’t that depression caused by being ostracized by his own teammates in the first place?
So the only question left for them to ask is, “Why is he acting like this all of a sudden?”—but come on, isn’t that the most shameless question imaginable?
I waited a bit longer, but there was still no knock on the door.
Maybe the manager who saw the broadcast was already rushing to the dorm, but if I’d planned to sit quietly and take the scolding, I wouldn’t have done this to begin with.
“…Ah, fuck. This is seriously fucked up.”
I could’ve just gone to sleep like this, but the frustration boiling up inside me wouldn’t let me. I stormed out of the room.
In the dark living room—TV off, no lights—everyone was sitting together. But I didn’t have the patience or time to deal with that right now.
Clutching the toilet, barely managing to lock the bathroom door, I dry-heaved again and again—I’d lost count by now—and thought of my mom.
…Just like I’d realized in the last round, I made better seaweed soup than she did.
Maybe it was because I didn’t sauté the seaweed first. That signature fishy smell in Mom’s seaweed soup was completely gone in mine… and I was better at seasoning, too.
But Mom loved me more than I ever could.
While she picked out the seaweed tangled up in mussel shells, and all the while she cleaned her plate—there was no way not to know.
“Wow… I want to die.”
When I deliberately blinked, the tears clinging to my lashes slid down my cheeks at last.
I knew I looked insane, but I couldn’t stop laughing. My throat burned and scraped as I coughed and choked, still laughing like a lunatic.
…This isn’t just a story about wanting to die.
I just want to disappear.
My small, insignificant loss shouldn’t affect anyone. I should vanish as if I’d never existed in the first place.
But—how could that even be possible?
Everyone I loved, everyone who loved me, is already gone. So why is it impossible for me to go too?
My fans?
The ones who loved Park Yeoul from this chapter—do they really love me now, as I am?
—Every dark, ugly thought chased another, tangled together in an endless loop.
I had to stop thinking. I had to.
“—Hyung. Open the door.”
“……”
“Or I’ll break it open.”
…People die easier than you’d think. And bathrooms are more dangerous than they look—sinks shatter, mirrors crack.
Ignoring Eden’s sharp voice from beyond the door, I turned the faucet on full blast.
—Even if I die, I know it’ll just start all over again. None of this has meant anything from the beginning anyway.
Starting today, my name is Foreverie ㅇㅇ
I do love our kids, but Honestly, Almond is fucking not it, right?
The boys couldn’t even call our name properly all this time,
And when they tried to go, “Our beloved A… Almond!” or whatever,
People would say they were shielding us, that their love for fans was so deep and sentimental.
Enough of that.
From now on, I’m Foreverie.
↳ I wondered why Yeorongie was doing a solo livestream for the first time… but if it’s a drunk stream, who cares, we got a new name out of it.
↳ I like Foreverie too. Compared to Almond, what wouldn’t be better, honestly… haha.
↳ Am I the only one who’s a bit bummed, though? Yesterday was our 1-year anniversary stream. Why didn’t he say it then? Why only Yeorongie, alone, now… Still, I do like Foreverie!
↳ Hmm, lololol.
↳ Lol this is so see-through…
↳ I want to just scroll past but yeah ㅇㅇ you’re the only one upset ㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇ
↳ Honestly, I get it. It’s a fan nickname—ideally, all the members should call us by the same name.
↳ If it were a name they all agreed on, they’d have used it by now, right??? Even in their first win speech, they said “our beloved fans!” instead of Almond.
↳ Yeah, they would’ve said it already. Anyone can tell this Foreverie thing was something Yeorongie thought up on his own and accidentally blurted out while tipsy.
↳ Almond’s not that embarrassing of a name, right…? Right? Honestly, though, I f*cking hate it. Almond?? Are you kidding me?
↳ END’s specialty: picks great members, screws up everything else.
↳ Lol they can’t even pick good songs… or make decent MVs…
↳ Now they’ve even messed up the name?
↳ This is supposed to be one of the Big 4 agencies???
↳ Honestly, END being in the Big 4 is kind of a stretch.
↳ Foreverie isn’t like amazing, but compared to Almond, it’s like a goddess-tier name.
↳ Compared to Almond, anything sounds good lol.
↳ Wow… these comments are so transparent it’s hilarious.
↳ ??
↳ Lol it’s so obvious.
↳ ??? Excuse me; how would you know what I’m thinking???
↳ You guys are all pretending to hate on the company but you’re also like, “Foreverie isn’t that cute since Yeorongie came up with it~”
↳ Yeah yeah, just say you hate Yeorongie, like you always do; stop pretending.
↳ Lol you don’t like Yeorongie but you do want to be called Foreverie, ㅇㅇ but you’re mad it’s something he made up, and that’s so transparent.
↳ No one ever said that, but of course a Yeopru would twist it like that…
↳ Wow ㅇㅇ you’re so obviously a Yeopru too.
↳ Why do Yeoprus always have to out themselves like this?
↳ Every injustice in the world only happens to Yeoprus, lmao.
↳ Lololololol oh my god lololololol.
↳ Ugh, the comment section goes to hell every time Yeorongie is mentioned. I had filters on, but this was a trap.
↳ Lol listen to yourselves, proudly announcing you’ve filtered out a specific member in an all-fan community. Then when Yeoprus say something, you call them troublemakers? Lol.
↳ Honestly though, it does go to hell every time Yeorongie comes up, right?
↳ And that’s the Yeoprus’ fault? Just because Yeorongie said the nickname first, we’re supposed to pretend nothing happened and move on? You guys throw the first punch, Yeorongie doesn’t even respond, and now his fans are the ones stirring things up? Isn’t that a double standard?
↳ No one in this thread said they hated him just because he said the name first? I’m a full-group fan and I reread the last three replies thoroughly—didn’t see it.
↳ Lol sure~ No one explicitly said it, ㅇㅇ now I get why our national average intelligence is five out of ten.
↳ ? Why are the Yeoprus so fired up today?
↳ There was a livestream today ㅇㅇ
↳ Yeah I know that, but once I saw it was Yeorongie’s solo, I just left; did something happen after?
↳ Lol you literally just admitted it yourself, didn’t you. Lol.
↳ Wow… I can’t tell if this is trolling or genuine.
↳ Ugh, I was already feeling disillusioned after watching the live, and now I’m seriously fed up. Are the people in the thread above really being serious? If you want proof I made the post, I can give it. Stop yanking Yeorong and the fans by the hair over this Yepr nonsense.
↳ I’m honestly feeling it too… I knew Yepr-bashing was a thing, but this feels way too extreme.
↳ Not to be that person, but… why is Yeorong getting dragged again???
↳ I’m curious about this too. What’s the actual reason? It’s not like he caused some huge scandal, right?
↳ I mean, even if you say he’s bad at dancing, not good-looking, or can’t sing—none of those explain the level of hate he gets. And let’s be real, he’s got top-tier skills, looks, and vocals.
↳ Lol okay, welcome Yepr.
↳ No seriously, everyone just assumes you’re Yepr and starts bashing you, but no one actually gives a solid reason.
↳ Idol fans reflect their idols.
↳ And that’s basically science 222.
↳ Isn’t that comment aimed at Yepr? You’re tearing down every other D.I.Y. member just to boost your fave.
↳ It’s “idol fans reflect idols” in more ways than one, lmao.
↳ You all never bring up how Yepr stans are aggressively solo-focused and cause chaos in all-fan communities.
↳ Lol you really believe those trolls are all Yepr stans? Seriously?
↳ The second anyone speaks up after holding it in forever, suddenly it’s “Yepr this, Yepr that,” and we get dragged—meanwhile, all-fans act like they’re classy or something. Lmao.
↳ Stop cosplaying as all-fans. You’re no different from Yeorong antis.
↳ 2222 For real……….
↳ 3333333 I feel this so hard.
↳ Lol and now they’re gonna say we’re playing the victim again… never looking at their own behavior.
↳ ;; No one even started anything, but you guys act like you’re being attacked and playing the victim. Isn’t that what’s really happening?
↳ Uh, no it’s not.
↳ Lol so entering a post where someone said they liked the fan name Yeorong came up with, then saying you filtered his name in the all-fan comm and going “ugh Yeorong again” doesn’t count as bashing? That’s what you’re saying?
↳ You can’t even ignore that? Is this your first day on a forum?
↳ Ignore it? You literally replied with “I get it too~ ugh” right under it, lmao.
↳ [Comment deleted by report]
↳ [Comment deleted by report]
↳ Is this really something that needs to be said? Do none of you think the members might be reading this?
↳ [Comment deleted by report]
↳ Funny how you never show up when we’re getting bashed, but suddenly you care about the members.
↳ Thanks for your selective concern about the members^^
↳ Wow… I really thought Yepr stans were quiet until now;;;
↳ If you stay quiet even in this situation, you’re not a real fan;
↳ [Comment deleted by report]
↳ [Comment deleted by report]
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There was a Yeoul live today.
Am I the only one who thought it was weird? Yeoul’s been the one setting up all the D.I.Y. livestreams up to now.
And you’re telling me a guy like that “accidentally” hid the chat?
↳ I think he did it on purpose. His face went stiff yesterday too after seeing trolls in chat.
↳ He’s been reading and reacting to fan chats the most since debut. No way that was a mistake.
↳ Yeah, I don’t think it was a slip-up…
↳ Honestly, I think it’s better this way. No awkward expressions from reading awful chats.
↳ 22 It’s better to get flak for not communicating than for failing to keep a poker face.
↳ 33333 Let’s just not look at chat at all, Yeoul.
↳ He reminded me of debut-era Yeoul… He used to smile during lives.
↳ Damn… This made me cry;;;
↳ Ha……
↳ It’s been so long since I heard Yeoul speak so softly by himself.
↳ Right?? He’s so well-spoken when no one interrupts him… lol…
↳ People really said he can’t explain songs properly as a leader?? lol, how’s he supposed to explain when no one lets him talk??
↳ Ugh… I’m getting mad again.
↳ Freaking “leader parrots” should all go die.
↳ Lol harsh… but same.
↳ Lololol 333 same.
↳ He 100% did that on purpose. And yet he still called us “Yeongwonies” and even sang for us…
↳ Yesterday’s chat was seriously disgusting. He was right not to look.
↳ 2222222 Fr, made me lose faith in humanity.
↳ Yeoul, hearing you call us Yeongwonies made me so, so happy. But honestly, I hate being lumped in with those people.
↳ Same……
↳ I kinda hope he never looks at chat again… It’s a little sad thinking he won’t see my dumb fan comments, but also kind of a relief…?
↳ Lol true, now I can shamelessly fanboy/fangirl in peace.
↳ I’m sure there’ll still be some drama, but personally, I thought his smile was beautiful, the song was amazing, it was a perfect live.
↳ Yeah, people are definitely going to talk.
↳ They’re already spinning it like “a first-year idol got drunk and livestreamed,” lol.
https://www.invest.net/enter/ 721223462
↳ Oh…….
↳ Lol guess that didn’t land.
↳ The public eye is brutal… but accurate.
↳ Our Yeoul is just too precious hehe.
↳ And yet, looks like they liked the song too? They clipped it and uploaded it all shady. Lol.
↳ So I reuploaded it properly!! Lol
https://www.invest.net/enter/ 299792457
↳ Ooh… can you include the part where he blinks?
↳ Yeah, I added it!
↳ Even on second listen, that song is insane…
↳ The humming was unreal.
↳ Guys, it made the front page!! T_T Let’s dedicate this glory to our Yeoul and all his Yeongwonies!! T_T
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